First Kiss, chapter 4
"Billie, don't, please... put the gun down, put the gun down..."
******
I woke up in an upright position sweating profusely from my hairline. It ran down my face gently as I started to get my breathing pattern back. Why have dreams like that? Why was Billie in it? Why were we enemies when we were best friends? Why, why, why? I looked down to my side to see him looking up at me.
"Bad dream?" I nodded quickly with my breathing becoming deeper and more relaxed. What was he still doing here after the argument?
"Must have been," I let out. What type of cheap trick was this administrator trying to pull on me? I mean, doesn't he have anyone else in the world to pick on? I ran my fingers through my hair gently before feeling cold fingertips over the back of my hand.
"Just go back to sleep if it was just a bad dream." I shook my head. It wasn't only just a bad dream, it had to have been more.
"Steph, just fall asleep, I promise nothing is going to hurt you. Not while I'm here anyway," Billie told me comfortingly. I dropped back down against the bed, letting my eyes focus themselves onto the ceiling as I pulled the covers up over me. Be it planned or not, I felt an arm slowly move across my waist before gentle breathing down my neck. I closed my eyes, knowing this was intimacy I shouldn't be enjoying.
"Billie Joe, not too close... Billie Joe... Billie Joe, not too close, I told you..."
RING RING
*****
My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light.
There was no one here beside me.
He had gone.
It was a dream within a dream.
I got up and as usual, made my way into the bathroom to get ready for school. I looked out the window. The world seemed black and white. Today was going to be like any other and I could tell. It was like my life was in repeat over and over and over again and it was like it wanted me to be this way.
Just like every day, I put on my uniform and picked up my bag, making my way to the front door. As usual, it started off without cloud in the sky; everything was going perfect as I walked alone down the backstreets to school. That's when it happened. The sky started to get darker and overcast and before I knew it, it was raining hard down on me. I didn't quicken my pace or walk under shade as usual. I just kept to my path in the middle of the sidewalk, letting myself get saturated as I entered the school gates.
I don't know why some people look down on others.
I seriously don't know what I've done wide of the mark to have people look at me the way they do.
Most of all, I don't see what's wrong with me.
I walked through into the school as usual, having the popular kids stare at me. I looked over, quickly taking a glance. Tre was there. Since when was he...? Oh! I looked to his side. There was a schoolgirl. Blonde, green-eyed, attractive. Tina. They were together again, or so I presumed until he walked over to me.
"Hi, princess." I took a step across so that I was hidden behind him.
"Don't you dare call me princess," I told him seriously, looking up.
"But..."
"No! You come over all drunk and cute last night and now you're back with that slut... Tre, I might have a thing for you, but I'm not that lovestruck to not realize the truth." He shook his head and picked up my hands, rubbing the top of them gently.
"Steph, firstly, I am not back with Tina, alright. She just came over to say hello to me, and you are my princess, so that's what I'm going to call you, whether you like it or not."
He stepped closer for a hug. I guess at the time I just didn't know what to do, so I let my arms find their way around him and slowly I closed my eyes, resting against him. Within a few seconds, he was gently rubbing my back as I started crying.
Why did I have to be so emotional?
Why in front of Tre?
Why now in the middle of the school yard where everyone could see me?
"Listen, Tre, I have to go."
"No, just stay..."
"No, really, I need some time alone."
"You'll come to me if you need anything, right?"
I nodded. That's when I realized the problem.
What I needed was love.
****
I ran down the hallway, skidding as I slammed into the old girls' bathroom doors. With a forceful push, it was open. It was dark. It was shadowy. It was privacy. I was alone. I walked in and over to the basins along the wall. Turning the cold water on, I splashed it up onto my face, slowly closing my eyes and tilting my head back.
Why was love harsh?
Why was life hard?
Why were discussions tough?
Why does the world feel like it's against me?
I pulled out a stash I had from a few days ago out of my skirt pocket and lit up. I guess it was a miracle that no teacher came in here. I mean, I was safe in here. No one could touch me. Well, that's what I thought until I felt something grab at me.
"Steph."
"AHHH!!" I shrieked. I guess that noise was enough to make it obvious to anyone that I was in here.
"I thought you stopped smoking this?"
"Bill, what are you doing in here? It's the female lavatories."
"I was looking for you. Tre said you were kinda irritated."
"No, not irritated, bewildered, Billie Joe."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know, okay? I'm worn out, confused, and in love."
"In love...?"
