*1000 Mistakes, 1 right choice*, chapter 1
"Oh my God Lilly... Guess what?!" My best friend Katie said down the phone, her voice brimming with excitement. I was used to this call. I got the same one every week, it was nothing new. "What?" I asked.
"No! Guess!" She giggled.
"Look Katie I don't wanna be rude bu..."
"I've got a new boyfriend!" She cried down the phone. Yup, exactly the call I had been expecting. "Oh really?" I asked, not really interested. Afterall, this happened every week. Katie would ring up, boasting about her new guy. Normally some sporty 'Jock' type. Not ever really very nice guys. And they'd break up after a few days, a week at most. Katie would make fun of me, and how I never seemed to get anyone, like "every normal nineteen year old does". But I was sure I didn't want anyone like the guys Katie got.
"So who is he then?" I asked, staring out of my window.
"Ah you'll have to wait untill we meet him!" Katie giggled. "I'm meeting him tomorrow, we're gonna go for a drink. You'll come yeah?"
"Oh I dunno... To tell you the truth i'm not really feeling very..." Katie cut me off again, "Great! I'll come pick you up tomorrow! It'll do you good to get out, take your mind off your parents problems n' stuff! See ya later babes!" And with that she hung up on me. I didn't quite know what to say. But I knew I couldn't ring Katie back and get out of it; once she got an idea into her head there was no stopping her.
The next morning, I got up early. Katie was a lazy cow most of the time, but when guys were involved, she could never wait to go out. I straightened my hair, put on my black netted skirt, black spider-web tights and a long sleeved black top. I put loads of eye-liner and mascara on, and finished it off with my black boots. I looked in the mirror, and was quite happy. I didn't look too bad. I went downstairs, and could hear my parents arguing in the kitchen. I didn't tell them I was leaving, it wasn't like they'd care anyway. I just grabbed my bag and went outside, where Katie was waiting. She was dressed all in black, black leather trousers, tight black top, black lipstick etc. I was so shocked, she never dressed like that. Her favourite colour was pink! She had long blonde hair and loved mini-skirts and boob tubes!
"Finally! Hurry up we're gonna be late!" She cried, getting back into the car. I was shocked for a second, but climbed in. Katie started up the car, and we sped away. "Erm... Why are you dressed like that?" I asked.
"Oh do you like it?!" She said, a weird smile on her face. "Well I met this guy yesterday when I was out at the club with Dave and Karen. You know how Karen loves this black shit? I got done up in it for a laugh! You know how things weren't working with Dave, so I thought i'd put him off with all this stuff."
I looked down at my clothes, kinda hurt.
"Well he didn't seem to mind it, so I just decided to walk out on him, and on the way to the exits I met this guy. Well he really liked this stuff, and he was really FIT! So we started kissing, and arranged to meet today. If he likes this stuff then i'll wear it!" She giggled, clearly finding this dramatic change in image funny, instead if weird!
"Here we are" Katie said, as we arrived at the 911 bar.
"So we're drinking in the morning now?" I said with a smile. Katie smiled back.
"Hey i'd go bungee jumping in the dark for this guy!" She giggled. We entered the bar, and I got the shock of my life when I saw who was sitting there waiting for us.
Billie Joe Armstrong was sitting at the table, glass of green liquid in front of him. He looked up when he saw us come in. "Hey!" He said, walking over and putting his arm around Katie's waist, before kissing her. I felt really out of place. Billie seemed to sense this, he looked at me and smiled. "Hi, i'm Billie." He said, holding out his hand. I shook it. "Hi, but I know who you are!" I said with a smile. He smiled back. "Do you gals wanna sit down? I'll get you a drink."
"Sure" Katie said, and we followed him to the table. Billie went off to get a drink, and Katie and me sat down. "How did you meet Billie Joe Armstrong?!" I hissed at her. "I told you" she said back, applying powder to her face, and peering deep into the mirror. I pushed her compact down. "No, listen to me. Billie Joe Armstrong doesn't come to England to hang out in bars picking up girls like us! He dates celebrities!" I said, my voice getting louder.
"Well he didn't this time" said Katie, bringing her compact back again, then snapping it shut when she saw Billie come over, with more green drinks.
He put the drinks on the table. "Here we are gals! I must say though, I have no idea what these are. Apparently they're great though!"
"Oh thankyou Billie, but please, do let me pay." Said Katie, looking up at him with her big blue eyes, putting on a stupid soppy, girly girl tone. She was talking shit, she didn't even have her purse with her! "Hey don't worry about it! It's on me." Said Billie, handing us our drinks. We all took a sip... And then spluttered in disgust. Billie actually spat some across the table! Katie looked disgusted, I just laughed. "Oh my God, that's the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my life!" Shouted Billie. The barman looked over at us, clearly not happy. Billie leaned into us, "hey, why don't you two come to our hotel later. In the evening I mean. We can have some decent drinks, and the guys will be there too. Interested?"
I looked at Katie, "Oh i'm not sure I can, i've got some stuff on an..."
"We'd love to!" Katie cut in.
