What's With This Girl?, chapter 22
"Dannie?" I said. "Who in the hell told you that?"
"Is it true?" he said.
"Tell me who told you that!" I yelled.
"So it is true! You're pregnant!"
"I swear Dannie, whoever told you that was lying. I'm not pregnant. If I was, don't you think I would've told you, first?"
"Actually no I don't. I mean, there's so many other things you keep from me, why not keep this from me too!" he yelled.
"I swear baby, I'm not pregnant!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Now who told you that!"
"So whoever told me is lying?" he said.
"Yes they're lying to you Dannie." I said.
"So Mike is lying?"
"Mike told you that?" I asked.
"yeah they did. He told me it happened when you went to New York to see your brother."
"Dannie nothing happened that day." I said.
"So he made the whole story up?" He said. "He's lying is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"I don't know what to tell you, Dannie!" I yelled.
"Tell me the fucking truth!" He screamed.
"You want the truth? Fine, here's the truth. Tre fucked me! Are you happy, now? After my brother's art exhibit, Tre got drunk, I let him stay in my room and we ended up sleeping with each other! And now I'm pregnant. Is that what you want to hear? Tre fucked me! HE FUCKED MY BRAINS OUT! There, you happy now, now that you heard the truth? Is that what you wanted? Is that the fucking truth you wanted!"
"Just shut up!" he yelled. "Shut the fuck up! I can't believe you. I... . I can't fucking believe you. Oh my God... .you... you whore! You fucking whore! How could you do this to me, again!"
"I don't know Dannie. I... . I don't know. It just happened, Dannie." I said through tears, looking down at the floor. I couldn't look him in the eye. I just felt so ashamed. And I also knew what he was going to do to me. I was just waiting for it to happen.
"Oh God!" Dannie yelled, crouched down on the floor, with his hands covering his face. "How could you let this happen? How could you do this? Out of all the things you could possibly do to me, WHY THIS!"
"Dammit Dannie, what do you want me to say?" I screamed.
Dannie jumped up and grabbed my shoulders
"Just tell me why!" he yelled.
"What the hell do you want me to tell you! That I was lonely? That I needed someone? That I felt that I couldn't talk to you anymore?"
"Is it just for sex?"
"No! It was more than that! It wasn't just sex okay? Tre needed me, and I was really vulnerable... . And it just happened. Baby I never had the intention of hurting you."
"Well that's what happens when you cheat on someone Kira!" Dannie yelled. "I shouldn't have trusted you with him in the first damn place. I never liked you seeing him. I always knew something was going on with you two, but I didn't want to believe it. I swear if someone told me eight years ago that you were a cheating, lying SLUT I wouldn't have believed them!"
"Oh yeah Dannie, name calling is just going to make this situation go away! Go ahead, Dannie, call me every name in the damn book! As a matter of fact, I'll do it for you. I'm a whore. I'm a slut. I'm a lying cheating bitch. I can't be trusted. I'm a big liar. I don't even know why you want to be with me. You're engaged to a dirty tramp!"
Dannie ran over and slapped me across the face.
"Dammit Kira! You always do this. You always make yourself look like the victim."
"I'm not trying to make myself look like the victim!" I yelled rubbing my face where Dannie hit me.
"Yes you do! You make yourself look like the victim, like you're the only one who's going through hell! What about me Kira? What about all the bullshit you've put me through?" Dannie yelled.
"Fine then, Dannie! If I put you through so much hell why are you still with me!"
"Because I love you! I didn't want to give up on you. I thought I could change you! Just... . Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what I've been doing wrong all these years! Tell me why you went to him!"
"I don't know why Dannie!" I yelled. "I don't know why I did it. It's just one of those things you can't explain."
"So you slept with Tre just because you could? You lied and cheated on me because you just felt like it?"
"Dammit Dannie, could we please not talk about this right now? Today has been hell and I do not feel like going through this." I said lying on the bed.
"No, we are going to finish this NOW!" Dannie said grabbing me by the arm and pulling me off the bed.
"Dammit, Dannie let me go!" I yelled holding on to the headboard with one hand and Dannie pulling the other.
"Dannie, I'm serious! Let me go!" I yelled
Dannie finally let my arm go.
"Fine, whatever. If you don't want to talk about it, I don't care anymore. It's obvious that you don't care about us, or you wouldn't have done it in the first place." Dannie said.
"Dannie that's not true. You know I care about you."
