It's Not As Easy As It Looks, chapter 18
"So let me get this straight, you went to tell him, and he said he liked Tiff?"
"Yes Mike," I groaned lieing on my bed in my PJ's.
"Damn it," I heard him mumble, I turned over and lay on my stomach, mindlessly playing with the phone cord.
"Don't stress about it, I mean..I'm not. So..what have you done in these last few days?"
"Well I went to Billie's house, and talked to him-"
"Wait..about what?!"
"Don't worry, just about guy stuff, that's why I called, because Billie was talking about Tiff, I figured you didn't get to him in time, or you just didn't tell him."
"Oh," I mumbled and looked to my digital clock besides my bed.
"It's Thursday."
"What?" Mike asked puzzled.
"12am..it's Thursday the 23rd, 5 more days till March."
"Ooh, that was random."
"Yeh, I'm running out of ideas to say."
"Okay," Mike laughed as he heard him rummaging around.
"So are you coming to the beach with me, Tré, Billie and Tiff?"
"Nah."
"Aw, how come?"
"Just gonna hang out with Brittany."
"You two okay?"
"We'll be fine," He sighed, then after a brief period of silence, he spoke up again.
"Well I best leave you to do whatever."
"Okay see yah Mike."
"Bye," I put the phone down and rested it on the table beside my bed. I layed my head down and closed my eyes, eventually falling asleep.
***
"I spy with my little eye something begining with..s," I raised an eyebrow at Tré and looked around.
"Sea?"
"No."
"Sand?"
"No."
"Ugh..lemme guess, sex?"
"How did you know!" Tré gasped standing up as loads of sand flew everywhere in the wind.
"Because your a perv..where is sex anyways?" Tré simply shrugged and walked away.
"And I still won?" I laughed, murmering a small 'go me', before getting up and following Tré.
"What's on the agenda today then Tré?"
"Er, look at some chicks, then get an ice cream, then look at more chicks."
"Great," I sighed as Tré put his arm around me.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure they're the hottest chicks!"
"You will? How kind," I mumbled sitting down on a nearby bench.
"BOO!" I heard a familiar voice shout from afar. I turned my head to see Billie and Tiff walking upto me and Tré holding their shoes in one hand and holding each others hands.
"Yo," Tré said all ghetto like before jumping off the bench and onto the sand, automatically getting loads of sand in his shoes.
"S'up bitch?" Tiff smirked as she knuckled Tré.
"Stop acting ghetto Tré." Billie said all parental like as Tré gasped.
"She acted ghetto back!" Tiff stuck out her tongue as Billie shrugged.
"So?" Billie laughed as the three walked back to the bench I was sitting on.
"Hey Jen," Billie smiled and sat next to me, Tiff sat down next to Billie whilst Tré sat by me.
"Heya."
"So this is what we're gonna do all day? Sit on a bench and watch the tide come in?"
"And sweep us away," I replied laughing as Tré shook his head.
"That's so emo," I raised my eyebrow at Tré and proceeded to whack him over the head with the back of my right hand.
"Your so dead," I muttered as he shrieked and ran off.
"Why couldn't Mike make it today?" Billie asked me as I shrugged.
"Gonna hang out with Brittany."
"I see," He replied as he watched Tré run around, a grin spreading across his face, he swung his arm around Tiff and I rolled my eyes. Stop it. He doesn't like you, he likes Tiff. Stop being a jealous whore and live your life!
Tré stopped running around and looked from my sad face to Billie holding Tiff, he sighed and walked upto me.
"Wanna walk?" He whispered in my ear, I looked to Billie laughing with Tiff and nodded slowly. We simply walked up and down the beach, except I was expressing my feelings, shedding a few tears and telling Tré how much of a mess I made.
"I know it's not a big deal, but I feel like I've let myself down since I never told him in time, and he will never know, I mean what if I die today?"
"Then I'd tell him."
"But he'd be angry that I was too much of a coward to tell him."
"You'd be dead so it wouldn't really matter, so please stop talking stupid Jenni!"
"I'm not, just I've been worrying so much and all these questions were locked up inside my head, I need to let them loose Tré, I've been bugging Mike, telling him my worries everyday that in the end I isolated myself from him, I didn't pick up his calls because I'm sure his ears are bleeding..the fact your not telling me to shut up now is amazing me." I took a sharp breath and Tré smirked, he put his arms around me and hugged me, then put his lips to my ear.
"Shut up," He whispered as I giggled, I nodded as I pulled out the hug and we continued to walk down the beach.
"So what exactly do you plan on doing?" He asked me as I sighed, I looked to the ground, walking in someone else's footprints.
"I plan to get on my life, to find someone else, settle down with them, eventually have a family, with a nice house, job and car."
"Sounds..cheery."