Ten minutes later I was outside waiting by the car, knowing that a few feet behind me Billie Joe was exploring Katie's tonsils. When they were finally done, Katie got in the car and gestured for me to get in. Billie walked over to me, "nice to meet you Lilly, sorry bout the crappy drinks!"
"Hey that's ok. It was nice to meet you too. Sorry I wasn't very chatty, i'm not in a great place at the moment." I replied.
"Don't worry about it, we've all been there. I really hope you can come tonight, it should be a laugh." He smiled, shook my hand and left. I watched him walk away. And had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. Katie beeped the horn, and I got in the car.
When we were driving to the hotel later that day, all I could think about was one thing. The same thing I had been thinking about all afternoon while Katie paraded around her room, asking me how she should have her hair, make-up and clothes. 'Why did she have to pick him? He is my idol, my hero, the person I have always looked up to. Why did she get him? She doesn't even like Green Day, and she said they dress weird! I mean come on! It's not fair. '
We got to the hotel by 9. 00pm. And when we eventually got to the right room, the door was opened by Billie Joe. He smiled when he saw us... Well... Katie. "Hey, you made it!" He said, and pulled Katie into a kiss. I sighed, 'is this what was gonna happen all night? ' Then I heard voices, and Tre' Cool came into view. He smiled at me, grabbed my arm and veered me away from the 'happy couple'. "I thought i'd move ya incase when he finished eating her he'd move on to you!" Tre' said with a grin on his face. I giggled nervously, I mean come on, this was Tre' Cool!
He sat me down on the sofa, on a chair next to it was Mike Dirnt reading a magazine. I looked at the cover, it was 'Kerrang! '. Mike was mumbling to himself "Oh man, they made me look fat" he said. Tre' looked over to the magazine, "no dude... You're just fat". I laughed. Mike looked slightly annoyed, "hey, the camera adds ten pounds" he said defensively.
"Well stop eating cameras then!" Laughed Tre' slapping Mike's stomach playfully. Mike went back to his magazine. "You havn't said hi to Lilly yet Mike." Said Tre, stealing the magazine. Mike snatched it back "nether have you" he said, "hi Lilly" he shook my hand. "Oh my golly gosh you're right!" Said Tre' in a funny voice. He got down on one knee, grabbed my hand and kissed it. Then said, in a corny french accent "bonjour madamoizelle, I am the Tre' Cool. It is, how you say, pleasurable to meet you." He kissed my hand all the way up to my arm. Mike rolled his eyes, but I couldn't stop laughing. "Nice to meet you" I said.
We spent most of the evening drinking. Mike seemed to loosen up a bit. I guessed he wasn't good with new people, that he was shy. But once we had been there an hour or so he was cracking jokes and having us in hysterics. Not as much as Tre' however, as it was clear he wasn't one for handling alcohol. After a few drinks he put a pillowcase on his head and ran around outside the room for about ten minutes!
We even found a way to stop Billie and Katie eating each other, by sticking a magazine inbetween their lips! The worrying thing was that they didn't seem to notice for a few minutes! I went home in such a good mood, flung the door open, and was still laughing to myself. I stopped when I saw a shadow in the door of the living room.
That was the fifth time my father beat me up. It wasn't so bad that time. Just a few bruises and cuts. They would be easily covered by the long sleeves of my tops. That was the reason I started wearing black to be honest, all the clothes with the longest sleves that were available in summer time were black. So it was better to pretend that I had gone through a dramatic image change than just say "yeah I wear this because they're the only clothes available to cover up the bruises my dad gives me".
I guess my dad affected my psychologically too. As that's the reason I started to cut myself. I don't know why I did it. It was pointless, and I always said that it was something i'd never do. The reason I started was as a cry for help I suppose. I hoped that if my mum saw the cuts, she'd know about dad, and leave him. But she never noticed, or if she did, she never said anything. And she never left him. So I had to cope with it. As time went on, it just became a routine. Whenever dad would hurt me, i'd hurt myself worse. They would only be little cuts, small enough to bet covered up by long gloves or sweat bands. So I cut myself that evening, again. I stood in the bathroom with my razor, and watched the blood drip slowly. I counted twenty drops, then grabbed a load of tissues and wiped my wrists clean. I washed myself and razor, then covered the wrists in tissue. As I left the bathroom, I ran into mum. She had red eyes and was sniffling. She stopped when she saw me. "Oh hello darling, have a good evening?" She asked.
"Yeah thanks." I replied. I saw her looking at my arms, but she stopped when she saw me looking at her. "Right, well you better get to bed then." She said, and ushered me towards my room. "Night sweetie." She said. And I could of sworn I heard her whisper "sorry".
