And All the Shit You Put Me Through, chapter 4
"Michellle!"
"Ollllie!" I watch as they both exchange hugs, I'm half expecting the cheesecake to get crushed between them. The way they act you wouldn't think that they lived next door to each other.
"Laurennnn." I fake a smile as Ollie also gives me a hug. I love Ollie she's so nice, I'm just not in the mood to deal with nice people tonight. "Come in come in you two." As Ollie ushers us in we make our way through to the kitchen to put the food on the table. "Billie come down here!" I hear Billie come down the stairs. When he comes into the room he goes straight to my mom and kisses her cheek saying hello. He comes over and does the same to me. He's so incredibly two-faced.
"Aww isn't that nice?" I look over at mom who's looking at me and Billie adoringly "They're both 16 and they still say hi to each other like that."
"Yes it is, but I must say that the two of you don't seem to spend as much time together as you used to." Oh if only they knew
"Yes I know, it's horrible isn't it, always being so busy. But really Lauren you and I must spend some more quality time." Billie looks at me and smiles, he's so full of shit but I guess mothers just can't see that sort of thing, which is weird because I thought that was the thing they were supposed to recognise the most, but then again maybe he's not lying. Quality time, that could mean any number of things.
"Well dinner's not quite ready yet so-"
"Oh I'll help you Ollie." I volunteer so that I won't have to go upstairs but mom stands up from the chair that she had sat on
"No, no Lauren that's okay you and Billie Joe go upstairs I'll help Ollie. Go on Billie take her." I feel Billie's arm wrap around my waist and he turns me around and together we walk out of the kitchen and upstairs to his bedroom. I go in first and stand near the door, Billie shuts the door. He goes and sits on the corner of his bed and stares at me. He doesn't have any expression on his face. I try to look away but don't, after this afternoon I don't trust looking elsewhere whilst we're in a room together.
"Lauren... "
"Don't try and say shit to me because I'm not in the mood." I say trying to sound confident
"Lauren, don't try to talk as though you're not scared of me."
"I'm not." He nods at me
"So why are you shaking?" It's only now that I realise that my hands are trembling, it sends shivers up my spine and I watch as goosebumps form on my skin. Billie's eyes focus on my arm, more specifically the cut on my arm "Well that's nice, a little love memento."
"Love? I think the word you're looking for is rape." He makes a tsk tsk sound and stands up, I swallow as he steps towards me. He wouldn't do anything here, not when both our moms are downstairs. He picks up my arm and strokes it, he leans his head down on it and I'm watching him confused. He then lifts his head and moves his it close to mine so that our faces are only millimetres away from each other. My breathing stops and I can faintly hear his. He smiles and goes to turn his head, his lips gently brushing against mine. I'm about to let out a huge breath, relieved, but then I feel his lips pressed hard against mine, his tongue trying to force its way into my mouth. His eyes are closed, which is new, he's always stared into mine as if daring me to refuse. I reluctantly part my lips a little bit and his tongue pushes against mine. He whole body warms against mine and he slowly starts to back me into the wall. Slowly and gently? This is weird
"Billie! Lauren! Come down for dinner, Mike's here!" Billie steps back and his tongue leaves me mouth. He looks at me, only this time into my eyes deeply. I don't understand... he blinks and then leaves the room. I stay behind trying to work out why he wasn't being forceful, it's got to be something that he's doing to screw with my mind. I'd love to think that he's feeling guilty but it's Billie Joe Armstrong, I don't think he knows what that word means. I can't shake the feeling that he's gonna do something bad the next time he gets the chance.
"Hello Lauren."
"Mike." I say as I sit down at the table, I'm sitting next to mom, Ollie's at the head of the table and Billie is opposite me. Me and Mike are well I guess the word civilised could be used, he knows what has been going on between Billie and me, but he's Billies best friend so I don't count on him stepping in anytime soon. Come to think of it, almost the whole of the punk population knows what's going on. It's partly the reason that I stopped going to Gilman Street. The main punk hang out. I used to love that place, it was my sanctuary I had so many friends here, of course I shared those friends with Billie, but he has the band so they all sided with him. I basically left because being in a place where not that many people care what happens to you is just stupid. I miss it though, seeing all the bands.
