And All the Shit You Put Me Through, chapter 14
"Okay Lauren you can get dressed now." I slowly slid off the table and routinely scrambled to get my clothes back on. When I was done, Dr. Nichols asked me to take a seat at the desk opposite him. He looked through the notes he'd been taking, the silence making me uncomfortable. I started picking at my nails. "Lauren." I looked up at him "Lauren, I've noticed a lot of bruising and scaring all over your body..."
"You too? I thought they were only visible to me."
"Lauren, please don't joke right now I'm trying to be serious."
"Sorry..." I muttered
"As I was saying, I've noticed an excessive amount of injuries all over your body. Can you tell me how they got there?"
"Idon'tknow."
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that..."
"I don't know...just clumsy I guess..." I looked down at my shoes
"Lauren, I've been a doctor for over 27 years, I know when something isn't clumsiness. None of those marks on you are self-inflicted or accidental. Would you like to tell me what's going on?" I swallowed...my mind wandered to picturing Billie in the waiting room, then to the night before when he'd taken care of me, then to those days we spent in the closet at school...I grew nervous, I'd be stupid to say I still wasn't scared of Billie Joe
"I already told you...I'm just clumsy..." I heard Dr. Nichols sigh and heard his chair squeak as he leant forward in it
"Lauren, I don't think you understand just how dangerous these injuries could've been. You're extremely lucky not to have any permanent damage, I'm thinking of even sending you to a hospital for a couple of nights until we get your x-rays back-"
"No!"
"No?"
"I mean...hospitals scare me..."
"You're really not making this easy, I'm just concerned for you."
"I'm fine." He looked at me, I could tell he was genuinely worried, about time too, would've been better if he had caught on to it a year ago, could've saved me a lot of pain.
"Well if you don't want to talk about it I think we're done." I stood up and went to leave, pausing at the door to turn back to him
"Thank you anyway, it's nice to know someone's worried." He nodded and I closed the door as I left the room.
"How'd it go?" I jumped, not noticing Billie already up
"Umm, I don't know yet...we've got to wait for the x-rays to come back."
"You had to get x-rays?"
"Yeah well I'm not exactly the fittest I've ever been."
"Sorry..." I shrugged and made for the exit. I really suck when people apologise to me, I have no idea what I'm supposed to say back 'I forgive you'? Unlikely.
"Did he ask you how you got them?"
"Yes." Billie glanced over to me before focusing back on the road
"Did you tell him?"
"No, I couldn't..."
"Thanks."
"Not 'cause of you. For me." He broke as we approached a red light and turned to face me
"What do you mean?" I shrugged "Oh my- you're still scared of me aren't you?" I didn't answer, "Aren't you?"
"Wouldn't you be?" He continued to look at me, his mouth slightly open, I looked forward "Light's green..." He started the car again and we kept going.
I sat on the windowsill staring out at how empty the street was, even during the day, as Billie continued to strum his guitar on the bed
"Urgh, I'm so bored doing nothing. Do you wanna do something?" I heard Billie sit up
"Nope, I like staring." It was true; I quite enjoyed staring at nothing, one of the best ways to pass time in my opinion.
"Okay, whatever." The strumming began again. I closed my eyes for a minute, I suddenly felt extremely tired. "What about food? Are you hungry?" I slowly opened my eyes again and looked at Billie
"It's your house, you can do what you want..."
"But I want to do something with you.."
"Well, go and get food then come back up or something, I won't have moved."
"No, I can go without." I looked back out the window "Hey Lauren?"
"What?" Billie seemed confused about what to say so he just shook his head "There's something I want to say to you but I just- I don't know how to put it into words, I can't even put it into a song right now it's that fucked up."
"Just say it."
"I can't."
"Okay."
"I have band."
"You should go." I watched as Billie leaved the room then went over to his bed and laid down, it was still warm from him lying down for so long. I could smell his smell from the pillow as I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I was woken up about an hour later by the sound of banging outside the window; I wearily crawled out of bed and over to the window at stuck my head out. I saw a guy standing outside the front door of my house. He was round-ish and looked about 50
"Hey! What the fuck are you trying to do to my door?" He jumped and looked around for a bit before spotting me
"Are you Lauren?"
"Yeah, what's it to you?"
"My name is David Richardson, I'm afraid we need to talk." I gave him a puzzled look. "Please, this is a matter of some importance."
"Whatever, come over here, I'll go open the door." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and dragged myself out of the room and downstairs, I opened the door and 'David' walked in. I rolled my eyes as he went and sat down on the couch in the lounge room. "So, what's the big emergency thing?" I watched him as he scanned my face; I shook my head so that my hair fell over the bruises
"I'm actually here to talk about that so there's no point trying to cover it up." I froze
"What?"
"Yes, earlier this morning I received a call from an anonymous professional who was very concerned about your well-being."
"Dr. Nichols."
"I'm not sure but they were very worried and I can see why."
"Look I'm telling you what I told him, I'm clumsy that's it. End of story."