"Doesn't sound like the kinda life I want."
"What's the one you want?" I laughed shaking my head.
"To explore the world? I don't know, just something exciting."
"Hey, when we release our next album you can come on tour with us."
"Seriously? I mean can you do that?"
"Hey it's our tour and our tour bus, kay? We can do whatever we like..well apart from setting everyone on fire and claiming global domination but.."
"Yeh I get you," I laughed, Tré was the kinda man that could be so stupid you want to rip your hair out, but then the next minute he'd be confiding you and trying to help, and trying to cheer you up when you was sad.
"So yeh, you can come, explore the world with us, see everything."
"I don't wanna see everything," I frowned as Tré wiggled his eyebrows.
"Ah come on! You don't even wanna watch me, Mike and Billie having a threesome?"
"No.." I said slowly, rather shocked.
"I don't think you'll have that boring life afterall."
"Oh, why so?"
"Because you already have one."
"I start to wonder why I hang out with you."
"Because I put the fun back into your life!" He hopped about, making me smile, yet fold my arms over my chest. After more goofing about we was heading back to the bench where Billie and Tiff were let's say 'glued' to each others faces.
"I think you should tell him."
"What? Why?"
"He deserves a right to know."
"No..no he doesn't."
"Yeh..he does," Tré whispered as we approached the bench.
"Alright you two love birds, break it up, we have a child present."
"Yeh we can't let Tré see anything too explict," I laughed as I covered Tré's eyes..also wishing I could do that same.
"Aw, spoil our fun," Billie laughed as he pulled away, leaving Tiff with the hugest of grin's. Tré somehow managed to get my hand of his eyes and sit down, pulling me with him.
"When?" He whispered out the side of his mouth.
"I said no! Not now not ever!"
"Now?!"
"No!"
"Now?!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! NO TRÉ I WON'T TELL HIM!" I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth, before running off to God knows where.
"What's up with her?" Tiff asked looking to Tré who laughed pathetically before shrugging, Billie huffed and stalked off to find me. I wasn't too far away, right behind the bench was a few bushes and beyond that a small Café, the one where Adam worked.
"What was that all about?" Someone whispered behind me, I jumped and looked, I smiled when I saw Billie, he sat down opposite me as I looked smugly down at my cup.
"Pathetic ay?"
"Not really, I'm just confused, tell who what?"
"What?"
"You said 'I won't tell him.'"
"Ooh, never mind."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Why?"
"I jus-I can't, okay?"
"Fine," Billie sighed and went to get up from his seat before I sat him back down.
"Wait.." Once he had sat back down I looked down at my cup again.
"Billie..I..just wanted to know how you found me," I sighed as I quickly changed the subject midway through my sentence.
"I could see your orange top a mile away," He laughed as I looked sheepishly from my top to him.
"It's pretty bright," I agreed as he nodded.
"Shall we go back out?"
"Can we..can we talk first?"
"Okay," Billie nodded and ordered himself a coffee.
"What do you want to talk about."
"I just, well.." I found it hard to say something to him..to say anything to him.
"We haven't talked properly since your birthday, when you asked me advice on how to ask Tiff out."
"Well we've both been doing things."
"I haven't, I tried to call you but your phone was off, I have this thing, I can't tell anyone..it's been really bothering me and lately I just want a normal conversation, but Tré and Mike won't give me that, they always bring this subject up..I get so annoyed, I just need someone to talk to."
"I'm always here."
"But your not..your constantly out with Tiff, I don't mean to sound.." I sighed, not even knowing what I sound like.
"Sound like, a jealous freak or what not, but it seems like you've forgot about me, since your with her 24/7, wehaven't talked, laughed, I haven't even seen you."
"I'm sorry.." He sighed bowing his head.
"But..I don't know, Tiff is really fun to hang aro-"
"So your saying I'm not fun to be around anymore?"
"You can't make me chose between you and Tiff Jen, I can't!" He shouted as I looked down.
"Don't yell at me."
"Then just please tell me what's wrong," He said, more calmly this time though.
"Nothing, everything is fine," I sniffled, looking upto him. I was lieing, and it hurt so much.
"Right," Billie sighed, honestly I think he knew I was lieing, and I think he was fed up with me. He got up from his chair, and I didn't even bother to hold him back, because I knew I had hurt him. Lieing is not the best option, but in my case..it seemed the only option. I watched him go back to the bench where Tré and Tiff were wrestling, everyone seemed so happy, was I just causing more problems being here?
"You look gloomy."
"Hey Adam," I smiled as he sat in the same seat Billie had.
"What happened?"
"Don't ask."
"I already did," I frowned, and then rolled my eyes at him.
"He's steadily breaking me."
"Who? Billie?" I nodding with a 'uhuh' sound.
"Why?"
