And All the Shit You Put Me Through, chapter 13
"Ow!" I gasped as I pulled my tongue back. "Argh!" I fell back as her knee connected with my groin. Oh how I wish I had my protection suit right now. I saw Lauren jump off the bed through my barely open eyes; she looked scared and furious at the same time. I forced myself to stand up, leaning against the wall for support. I watched Lauren cautiously do the same, her arms trying their best to cover her chest. I managed to make my way over to a t-shirt sitting on my desk; I threw it over to her. She missed, forcing her to bend down and pick it up. She put it on, wincing as the material touched her fragile skin. Neither of us could look at the other, both feeling totally vulnerable. "Lauren... " I forced myself to look at her, "I-"
"Don't." She said, looking directly into my eyes.
"Please, let me-"
"I said don't." I wanted to say something but she put a finger to her lips so I shut up. 5 seconds later the door opened and mom walked in.
"Billie, what the hell is all the noise going on in here?"
"Umm... me and Lauren were-" I cut myself off as her eyes went wide "believe me it's not what you're thinking."
"I should hope not. Where's Lauren?" Lauren came out from behind the door.
"Here."
"My God Lauren! What happened to you?"
"Uh, she came to Gilman where a fight was going on, she kind of walked into it."
"Oh that's horrible! Are you alright?" Lauren managed a weak smile "Well what was all the noise I heard?"
"Um, Billie was carrying me... he said I could have his room but he kind of dropped me... that's why he screamed... " Lauren shook her head in response to her cover story; mom still seemed to buy it.
"Well it's late, you both get some sleep," I nodded as she left the room, Lauren closing the door.
"I can't fucking believe you!" She said in a hushed whisper.
"Look! Just let me explain." I replied in the same tone.
"You don't need to explain anything; John already told me everything I need to know."
"What do you mean John already fucking told you? John doesn't know shit!"
"Oh so your whole nice guy act wasn't because getting me the next time wouldn't have made it so much more fun?"
"No, it wasn't!"
"See! Wait, what?"
"I didn't, I didn't plan it, I don't want to hurt you, I never meant to." Her face softened a bit.
"Billie... I don't know what I'm supposed to say... all I know is that it's not I forgive you. I mean, I will forget about the time you stole my eggs from the Easter bunny," I smiled at that "but as for the other stuff... that's something I'm never going to forget. You took something from me that I can never get back, you had every other female 10th grader offering you theirs but you said no."
"I know, believe me I know and I'm never going to forget it or forgive myself either. I guess you were the only girl I ever looked at in that way, the only girl who didn't laugh at me when I had that stupid haircut in the third grade, only one who gave me all those hugs and kisses when dad died," I felt a tear roll down my cheek "the first girl I ever kissed on the lips, haha and remember the time we showed each other what parts made a boy and a girl different?"
"And Holly walked in a totally freaked out."
"Yeah." For the first time in what seemed like forever, we both shared a smile.
"I'd almost forgotten about that stuff."
"I didn't, I think about them everyday, those things have gotten me through a lot over the years. Now they just make me wonder... "
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
"Things would've been different if you'd waited."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"How'd you know what I was thinking?"
"I've often wondered the same thing myself."
"Oh."
"Anyway, I'm kind of tired; all this talking has worn my out." I only just notice how much she's been struggling not to fall over.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I am now." I smiled, fealing a small flicker of hope. I looked over to the bed then back at Lauren who had a small smirk.
"What?"
"You told your mom I could have your room."
"Correction, YOU told my mom you could have my room." I rolled my eyes "Fine, have the fucking room, I wanted to sleep in the garage anyway, I love the cold."
"I bet you do." I went to leave before I remembered something.
"Wait, I have something for you." I went and reached under the bed feeling around all the junk until I found what I wanted. I stood up and held it out to her.
"What is it?" I looked down at the book in my hands.
"A diary."
"It's pink. And fluffy."
"AND comes with a matching pen!" I waved it in front of her face, she looked at it quizzically. I sighed "I felt bad about reading your old one so I got you a new one and I promise not to look at it."
"Thanks, but no thanks." She pushed the book back towards me "I'm hoping that after tonight I won't have anything to write in it. You keep it though; write things in it, it's quite therapeutic."
"Um, I think I'll give it to Holly for her birthday, maybe draw a picture of a penis to remind her of the good ol' days."
"I'm sure she'll love that. Goodnight Billie Joe. I went to kiss her cheek but she stepped back.
"Sorry... goodnight Lauren."
***
I let out a long sigh of relief as Billie closed the door behind him. I flicked the light switch and crawled into the bed. I pulled the covers over me. Things just suddenly felt so simple, I really wanted to just forgive Billie, the things he had said bringing up so many memories, even how we planned our wedding when we were 6, but the scars on my body wouldn't let me. I knew now though that I was safe, no guy would cry twice in front of a girl if they didn't mean it. A chill ran up my spine and my teeth started chattering with the cold. I thought of Billie sleeping on the couch in the garage, how freezing he must be, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.
***
I looked over to the door as I heard it creak open, I sat up as Lauren came in limping.