Why did those two words have to come out of my mouth? Why did I have to fuck up again? I felt hands up at my shoulders. Massaging, softly releasing pressure and anxiety I had built up. I slowly moved back, resting up against his chest as I felt arms wrap around me. I rolled my head to the side, resting on his shoulder, breathing gently and silently against his neck. Be it a good thing or a bad thing, we ended up in a couple cuddle intimate with each other. I guess this wasn't the first time. He didn't seem to find the fact that I was as drenched as a rat in the rain. He took his hoodie off and offered it to me. I slipped it over my head and wore it, quickly letting my arms return to where they were. It was cold. I had an excuse to be intimate with a boy my head's telling me I love, but I don't know how my heart feels.
Red has returned to my world.
The computer administrator has not left though.
The first bell went and we stayed in the bathrooms together. I guess neither of us wanted to let go, but we should have. I broke off first. I began to take the hoodie off.
"Leave it on, I'll get it from you tonight," he said, smiling as he walked off, leaving me with my conscious to think about whatever floated around in my mind. There was only one thing in my mind though.
He loves me... he loves me not...
****
The rest of the day passed as usual.
Stuffed into a locker.
Called a loser.
Got into a fight.
Ate lunch with Tre.
Okay, maybe that last one wasn't usual. I don't know how it ended like that though. In the morning I mean, Tre and I hadn't seen eye to eye, but by lunch we were all sweet-talk to each other again.
"Princess..."
"Mmm, yes, Tre?"
"You coming around tonight?"
Shit, Billie had his gig on tonight.
"Ahh, actually I'm going down to Gilman."
"Sweet, I'll see you there."
"You mean..."
"I'm playing tonight."
"You are?"
"Mmmmm... Kiss, sweetheart?"
I gently let my lips touch his cheek. He blushed and held me closer, almost not wanting to let go. I didn't mind it though, in another way though I did. I didn't want to play anyone along. I mean, especially not my friends. I noticed Billie Joe and Mike walking along the edge of the school grounds. They hadn't seen me yet. Well, at least I hope they hadn't. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Billie and well, if I manage to somehow do that, Mike, even though being my big brother, would probably hate me.
"Listen, Princess, I have to go get ready, okay? I'll see you at Gilman tonight?" Tre asked, kissing my jaw amiably. I nodded.
"Of course, sweetheart."
?
Love... LOVE... LOVE
Heartbreak... HEARTBREAK... heartbreak
Which will it be?
****
Gilman was much more hectic then I thought it was going to be. Sweet Children went on, being more animated and prevailing than most people thought they were going to be.
"I'll see you when you come off, Tre." He smiled and picked up his sticks, walking out to the stage where there was an uproar of peoples' voices. I smiled and shook my head.
"Hi," Billie murmured, seeing me watch Tre from backstage.
"Hey." I slowly walked over to him. He was packing Blue away. I really don't know how one man could love an instrument so much. I swear, I had never seen Blue out of Billie's sight.
"You guys played well tonight."
"Thanks."
"So you staying to watch the others?"
"Yeah, you?"
I nodded. I guess this was the perfect opportunity to talk to him. I mean, we were alone. Backstage. No one else around.
It was dark.
It was private.
I felt a feeling I hadn't felt around other men before.
It was sweet.
I felt airy.
I was in love.
"Could we talk?".
"About what?"
"Us..."
"There's an us?"
"Only if you want there to be."
He stopped zipping his gig bag and looked up at me. I truly believe now anyone who tells me the way to a person's heart and soul is through their eyes. They told me everything without him even saying a word.
"Listen, do you want a drink?"
"Nah, you go ahead, I'll catch up later."
"Waiting for Tre?"
"Never said I was."
"Well, yes or no?"
"No, I just wanna watch the show."
"Okay, well if you wanna find me, I'll be at the bar."
"Aren't you a little to young to be drinking, Mr. Armstrong?"
"Bartenders don't know that."
I smiled. He walked up behind me. I gently stroked his cheek with my fingertips. We kissed gently and sweetly.
"I'll join you later, alright?" He nodded and we cuddled again before a kiss broke us apart and Billie Joe made his way to the bar. After a few more songs, Tre came backstage. I guess this was the time. I had to set anything between us straight.
"Tre?"
"Yeah?"
"Listen, I was wondering..."
"If we could stay friends?"
"How did you know?"
"Assumed. Listen, I wanna stay close friends though."
"Promise, I don't want our friendship to crumble."
We cuddled.
I guess this was for the best.
Then again, it might have been for the worse after what I saw.
Billie.
Drunk.
A girl.
Not drunk.
Their lips.
Locked together.
My heart broke.
And when I mean broke, I mean it.
I had felt like I lost a part of me.
I had lost a part of me.
I had lost love from Tre.
Lost trust from Billie Joe.
I was losing my mind.
My world is black again.