"Can you stop with the who, what, where and why please?"
"Just answer me, I'm trying to help."
"I like Billie..more then a friend, he's going out with this pretty girl named Tiff, he really likes her, he hasn't been this happy in awhile, since he's been going out with her, he hasn't been hanging around with me, I talk to Mike and Tré, but they just bring him up in the conversation and it annoys me, I just need to talk to someone, and Billie always seems to cheer me up, when he's with her he hardly talks to me though, I'm not jealous..well, I don't know but I just want my friend back."
"He shouldn't be leaving you in the dark just because he's got a girlfriend though."
"Yeh, I had enough of that when I was in high school, my friends would ignore me to talk to their boyfriends, they would cancel all their plans with me, to go out with their boyfriends, and I'd feel left out, like I am now," Adam sighed and rested his hand on mine.
"So you told him that?"
"Yeh and he totally went physco on me, saying he couldn't chose between me and Tiff, even though I guess he already has."
"I bet he see's it differently in his eyes, like because he was out with today that he's not leaving you out, maybe he expected you to make arrangements to hang out."
"Don't you think I tried that? His phone was turned off and his house is quite far from mine."
"Oh."
"Hm, I'm not going back down to the group, I've done enough damage..which means I have to walk home." I mumbled as Adam quirked an eyebrow in my direction.
"How about I take you home when my shift ends?"
"When's that?" Adam looked to his watch and smirked.
"Now."
"Oh okay, that's cool."
"Yeh, lemme go sign out and I'll take you home," I nodded as I watched him disapear and come back out waving at a few of the staff.
"Let's go then," He smiled as we walked out of the Café, the 3 messing about, still on the bench, looked at me, Tré did the call me sign with his hand and I nodded. I got into Adam's car, I told him all the directions he needed to know and he drove me home.
"Thanks," I smiled as I hopped out of his car and walked upto my front door, I got my keys out of my jean's pocked and opened my door. I sighed once I was inside, simply because it meant spending another day at home doing nothing.
***
"What was that all about?"
"Ugh, nevermind," Billie mumbled as he joined Tré and Tiff on the bench.
"She's..being confusing."
"How so?" Tiff asked, actually sounding concerned.
"She's stressed about something, but she won't tell me, then all of a sudden started saying.." Billie bit his lip, almost as a mental note not to say anymore.
"Nevermind."
"But is she okay?"
"I don't know," Billie sighed as he looked behind him to see me and Adam walking out of the Café, feeling curious as ever to see what we were doing, but only to be told by his concious to stay, Tré did the 'call me' sign, and I nodded. We both got into Adam's car and Billie felt worry, fear, he didn't want Adam to do anything to me. Harmfully and sexually.
"So should we go get some ice cream? Maybe go to the cinema after?" Billie didn't reply, he just stood there watching Adam's beaten up station wagon pull out of the staff parking.
"Bill?" Tiff said, tapping his shoulder, he turned around and smiled lightly.
"Sorry, cinema?"
"Yeh."
"Okay," So as the three set out to get an ice cream and go to the cinema, I stayed in my house with a tub of ice cream watching a movie from my DVD player.
As I finished watching the movie, my phone rang out moments before I went to hit the stop button.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me Tiff"
"Oh, heya Tiff, why you calling?"
"Just wanted to know if your okay, I mean-"
"Billie's being quiet?"
"Yeh, I just want to know what happened."
"It doesn't really matter."
"But it does because Billie is hardly talking, I guess he's upset he's fallen out with you."
"No he hasn't..has he?"
"Well I don't know, I figured that's why he's being a bum," I smirked as she said 'bum', and I don't know why.
"We just had a little spat, that's all."
"Sure? And how did you know I was phoning about Billie?"
"Because you always call about Billie, you wouldn't call to see if I'm okay, well I mean, you'd call to see if he was okay..ugh, I'll shut up now," I heard Tiff giggle on the other end, but then she sighed.
"I'm not that mean am I? I mean I do care about you, just I wanted to know if Billie is okay."
"It's okay, I understand your concern for him, you two seem pretty close now."
"Yeh I think we are, I bet you two are closer though, I mean seeing you two not talk, hurts me a little."
"Well, I'm sure we will works things out, afterall we always do, not that we've been in this posisition much."
"I feel like I should be helping somehow."
"I don't think you can that much, it's upto me and Billie to sort this out, problem is; we're both as stubborn as each other to apologize or even talk after a fight."
"Well maybe I can put him on the phone."
"What? Wait! No-" I heard some rummaging, then some muffled talking before someone else came on the other end of the phone.
"Hello?"
"Your girlfriend is mean," I sighed, rubbing my forehead.
"Oh, it's you."
"You could atleast try to sound more positive."
"Sorry," I heard Billie sigh as I started to pace up and down.