The next time I saw the guys, we were in a club. Katie invited me along, and I didn't mind a bit! I wanted to enjoy myself again, just to feel alive. And we did have a good time. While Katie and Billie slow danced to every possible song, myself and Tre' just danced like crazy things! Mike kind of drifted around, not sure what to do. Tre' got so hyper, that he jumped onto a table and danced there! "Come on Lilly!" He cried. I looked around and thought 'fuck it! '. Tre' held out his hand, and grabbed my arm, right on my wrist. I cried out in pain. I fell backwards, stumbled on my feet grabbing my wrist. Tre' jumped off the table, "Hey Lilly, what's up? Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" He asked. I was about to reply, when I felt the trickle of blood on my fingers. I just turned and ran to the bathrooms. I looked at my wrists in the light of the bathrooms. A small trickle of blood had formed on one of the cuts. I wiped it clean, put some tissue around it, and hid it under the sweat band; hoping that would stop the bleeding. I left the bathrooms, and as I made my way back to the dance floor, I felt some one grab me and pull me back to the area next to the bathrooms.
"Hey!" I cried, then in the dim light, I saw Tre'. "Oh it's you!" I said, a sigh of relief rising to my lips. Tre' looked worried. "Hey, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... I mean... I didn't realise how strong I was... Did I pull you to hard... I just..." I cut him off,
"Look, don't worry, you didn't do anything. I did." I looked down to the floor. Tre' looked confused for a minute, then looked down at my wrist. He grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the female bathrooms. "Tre'! You're not suppossed to be here!" I giggled. Tre' smiled back at me. He pulled me to the sink, and gently took of my sweat band. He moved the tissue, and stared at my wrist. He looked into my eyes, obviously unsure of what to say. Then he looked at my other arm, and took off the sweat band on that one, to reveal more cuts. "Oh Lilly..." he said. "Don't." I said. "I know it's wrong, I know it's stupid. And it's not you're problem, you don't have to worry." I put the bands back on my wrists, and started to leave. Tre' grabbed the top of my arm, making sure not to touch my wrists, and pulled me back. "It is my problem" he said to me. Then he rolled up his sleves, to reveal several long cuts on his arms. "They're not as neat as yours" he said, smiling "i don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I ended up in hospital, and nearly died. Please, promise me you won't do it again. I don't want that to happen to you. You're... You're a great girl. Promise me." I looked down at his scars, cut jaggedly and crudely into his skin. I touched one of them, and shuddered. "Ok." I said.
I got Tre's' phone number that night. And for the next few weeks we would call each other for a chat. And sometimes, in my case, moral support. He really helped me with the problems with my dad. I hadn't told him why I cut myself though. That was personal. I couldn't tell anyone. But I really felt I was getting through it. I hadn't slashed my wrists for weeks.
It soon changed.
One evening I was on the phone to Tre', talking about Billie and Katie. "Yeah I don't think it's gonna last" Tre' said to me. "I mean, Katie's a nice girl, but they are too similar. Billie moves on really quickly, he can't stick to one girl; and from what you told me, Katie is the same."
"Yeah I agree, they're too full on I guess. They're gonna tire of each other!" I said, giggling guiltily. Tre' laughed. Then I heard my dad come in downstairs. Then he called my name. "Lilly! Lilly come down here now!"
"Oh Tre', i've got to go. My father is calling me. I'll call you back in a sec though yeah?" I said into the phone.
"Sure go for it!" Said Tre'. "You're not getting rid of me that easily! Hehe!" And then we said our goodbyes.
I went downstairs, and was met by my father. Mum was in the background, crying. "Ah, Lilly. Light of my life, my little angel!" Slurred Dad. His voice thick with alcohol. "Now sweetie, listen to what your slut of a mother has to say!" I looked over at mum. Who looked up, tears streaming down her face, "Frank please don't!" She cried.
"No go on! We're a happy family, tell your daughter why we're splitting up!" He cried, going over to her. Mum kept quiet. "Well i'll tell her shall i?!" Said dad. "Your wonderful mother, has been having an affair behind my back! And that's why she doesn't want me! Well, we'll see who wants her shall we?!" And he leaned in to my mum. He smacked her around the face, and threw her onto the floor, where he proceeded to kick her roughly. "NO!" I cried, and ran over to stop him. He threw me back, kicked my mum once more, then left.
I crawled over to mum, clutching my elbow, which had smashed against the wall as I fell. Mum got up, still crying. "Are you ok?" I asked stupidly.
"Yes i'm fine" she said, getting up. "What would you like for dinner? Maybe dad's favourite?" I was so shocked.
"Mum... Dad has just beaten you up. Surely you need to leave him now?!" I cried.
"Don't be stupid darling. I deserved it! He had every right to be angry, I kissed another man..."
"Kissed?! So it wasn't even an affair?! Mum, no one deserves to be beaten to a pulp like that!" I shouted. Mum looked angry
"It doesn't matter what I did, I was unfaithful! And whatever your father did, I deserved it all!" And she started to walk away. I grabbed her by the arm, and turned her around, "Mum what are you saying?! Stop it! Think about it?! Don't let yourself be pushed around?! You don't deserve this! Are you stupid?!" Mum stared at me for a second, then slapped me hard around the face. "Don't you dare call me stupid! You havn't a clue you silly little cow! Talk to me about it when you have experienced love! Not those silly little crushes you get!" Then she walked away, leaving me clutching my face.
I ran up the stairs, and into my bedroom. I grabbed my phone, it said I had two missed calls. I didn't check to see who from, I just typed in Tre's' number. It was engaged. I didn't know what else to do. There was no one else to talk to.