"I'm not convinced and by the looks of it neither are you."
"Excuse me? Where do you get off on telling me that I'm wrong?"
"I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying you're scared."
"Same thing, and I'm not scared."
"Lauren, please try and co-operate with me. Is your mother at work today or something?"
"No, she's working shit out with my Dad, he's in another state, so you can leave now." I felt myself getting frustrated with this guy.
"I see, that's interesting..." I watched him pull a pen and notepad out of his jacket pocket and start writing. I went over and snatched it off him.
"Don't write shit about me while I'm in the room, it's not polite."
"Neither is abusing a 16 year old girl."
"I'm not being abused. Now, please leave." He sighed before standing up; I went to open the door for him just as John was about to knock. "Ergh, what do you want?"
"I'm just getting something-"
"Excuse me." David walked past and started to head back over to his car.
"Who's that?"
"Child services."
"Is it about...you know who?"
"They don't know who the who is."
"Well, my offer is still there...for when you need protecting or other stuff..."
"Thanks but no thanks, I'm sure I'd get more pleasure out of a carrot than out of you." His nostrils flared and he turned to leave. I shut the door.
*
"Hey guy!" I stood up straighter as the child services guy faced me
"Yes?"
"You wanted to know about Lauren?"
"Do you know something?"
"I most certainly do." I smiled, Billie was in trouble now.
*
"Miiiiiike..." I whined, "I'm hungry." Mike put down his bass and got up from the couch
"You don't know how damn lucky you are to have me Billie Joe."
"Thank you Mikey." I smiled sweetly and laughed as he rolled his eyes. The door clicked behind him as he left. I leant my head back against the wall...for the first time in ages I really didn't feel like playing, it was weird, this never happened to me. It was fucking Lauren; I couldn't get out of my head the fact that she was still scared of me. I couldn't get out of my head how much I wanted things to go back to how they used to be, when we used to kiss each other for fun, I want to kiss her so much. Every fucking second of the day. The garage opening interrupted my thoughts.
"Hey Al..." I trailed off when I noticed two cops and a guy in a suit behind him. The one in the suit stepped forward
"Billie Joe Armstrong?"
"Yeah..."
"Come with me." The cops moved closer towards me, I jumped up
"What? Why?" They grabbed me by the shoulders as I started struggling "Al, what the fuck is going on?!" Al didn't have an expression on his face, he didn't try to help either, and he just stood there
"I'm sorry Billie, this guy's from child services." I stopped struggling. Lauren told on me? How could she tell on me?
"Woah! What the fuck?!" Everyone turned as Mike walked into the room carrying a bag of Cheetos
"Please step back." Mike stood back as the cops led me out into the car on the curb. From inside I could see Mike turn to Al
"What the HELL just happened?!"
"You too? I thought they were only visible to me."
"Lauren, please don't joke right now I'm trying to be serious."
"Sorry..." I muttered
"As I was saying, I've noticed an excessive amount of injuries all over your body. Can you tell me how they got there?"
"Idon'tknow."
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that..."
"I don't know...just clumsy I guess..." I looked down at my shoes
"Lauren, I've been a doctor for over 27 years, I know when something isn't clumsiness. None of those marks on you are self-inflicted or accidental. Would you like to tell me what's going on?" I swallowed...my mind wandered to picturing Billie in the waiting room, then to the night before when he'd taken care of me, then to those days we spent in the closet at school...I grew nervous, I'd be stupid to say I still wasn't scared of Billie Joe
"I already told you...I'm just clumsy..." I heard Dr. Nichols sigh and heard his chair squeak as he leant forward in it
"Lauren, I don't think you understand just how dangerous these injuries could've been. You're extremely lucky not to have any permanent damage, I'm thinking of even sending you to a hospital for a couple of nights until we get your x-rays back-"
"No!"
"No?"
"I mean...hospitals scare me..."
"You're really not making this easy, I'm just concerned for you."
"I'm fine." He looked at me, I could tell he was genuinely worried, about time too, would've been better if he had caught on to it a year ago, could've saved me a lot of pain.
"Well if you don't want to talk about it I think we're done." I stood up and went to leave, pausing at the door to turn back to him
"Thank you anyway, it's nice to know someone's worried." He nodded and I closed the door as I left the room.
"How'd it go?" I jumped, not noticing Billie already up
"Umm, I don't know yet...we've got to wait for the x-rays to come back."
"You had to get x-rays?"
"Yeah well I'm not exactly the fittest I've ever been."
"Sorry..." I shrugged and made for the exit. I really suck when people apologise to me, I have no idea what I'm supposed to say back 'I forgive you'? Unlikely.
"Did he ask you how you got them?"
"Yes." Billie glanced over to me before focusing back on the road
"Did you tell him?"
"No, I couldn't..."
"Thanks."
"Not 'cause of you. For me." He broke as we approached a red light and turned to face me
"What do you mean?" I shrugged "Oh my- you're still scared of me aren't you?" I didn't answer, "Aren't you?"