No grey, no white, just BLACK...
******
I woke up in an upright position sweating profusely from my hairline. It ran down my face gently as I started to get my breathing pattern back. Why have dreams like that? Why was Billie in it? Why were we enemies when we were best friends? Why, why, why? I looked down to my side to see him looking up at me.
"Bad dream?" I nodded quickly with my breathing becoming deeper and more relaxed. What was he still doing here after the argument?
"Must have been," I let out. What type of cheap trick was this administrator trying to pull on me? I mean, doesn't he have anyone else in the world to pick on? I ran my fingers through my hair gently before feeling cold fingertips over the back of my hand.
"Just go back to sleep if it was just a bad dream." I shook my head. It wasn't only just a bad dream, it had to have been more.
"Steph, just fall asleep, I promise nothing is going to hurt you. Not while I'm here anyway," Billie told me comfortingly. I dropped back down against the bed, letting my eyes focus themselves onto the ceiling as I pulled the covers up over me. Be it planned or not, I felt an arm slowly move across my waist before gentle breathing down my neck. I closed my eyes, knowing this was intimacy I shouldn't be enjoying.
"Billie Joe, not too close... Billie Joe... Billie Joe, not too close, I told you..."
RING RING
*****
My eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light.
There was no one here beside me.
He had gone.
It was a dream within a dream.
I got up and as usual, made my way into the bathroom to get ready for school. I looked out the window. The world seemed black and white. Today was going to be like any other and I could tell. It was like my life was in repeat over and over and over again and it was like it wanted me to be this way.
Just like every day, I put on my uniform and picked up my bag, making my way to the front door. As usual, it started off without cloud in the sky; everything was going perfect as I walked alone down the backstreets to school. That's when it happened. The sky started to get darker and overcast and before I knew it, it was raining hard down on me. I didn't quicken my pace or walk under shade as usual. I just kept to my path in the middle of the sidewalk, letting myself get saturated as I entered the school gates.
I don't know why some people look down on others.
I seriously don't know what I've done wide of the mark to have people look at me the way they do.
Most of all, I don't see what's wrong with me.
I walked through into the school as usual, having the popular kids stare at me. I looked over, quickly taking a glance. Tre was there. Since when was he...? Oh! I looked to his side. There was a schoolgirl. Blonde, green-eyed, attractive. Tina. They were together again, or so I presumed until he walked over to me.
"Hi, princess." I took a step across so that I was hidden behind him.
"Don't you dare call me princess," I told him seriously, looking up.
"But..."
"No! You come over all drunk and cute last night and now you're back with that slut... Tre, I might have a thing for you, but I'm not that lovestruck to not realize the truth." He shook his head and picked up my hands, rubbing the top of them gently.
"Steph, firstly, I am not back with Tina, alright. She just came over to say hello to me, and you are my princess, so that's what I'm going to call you, whether you like it or not."
He stepped closer for a hug. I guess at the time I just didn't know what to do, so I let my arms find their way around him and slowly I closed my eyes, resting against him. Within a few seconds, he was gently rubbing my back as I started crying.
Why did I have to be so emotional?
Why in front of Tre?
Why now in the middle of the school yard where everyone could see me?
"Listen, Tre, I have to go."
"No, just stay..."
"No, really, I need some time alone."
"You'll come to me if you need anything, right?"
I nodded. That's when I realized the problem.
What I needed was love.
****
I ran down the hallway, skidding as I slammed into the old girls' bathroom doors. With a forceful push, it was open. It was dark. It was shadowy. It was privacy. I was alone. I walked in and over to the basins along the wall. Turning the cold water on, I splashed it up onto my face, slowly closing my eyes and tilting my head back.
Why was love harsh?
Why was life hard?
Why were discussions tough?
Why does the world feel like it's against me?
I pulled out a stash I had from a few days ago out of my skirt pocket and lit up. I guess it was a miracle that no teacher came in here. I mean, I was safe in here. No one could touch me. Well, that's what I thought until I felt something grab at me.
"Steph."
"AHHH!!" I shrieked. I guess that noise was enough to make it obvious to anyone that I was in here.
"I thought you stopped smoking this?"
"Bill, what are you doing in here? It's the female lavatories."
"I was looking for you. Tre said you were kinda irritated."
"No, not irritated, bewildered, Billie Joe."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't know, okay? I'm worn out, confused, and in love."
"In love...?"