I grabbed my razor
Pulled off my shirt
And cut my arms untill I couldn't see anything but blood
Then all I saw was darkness.
My phone started to ring...
When I woke up, I was blinded by white light. Everything was pure and white. There was a strong smell of disinfectant. I realised that I was in a hospital. I looked around, not surprised that neither parent was here. What I was surprised to see was Tre', sitting on a chair in the corner, fast asleep. A nurse came into the room. She was a large Jamaican lady. "Well mornin sweetie!" She said. "How you feelin?"
"I'm ok..." I said, surprised at how quiet and croaky my voice was.
"Well good", the nurse said, taking a clipboard from the end of my bed, and turning to leave. "Erm, excuse me" I said. The nurse turned around.
"Yes dear?"
"How long has he been here?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of Tre'.
"Oh him. Well he been here since you have hunny. He went to change clothes a couple times, but he been with you all the time." And then she left.
Tre' started to wake up, he looked over to me. "Hey!" He said, and he jumped out of the chair and over to the bed. He held my hand. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "... Ok..." I said. I looked down at my arms. "How bad are they?" I asked him. "Ermm, they're ok... Not too bad" he said.
"You're lying, thanks" I said, and smiled. He smiled back
"I thought I lost you." Tre' said.
"I'm sorry." I said, and looked down. He took my chin and pulled it up,
"Hey... I thought I lost you. Don't do it again." He whispered. Then he stroaked my cheek. "Ok" I said and nodded.
I was in hospital for a few more days. Tre' eventually went home, promising to come back later. I got a visit from Katie. She came into my room (private, paid for by Tre'! ) clutching a bunch of flowers and some chocolates. "Hey..." she said, tears in her eyes. "Hi" I said back, also about to cry. She came over and gave me a big hug. Then gently shoved me "what the fuck were you doing?!" she said. "We almost lost you! Why didn't you come to me?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do." I said, tears coming down my face.
"It's ok" said Katie, "but you know I love ya to bits, I couldn't lose you! You keep me sane!" I looked at her and raised an eyebrow "well... Ish" she said. And laughed. "How are you and Billie?" I asked.
"Oh we're over. Yeah... Cheated on him..." She said.
"Huh... Tre' owes me fifty quid." I said with a smile.
"What?! You were betting on who would cheat on who?!" She asked, still smiling.
"Yeah, and I won!" I giggled.
"Speaking of you and Tre'..." started Katie "why didn't you tell me about you and him?"
"How do you mean?" I asked.
"Well... You two getting together!" She replied.
"We're not." I said.
"Well it seems like it. He was the one that saved you."
"Huh?" I asked.
"Well when you didn't answer your phone for the fifth time, he came round. Apparently your parents were out, and Tre' stopped the bleeding untill the ambulance got there. Then he came with you in the ambulance and stayed with you untill you woke up. Apparently he was talking to you the whole time."
I couldn't believe that he would do that for me, that anyone would do that for me.
Later that evening, Tre' came to visit me. He had some flowers, a big bunch of daffodils. He put them on the bed, dragged a chair over, and held my hand. "You feeling better today Lilly?" He asked, staring into my eyes.
"Yeah thanks." I replied. Tre' looked worried. "What's wrong?" I asked him.
"I went round to see your parents today" he told me.
"Oh... What did they say?" I asked, already pretty sure of the answer.
"Well... They're having some problems, and think that it would be better if you went to stay with Katie for a while. They know you need someone supportive, and love you too much to let you get upset again" he said, this time staring at my arms. "So basically they called me a freak and said that they don't want me living there any more right?" I asked, a smile on my face. Tre' looked upset. "It's ok, I expected it when they didn't visit me. I'm fine Tre', I don't need them."
"I'm so sorry" Tre' said. "You deserve better".
"You know what? I don't care. I can't think about that, all I seem to be able to think about is... Is how you saved me. Why did you come round? Other people would have just thought I couldn't be bothered to call them back. Why did you come to find me? Stay with me? Talk to me?" I asked. Tre', who was looking at the floor, suddenly looked up. "Are you just a good friend?" I asked him. He stared into my eyes, then leaned in and kissed me, just once, quickly, just a bump of the lips really. But it meant something. I was shocked (i hadn't expected that to happen really! ). "Lilly, you're really special to me. And, I think I love you."
"You think?" I asked. "You don't really know me. And i've got issues, you know that."
"Ok. I know I love you. And yeah I haven't known you very long, but I know that you're the one for me. You make me laugh, you're really fun, and kind hearted. I want to be with you. Ever since I met you that day. And you looked so awkward, and unsure of what to do, i've known that I can't be without you" He said, still looking into my eyes.
"Wow... But... You're going back to America in a few days" I said, getting upset. Tre' smiled, "I want you to come with me. " He said.
"Me?!" I asked.
"Yes, I want you to come with me to America. I'll look after you forever, and I promise, i'll never ever hurt you."
"But I have no money!"
"I'll look after you! If you want a job i'll help you find one, or you can work with us, as something to do with the band!"
"Oh I don't know... What if you don't want me when we go back?"
"Lilly, do you love me?" He asked.