"Here to give me my bed back?"
"You wish, I brought you a jumper."
"How thoughtful." I got up from the couch and grabbed it from her chucking it on "Thanks, are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"I don't know."
"I can take you to the doctors tomorrow if you want." She nodded.
"Now go to bed." She watched as I did what I was told "Night Billie."
"Goodnight... friend."
"Don't." She said, looking directly into my eyes.
"Please, let me-"
"I said don't." I wanted to say something but she put a finger to her lips so I shut up. 5 seconds later the door opened and mom walked in.
"Billie, what the hell is all the noise going on in here?"
"Umm... me and Lauren were-" I cut myself off as her eyes went wide "believe me it's not what you're thinking."
"I should hope not. Where's Lauren?" Lauren came out from behind the door.
"Here."
"My God Lauren! What happened to you?"
"Uh, she came to Gilman where a fight was going on, she kind of walked into it."
"Oh that's horrible! Are you alright?" Lauren managed a weak smile "Well what was all the noise I heard?"
"Um, Billie was carrying me... he said I could have his room but he kind of dropped me... that's why he screamed... " Lauren shook her head in response to her cover story; mom still seemed to buy it.
"Well it's late, you both get some sleep," I nodded as she left the room, Lauren closing the door.
"I can't fucking believe you!" She said in a hushed whisper.
"Look! Just let me explain." I replied in the same tone.
"You don't need to explain anything; John already told me everything I need to know."
"What do you mean John already fucking told you? John doesn't know shit!"
"Oh so your whole nice guy act wasn't because getting me the next time wouldn't have made it so much more fun?"
"No, it wasn't!"
"See! Wait, what?"
"I didn't, I didn't plan it, I don't want to hurt you, I never meant to." Her face softened a bit.
"Billie... I don't know what I'm supposed to say... all I know is that it's not I forgive you. I mean, I will forget about the time you stole my eggs from the Easter bunny," I smiled at that "but as for the other stuff... that's something I'm never going to forget. You took something from me that I can never get back, you had every other female 10th grader offering you theirs but you said no."
"I know, believe me I know and I'm never going to forget it or forgive myself either. I guess you were the only girl I ever looked at in that way, the only girl who didn't laugh at me when I had that stupid haircut in the third grade, only one who gave me all those hugs and kisses when dad died," I felt a tear roll down my cheek "the first girl I ever kissed on the lips, haha and remember the time we showed each other what parts made a boy and a girl different?"
"And Holly walked in a totally freaked out."
"Yeah." For the first time in what seemed like forever, we both shared a smile.
"I'd almost forgotten about that stuff."
"I didn't, I think about them everyday, those things have gotten me through a lot over the years. Now they just make me wonder... "
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
"Things would've been different if you'd waited."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"How'd you know what I was thinking?"
"I've often wondered the same thing myself."
"Oh."
"Anyway, I'm kind of tired; all this talking has worn my out." I only just notice how much she's been struggling not to fall over.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I am now." I smiled, fealing a small flicker of hope. I looked over to the bed then back at Lauren who had a small smirk.
"What?"
"You told your mom I could have your room."
"Correction, YOU told my mom you could have my room." I rolled my eyes "Fine, have the fucking room, I wanted to sleep in the garage anyway, I love the cold."
"I bet you do." I went to leave before I remembered something.
"Wait, I have something for you." I went and reached under the bed feeling around all the junk until I found what I wanted. I stood up and held it out to her.
"What is it?" I looked down at the book in my hands.
"A diary."
"It's pink. And fluffy."
"AND comes with a matching pen!" I waved it in front of her face, she looked at it quizzically. I sighed "I felt bad about reading your old one so I got you a new one and I promise not to look at it."
"Thanks, but no thanks." She pushed the book back towards me "I'm hoping that after tonight I won't have anything to write in it. You keep it though; write things in it, it's quite therapeutic."
"Um, I think I'll give it to Holly for her birthday, maybe draw a picture of a penis to remind her of the good ol' days."
"I'm sure she'll love that. Goodnight Billie Joe. I went to kiss her cheek but she stepped back.
"Sorry... goodnight Lauren."
***
I let out a long sigh of relief as Billie closed the door behind him. I flicked the light switch and crawled into the bed. I pulled the covers over me. Things just suddenly felt so simple, I really wanted to just forgive Billie, the things he had said bringing up so many memories, even how we planned our wedding when we were 6, but the scars on my body wouldn't let me. I knew now though that I was safe, no guy would cry twice in front of a girl if they didn't mean it. A chill ran up my spine and my teeth started chattering with the cold. I thought of Billie sleeping on the couch in the garage, how freezing he must be, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.
***
I looked over to the door as I heard it creak open, I sat up as Lauren came in limping.
"Here to give me my bed back?"
"You wish, I brought you a jumper."
"How thoughtful." I got up from the couch and grabbed it from her chucking it on "Thanks, are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"I don't know."
"I can take you to the doctors tomorrow if you want." She nodded.
"Now go to bed." She watched as I did what I was told "Night Billie."
"Goodnight... friend."
