Hell's Angel, chapter 3
February brought both happy and sad times. The good part was that Billie's 34th birthday was coming up and there was going to be a big party that I was really excited for. Adie had asked me to help her plan everything, which was a lot of fun. The bad part, was that Charlie would be moving to Sacramento. Which meant the pain in my ass would get bigger?
Unfortunately, Charlie's move came before Billie's birthday, which only gave me more headaches.
He called me to tell me the day he was coming, and he wanted Amy and me to be there. Amy had been really excited on the phone, just talking to him. We hadn't spoken a whole lot over the past 2 months. Amy didn't feel like sharing her life with me and honestly, I found it nice to have a break. I didn't tell Charlie about Amy smoking pot, basically because he'd start bitching to me about not being a good mother and saying that things were going to be different with him in her life. Bull shit.
Amy and I drove all the way to Sacramento to pick him and his fiancé up from the airport. It was really quiet. I finally found a good place to park and we got out of the car. I took a deep breath, before heading in.
We found what gate they'd be coming out of and I sat down in a chair to wait for them. Amy looked as though she was bouncing off the walls. She needed a joint, I thought to myself, then almost slapped myself for even thinking like that. It was starting to happen a lot lately. A few people started to come out and I heard Amy shriek. She started running toward a man with curly dark brown, almost black, hair wearing tan cargo pants and a knitted sweater. I nearly shit my pants. What a change. He looked like that guy from the show numbers.
Charlie bent down and swooped Amy into a huge hug. I hated to admit it, but both of them looked so happy. I got up and slowly walked over, not bothering to tie my shoe. I hadn't dressed up at all to see him, I didn't care what he thought. They finally pulled apart when I was about 3 feet away. Charlie stood up and started to laugh a little.
"Wow Cadie, you've really changed. Things a little more developed now," he said, huge smile on his face. I resisted the urge to punch his eye and give him the finger. Instead I put on a fake cheery smile.
"Nice to see you too Charlie," I said, through gritted teeth. I eyed the blond woman that was standing a little behind him. She looked like the princess, gotta-get-my-nails-done, hair-perfect, latest trend kind of person. Charlie turned toward her with a smile on his face.
"Amy, I want you to meet Vanessa, my fiancé," he said, glancing at me. I rolled my eyes as Vanessa and Amy shook hands. Vanessa was the one to extend her hand to shake with mine. I eyed it but remained with my arms crossed over my chest. She was also smiling that fake smile.
"I should take you out shopping sometime, you look like you need some stylish clothes," she said coolly. She was looking right into my eyes, and I noticed the smug look on her face. I wanted to punch her so bad. There is nothing wrong with the way I was dressed. Jeans and a baggy hoodie are just fine.
"If you're so desperate to play dress up, why don't you get yourself a fucking Barbie doll?" I retorted. Her eyes widened and so did Charlie's and Amy's. Then Charlie's face turned angry. He grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Vanessa and Amy, who both didn't look like they knew what to do. When we were out of earshot, he stopped and faced me.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing? You can't go and insult my fiancé right in front of me like that!" he said in a low voice. It was the kind of voice that it was like you were being yelled at, but no one else was supposed to hear.
I rolled my eyes again. "I'm sure dolls really satisfy her, you never brought much to the table."
He glared at me, and I could tell that he couldn't come up with a decent comeback. "You have no right to go saying shit like that! Fuck Cadence! You just meet the girl and already you two hate each other!"
"Are you really that surprised?"
"I told you, I want Amy to live in an environment that is as normal as possible. Problem-free. Is that a problem for you?"
"She has her own problems," I muttered.
He put his hand on his hip and I almost laughed at him for looking like a bitchy girl. "What is that supposed to mean?"
I had been avoiding his gaze up to that point, and now I looked him straight in the eye. "Everyone has their own problems that they have to deal with, big or small."
He stared into my eyes for about a minute. Literally, we didn't speak for a minute. I wasn't going to be the one to look away. But what he said next surprised me. "Are you using again?"