"Well, are we just gonna be silent, or can we try to make this work?" I asked him calmly.
"What work?"
"Our friendship, the one you abandoned."
"I did not abandon it! I've been hanging out with Tiff!"
"Every day, not even caring if I really needed to talk to you."
"You should have called."
"Haven't we been over this? Your phones been off."
"You could come round my house."
"I live far from you Billie! I shouldn't have to go out my way just to talk to my best friend."
"Stop complaning then, it's not my fault."
"Oh my God, I give up," I ended the called with an aggravated sigh. It was his fault, he shouldn't ignore me because he had a girlfriend. I threw my phone onto my couch and stormed into my kitchen, almost like a moody teenager. I opened my fridge door and got out some orange juice, before sitting at a stool on my kitchen island.
I don't get how Billie didn't understand what I was saying, almost reminded me what happened around 5 years ago..
I was really looking forward to going to Drayton Manor theme park with Emily my friend, we'd been planning for almost months, it seemed sort of childish, but we had just graduated from college. Me becoming a trainee photographer, and Emily going off to become a police officer. What had really started to worry me was the fact I hadn't seen Emily in 2 weeks, and she hadn't returned my phone calls, normally we would speak to each other every day. Then I got a phone call, I watched it vibrate on my table for a second as I picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Hey it's me Emily."
"Hey! Where have you been?"
"Well I met this guy, so I've been hanging out with him."
"You didn't tell me this why?"
"I dunno, never got time to I guess, plus..I was worried you'd take it the wrong way."
"What the wrong way?"
"I'm going out with Seth" Oh. Yeh well I take it the wrong way now!
"My ex boyfriend Seth!? What the hell, are you playing mind tricks on me?! The guy tried to fricking rape me!"
"Yeh, he says he's changed, and I believe him, we're in love."
"You've been going out for..2 weeks is it? And your in love, well..isn't that nice."
"Uhuh, I'm [i]so happy with him! He makes me laugh and-" At this point in my mind I wasn't listening, but just thinking; hello! I'm your best friend, we tell each other everything! I also make you laugh! Why was she leaving me out of her life because of one lousy boy?
"Jen?"
"What?"
"Are you listening?"
"Oh yeh sure, he's a great kisser..blah blah blah."
"Why are you acting so immature?"
"A 20 year old's not allowed to act immature?"
"Not when I'm being serious."
"Oh okay..sorry."
"It's okay."
"So why did you call?" I asked her, something hitching in my throat like I already knew that there was going to be a bad answer.
"I have to cancel the theme park, I'm sorry but I'm going around Seth's parents house for dinner and-"
"You mean, the thing we've been planning for weeks, maybe even months is being cut off for a plan that took 5 seconds to make over some lousy boy?!" I really did get wound up easily..
"Something like that, except he's not lousy!"
"Good for him, I hope you two are happy."
"We ar-" I ended the call, immediatly smashing my phone against the floor in anger and running out of my house, I ran straight to Aggie's house and knocked on the door.
"I need to cool down..I swear you should have been a physcologist instead of practising to be a midwife," Aggie laughed as she let me in her flat apartment.
"So, what brings you here?"
"Emily canceled the theme park thing to go to Seth's parent's house for dinner.." Aggie nodded with stern eyes, reaching to pick her home phone up, when I stopped her.
"Don't get involved, please."
"Sorry but I was going aswell you know, she hasn't even told me yet."
"She's leaving us out because of a boy, isn't it..friendship before love?"
"No idea what your talking about sweetie, all I know is your the only person who gets a nice boyfriend, and doesn't leave their friends out the loop."
"You haven't."
"I sorta did, after we went to the cinema's, me and Matt went off for ice cream, leaving you to walk home."
"Wasn't we drunk?"
"Yeh."
"Exactly.."
"Okay," I figured I just confused Aggie, since her facial expression read 'what the hell did I just agree to?'
"I just find it really stupid to just forget about your friends when your in love, because friends are the best thing that's happened to me and I'm not letting some stupid boy come and destroy that, because if the boyfriend..or girlfriend breaks your heart, who have you got to turn to when your friends have all gone, because you hurt them?"
"That's true...jeez, you should have been a physcologist, instead of telling me I should have been one."
"Maybe we both should be one."
"Why? You just passed in photography."
"Well it's not gonna get my very far is it?"
"Maybe America? Who knows."
"I doubt it, I can see me being in a dead end job," I sighed as Aggie laughed, she then hugged me.
"Nah, I can see your life being very..interesting."
"What, are you one of those psychic women now?" I smirked as Aggie shrugged.
"Maybe" [/i]
I just really did not want to be let down by one of my best friends again. But what I said is true; if someone dedicates 100% of their life to their lover, who are they going to turn to when they break up with that person, if all their friends feel like they've been let down and turn their backs against them?