"... Yes, yes I do. More than anything"
"Then say yes, and I promise I will take care of you forever."
"Yes!"
"No! Guess!" She giggled.
"Look Katie I don't wanna be rude bu..."
"I've got a new boyfriend!" She cried down the phone. Yup, exactly the call I had been expecting. "Oh really?" I asked, not really interested. Afterall, this happened every week. Katie would ring up, boasting about her new guy. Normally some sporty 'Jock' type. Not ever really very nice guys. And they'd break up after a few days, a week at most. Katie would make fun of me, and how I never seemed to get anyone, like "every normal nineteen year old does". But I was sure I didn't want anyone like the guys Katie got.
"So who is he then?" I asked, staring out of my window.
"Ah you'll have to wait untill we meet him!" Katie giggled. "I'm meeting him tomorrow, we're gonna go for a drink. You'll come yeah?"
"Oh I dunno... To tell you the truth i'm not really feeling very..." Katie cut me off again, "Great! I'll come pick you up tomorrow! It'll do you good to get out, take your mind off your parents problems n' stuff! See ya later babes!" And with that she hung up on me. I didn't quite know what to say. But I knew I couldn't ring Katie back and get out of it; once she got an idea into her head there was no stopping her.
The next morning, I got up early. Katie was a lazy cow most of the time, but when guys were involved, she could never wait to go out. I straightened my hair, put on my black netted skirt, black spider-web tights and a long sleeved black top. I put loads of eye-liner and mascara on, and finished it off with my black boots. I looked in the mirror, and was quite happy. I didn't look too bad. I went downstairs, and could hear my parents arguing in the kitchen. I didn't tell them I was leaving, it wasn't like they'd care anyway. I just grabbed my bag and went outside, where Katie was waiting. She was dressed all in black, black leather trousers, tight black top, black lipstick etc. I was so shocked, she never dressed like that. Her favourite colour was pink! She had long blonde hair and loved mini-skirts and boob tubes!
"Finally! Hurry up we're gonna be late!" She cried, getting back into the car. I was shocked for a second, but climbed in. Katie started up the car, and we sped away. "Erm... Why are you dressed like that?" I asked.
"Oh do you like it?!" She said, a weird smile on her face. "Well I met this guy yesterday when I was out at the club with Dave and Karen. You know how Karen loves this black shit? I got done up in it for a laugh! You know how things weren't working with Dave, so I thought i'd put him off with all this stuff."
I looked down at my clothes, kinda hurt.
"Well he didn't seem to mind it, so I just decided to walk out on him, and on the way to the exits I met this guy. Well he really liked this stuff, and he was really FIT! So we started kissing, and arranged to meet today. If he likes this stuff then i'll wear it!" She giggled, clearly finding this dramatic change in image funny, instead if weird!
"Here we are" Katie said, as we arrived at the 911 bar.
"So we're drinking in the morning now?" I said with a smile. Katie smiled back.
"Hey i'd go bungee jumping in the dark for this guy!" She giggled. We entered the bar, and I got the shock of my life when I saw who was sitting there waiting for us.
Billie Joe Armstrong was sitting at the table, glass of green liquid in front of him. He looked up when he saw us come in. "Hey!" He said, walking over and putting his arm around Katie's waist, before kissing her. I felt really out of place. Billie seemed to sense this, he looked at me and smiled. "Hi, i'm Billie." He said, holding out his hand. I shook it. "Hi, but I know who you are!" I said with a smile. He smiled back. "Do you gals wanna sit down? I'll get you a drink."
"Sure" Katie said, and we followed him to the table. Billie went off to get a drink, and Katie and me sat down. "How did you meet Billie Joe Armstrong?!" I hissed at her. "I told you" she said back, applying powder to her face, and peering deep into the mirror. I pushed her compact down. "No, listen to me. Billie Joe Armstrong doesn't come to England to hang out in bars picking up girls like us! He dates celebrities!" I said, my voice getting louder.
"Well he didn't this time" said Katie, bringing her compact back again, then snapping it shut when she saw Billie come over, with more green drinks.
He put the drinks on the table. "Here we are gals! I must say though, I have no idea what these are. Apparently they're great though!"
"Oh thankyou Billie, but please, do let me pay." Said Katie, looking up at him with her big blue eyes, putting on a stupid soppy, girly girl tone. She was talking shit, she didn't even have her purse with her! "Hey don't worry about it! It's on me." Said Billie, handing us our drinks. We all took a sip... And then spluttered in disgust. Billie actually spat some across the table! Katie looked disgusted, I just laughed. "Oh my God, that's the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my life!" Shouted Billie. The barman looked over at us, clearly not happy. Billie leaned into us, "hey, why don't you two come to our hotel later. In the evening I mean. We can have some decent drinks, and the guys will be there too. Interested?"
I looked at Katie, "Oh i'm not sure I can, i've got some stuff on an..."
"We'd love to!" Katie cut in.
Ten minutes later I was outside waiting by the car, knowing that a few feet behind me Billie Joe was exploring Katie's tonsils. When they were finally done, Katie got in the car and gestured for me to get in. Billie walked over to me, "nice to meet you Lilly, sorry bout the crappy drinks!"