My eyes widened and my mouth opened a little. He rolled his eyes and started to walk away. "That tells me everything." I turned and grabbed his arm to stop him, angrily.
"Don't even talk about that shit," I growled in a low voice, "Amy doesn't know anything about my drug use and I plan to keep it that way, for her sake. She thinks I was a little angel child growing up-"
Charlie burst out laughing. "You? An angel child? Ha! Tell me Cadence, name one drug you haven't tried! God, you were stoned all the time, made you easy to fuck."
That was it. I punched him as hard as I could. He actually fell to the floor and I stood there, shaking with anger. I hadn't been this angry since I'd fought with my Mom. It was almost as if I were talking to her again. It was bringing back memories.
Vanessa rushed over to Charlie with a Kleenex in her hand for his bloody nose and propped his head up. Amy kneeled down beside him too, and glared at me. Other people in the airport were starting to stare and whisper. Charlie now sat up and glared at me.
"You haven't changed a bit! You're still the same fucked up stoner that doesn't give the world a chance!"
My face went white. I looked at Amy, who was wide-eyed. Vanessa was staring at me with hard, gray eyes. I wanted out.
"Would you excuse me for a minute?" I asked quietly and turned on my heel and walked outside. Then I did something I hadn't done in a very long time.
I lit up a joint.
I always had a few in my purse, just in case. This one had been in there for a while but I couldn't deal anymore. I inhaled and held it for a long time. I hated doing this, especially after what Charlie said, but I need it. I needed to put away the memories that Charlie had brought to life. And slowly, it happened.
I smoked it until it was almost burning my lip. Feeling better, I headed back inside. They were all sitting down, waiting for me. I coughed.
"You want me to give you guys a lift to your house or what?" I grumbled. More fun on the drive. They all got up and followed me to the car. Charlie had his arms wrapped around both girls. They all looked happy, despite what had happened. Bastards. We loaded their suitcases into the trunk and everyone piled into the small car. Since Charlie was biggest, he sat in the front seat with me.
It started out very quiet, just with Amy and Veronica talking quietly in the back seat. You could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. I decided to turn the radio on, which only led to more bickering. I placed it on a punk rock radio station and turned the music up loudly. I saw Veronica tap Charlie but didn't hear what she said. Charlie then turned down the music. I glared at him and turned it back up. He turned it back down. I reached out my hand to turn it back up but he swatted my hand away.
"What the hell?" I growled at him.
"They can't even hear each other talk," he replied icily.
"Well, I can't hear Veronica talk either, and that's the way I want to keep it." I reached to turn it up again, but was once again swatted away.
"They're bonding," he half-whispered. I rolled my eyes and wanted to smack him again. I also wanted a joint again, but I inwardly cursed myself for that. I promised myself not to make it a habit again. Nonetheless, I left the radio as it was and just glared at the road ahead of me.
Ten minutes later, I was tapped on the shoulder, which scared the shit out of me. I glanced at my shoulder to see Veronica's long manicured nail poking it. I gritted me teeth. "Can I help you?"
"I need a pee break."
I rolled my eyes. "We're almost there, you can go in your new bathroom." I heard her sigh.
"Are you always a bitch?" she asked coldly.
"Are you always a whore?" I retorted.
Charlie smacked my arm angrily. "Shut up Cadence!"
"Oh, so she's allowed to call me a bitch but I'm not allowed to call her a whore?!"
"Well, you are being a bitch!" Veronica said loudly.
"Go suck dick!"
"Cadence! Not in front of our daughter for God's sake!" Charlie said.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh don't be one of those parents that always try to hide things from their kids. The kids are always better off knowing."
"And you've told Amy all about you, have you?"
I slammed on the brakes. Charlie fell a little forward. "What the fuck was that?" he yelled. Thank God we were on a little quiet road that no one uses.
"Get out," I muttered, before getting out of the car my self. "Come on Charlie, I mean it."
He slowly opened the door and walked to the front of the car, eyes blazing with anger. "What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled again.
"Anger management," I replied through gritted teeth.
"You could have seriously hurt one of us, including our daughter!"