"Yes Mike," I groaned lieing on my bed in my PJ's.
"Damn it," I heard him mumble, I turned over and lay on my stomach, mindlessly playing with the phone cord.
"Don't stress about it, I mean..I'm not. So..what have you done in these last few days?"
"Well I went to Billie's house, and talked to him-"
"Wait..about what?!"
"Don't worry, just about guy stuff, that's why I called, because Billie was talking about Tiff, I figured you didn't get to him in time, or you just didn't tell him."
"Oh," I mumbled and looked to my digital clock besides my bed.
"It's Thursday."
"What?" Mike asked puzzled.
"12am..it's Thursday the 23rd, 5 more days till March."
"Ooh, that was random."
"Yeh, I'm running out of ideas to say."
"Okay," Mike laughed as he heard him rummaging around.
"So are you coming to the beach with me, Tré, Billie and Tiff?"
"Nah."
"Aw, how come?"
"Just gonna hang out with Brittany."
"You two okay?"
"We'll be fine," He sighed, then after a brief period of silence, he spoke up again.
"Well I best leave you to do whatever."
"Okay see yah Mike."
"Bye," I put the phone down and rested it on the table beside my bed. I layed my head down and closed my eyes, eventually falling asleep.
***
"I spy with my little eye something begining with..s," I raised an eyebrow at Tré and looked around.
"Sea?"
"No."
"Sand?"
"No."
"Ugh..lemme guess, sex?"
"How did you know!" Tré gasped standing up as loads of sand flew everywhere in the wind.
"Because your a perv..where is sex anyways?" Tré simply shrugged and walked away.
"And I still won?" I laughed, murmering a small 'go me', before getting up and following Tré.
"What's on the agenda today then Tré?"
"Er, look at some chicks, then get an ice cream, then look at more chicks."
"Great," I sighed as Tré put his arm around me.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure they're the hottest chicks!"
"You will? How kind," I mumbled sitting down on a nearby bench.
"BOO!" I heard a familiar voice shout from afar. I turned my head to see Billie and Tiff walking upto me and Tré holding their shoes in one hand and holding each others hands.
"Yo," Tré said all ghetto like before jumping off the bench and onto the sand, automatically getting loads of sand in his shoes.
"S'up bitch?" Tiff smirked as she knuckled Tré.
"Stop acting ghetto Tré." Billie said all parental like as Tré gasped.
"She acted ghetto back!" Tiff stuck out her tongue as Billie shrugged.
"So?" Billie laughed as the three walked back to the bench I was sitting on.
"Hey Jen," Billie smiled and sat next to me, Tiff sat down next to Billie whilst Tré sat by me.
"Heya."
"So this is what we're gonna do all day? Sit on a bench and watch the tide come in?"
"And sweep us away," I replied laughing as Tré shook his head.
"That's so emo," I raised my eyebrow at Tré and proceeded to whack him over the head with the back of my right hand.
"Your so dead," I muttered as he shrieked and ran off.
"Why couldn't Mike make it today?" Billie asked me as I shrugged.
"Gonna hang out with Brittany."
"I see," He replied as he watched Tré run around, a grin spreading across his face, he swung his arm around Tiff and I rolled my eyes. Stop it. He doesn't like you, he likes Tiff. Stop being a jealous whore and live your life!
Tré stopped running around and looked from my sad face to Billie holding Tiff, he sighed and walked upto me.
"Wanna walk?" He whispered in my ear, I looked to Billie laughing with Tiff and nodded slowly. We simply walked up and down the beach, except I was expressing my feelings, shedding a few tears and telling Tré how much of a mess I made.
"I know it's not a big deal, but I feel like I've let myself down since I never told him in time, and he will never know, I mean what if I die today?"
"Then I'd tell him."
"But he'd be angry that I was too much of a coward to tell him."
"You'd be dead so it wouldn't really matter, so please stop talking stupid Jenni!"
"I'm not, just I've been worrying so much and all these questions were locked up inside my head, I need to let them loose Tré, I've been bugging Mike, telling him my worries everyday that in the end I isolated myself from him, I didn't pick up his calls because I'm sure his ears are bleeding..the fact your not telling me to shut up now is amazing me." I took a sharp breath and Tré smirked, he put his arms around me and hugged me, then put his lips to my ear.
"Shut up," He whispered as I giggled, I nodded as I pulled out the hug and we continued to walk down the beach.
"So what exactly do you plan on doing?" He asked me as I sighed, I looked to the ground, walking in someone else's footprints.
"I plan to get on my life, to find someone else, settle down with them, eventually have a family, with a nice house, job and car."
"Sounds..cheery."
"Doesn't sound like the kinda life I want."
"What's the one you want?" I laughed shaking my head.