"Hey that's ok. It was nice to meet you too. Sorry I wasn't very chatty, i'm not in a great place at the moment." I replied.
"Don't worry about it, we've all been there. I really hope you can come tonight, it should be a laugh." He smiled, shook my hand and left. I watched him walk away. And had an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. Katie beeped the horn, and I got in the car.
When we were driving to the hotel later that day, all I could think about was one thing. The same thing I had been thinking about all afternoon while Katie paraded around her room, asking me how she should have her hair, make-up and clothes. 'Why did she have to pick him? He is my idol, my hero, the person I have always looked up to. Why did she get him? She doesn't even like Green Day, and she said they dress weird! I mean come on! It's not fair. '
We got to the hotel by 9. 00pm. And when we eventually got to the right room, the door was opened by Billie Joe. He smiled when he saw us... Well... Katie. "Hey, you made it!" He said, and pulled Katie into a kiss. I sighed, 'is this what was gonna happen all night? ' Then I heard voices, and Tre' Cool came into view. He smiled at me, grabbed my arm and veered me away from the 'happy couple'. "I thought i'd move ya incase when he finished eating her he'd move on to you!" Tre' said with a grin on his face. I giggled nervously, I mean come on, this was Tre' Cool!
He sat me down on the sofa, on a chair next to it was Mike Dirnt reading a magazine. I looked at the cover, it was 'Kerrang! '. Mike was mumbling to himself "Oh man, they made me look fat" he said. Tre' looked over to the magazine, "no dude... You're just fat". I laughed. Mike looked slightly annoyed, "hey, the camera adds ten pounds" he said defensively.
"Well stop eating cameras then!" Laughed Tre' slapping Mike's stomach playfully. Mike went back to his magazine. "You havn't said hi to Lilly yet Mike." Said Tre, stealing the magazine. Mike snatched it back "nether have you" he said, "hi Lilly" he shook my hand. "Oh my golly gosh you're right!" Said Tre' in a funny voice. He got down on one knee, grabbed my hand and kissed it. Then said, in a corny french accent "bonjour madamoizelle, I am the Tre' Cool. It is, how you say, pleasurable to meet you." He kissed my hand all the way up to my arm. Mike rolled his eyes, but I couldn't stop laughing. "Nice to meet you" I said.
We spent most of the evening drinking. Mike seemed to loosen up a bit. I guessed he wasn't good with new people, that he was shy. But once we had been there an hour or so he was cracking jokes and having us in hysterics. Not as much as Tre' however, as it was clear he wasn't one for handling alcohol. After a few drinks he put a pillowcase on his head and ran around outside the room for about ten minutes!
We even found a way to stop Billie and Katie eating each other, by sticking a magazine inbetween their lips! The worrying thing was that they didn't seem to notice for a few minutes! I went home in such a good mood, flung the door open, and was still laughing to myself. I stopped when I saw a shadow in the door of the living room.
That was the fifth time my father beat me up. It wasn't so bad that time. Just a few bruises and cuts. They would be easily covered by the long sleeves of my tops. That was the reason I started wearing black to be honest, all the clothes with the longest sleves that were available in summer time were black. So it was better to pretend that I had gone through a dramatic image change than just say "yeah I wear this because they're the only clothes available to cover up the bruises my dad gives me".
I guess my dad affected my psychologically too. As that's the reason I started to cut myself. I don't know why I did it. It was pointless, and I always said that it was something i'd never do. The reason I started was as a cry for help I suppose. I hoped that if my mum saw the cuts, she'd know about dad, and leave him. But she never noticed, or if she did, she never said anything. And she never left him. So I had to cope with it. As time went on, it just became a routine. Whenever dad would hurt me, i'd hurt myself worse. They would only be little cuts, small enough to bet covered up by long gloves or sweat bands. So I cut myself that evening, again. I stood in the bathroom with my razor, and watched the blood drip slowly. I counted twenty drops, then grabbed a load of tissues and wiped my wrists clean. I washed myself and razor, then covered the wrists in tissue. As I left the bathroom, I ran into mum. She had red eyes and was sniffling. She stopped when she saw me. "Oh hello darling, have a good evening?" She asked.
"Yeah thanks." I replied. I saw her looking at my arms, but she stopped when she saw me looking at her. "Right, well you better get to bed then." She said, and ushered me towards my room. "Night sweetie." She said. And I could of sworn I heard her whisper "sorry".
The next time I saw the guys, we were in a club. Katie invited me along, and I didn't mind a bit! I wanted to enjoy myself again, just to feel alive. And we did have a good time. While Katie and Billie slow danced to every possible song, myself and Tre' just danced like crazy things! Mike kind of drifted around, not sure what to do. Tre' got so hyper, that he jumped onto a table and danced there! "Come on Lilly!" He cried. I looked around and thought 'fuck it! '. Tre' held out his hand, and grabbed my arm, right on my wrist. I cried out in pain. I fell backwards, stumbled on my feet grabbing my wrist. Tre' jumped off the table, "Hey Lilly, what's up? Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" He asked. I was about to reply, when I felt the trickle of blood on my fingers. I just turned and ran to the bathrooms. I looked at my wrists in the light of the bathrooms. A small trickle of blood had formed on one of the cuts. I wiped it clean, put some tissue around it, and hid it under the sweat band; hoping that would stop the bleeding. I left the bathrooms, and as I made my way back to the dance floor, I felt some one grab me and pull me back to the area next to the bathrooms.