"That's bullshit Kira. If you loved m so much you would've thought about it before you decided to throw it all away and sleep with Tre."
I didn't want to admit it, but Dannie was right. If I really loved him, I would've stopped myself from sleeping with Tre. I couldn't get myself out of this. There was nothing I could do at all. I could feel my heart beating five times faster that it already was. I couldn't believe I let my life end up like this.
"Dannie... I'm so sorry." I said. "I... I got to get out of here."
I ran out of the room, grab my keys and ran out of the door before Dannie could say anything. I ran down the hall to Billie's room and started banging on the door.
"Jesus!" I heard Adie say. "Who is it?"
"It's Kira, Adie please let me in!"
"Okay, just calm down." Adie said and opened the door.
"Kira what's wrong?" she said in her worried motherly voice.
"Me and Dannie had a fight." I said. "Can I please come in?"
"Of course you can, come in please."
"Where are Billie and Mike?" I asked.
"Billie's sleeping and Mike's on the couch with Tre."
I walked over to the couch and saw Mike sleeping on the couch, and Tre was next to him, watching TV. I walked over to Mike and slapped him across the face.
"Wake up asshole!" I yelled.
"Kira, what the hell is wrong with you!" Mike yelled.
"Your big fucking mouth! That's what's wrong with me!" I yelled.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about, Mike! You and Billie told Dannie I was pregnant! How could you! You said you would keep it a secret! I can't tell you or Billie anything!"
"K. B." Tre said. "What's wrong with your wrists?"
"What are you talking about, Tre?" I said.
"You're wrists... what's wrong with them?"
I took a look at my wrists and saw what Tre was talking about. My wrists, where Dannie grabbed me, were kind of black and purple.
"Nothing Tre, I just had a little accident that's all."
"What kind of an accident, Kira?" Tre asked.
"It's nothing, Tre. I must've just banged them against something, I don't know."
"Kira, give me your arm." Tre said.
"Tre, would you just drop it! I'm fine."
But he wouldn't give up. Tre grabbed my arm and held it up to let everyone see.
"This doesn't look like you just banged them against something. Did Dannie grab you?"
"Yeah, he did. But he didn't mean anything by it."
"Kira, you can't stay in this relationship if he's going to keep hurting you like this!" Tre said.
"Would you just leave me alone!" I yelled ran out of the room. By the time I got down the hall I noticed that Tre ran after me.
"Kira wait!" I heard Tre yell.
"What do you want Tre?" I asked.
"Just tell me what happened?" Tre said.
"Dannie hit me, Tre. That's what happened. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know where I'm going. I just had to get out of there."
"Well, come back to my room with me." Tre said.
"Tre, I can't. I just need to get out of here."
"Well, I'll go with you. I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
"Anywhere?" I said.
"Of course, just tell me where you want to go."
"Take me to Woodland Cemetery." I said.
"A cemetery is not what I had in mind, but I'll take you."
Tre took my hand, and me and him walked down to his car. The whole car ride there, I didn't say anything. We were both silent. Finally he pulled up to the cemetery gates. We both got out of the car, and Tre pulled out a flashlight from the backseat.
"Where the hell did you get a flashlight?" I asked.
"I always keep it under my seat. You never know when you're going to need one." Tre said. "Why are we here anyway?"
"Tre." I said. "I want you to meet someone."
"Who?" he said.
"You'll see."
Tre followed me as I walked past a lot of graves to get to the one I was looking for.
"I found it." I said. "Tre, I want you to meet my father."
Tre and I both looked down at the tomb:
Jacoby Brian Belle
1965- 1994
Beloved father
Devoted husband
"It's been four years since I've been here." I said. "It's times like these that I wish he was still here."
"I know you miss him like crazy." Tre said
"I do, I really do. Sometimes I think would I have ended up like this if my dad was still around. Would I make the same decisions if he was here to give me his opinion?"
"Do you want me to leave you alone for a minute?"
"Could you, please?"
"I'll be at the car, ok?"
Tre left me the flashlight and left for the car. I sat at my father's grave and just stared at it.
"Dad, I need your help. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I really need you here. I miss you so much. Why did you leave me? You were my best friend. No one understood me the way you did. Just, tell me what I need to do, dad."
I sat down and laid my back on my father's tomb. I stayed there for what seems like hours. I closed my eyes and thought about the last time I saw my father.