"To explore the world? I don't know, just something exciting."
"Hey, when we release our next album you can come on tour with us."
"Seriously? I mean can you do that?"
"Hey it's our tour and our tour bus, kay? We can do whatever we like..well apart from setting everyone on fire and claiming global domination but.."
"Yeh I get you," I laughed, Tré was the kinda man that could be so stupid you want to rip your hair out, but then the next minute he'd be confiding you and trying to help, and trying to cheer you up when you was sad.
"So yeh, you can come, explore the world with us, see everything."
"I don't wanna see everything," I frowned as Tré wiggled his eyebrows.
"Ah come on! You don't even wanna watch me, Mike and Billie having a threesome?"
"No.." I said slowly, rather shocked.
"I don't think you'll have that boring life afterall."
"Oh, why so?"
"Because you already have one."
"I start to wonder why I hang out with you."
"Because I put the fun back into your life!" He hopped about, making me smile, yet fold my arms over my chest. After more goofing about we was heading back to the bench where Billie and Tiff were let's say 'glued' to each others faces.
"I think you should tell him."
"What? Why?"
"He deserves a right to know."
"No..no he doesn't."
"Yeh..he does," Tré whispered as we approached the bench.
"Alright you two love birds, break it up, we have a child present."
"Yeh we can't let Tré see anything too explict," I laughed as I covered Tré's eyes..also wishing I could do that same.
"Aw, spoil our fun," Billie laughed as he pulled away, leaving Tiff with the hugest of grin's. Tré somehow managed to get my hand of his eyes and sit down, pulling me with him.
"When?" He whispered out the side of his mouth.
"I said no! Not now not ever!"
"Now?!"
"No!"
"Now?!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! NO TRÉ I WON'T TELL HIM!" I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth, before running off to God knows where.
"What's up with her?" Tiff asked looking to Tré who laughed pathetically before shrugging, Billie huffed and stalked off to find me. I wasn't too far away, right behind the bench was a few bushes and beyond that a small Café, the one where Adam worked.
"What was that all about?" Someone whispered behind me, I jumped and looked, I smiled when I saw Billie, he sat down opposite me as I looked smugly down at my cup.
"Pathetic ay?"
"Not really, I'm just confused, tell who what?"
"What?"
"You said 'I won't tell him.'"
"Ooh, never mind."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Why?"
"I jus-I can't, okay?"
"Fine," Billie sighed and went to get up from his seat before I sat him back down.
"Wait.." Once he had sat back down I looked down at my cup again.
"Billie..I..just wanted to know how you found me," I sighed as I quickly changed the subject midway through my sentence.
"I could see your orange top a mile away," He laughed as I looked sheepishly from my top to him.
"It's pretty bright," I agreed as he nodded.
"Shall we go back out?"
"Can we..can we talk first?"
"Okay," Billie nodded and ordered himself a coffee.
"What do you want to talk about."
"I just, well.." I found it hard to say something to him..to say anything to him.
"We haven't talked properly since your birthday, when you asked me advice on how to ask Tiff out."
"Well we've both been doing things."
"I haven't, I tried to call you but your phone was off, I have this thing, I can't tell anyone..it's been really bothering me and lately I just want a normal conversation, but Tré and Mike won't give me that, they always bring this subject up..I get so annoyed, I just need someone to talk to."
"I'm always here."
"But your not..your constantly out with Tiff, I don't mean to sound.." I sighed, not even knowing what I sound like.
"Sound like, a jealous freak or what not, but it seems like you've forgot about me, since your with her 24/7, wehaven't talked, laughed, I haven't even seen you."
"I'm sorry.." He sighed bowing his head.
"But..I don't know, Tiff is really fun to hang aro-"
"So your saying I'm not fun to be around anymore?"
"You can't make me chose between you and Tiff Jen, I can't!" He shouted as I looked down.
"Don't yell at me."
"Then just please tell me what's wrong," He said, more calmly this time though.
"Nothing, everything is fine," I sniffled, looking upto him. I was lieing, and it hurt so much.
"Right," Billie sighed, honestly I think he knew I was lieing, and I think he was fed up with me. He got up from his chair, and I didn't even bother to hold him back, because I knew I had hurt him. Lieing is not the best option, but in my case..it seemed the only option. I watched him go back to the bench where Tré and Tiff were wrestling, everyone seemed so happy, was I just causing more problems being here?
"You look gloomy."
"Hey Adam," I smiled as he sat in the same seat Billie had.
"What happened?"
"Don't ask."
"I already did," I frowned, and then rolled my eyes at him.
"He's steadily breaking me."
"Who? Billie?" I nodding with a 'uhuh' sound.
"Why?"
"Can you stop with the who, what, where and why please?"
"Just answer me, I'm trying to help."