"Well, our daughter doesn't need to know about my life, got it?!" I yelled back. I moved to get back in the car but Charlie grabbed me and turned me to face him.
"What are you so afraid of?" he said more quietly. He didn't look as angry, he actually looked... Human.
"I do not need her to repeat my mistakes, cause I've made about every one there is. I don't need her to know what a fucking screw up I am," I replied.
Charlie studied my face for a long time. "You're not a screw up. You're just fucked up," he finally said.
I rolled my eyes and started back for the car. Charlie didn't stop me this time, but got into the passenger side. All was silent when I started driving again.
I finally turned on to their street and looked at the large houses that I was driving by. My eyes were wide. Surely Charlie couldn't be rich enough to afford this...
"I think you missed it," Charlie said quietly. Sure enough I had to put the car in reverse and go into number 24's driveway. I gaped at the size. It was a huge house. We all got out of the car and Charlie grabbed the suitcases. "Our furniture already got moved here," he said, not really to anyone in particular.
I didn't go into the house. I couldn't. "Well, I guess me and Amy can get going now..."
Amy glared at me. "I don't want to go." And so it was already starting.
"You can visit your dad soon, I need to get home."
"Why can't I stay with him?"
"Cause we need to go home."
"Why? So you can get stoned?" There it was.
I knew this would happen if Amy ever found out I did drugs. She'd always use it against me.
I looked at Charlie and back at Amy. She just stood there, with her jaw fixed. Charlie looked pleased with himself. I felt tears form in my eyes. I had no idea how to handle this. My daughter now thought I was a stoner. How do you recover from something like that?
I faced Charlie. "You bastard. You fucking bastard. I hate you. Stay out of my fucking life." I was so angry.
"I'm going to ask you one more time Cadence," he said coldly, "Are you using?"
"What do you think?" I said, glaring at him.
"I want Amy to stay with us," he said.
I glanced at Amy. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Cadie. What I mean is..." he paused, and I waited expectantly. "I want full custody of Amy."
I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Amy's frown turned into a smile.
"Really Dad?" she asked eagerly. He nodded and she leaped into his arms to hug him.
I felt sick.
I turned on my heel, got into my car, and sped off. Fuck them all.
Unfortunately, Charlie's move came before Billie's birthday, which only gave me more headaches.
He called me to tell me the day he was coming, and he wanted Amy and me to be there. Amy had been really excited on the phone, just talking to him. We hadn't spoken a whole lot over the past 2 months. Amy didn't feel like sharing her life with me and honestly, I found it nice to have a break. I didn't tell Charlie about Amy smoking pot, basically because he'd start bitching to me about not being a good mother and saying that things were going to be different with him in her life. Bull shit.
Amy and I drove all the way to Sacramento to pick him and his fiancé up from the airport. It was really quiet. I finally found a good place to park and we got out of the car. I took a deep breath, before heading in.
We found what gate they'd be coming out of and I sat down in a chair to wait for them. Amy looked as though she was bouncing off the walls. She needed a joint, I thought to myself, then almost slapped myself for even thinking like that. It was starting to happen a lot lately. A few people started to come out and I heard Amy shriek. She started running toward a man with curly dark brown, almost black, hair wearing tan cargo pants and a knitted sweater. I nearly shit my pants. What a change. He looked like that guy from the show numbers.
Charlie bent down and swooped Amy into a huge hug. I hated to admit it, but both of them looked so happy. I got up and slowly walked over, not bothering to tie my shoe. I hadn't dressed up at all to see him, I didn't care what he thought. They finally pulled apart when I was about 3 feet away. Charlie stood up and started to laugh a little.
"Wow Cadie, you've really changed. Things a little more developed now," he said, huge smile on his face. I resisted the urge to punch his eye and give him the finger. Instead I put on a fake cheery smile.
"Nice to see you too Charlie," I said, through gritted teeth. I eyed the blond woman that was standing a little behind him. She looked like the princess, gotta-get-my-nails-done, hair-perfect, latest trend kind of person. Charlie turned toward her with a smile on his face.