"Hi dad." I said walking into the hospital room. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling okay, K.B." my dad said.
"Drexel said you gave her a special present. Is that true?"
"Of course not honey. You know I treat all of you kids equally. On the other hand, I do have a special present for you. You see that case right over there?"
"Yeah."
"I had your mom sneak that up here for me. Bring it to me, please."
"Okay dad."
I walked over and picked up the case and laid it on my dad's hospital bed.
"Go ahead, K.B. Open it." Dad said.
I opened the case, like he said. Inside was the most amazing guitar ever.
"Dad, this is your guitar."
"Yeah I know. I was thinking, I shouldn't let it go to waste. I should give to someone who will use it as much as I did. I'm not going to need it anyway."
"You bought a new guitar?" I asked.
"No Kira, I didn't."
"So why are you giving me this?"
"I won't need it."
"Why dad?"
"Kira, I'm just going to come straight out. I don't have much time. Well, that's what the doctor said. At first, I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him. I need to be here. I don't want to have my family go on without someone to take care of them. But, sweetie, I'm not getting any better. I'm so sorry."
"Dad" I said. "Dad, you can't go. This family needs you. Without you we'll fall apart"
"That's not true. You're strong Kira. You're all strong. You'll be okay. You will all be okay. I need you to be strong Kira. Everyone needs to be strong for each other. I don't want you guys to forget about me, but I don't want you guys to mourn me forever Just promise me you won't mourn me."
"I won't mourn you dad." I said through tears. "I promise. But just promise me one thing. Promise you won't miss Darby's birthday, it's tomorrow."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world K.B."
I guess we all know how that story ends.
I open my eyes and I'm in Tre's car. I must have fallen asleep and he came to find me.
"Hey sleepy head." He said. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Tre." I said tiredly. "Where are we?"
"We're on our way back to the hotel. I was thinking you should stay in my room tonight. Don't worry, nothing will happen. You can stay in the extra bedroom."
"Tre, I know nothing will happen." I said. "Even if I wanted it to, I know it couldn't happen. I'm more of a wreck than I was before."
"Kira." Tre said. "I know it doesn't look like it now, but everything will work out for you, trust me it will."
Tre was right. He was always right. Things were going to get better. I mean I already hit bottom, there's no where else to go but up, right?
"Is it true?" he said.
"Tell me who told you that!" I yelled.
"So it is true! You're pregnant!"
"I swear Dannie, whoever told you that was lying. I'm not pregnant. If I was, don't you think I would've told you, first?"
"Actually no I don't. I mean, there's so many other things you keep from me, why not keep this from me too!" he yelled.
"I swear baby, I'm not pregnant!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Now who told you that!"
"So whoever told me is lying?" he said.
"Yes they're lying to you Dannie." I said.
"So Mike is lying?"
"Mike told you that?" I asked.
"yeah they did. He told me it happened when you went to New York to see your brother."
"Dannie nothing happened that day." I said.
"So he made the whole story up?" He said. "He's lying is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"I don't know what to tell you, Dannie!" I yelled.
"Tell me the fucking truth!" He screamed.
"You want the truth? Fine, here's the truth. Tre fucked me! Are you happy, now? After my brother's art exhibit, Tre got drunk, I let him stay in my room and we ended up sleeping with each other! And now I'm pregnant. Is that what you want to hear? Tre fucked me! HE FUCKED MY BRAINS OUT! There, you happy now, now that you heard the truth? Is that what you wanted? Is that the fucking truth you wanted!"
"Just shut up!" he yelled. "Shut the fuck up! I can't believe you. I... . I can't fucking believe you. Oh my God... .you... you whore! You fucking whore! How could you do this to me, again!"
"I don't know Dannie. I... . I don't know. It just happened, Dannie." I said through tears, looking down at the floor. I couldn't look him in the eye. I just felt so ashamed. And I also knew what he was going to do to me. I was just waiting for it to happen.
"Oh God!" Dannie yelled, crouched down on the floor, with his hands covering his face. "How could you let this happen? How could you do this? Out of all the things you could possibly do to me, WHY THIS!"
"Dammit Dannie, what do you want me to say?" I screamed.
Dannie jumped up and grabbed my shoulders
"Just tell me why!" he yelled.
"What the hell do you want me to tell you! That I was lonely? That I needed someone? That I felt that I couldn't talk to you anymore?"
"Is it just for sex?"