"I like Billie..more then a friend, he's going out with this pretty girl named Tiff, he really likes her, he hasn't been this happy in awhile, since he's been going out with her, he hasn't been hanging around with me, I talk to Mike and Tré, but they just bring him up in the conversation and it annoys me, I just need to talk to someone, and Billie always seems to cheer me up, when he's with her he hardly talks to me though, I'm not jealous..well, I don't know but I just want my friend back."
"He shouldn't be leaving you in the dark just because he's got a girlfriend though."
"Yeh, I had enough of that when I was in high school, my friends would ignore me to talk to their boyfriends, they would cancel all their plans with me, to go out with their boyfriends, and I'd feel left out, like I am now," Adam sighed and rested his hand on mine.
"So you told him that?"
"Yeh and he totally went physco on me, saying he couldn't chose between me and Tiff, even though I guess he already has."
"I bet he see's it differently in his eyes, like because he was out with today that he's not leaving you out, maybe he expected you to make arrangements to hang out."
"Don't you think I tried that? His phone was turned off and his house is quite far from mine."
"Oh."
"Hm, I'm not going back down to the group, I've done enough damage..which means I have to walk home." I mumbled as Adam quirked an eyebrow in my direction.
"How about I take you home when my shift ends?"
"When's that?" Adam looked to his watch and smirked.
"Now."
"Oh okay, that's cool."
"Yeh, lemme go sign out and I'll take you home," I nodded as I watched him disapear and come back out waving at a few of the staff.
"Let's go then," He smiled as we walked out of the Café, the 3 messing about, still on the bench, looked at me, Tré did the call me sign with his hand and I nodded. I got into Adam's car, I told him all the directions he needed to know and he drove me home.
"Thanks," I smiled as I hopped out of his car and walked upto my front door, I got my keys out of my jean's pocked and opened my door. I sighed once I was inside, simply because it meant spending another day at home doing nothing.
***
"What was that all about?"
"Ugh, nevermind," Billie mumbled as he joined Tré and Tiff on the bench.
"She's..being confusing."
"How so?" Tiff asked, actually sounding concerned.
"She's stressed about something, but she won't tell me, then all of a sudden started saying.." Billie bit his lip, almost as a mental note not to say anymore.
"Nevermind."
"But is she okay?"
"I don't know," Billie sighed as he looked behind him to see me and Adam walking out of the Café, feeling curious as ever to see what we were doing, but only to be told by his concious to stay, Tré did the 'call me' sign, and I nodded. We both got into Adam's car and Billie felt worry, fear, he didn't want Adam to do anything to me. Harmfully and sexually.
"So should we go get some ice cream? Maybe go to the cinema after?" Billie didn't reply, he just stood there watching Adam's beaten up station wagon pull out of the staff parking.
"Bill?" Tiff said, tapping his shoulder, he turned around and smiled lightly.
"Sorry, cinema?"
"Yeh."
"Okay," So as the three set out to get an ice cream and go to the cinema, I stayed in my house with a tub of ice cream watching a movie from my DVD player.
As I finished watching the movie, my phone rang out moments before I went to hit the stop button.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me Tiff"
"Oh, heya Tiff, why you calling?"
"Just wanted to know if your okay, I mean-"
"Billie's being quiet?"
"Yeh, I just want to know what happened."
"It doesn't really matter."
"But it does because Billie is hardly talking, I guess he's upset he's fallen out with you."
"No he hasn't..has he?"
"Well I don't know, I figured that's why he's being a bum," I smirked as she said 'bum', and I don't know why.
"We just had a little spat, that's all."
"Sure? And how did you know I was phoning about Billie?"
"Because you always call about Billie, you wouldn't call to see if I'm okay, well I mean, you'd call to see if he was okay..ugh, I'll shut up now," I heard Tiff giggle on the other end, but then she sighed.
"I'm not that mean am I? I mean I do care about you, just I wanted to know if Billie is okay."
"It's okay, I understand your concern for him, you two seem pretty close now."
"Yeh I think we are, I bet you two are closer though, I mean seeing you two not talk, hurts me a little."
"Well, I'm sure we will works things out, afterall we always do, not that we've been in this posisition much."
"I feel like I should be helping somehow."
"I don't think you can that much, it's upto me and Billie to sort this out, problem is; we're both as stubborn as each other to apologize or even talk after a fight."
"Well maybe I can put him on the phone."
"What? Wait! No-" I heard some rummaging, then some muffled talking before someone else came on the other end of the phone.
"Hello?"
"Your girlfriend is mean," I sighed, rubbing my forehead.
"Oh, it's you."
"You could atleast try to sound more positive."
"Sorry," I heard Billie sigh as I started to pace up and down.
"Well, are we just gonna be silent, or can we try to make this work?" I asked him calmly.