"Mashed potatoes?" My thoughts are disrupted when Ollie dumps a pile of them on the side of my plate. I look down at it and notice that I've been served about 10 different foods without realising. I smile at Ollie and start to eat. Ollie and mom start a big conversation in which only they are involved. Mike becomes occupied with shoving food in his mouth. I start mixing my peas in with my potato, it's a stupid habit that I've had since I can remember, I scoop some onto my spoon and put it in my mouth. I chew nervously because I can feel Billie's gaze on me.
"Mmm... anyway Lauren I told you I had big news." I look to my side at my mom who's trying to swallow quickly. Ollie uses her fork to point at Billie Joe
"Billie, you should listen to this." Billie obviously started shifts his gaze to mom.
"Anyway Lauren and Mike I hope you don't feel left out by this," she keeps going as I scoop more potato up "well Billie you know how your grades have been... better... and your mom has organised for you to spend 3 weeks in Los Angeles? I've decided that Lauren's have also picked up so I've arranged for her to go with you." Stunned, I let the potato slide of my spoon and it splatters back onto my plate.
"Me go with... Billie." Mom nods her head excitedly and looks like she's going to say more when Ollie interrupts.
"Of course it will be a bit pricey what with the accommodation and all so you two will be sharing a hotel room, but how excited are you?"
"Now we would I feel left out." I hear Mike mumble.
"Uhh... can I be excused for a minute?" Mom smiles at me
"Sure, trying to get over the shock huh?"
"Something like that." I get up from the table and make my way to the bathroom. I turn on the water and splash some onto my face. Oh my god, this can't be happening.
"Yes you two leave the day after tomorrow." I hear the adults keep talking about it. He must have known, he was being so nice because he knew.
Fuck! 3 weeks alone with Billie Joe, in another city. I splash more water onto my face as I feel tears roll down my cheeks. I turn off the water.
"Ollllie!" I watch as they both exchange hugs, I'm half expecting the cheesecake to get crushed between them. The way they act you wouldn't think that they lived next door to each other.
"Laurennnn." I fake a smile as Ollie also gives me a hug. I love Ollie she's so nice, I'm just not in the mood to deal with nice people tonight. "Come in come in you two." As Ollie ushers us in we make our way through to the kitchen to put the food on the table. "Billie come down here!" I hear Billie come down the stairs. When he comes into the room he goes straight to my mom and kisses her cheek saying hello. He comes over and does the same to me. He's so incredibly two-faced.
"Aww isn't that nice?" I look over at mom who's looking at me and Billie adoringly "They're both 16 and they still say hi to each other like that."
"Yes it is, but I must say that the two of you don't seem to spend as much time together as you used to." Oh if only they knew
"Yes I know, it's horrible isn't it, always being so busy. But really Lauren you and I must spend some more quality time." Billie looks at me and smiles, he's so full of shit but I guess mothers just can't see that sort of thing, which is weird because I thought that was the thing they were supposed to recognise the most, but then again maybe he's not lying. Quality time, that could mean any number of things.
"Well dinner's not quite ready yet so-"
"Oh I'll help you Ollie." I volunteer so that I won't have to go upstairs but mom stands up from the chair that she had sat on
"No, no Lauren that's okay you and Billie Joe go upstairs I'll help Ollie. Go on Billie take her." I feel Billie's arm wrap around my waist and he turns me around and together we walk out of the kitchen and upstairs to his bedroom. I go in first and stand near the door, Billie shuts the door. He goes and sits on the corner of his bed and stares at me. He doesn't have any expression on his face. I try to look away but don't, after this afternoon I don't trust looking elsewhere whilst we're in a room together.
"Lauren... "
"Don't try and say shit to me because I'm not in the mood." I say trying to sound confident
"Lauren, don't try to talk as though you're not scared of me."
