Where'd You Go? (Track Twelve, III), chapter 23

Tré whined, "Can you guys not keep it down?"

Billie Joe looked in no mood to joke around. "Mike, you are a first class asshole. Have you told her yet? 'Cause I'm going to do it right now anyway." He sat at the end of the bed.

"She already--" Mike began.

Billie Joe cut him off.

"Mike is crazy in love with you. It makes him do stupid things, like whatever just happened right here," he explained candidly. "He's a dumbshit because he thinks you want me. So, he's going to dump you so you can be with me. Maybe it would work out, maybe it wouldn't. Far as I can tell, you two would work way better since um...." He frowned, looking for words to explain.

"Since you two would fuck like bunnies if you had the chance. Like so." Tré gestured to the tangled sheets on the bed.

Wren looked over to Mike. Pain and irritation coalesced on his face.

Tré took on a schoolteacher persona. "He also is attempting to dump you because he went a bit out of his mind for about twenty minutes. It's the whole, 'Mike's a bad boy. Mike must be punished' thingy. It's a disease that usually ends up with someone tied to a bed and being whipped. We call it self pity."

Billie Joe sighed, "What we're trying to explain is, you two need to stop killing each other and start over. Bad things happen. Stupid people give up as soon as it gets bad. Now, did you tell her that?"

"Nah, he was too busy screwing around," Tré chuckled.

Mike pulled up his knees and said nothing. Billie Joe and Tré exchanged looks. The guitarist rolled his eyes.

"Aw fuck it. I'm just a big whore." Lightning fast, he reached over and planted a smoldering kiss on Mike's lips. Wren squeaked in surprise as Tré chastely pecked her on the cheek. Her own personal shock was obliterated as Billie Joe made a hickie on Mike's chest. Straddling his friend, he asked, "Happy now?" Everyone simply gaped at him in shock. Mike was the first to recover.

"Not at all," he purred as he cupped Billie's face. Because his hands were in the way, Wren could not tell, but she hoped they were not actually making out as energetically as it appeared. Billie Joe lifted his head and cried out in a falsetto.

"Ah! Mike!" He flexed his hips, and then dodged off of the bassist. Billie Joe wiped away an imaginary tear. "That'll be the last time I get to do that." He seemed to collect himself. "Now, you'll both have beautiful memories of both of us. So, you can feel all of us at the same time and it'll be equally weird for you." Disgruntled, Mike rubbed his newly bruised chest.

Tré patted Billie Joe's shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll have me."

"Yeah, but there'll be no more threesomes." Billie Joe smiled sadly. "Oh yeah, waffles are fresh from the toaster if you want any."

"I call them all! Muhahaha!" Tré yelled and sprinted out, Billie Joe hot on his heels. Mike put his feet on the floor, ready to follow, but Wren put a restraining hand on his shoulder. Curious, he looked back at her.

Silently, she mouthed, Wait. Patiently, he sat, and then a smile crossed his face.

"What did you do now?"

"This I did about three days ago," she responded. They listened as the two others chatted.

"Fuck, I can't get this damn syrup out!"

"Let me try," Billie Joe offered. "It doesn't feel empty..."

Wren began to snicker.

If only I could see this happen but to be in the immediate area after a prank is asking for trouble.

There was a snarl and a grunt as Billie Joe tried forcing the bottle. Throwing caution to the wind, Wren grabbed Mike and dragged him into the living room just in time.

With a yell, Billie Joe put all of his strength into squeezing the bottle, whose screw top lid hid the plastic wrap over the opening. There was a POW and the lid fired off. Syrup splattered all over Billie Joe and a good bit on the couch as well. Tré snorted and nearly choked on a waffle as he laughed.

For one very dangerous second, Billie Joe just sat there while they stifled giggles. He carefully set aside his plate of syrup and rose to his feet. A wide crazy grin spread across his face.

"That was a great fucking prank!" He spread his dripping, sticky arms, "How about a hug to celebrate?"

Wren squealed and tried to run, but, with a laugh, Mike held her fast. Billie Joe approached like a slimy fiend from a syrup bog, his grin getting bigger the closer he got. Just as he was about to get her, Mike swung her up over his shoulder and took off. Screaming just for the hell of it, Tré ran outside. Wren laughed so hard; she could not breathe as they escaped outside. Like a well oiled machine, Tré waited until they were out before slamming the door directly in Billie Joe's face.

Still smiling, Mike put Wren down. They exchanged a brief kiss as they could hear Billie Joe struggling to get purchase on the doorknob. Then Wren and Mike followed the bouncing drummer out onto the driveway. Cheekily, Tré taunted the syrupy young man who was now climbing out the kitchen window.

"Hah, we're all gonna leave you and go do something fun!"