"Wouldn't you be?" He continued to look at me, his mouth slightly open, I looked forward "Light's green..." He started the car again and we kept going.
I sat on the windowsill staring out at how empty the street was, even during the day, as Billie continued to strum his guitar on the bed
"Urgh, I'm so bored doing nothing. Do you wanna do something?" I heard Billie sit up
"Nope, I like staring." It was true; I quite enjoyed staring at nothing, one of the best ways to pass time in my opinion.
"Okay, whatever." The strumming began again. I closed my eyes for a minute, I suddenly felt extremely tired. "What about food? Are you hungry?" I slowly opened my eyes again and looked at Billie
"It's your house, you can do what you want..."
"But I want to do something with you.."
"Well, go and get food then come back up or something, I won't have moved."
"No, I can go without." I looked back out the window "Hey Lauren?"
"What?" Billie seemed confused about what to say so he just shook his head "There's something I want to say to you but I just- I don't know how to put it into words, I can't even put it into a song right now it's that fucked up."
"Just say it."
"I can't."
"Okay."
"I have band."
"You should go." I watched as Billie leaved the room then went over to his bed and laid down, it was still warm from him lying down for so long. I could smell his smell from the pillow as I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I was woken up about an hour later by the sound of banging outside the window; I wearily crawled out of bed and over to the window at stuck my head out. I saw a guy standing outside the front door of my house. He was round-ish and looked about 50
"Hey! What the fuck are you trying to do to my door?" He jumped and looked around for a bit before spotting me
"Are you Lauren?"
"Yeah, what's it to you?"
"My name is David Richardson, I'm afraid we need to talk." I gave him a puzzled look. "Please, this is a matter of some importance."
"Whatever, come over here, I'll go open the door." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and dragged myself out of the room and downstairs, I opened the door and 'David' walked in. I rolled my eyes as he went and sat down on the couch in the lounge room. "So, what's the big emergency thing?" I watched him as he scanned my face; I shook my head so that my hair fell over the bruises
"I'm actually here to talk about that so there's no point trying to cover it up." I froze
"What?"
"Yes, earlier this morning I received a call from an anonymous professional who was very concerned about your well-being."
"Dr. Nichols."
"I'm not sure but they were very worried and I can see why."
"Look I'm telling you what I told him, I'm clumsy that's it. End of story."
"I'm not convinced and by the looks of it neither are you."
"Excuse me? Where do you get off on telling me that I'm wrong?"
"I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying you're scared."
"Same thing, and I'm not scared."
"Lauren, please try and co-operate with me. Is your mother at work today or something?"
"No, she's working shit out with my Dad, he's in another state, so you can leave now." I felt myself getting frustrated with this guy.
"I see, that's interesting..." I watched him pull a pen and notepad out of his jacket pocket and start writing. I went over and snatched it off him.
"Don't write shit about me while I'm in the room, it's not polite."
"Neither is abusing a 16 year old girl."
"I'm not being abused. Now, please leave." He sighed before standing up; I went to open the door for him just as John was about to knock. "Ergh, what do you want?"
"I'm just getting something-"
"Excuse me." David walked past and started to head back over to his car.
"Who's that?"
"Child services."
"Is it about...you know who?"
"They don't know who the who is."
"Well, my offer is still there...for when you need protecting or other stuff..."
"Thanks but no thanks, I'm sure I'd get more pleasure out of a carrot than out of you." His nostrils flared and he turned to leave. I shut the door.
*
"Hey guy!" I stood up straighter as the child services guy faced me
"Yes?"
"You wanted to know about Lauren?"
"Do you know something?"
"I most certainly do." I smiled, Billie was in trouble now.
*
"Miiiiiike..." I whined, "I'm hungry." Mike put down his bass and got up from the couch
"You don't know how damn lucky you are to have me Billie Joe."
"Thank you Mikey." I smiled sweetly and laughed as he rolled his eyes. The door clicked behind him as he left. I leant my head back against the wall...for the first time in ages I really didn't feel like playing, it was weird, this never happened to me. It was fucking Lauren; I couldn't get out of my head the fact that she was still scared of me. I couldn't get out of my head how much I wanted things to go back to how they used to be, when we used to kiss each other for fun, I want to kiss her so much. Every fucking second of the day. The garage opening interrupted my thoughts.
"Hey Al..." I trailed off when I noticed two cops and a guy in a suit behind him. The one in the suit stepped forward
"Billie Joe Armstrong?"
"Yeah..."
"Come with me." The cops moved closer towards me, I jumped up
"What? Why?" They grabbed me by the shoulders as I started struggling "Al, what the fuck is going on?!" Al didn't have an expression on his face, he didn't try to help either, and he just stood there
"I'm sorry Billie, this guy's from child services." I stopped struggling. Lauren told on me? How could she tell on me?
"Woah! What the fuck?!" Everyone turned as Mike walked into the room carrying a bag of Cheetos
"Please step back." Mike stood back as the cops led me out into the car on the curb. From inside I could see Mike turn to Al
"What the HELL just happened?!"
