And All the Shit You Put Me Through, chapter 3
As soon as I got home I raced up to my room. I dumped my bag on my bed and went over to my closet to find a change of clothes. I found some and went to the bathroom. I took my clothes off and looked at my reflection in the mirror, I used to be so confident with myself, I wouldn't go and show off, but now I go to such effort to conceal my body. All the scars and bruises, it makes me feel sick. I turn on the hot water in the shower and get in, I let it scold my body so that the burning sensation will keep my mind off other things. Eventually the heat gets too much and I turn on the cold water. I grab the soap and start scrubbing myself. I can smell him all over me. I use my nails to try and scratch off some of the non existent dirt on my arm but end up peeling layers of skin. I wince when I notice what I'm doing but yet I continue to do it. I hear the faint sound of a phone ringing, I sigh and turn off the water. I step out of the shower and grab a towel from the rack and wrap it around me. I feel like just letting the phone ring but I know better, the last time I did, I missed the call to say that my mom was in the hospital. I left the bathroom and followed the sound of the ringing, it was coming from my room which is weird because I don't remember using the phone in about a week "Hello?"
"Hey sweetie, I just wanted to call and check up on you, your teacher called and said that you were feeling sick."
"Uh... yeah I'm feeling better."
"Well good because you don't want to be sick at the Armstrong's tonight." No we wouldn't want that.
"Okay mom, bye." I hung up. Great dinner at the Armstrong's. Hopefully there'll be other families there as well, at least that way I would feel a bit safer. I walked back to the bathroom and got dressed.
Back in my room I walk over to my desk, I open the bottom drawer and pull out a box with a padlock on it. I find the key from inside one of my pillows and unlock it. Inside are two books. Both of which I use as diaries, the first is when I have something good to write about or whenever I'm bored I'll just write random thoughts, the second book is for whenever something bad happens. The first only has one entry. I open the second one and flip to a blank page, I pull a pen that was also in the box and start writing about today. The majority of the second diary is about Billie Joe, it never used to be. It used to just be about my depression brought on by... well we never found the cause of it. I'm still taking prozac but it's not something that I like to write about, not that being abused is, it's just easier to put into words. I have another box hidden in a secret compartment in the walls, it's full of old diaries. I started keeping them when I was six. They were happy diaries. Billie Joe has a couple of entries in them as well, we grew up together, best friends actually. Both our mom's were in the same hospital when we were born, I'm exactly 4 hours and 6minutes younger than Billie Joe. He was my first crush and my first kiss. We were eight and wanted to know what it was like. We'd seen Billie Joe's brothers and sisters doing it all the time, we used to go on about how gross it was not because we believed in girl germs boy germs but just because we didn't want to spit in each other's mouths. But yes one day we just decided fuck it, let's just see what it's like. I was with him his Dad died, that was a hard time for him, me too. Andy was like a second father to me. I just- I don't know why Billie turned into what- what he is. We were both introduced to punk together, had the same friends, same everything until one day he became an abusive bastard. I always wanted my first time to be special and memorable. Well... it was definitely memorable, just not how I wanted it to be remembered. I feel tears running down my cheeks. every time I think back to those days I cry. I just still don't want to believe that the guy I was in love with as a kid, could hurt me so much as a teen.
"Lauren come on let's go! We're late as it is!" I heard my mom call from downstairs, I don't understand why she stresses over the fact that we're late we're just next door. I look out my window to see if there are any cares outside their house. There's not which means it's probably just us going. Both Ollie and mom said they have news for me. I'm kinda worried what that news is exactly. I go downstairs and mom places a salad bowl in my hands. She's holding a cheesecake. Dad is currently in Japan on a business trip so it's just us. Together we go next door.
"Hey sweetie, I just wanted to call and check up on you, your teacher called and said that you were feeling sick."
"Uh... yeah I'm feeling better."
"Well good because you don't want to be sick at the Armstrong's tonight." No we wouldn't want that.
"Okay mom, bye." I hung up. Great dinner at the Armstrong's. Hopefully there'll be other families there as well, at least that way I would feel a bit safer. I walked back to the bathroom and got dressed.
Back in my room I walk over to my desk, I open the bottom drawer and pull out a box with a padlock on it. I find the key from inside one of my pillows and unlock it. Inside are two books. Both of which I use as diaries, the first is when I have something good to write about or whenever I'm bored I'll just write random thoughts, the second book is for whenever something bad happens. The first only has one entry. I open the second one and flip to a blank page, I pull a pen that was also in the box and start writing about today. The majority of the second diary is about Billie Joe, it never used to be. It used to just be about my depression brought on by... well we never found the cause of it. I'm still taking prozac but it's not something that I like to write about, not that being abused is, it's just easier to put into words. I have another box hidden in a secret compartment in the walls, it's full of old diaries. I started keeping them when I was six. They were happy diaries. Billie Joe has a couple of entries in them as well, we grew up together, best friends actually. Both our mom's were in the same hospital when we were born, I'm exactly 4 hours and 6minutes younger than Billie Joe. He was my first crush and my first kiss. We were eight and wanted to know what it was like. We'd seen Billie Joe's brothers and sisters doing it all the time, we used to go on about how gross it was not because we believed in girl germs boy germs but just because we didn't want to spit in each other's mouths. But yes one day we just decided fuck it, let's just see what it's like. I was with him his Dad died, that was a hard time for him, me too. Andy was like a second father to me. I just- I don't know why Billie turned into what- what he is. We were both introduced to punk together, had the same friends, same everything until one day he became an abusive bastard. I always wanted my first time to be special and memorable. Well... it was definitely memorable, just not how I wanted it to be remembered. I feel tears running down my cheeks. every time I think back to those days I cry. I just still don't want to believe that the guy I was in love with as a kid, could hurt me so much as a teen.
"Lauren come on let's go! We're late as it is!" I heard my mom call from downstairs, I don't understand why she stresses over the fact that we're late we're just next door. I look out my window to see if there are any cares outside their house. There's not which means it's probably just us going. Both Ollie and mom said they have news for me. I'm kinda worried what that news is exactly. I go downstairs and mom places a salad bowl in my hands. She's holding a cheesecake. Dad is currently in Japan on a business trip so it's just us. Together we go next door.