Why did those two words have to come out of my mouth? Why did I have to fuck up again? I felt hands up at my shoulders. Massaging, softly releasing pressure and anxiety I had built up. I slowly moved back, resting up against his chest as I felt arms wrap around me. I rolled my head to the side, resting on his shoulder, breathing gently and silently against his neck. Be it a good thing or a bad thing, we ended up in a couple cuddle intimate with each other. I guess this wasn't the first time. He didn't seem to find the fact that I was as drenched as a rat in the rain. He took his hoodie off and offered it to me. I slipped it over my head and wore it, quickly letting my arms return to where they were. It was cold. I had an excuse to be intimate with a boy my head's telling me I love, but I don't know how my heart feels.
Red has returned to my world.
The computer administrator has not left though.
The first bell went and we stayed in the bathrooms together. I guess neither of us wanted to let go, but we should have. I broke off first. I began to take the hoodie off.
"Leave it on, I'll get it from you tonight," he said, smiling as he walked off, leaving me with my conscious to think about whatever floated around in my mind. There was only one thing in my mind though.
He loves me... he loves me not...
****
The rest of the day passed as usual.
Stuffed into a locker.
Called a loser.
Got into a fight.
Ate lunch with Tre.
Okay, maybe that last one wasn't usual. I don't know how it ended like that though. In the morning I mean, Tre and I hadn't seen eye to eye, but by lunch we were all sweet-talk to each other again.
"Princess..."
"Mmm, yes, Tre?"
"You coming around tonight?"
Shit, Billie had his gig on tonight.
"Ahh, actually I'm going down to Gilman."
"Sweet, I'll see you there."
"You mean..."
"I'm playing tonight."
"You are?"
"Mmmmm... Kiss, sweetheart?"
I gently let my lips touch his cheek. He blushed and held me closer, almost not wanting to let go. I didn't mind it though, in another way though I did. I didn't want to play anyone along. I mean, especially not my friends. I noticed Billie Joe and Mike walking along the edge of the school grounds. They hadn't seen me yet. Well, at least I hope they hadn't. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Billie and well, if I manage to somehow do that, Mike, even though being my big brother, would probably hate me.
"Listen, Princess, I have to go get ready, okay? I'll see you at Gilman tonight?" Tre asked, kissing my jaw amiably. I nodded.
"Of course, sweetheart."
?
Love... LOVE... LOVE
Heartbreak... HEARTBREAK... heartbreak
Which will it be?
****
Gilman was much more hectic then I thought it was going to be. Sweet Children went on, being more animated and prevailing than most people thought they were going to be.
"I'll see you when you come off, Tre." He smiled and picked up his sticks, walking out to the stage where there was an uproar of peoples' voices. I smiled and shook my head.
"Hi," Billie murmured, seeing me watch Tre from backstage.
"Hey." I slowly walked over to him. He was packing Blue away. I really don't know how one man could love an instrument so much. I swear, I had never seen Blue out of Billie's sight.
"You guys played well tonight."
"Thanks."
"So you staying to watch the others?"
"Yeah, you?"
I nodded. I guess this was the perfect opportunity to talk to him. I mean, we were alone. Backstage. No one else around.
It was dark.
It was private.
I felt a feeling I hadn't felt around other men before.
It was sweet.
I felt airy.
I was in love.
"Could we talk?".
"About what?"
"Us..."
"There's an us?"
"Only if you want there to be."
He stopped zipping his gig bag and looked up at me. I truly believe now anyone who tells me the way to a person's heart and soul is through their eyes. They told me everything without him even saying a word.
"Listen, do you want a drink?"
"Nah, you go ahead, I'll catch up later."
"Waiting for Tre?"
"Never said I was."
"Well, yes or no?"
"No, I just wanna watch the show."
"Okay, well if you wanna find me, I'll be at the bar."
"Aren't you a little to young to be drinking, Mr. Armstrong?"
"Bartenders don't know that."
I smiled. He walked up behind me. I gently stroked his cheek with my fingertips. We kissed gently and sweetly.
"I'll join you later, alright?" He nodded and we cuddled again before a kiss broke us apart and Billie Joe made his way to the bar. After a few more songs, Tre came backstage. I guess this was the time. I had to set anything between us straight.
"Tre?"
"Yeah?"
"Listen, I was wondering..."
"If we could stay friends?"
"How did you know?"
"Assumed. Listen, I wanna stay close friends though."
"Promise, I don't want our friendship to crumble."
We cuddled.
I guess this was for the best.
Then again, it might have been for the worse after what I saw.
Billie.
Drunk.
A girl.
Not drunk.
Their lips.
Locked together.
My heart broke.
And when I mean broke, I mean it.
I had felt like I lost a part of me.
I had lost a part of me.
I had lost love from Tre.
Lost trust from Billie Joe.
I was losing my mind.
My world is black again.
No grey, no white, just BLACK...