"Hey!" I cried, then in the dim light, I saw Tre'. "Oh it's you!" I said, a sigh of relief rising to my lips. Tre' looked worried. "Hey, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... I mean... I didn't realise how strong I was... Did I pull you to hard... I just..." I cut him off,
"Look, don't worry, you didn't do anything. I did." I looked down to the floor. Tre' looked confused for a minute, then looked down at my wrist. He grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the female bathrooms. "Tre'! You're not suppossed to be here!" I giggled. Tre' smiled back at me. He pulled me to the sink, and gently took of my sweat band. He moved the tissue, and stared at my wrist. He looked into my eyes, obviously unsure of what to say. Then he looked at my other arm, and took off the sweat band on that one, to reveal more cuts. "Oh Lilly..." he said. "Don't." I said. "I know it's wrong, I know it's stupid. And it's not you're problem, you don't have to worry." I put the bands back on my wrists, and started to leave. Tre' grabbed the top of my arm, making sure not to touch my wrists, and pulled me back. "It is my problem" he said to me. Then he rolled up his sleves, to reveal several long cuts on his arms. "They're not as neat as yours" he said, smiling "i don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I ended up in hospital, and nearly died. Please, promise me you won't do it again. I don't want that to happen to you. You're... You're a great girl. Promise me." I looked down at his scars, cut jaggedly and crudely into his skin. I touched one of them, and shuddered. "Ok." I said.
I got Tre's' phone number that night. And for the next few weeks we would call each other for a chat. And sometimes, in my case, moral support. He really helped me with the problems with my dad. I hadn't told him why I cut myself though. That was personal. I couldn't tell anyone. But I really felt I was getting through it. I hadn't slashed my wrists for weeks.
It soon changed.
One evening I was on the phone to Tre', talking about Billie and Katie. "Yeah I don't think it's gonna last" Tre' said to me. "I mean, Katie's a nice girl, but they are too similar. Billie moves on really quickly, he can't stick to one girl; and from what you told me, Katie is the same."
"Yeah I agree, they're too full on I guess. They're gonna tire of each other!" I said, giggling guiltily. Tre' laughed. Then I heard my dad come in downstairs. Then he called my name. "Lilly! Lilly come down here now!"
"Oh Tre', i've got to go. My father is calling me. I'll call you back in a sec though yeah?" I said into the phone.
"Sure go for it!" Said Tre'. "You're not getting rid of me that easily! Hehe!" And then we said our goodbyes.
I went downstairs, and was met by my father. Mum was in the background, crying. "Ah, Lilly. Light of my life, my little angel!" Slurred Dad. His voice thick with alcohol. "Now sweetie, listen to what your slut of a mother has to say!" I looked over at mum. Who looked up, tears streaming down her face, "Frank please don't!" She cried.
"No go on! We're a happy family, tell your daughter why we're splitting up!" He cried, going over to her. Mum kept quiet. "Well i'll tell her shall i?!" Said dad. "Your wonderful mother, has been having an affair behind my back! And that's why she doesn't want me! Well, we'll see who wants her shall we?!" And he leaned in to my mum. He smacked her around the face, and threw her onto the floor, where he proceeded to kick her roughly. "NO!" I cried, and ran over to stop him. He threw me back, kicked my mum once more, then left.
I crawled over to mum, clutching my elbow, which had smashed against the wall as I fell. Mum got up, still crying. "Are you ok?" I asked stupidly.
"Yes i'm fine" she said, getting up. "What would you like for dinner? Maybe dad's favourite?" I was so shocked.
"Mum... Dad has just beaten you up. Surely you need to leave him now?!" I cried.
"Don't be stupid darling. I deserved it! He had every right to be angry, I kissed another man..."
"Kissed?! So it wasn't even an affair?! Mum, no one deserves to be beaten to a pulp like that!" I shouted. Mum looked angry
"It doesn't matter what I did, I was unfaithful! And whatever your father did, I deserved it all!" And she started to walk away. I grabbed her by the arm, and turned her around, "Mum what are you saying?! Stop it! Think about it?! Don't let yourself be pushed around?! You don't deserve this! Are you stupid?!" Mum stared at me for a second, then slapped me hard around the face. "Don't you dare call me stupid! You havn't a clue you silly little cow! Talk to me about it when you have experienced love! Not those silly little crushes you get!" Then she walked away, leaving me clutching my face.
I ran up the stairs, and into my bedroom. I grabbed my phone, it said I had two missed calls. I didn't check to see who from, I just typed in Tre's' number. It was engaged. I didn't know what else to do. There was no one else to talk to.
I grabbed my razor
Pulled off my shirt
And cut my arms untill I couldn't see anything but blood
Then all I saw was darkness.