"No! It was more than that! It wasn't just sex okay? Tre needed me, and I was really vulnerable... . And it just happened. Baby I never had the intention of hurting you."
"Well that's what happens when you cheat on someone Kira!" Dannie yelled. "I shouldn't have trusted you with him in the first damn place. I never liked you seeing him. I always knew something was going on with you two, but I didn't want to believe it. I swear if someone told me eight years ago that you were a cheating, lying SLUT I wouldn't have believed them!"
"Oh yeah Dannie, name calling is just going to make this situation go away! Go ahead, Dannie, call me every name in the damn book! As a matter of fact, I'll do it for you. I'm a whore. I'm a slut. I'm a lying cheating bitch. I can't be trusted. I'm a big liar. I don't even know why you want to be with me. You're engaged to a dirty tramp!"
Dannie ran over and slapped me across the face.
"Dammit Kira! You always do this. You always make yourself look like the victim."
"I'm not trying to make myself look like the victim!" I yelled rubbing my face where Dannie hit me.
"Yes you do! You make yourself look like the victim, like you're the only one who's going through hell! What about me Kira? What about all the bullshit you've put me through?" Dannie yelled.
"Fine then, Dannie! If I put you through so much hell why are you still with me!"
"Because I love you! I didn't want to give up on you. I thought I could change you! Just... . Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what I've been doing wrong all these years! Tell me why you went to him!"
"I don't know why Dannie!" I yelled. "I don't know why I did it. It's just one of those things you can't explain."
"So you slept with Tre just because you could? You lied and cheated on me because you just felt like it?"
"Dammit Dannie, could we please not talk about this right now? Today has been hell and I do not feel like going through this." I said lying on the bed.
"No, we are going to finish this NOW!" Dannie said grabbing me by the arm and pulling me off the bed.
"Dammit, Dannie let me go!" I yelled holding on to the headboard with one hand and Dannie pulling the other.
"Dannie, I'm serious! Let me go!" I yelled
Dannie finally let my arm go.
"Fine, whatever. If you don't want to talk about it, I don't care anymore. It's obvious that you don't care about us, or you wouldn't have done it in the first place." Dannie said.
"Dannie that's not true. You know I care about you."
"That's bullshit Kira. If you loved m so much you would've thought about it before you decided to throw it all away and sleep with Tre."
I didn't want to admit it, but Dannie was right. If I really loved him, I would've stopped myself from sleeping with Tre. I couldn't get myself out of this. There was nothing I could do at all. I could feel my heart beating five times faster that it already was. I couldn't believe I let my life end up like this.
"Dannie... I'm so sorry." I said. "I... I got to get out of here."
I ran out of the room, grab my keys and ran out of the door before Dannie could say anything. I ran down the hall to Billie's room and started banging on the door.
"Jesus!" I heard Adie say. "Who is it?"
"It's Kira, Adie please let me in!"
"Okay, just calm down." Adie said and opened the door.
"Kira what's wrong?" she said in her worried motherly voice.
"Me and Dannie had a fight." I said. "Can I please come in?"
"Of course you can, come in please."
"Where are Billie and Mike?" I asked.
"Billie's sleeping and Mike's on the couch with Tre."
I walked over to the couch and saw Mike sleeping on the couch, and Tre was next to him, watching TV. I walked over to Mike and slapped him across the face.
"Wake up asshole!" I yelled.
"Kira, what the hell is wrong with you!" Mike yelled.
"Your big fucking mouth! That's what's wrong with me!" I yelled.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about, Mike! You and Billie told Dannie I was pregnant! How could you! You said you would keep it a secret! I can't tell you or Billie anything!"
"K. B." Tre said. "What's wrong with your wrists?"
"What are you talking about, Tre?" I said.
"You're wrists... what's wrong with them?"
I took a look at my wrists and saw what Tre was talking about. My wrists, where Dannie grabbed me, were kind of black and purple.
"Nothing Tre, I just had a little accident that's all."
"What kind of an accident, Kira?" Tre asked.
"It's nothing, Tre. I must've just banged them against something, I don't know."
"Kira, give me your arm." Tre said.
"Tre, would you just drop it! I'm fine."
But he wouldn't give up. Tre grabbed my arm and held it up to let everyone see.
"This doesn't look like you just banged them against something. Did Dannie grab you?"
"Yeah, he did. But he didn't mean anything by it."
"Kira, you can't stay in this relationship if he's going to keep hurting you like this!" Tre said.