"What work?"
"Our friendship, the one you abandoned."
"I did not abandon it! I've been hanging out with Tiff!"
"Every day, not even caring if I really needed to talk to you."
"You should have called."
"Haven't we been over this? Your phones been off."
"You could come round my house."
"I live far from you Billie! I shouldn't have to go out my way just to talk to my best friend."
"Stop complaning then, it's not my fault."
"Oh my God, I give up," I ended the called with an aggravated sigh. It was his fault, he shouldn't ignore me because he had a girlfriend. I threw my phone onto my couch and stormed into my kitchen, almost like a moody teenager. I opened my fridge door and got out some orange juice, before sitting at a stool on my kitchen island.
I don't get how Billie didn't understand what I was saying, almost reminded me what happened around 5 years ago..
I was really looking forward to going to Drayton Manor theme park with Emily my friend, we'd been planning for almost months, it seemed sort of childish, but we had just graduated from college. Me becoming a trainee photographer, and Emily going off to become a police officer. What had really started to worry me was the fact I hadn't seen Emily in 2 weeks, and she hadn't returned my phone calls, normally we would speak to each other every day. Then I got a phone call, I watched it vibrate on my table for a second as I picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Hey it's me Emily."
"Hey! Where have you been?"
"Well I met this guy, so I've been hanging out with him."
"You didn't tell me this why?"
"I dunno, never got time to I guess, plus..I was worried you'd take it the wrong way."
"What the wrong way?"
"I'm going out with Seth" Oh. Yeh well I take it the wrong way now!
"My ex boyfriend Seth!? What the hell, are you playing mind tricks on me?! The guy tried to fricking rape me!"
"Yeh, he says he's changed, and I believe him, we're in love."
"You've been going out for..2 weeks is it? And your in love, well..isn't that nice."
"Uhuh, I'm [i]so happy with him! He makes me laugh and-" At this point in my mind I wasn't listening, but just thinking; hello! I'm your best friend, we tell each other everything! I also make you laugh! Why was she leaving me out of her life because of one lousy boy?
"Jen?"
"What?"
"Are you listening?"
"Oh yeh sure, he's a great kisser..blah blah blah."
"Why are you acting so immature?"
"A 20 year old's not allowed to act immature?"
"Not when I'm being serious."
"Oh okay..sorry."
"It's okay."
"So why did you call?" I asked her, something hitching in my throat like I already knew that there was going to be a bad answer.
"I have to cancel the theme park, I'm sorry but I'm going around Seth's parents house for dinner and-"
"You mean, the thing we've been planning for weeks, maybe even months is being cut off for a plan that took 5 seconds to make over some lousy boy?!" I really did get wound up easily..
"Something like that, except he's not lousy!"
"Good for him, I hope you two are happy."
"We ar-" I ended the call, immediatly smashing my phone against the floor in anger and running out of my house, I ran straight to Aggie's house and knocked on the door.
"I need to cool down..I swear you should have been a physcologist instead of practising to be a midwife," Aggie laughed as she let me in her flat apartment.
"So, what brings you here?"
"Emily canceled the theme park thing to go to Seth's parent's house for dinner.." Aggie nodded with stern eyes, reaching to pick her home phone up, when I stopped her.
"Don't get involved, please."
"Sorry but I was going aswell you know, she hasn't even told me yet."
"She's leaving us out because of a boy, isn't it..friendship before love?"
"No idea what your talking about sweetie, all I know is your the only person who gets a nice boyfriend, and doesn't leave their friends out the loop."
"You haven't."
"I sorta did, after we went to the cinema's, me and Matt went off for ice cream, leaving you to walk home."
"Wasn't we drunk?"
"Yeh."
"Exactly.."
"Okay," I figured I just confused Aggie, since her facial expression read 'what the hell did I just agree to?'
"I just find it really stupid to just forget about your friends when your in love, because friends are the best thing that's happened to me and I'm not letting some stupid boy come and destroy that, because if the boyfriend..or girlfriend breaks your heart, who have you got to turn to when your friends have all gone, because you hurt them?"
"That's true...jeez, you should have been a physcologist, instead of telling me I should have been one."
"Maybe we both should be one."
"Why? You just passed in photography."
"Well it's not gonna get my very far is it?"
"Maybe America? Who knows."
"I doubt it, I can see me being in a dead end job," I sighed as Aggie laughed, she then hugged me.
"Nah, I can see your life being very..interesting."
"What, are you one of those psychic women now?" I smirked as Aggie shrugged.
"Maybe" [/i]
I just really did not want to be let down by one of my best friends again. But what I said is true; if someone dedicates 100% of their life to their lover, who are they going to turn to when they break up with that person, if all their friends feel like they've been let down and turn their backs against them?