"I'm not." He nods at me
"So why are you shaking?" It's only now that I realise that my hands are trembling, it sends shivers up my spine and I watch as goosebumps form on my skin. Billie's eyes focus on my arm, more specifically the cut on my arm "Well that's nice, a little love memento."
"Love? I think the word you're looking for is rape." He makes a tsk tsk sound and stands up, I swallow as he steps towards me. He wouldn't do anything here, not when both our moms are downstairs. He picks up my arm and strokes it, he leans his head down on it and I'm watching him confused. He then lifts his head and moves his it close to mine so that our faces are only millimetres away from each other. My breathing stops and I can faintly hear his. He smiles and goes to turn his head, his lips gently brushing against mine. I'm about to let out a huge breath, relieved, but then I feel his lips pressed hard against mine, his tongue trying to force its way into my mouth. His eyes are closed, which is new, he's always stared into mine as if daring me to refuse. I reluctantly part my lips a little bit and his tongue pushes against mine. He whole body warms against mine and he slowly starts to back me into the wall. Slowly and gently? This is weird
"Billie! Lauren! Come down for dinner, Mike's here!" Billie steps back and his tongue leaves me mouth. He looks at me, only this time into my eyes deeply. I don't understand... he blinks and then leaves the room. I stay behind trying to work out why he wasn't being forceful, it's got to be something that he's doing to screw with my mind. I'd love to think that he's feeling guilty but it's Billie Joe Armstrong, I don't think he knows what that word means. I can't shake the feeling that he's gonna do something bad the next time he gets the chance.
"Hello Lauren."
"Mike." I say as I sit down at the table, I'm sitting next to mom, Ollie's at the head of the table and Billie is opposite me. Me and Mike are well I guess the word civilised could be used, he knows what has been going on between Billie and me, but he's Billies best friend so I don't count on him stepping in anytime soon. Come to think of it, almost the whole of the punk population knows what's going on. It's partly the reason that I stopped going to Gilman Street. The main punk hang out. I used to love that place, it was my sanctuary I had so many friends here, of course I shared those friends with Billie, but he has the band so they all sided with him. I basically left because being in a place where not that many people care what happens to you is just stupid. I miss it though, seeing all the bands.
"Mashed potatoes?" My thoughts are disrupted when Ollie dumps a pile of them on the side of my plate. I look down at it and notice that I've been served about 10 different foods without realising. I smile at Ollie and start to eat. Ollie and mom start a big conversation in which only they are involved. Mike becomes occupied with shoving food in his mouth. I start mixing my peas in with my potato, it's a stupid habit that I've had since I can remember, I scoop some onto my spoon and put it in my mouth. I chew nervously because I can feel Billie's gaze on me.
"Mmm... anyway Lauren I told you I had big news." I look to my side at my mom who's trying to swallow quickly. Ollie uses her fork to point at Billie Joe
"Billie, you should listen to this." Billie obviously started shifts his gaze to mom.
"Anyway Lauren and Mike I hope you don't feel left out by this," she keeps going as I scoop more potato up "well Billie you know how your grades have been... better... and your mom has organised for you to spend 3 weeks in Los Angeles? I've decided that Lauren's have also picked up so I've arranged for her to go with you." Stunned, I let the potato slide of my spoon and it splatters back onto my plate.
"Me go with... Billie." Mom nods her head excitedly and looks like she's going to say more when Ollie interrupts.
"Of course it will be a bit pricey what with the accommodation and all so you two will be sharing a hotel room, but how excited are you?"
"Now we would I feel left out." I hear Mike mumble.
"Uhh... can I be excused for a minute?" Mom smiles at me
"Sure, trying to get over the shock huh?"
"Something like that." I get up from the table and make my way to the bathroom. I turn on the water and splash some onto my face. Oh my god, this can't be happening.
"Yes you two leave the day after tomorrow." I hear the adults keep talking about it. He must have known, he was being so nice because he knew.
Fuck! 3 weeks alone with Billie Joe, in another city. I splash more water onto my face as I feel tears roll down my cheeks. I turn off the water.