"Would you just leave me alone!" I yelled ran out of the room. By the time I got down the hall I noticed that Tre ran after me.
"Kira wait!" I heard Tre yell.
"What do you want Tre?" I asked.
"Just tell me what happened?" Tre said.
"Dannie hit me, Tre. That's what happened. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know where I'm going. I just had to get out of there."
"Well, come back to my room with me." Tre said.
"Tre, I can't. I just need to get out of here."
"Well, I'll go with you. I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
"Anywhere?" I said.
"Of course, just tell me where you want to go."
"Take me to Woodland Cemetery." I said.
"A cemetery is not what I had in mind, but I'll take you."
Tre took my hand, and me and him walked down to his car. The whole car ride there, I didn't say anything. We were both silent. Finally he pulled up to the cemetery gates. We both got out of the car, and Tre pulled out a flashlight from the backseat.
"Where the hell did you get a flashlight?" I asked.
"I always keep it under my seat. You never know when you're going to need one." Tre said. "Why are we here anyway?"
"Tre." I said. "I want you to meet someone."
"Who?" he said.
"You'll see."
Tre followed me as I walked past a lot of graves to get to the one I was looking for.
"I found it." I said. "Tre, I want you to meet my father."
Tre and I both looked down at the tomb:
Jacoby Brian Belle
1965- 1994
Beloved father
Devoted husband
"It's been four years since I've been here." I said. "It's times like these that I wish he was still here."
"I know you miss him like crazy." Tre said
"I do, I really do. Sometimes I think would I have ended up like this if my dad was still around. Would I make the same decisions if he was here to give me his opinion?"
"Do you want me to leave you alone for a minute?"
"Could you, please?"
"I'll be at the car, ok?"
Tre left me the flashlight and left for the car. I sat at my father's grave and just stared at it.
"Dad, I need your help. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I really need you here. I miss you so much. Why did you leave me? You were my best friend. No one understood me the way you did. Just, tell me what I need to do, dad."
I sat down and laid my back on my father's tomb. I stayed there for what seems like hours. I closed my eyes and thought about the last time I saw my father.
"Hi dad." I said walking into the hospital room. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling okay, K.B." my dad said.
"Drexel said you gave her a special present. Is that true?"
"Of course not honey. You know I treat all of you kids equally. On the other hand, I do have a special present for you. You see that case right over there?"
"Yeah."
"I had your mom sneak that up here for me. Bring it to me, please."
"Okay dad."
I walked over and picked up the case and laid it on my dad's hospital bed.
"Go ahead, K.B. Open it." Dad said.
I opened the case, like he said. Inside was the most amazing guitar ever.
"Dad, this is your guitar."
"Yeah I know. I was thinking, I shouldn't let it go to waste. I should give to someone who will use it as much as I did. I'm not going to need it anyway."
"You bought a new guitar?" I asked.
"No Kira, I didn't."
"So why are you giving me this?"
"I won't need it."
"Why dad?"
"Kira, I'm just going to come straight out. I don't have much time. Well, that's what the doctor said. At first, I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him. I need to be here. I don't want to have my family go on without someone to take care of them. But, sweetie, I'm not getting any better. I'm so sorry."
"Dad" I said. "Dad, you can't go. This family needs you. Without you we'll fall apart"
"That's not true. You're strong Kira. You're all strong. You'll be okay. You will all be okay. I need you to be strong Kira. Everyone needs to be strong for each other. I don't want you guys to forget about me, but I don't want you guys to mourn me forever Just promise me you won't mourn me."
"I won't mourn you dad." I said through tears. "I promise. But just promise me one thing. Promise you won't miss Darby's birthday, it's tomorrow."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world K.B."
I guess we all know how that story ends.
I open my eyes and I'm in Tre's car. I must have fallen asleep and he came to find me.
"Hey sleepy head." He said. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Tre." I said tiredly. "Where are we?"
"We're on our way back to the hotel. I was thinking you should stay in my room tonight. Don't worry, nothing will happen. You can stay in the extra bedroom."
"Tre, I know nothing will happen." I said. "Even if I wanted it to, I know it couldn't happen. I'm more of a wreck than I was before."
"Kira." Tre said. "I know it doesn't look like it now, but everything will work out for you, trust me it will."
Tre was right. He was always right. Things were going to get better. I mean I already hit bottom, there's no where else to go but up, right?
Previous | Page 22/22