"Amy, I want you to meet Vanessa, my fiancé," he said, glancing at me. I rolled my eyes as Vanessa and Amy shook hands. Vanessa was the one to extend her hand to shake with mine. I eyed it but remained with my arms crossed over my chest. She was also smiling that fake smile.
"I should take you out shopping sometime, you look like you need some stylish clothes," she said coolly. She was looking right into my eyes, and I noticed the smug look on her face. I wanted to punch her so bad. There is nothing wrong with the way I was dressed. Jeans and a baggy hoodie are just fine.
"If you're so desperate to play dress up, why don't you get yourself a fucking Barbie doll?" I retorted. Her eyes widened and so did Charlie's and Amy's. Then Charlie's face turned angry. He grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Vanessa and Amy, who both didn't look like they knew what to do. When we were out of earshot, he stopped and faced me.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing? You can't go and insult my fiancé right in front of me like that!" he said in a low voice. It was the kind of voice that it was like you were being yelled at, but no one else was supposed to hear.
I rolled my eyes again. "I'm sure dolls really satisfy her, you never brought much to the table."
He glared at me, and I could tell that he couldn't come up with a decent comeback. "You have no right to go saying shit like that! Fuck Cadence! You just meet the girl and already you two hate each other!"
"Are you really that surprised?"
"I told you, I want Amy to live in an environment that is as normal as possible. Problem-free. Is that a problem for you?"
"She has her own problems," I muttered.
He put his hand on his hip and I almost laughed at him for looking like a bitchy girl. "What is that supposed to mean?"
I had been avoiding his gaze up to that point, and now I looked him straight in the eye. "Everyone has their own problems that they have to deal with, big or small."
He stared into my eyes for about a minute. Literally, we didn't speak for a minute. I wasn't going to be the one to look away. But what he said next surprised me. "Are you using again?"
My eyes widened and my mouth opened a little. He rolled his eyes and started to walk away. "That tells me everything." I turned and grabbed his arm to stop him, angrily.
"Don't even talk about that shit," I growled in a low voice, "Amy doesn't know anything about my drug use and I plan to keep it that way, for her sake. She thinks I was a little angel child growing up-"
Charlie burst out laughing. "You? An angel child? Ha! Tell me Cadence, name one drug you haven't tried! God, you were stoned all the time, made you easy to fuck."
That was it. I punched him as hard as I could. He actually fell to the floor and I stood there, shaking with anger. I hadn't been this angry since I'd fought with my Mom. It was almost as if I were talking to her again. It was bringing back memories.
Vanessa rushed over to Charlie with a Kleenex in her hand for his bloody nose and propped his head up. Amy kneeled down beside him too, and glared at me. Other people in the airport were starting to stare and whisper. Charlie now sat up and glared at me.
"You haven't changed a bit! You're still the same fucked up stoner that doesn't give the world a chance!"
My face went white. I looked at Amy, who was wide-eyed. Vanessa was staring at me with hard, gray eyes. I wanted out.
"Would you excuse me for a minute?" I asked quietly and turned on my heel and walked outside. Then I did something I hadn't done in a very long time.
I lit up a joint.
I always had a few in my purse, just in case. This one had been in there for a while but I couldn't deal anymore. I inhaled and held it for a long time. I hated doing this, especially after what Charlie said, but I need it. I needed to put away the memories that Charlie had brought to life. And slowly, it happened.
I smoked it until it was almost burning my lip. Feeling better, I headed back inside. They were all sitting down, waiting for me. I coughed.
"You want me to give you guys a lift to your house or what?" I grumbled. More fun on the drive. They all got up and followed me to the car. Charlie had his arms wrapped around both girls. They all looked happy, despite what had happened. Bastards. We loaded their suitcases into the trunk and everyone piled into the small car. Since Charlie was biggest, he sat in the front seat with me.
It started out very quiet, just with Amy and Veronica talking quietly in the back seat. You could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. I decided to turn the radio on, which only led to more bickering. I placed it on a punk rock radio station and turned the music up loudly. I saw Veronica tap Charlie but didn't hear what she said. Charlie then turned down the music. I glared at him and turned it back up. He turned it back down. I reached out my hand to turn it back up but he swatted my hand away.