My phone started to ring...
When I woke up, I was blinded by white light. Everything was pure and white. There was a strong smell of disinfectant. I realised that I was in a hospital. I looked around, not surprised that neither parent was here. What I was surprised to see was Tre', sitting on a chair in the corner, fast asleep. A nurse came into the room. She was a large Jamaican lady. "Well mornin sweetie!" She said. "How you feelin?"
"I'm ok..." I said, surprised at how quiet and croaky my voice was.
"Well good", the nurse said, taking a clipboard from the end of my bed, and turning to leave. "Erm, excuse me" I said. The nurse turned around.
"Yes dear?"
"How long has he been here?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of Tre'.
"Oh him. Well he been here since you have hunny. He went to change clothes a couple times, but he been with you all the time." And then she left.
Tre' started to wake up, he looked over to me. "Hey!" He said, and he jumped out of the chair and over to the bed. He held my hand. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "... Ok..." I said. I looked down at my arms. "How bad are they?" I asked him. "Ermm, they're ok... Not too bad" he said.
"You're lying, thanks" I said, and smiled. He smiled back
"I thought I lost you." Tre' said.
"I'm sorry." I said, and looked down. He took my chin and pulled it up,
"Hey... I thought I lost you. Don't do it again." He whispered. Then he stroaked my cheek. "Ok" I said and nodded.
I was in hospital for a few more days. Tre' eventually went home, promising to come back later. I got a visit from Katie. She came into my room (private, paid for by Tre'! ) clutching a bunch of flowers and some chocolates. "Hey..." she said, tears in her eyes. "Hi" I said back, also about to cry. She came over and gave me a big hug. Then gently shoved me "what the fuck were you doing?!" she said. "We almost lost you! Why didn't you come to me?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do." I said, tears coming down my face.
"It's ok" said Katie, "but you know I love ya to bits, I couldn't lose you! You keep me sane!" I looked at her and raised an eyebrow "well... Ish" she said. And laughed. "How are you and Billie?" I asked.
"Oh we're over. Yeah... Cheated on him..." She said.
"Huh... Tre' owes me fifty quid." I said with a smile.
"What?! You were betting on who would cheat on who?!" She asked, still smiling.
"Yeah, and I won!" I giggled.
"Speaking of you and Tre'..." started Katie "why didn't you tell me about you and him?"
"How do you mean?" I asked.
"Well... You two getting together!" She replied.
"We're not." I said.
"Well it seems like it. He was the one that saved you."
"Huh?" I asked.
"Well when you didn't answer your phone for the fifth time, he came round. Apparently your parents were out, and Tre' stopped the bleeding untill the ambulance got there. Then he came with you in the ambulance and stayed with you untill you woke up. Apparently he was talking to you the whole time."
I couldn't believe that he would do that for me, that anyone would do that for me.
Later that evening, Tre' came to visit me. He had some flowers, a big bunch of daffodils. He put them on the bed, dragged a chair over, and held my hand. "You feeling better today Lilly?" He asked, staring into my eyes.
"Yeah thanks." I replied. Tre' looked worried. "What's wrong?" I asked him.
"I went round to see your parents today" he told me.
"Oh... What did they say?" I asked, already pretty sure of the answer.
"Well... They're having some problems, and think that it would be better if you went to stay with Katie for a while. They know you need someone supportive, and love you too much to let you get upset again" he said, this time staring at my arms. "So basically they called me a freak and said that they don't want me living there any more right?" I asked, a smile on my face. Tre' looked upset. "It's ok, I expected it when they didn't visit me. I'm fine Tre', I don't need them."
"I'm so sorry" Tre' said. "You deserve better".
"You know what? I don't care. I can't think about that, all I seem to be able to think about is... Is how you saved me. Why did you come round? Other people would have just thought I couldn't be bothered to call them back. Why did you come to find me? Stay with me? Talk to me?" I asked. Tre', who was looking at the floor, suddenly looked up. "Are you just a good friend?" I asked him. He stared into my eyes, then leaned in and kissed me, just once, quickly, just a bump of the lips really. But it meant something. I was shocked (i hadn't expected that to happen really! ). "Lilly, you're really special to me. And, I think I love you."
"You think?" I asked. "You don't really know me. And i've got issues, you know that."
"Ok. I know I love you. And yeah I haven't known you very long, but I know that you're the one for me. You make me laugh, you're really fun, and kind hearted. I want to be with you. Ever since I met you that day. And you looked so awkward, and unsure of what to do, i've known that I can't be without you" He said, still looking into my eyes.
"Wow... But... You're going back to America in a few days" I said, getting upset. Tre' smiled, "I want you to come with me. " He said.
"Me?!" I asked.
"Yes, I want you to come with me to America. I'll look after you forever, and I promise, i'll never ever hurt you."
"But I have no money!"
"I'll look after you! If you want a job i'll help you find one, or you can work with us, as something to do with the band!"
"Oh I don't know... What if you don't want me when we go back?"
"Lilly, do you love me?" He asked.
"... Yes, yes I do. More than anything"
"Then say yes, and I promise I will take care of you forever."
"Yes!"