"What the hell?" I growled at him.
"They can't even hear each other talk," he replied icily.
"Well, I can't hear Veronica talk either, and that's the way I want to keep it." I reached to turn it up again, but was once again swatted away.
"They're bonding," he half-whispered. I rolled my eyes and wanted to smack him again. I also wanted a joint again, but I inwardly cursed myself for that. I promised myself not to make it a habit again. Nonetheless, I left the radio as it was and just glared at the road ahead of me.
Ten minutes later, I was tapped on the shoulder, which scared the shit out of me. I glanced at my shoulder to see Veronica's long manicured nail poking it. I gritted me teeth. "Can I help you?"
"I need a pee break."
I rolled my eyes. "We're almost there, you can go in your new bathroom." I heard her sigh.
"Are you always a bitch?" she asked coldly.
"Are you always a whore?" I retorted.
Charlie smacked my arm angrily. "Shut up Cadence!"
"Oh, so she's allowed to call me a bitch but I'm not allowed to call her a whore?!"
"Well, you are being a bitch!" Veronica said loudly.
"Go suck dick!"
"Cadence! Not in front of our daughter for God's sake!" Charlie said.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh don't be one of those parents that always try to hide things from their kids. The kids are always better off knowing."
"And you've told Amy all about you, have you?"
I slammed on the brakes. Charlie fell a little forward. "What the fuck was that?" he yelled. Thank God we were on a little quiet road that no one uses.
"Get out," I muttered, before getting out of the car my self. "Come on Charlie, I mean it."
He slowly opened the door and walked to the front of the car, eyes blazing with anger. "What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled again.
"Anger management," I replied through gritted teeth.
"You could have seriously hurt one of us, including our daughter!"
"Well, our daughter doesn't need to know about my life, got it?!" I yelled back. I moved to get back in the car but Charlie grabbed me and turned me to face him.
"What are you so afraid of?" he said more quietly. He didn't look as angry, he actually looked... Human.
"I do not need her to repeat my mistakes, cause I've made about every one there is. I don't need her to know what a fucking screw up I am," I replied.
Charlie studied my face for a long time. "You're not a screw up. You're just fucked up," he finally said.
I rolled my eyes and started back for the car. Charlie didn't stop me this time, but got into the passenger side. All was silent when I started driving again.
I finally turned on to their street and looked at the large houses that I was driving by. My eyes were wide. Surely Charlie couldn't be rich enough to afford this...
"I think you missed it," Charlie said quietly. Sure enough I had to put the car in reverse and go into number 24's driveway. I gaped at the size. It was a huge house. We all got out of the car and Charlie grabbed the suitcases. "Our furniture already got moved here," he said, not really to anyone in particular.
I didn't go into the house. I couldn't. "Well, I guess me and Amy can get going now..."
Amy glared at me. "I don't want to go." And so it was already starting.
"You can visit your dad soon, I need to get home."
"Why can't I stay with him?"
"Cause we need to go home."
"Why? So you can get stoned?" There it was.
I knew this would happen if Amy ever found out I did drugs. She'd always use it against me.
I looked at Charlie and back at Amy. She just stood there, with her jaw fixed. Charlie looked pleased with himself. I felt tears form in my eyes. I had no idea how to handle this. My daughter now thought I was a stoner. How do you recover from something like that?
I faced Charlie. "You bastard. You fucking bastard. I hate you. Stay out of my fucking life." I was so angry.
"I'm going to ask you one more time Cadence," he said coldly, "Are you using?"
"What do you think?" I said, glaring at him.
"I want Amy to stay with us," he said.
I glanced at Amy. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Cadie. What I mean is..." he paused, and I waited expectantly. "I want full custody of Amy."
I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. Amy's frown turned into a smile.
"Really Dad?" she asked eagerly. He nodded and she leaped into his arms to hug him.
I felt sick.
I turned on my heel, got into my car, and sped off. Fuck them all.
