And All the Shit You Put Me Through, chapter 5
I dried my face with a towel and went back to the kitchen to resume my seat at the table
"Lauren what's wrong? Your eyes are all red and puffy."
"Oh, uhh... happy crying."
"Aww... " Mom and Ollie said in unison. The rest of the meal included meaningless conversation, which I ignored, my brain too clouded with bad thoughts. I started getting a sick feeling.
"Lauren are you gonna puke? You've gone really pale." Startled I look over to Mike who has paused his eating for the moment. Mom puts her hand on my forehead
"She doesn't have a fever." Of course I don't. I feel the food I forced myself to eat coming back up. I push my chair back from the table and race back to the bathroom. I lean over the toilet bowl as I throw up. When it finishes I rinse my mouth out to get rid of the taste. I look into the mirror and see Billie's reflection, he holds a glass
"Drink it." His voice is stern so I accept it. I smell it, not sure whether to trust what might have been put in it. "It doesn't have shit in it. How stupid do you think I am?" I decide against answering the question and drink the drink in one go "Besides," he wraps his arms around my waist "don't want you sick for our big trip."
***
"But mom! Aren't you worried that I'll... that I'll go to parties and get drunk and have anonymous sex or something?!?" I'd spent the last 20 minutes trying to think of reasons for me to not go on the LA trip
"Lauren, I'm counting on it, you haven't had a boyfriend in so long, I think it will be good for you." I have never heard of a mom encouraging their daughter to have sex it's just unnatural.
"Well... uhh you know what mom?" I struggled to think of something to say "I'm a lesbian!" I blurted out. Mom stopped what she was doing and looked at me
"You shouldn't joke about things like that, and don't try and say that you're not joking because I've seen how you act around girls and its not lesbian like."
"Fine I'm not a lesbian, but what if I get pregnant?" I know for a fact that this isn't possible because I've been taking birth control pills since I was 15, which was when everything first started. I managed to find a pharmacy that doesn't exactly go by the rules so the guy that works there is the only person that knows.
"Look Lauren stop looking for excuses! I don't know what your problem is, this is a huge opportunity to get away from here for a bit, to catch up with Billie Joe who I really hope you fall in love with and have many babies with because he is a great kid. And I've already paid for this trip so you are going whether you like it or not, it took most of our savings."
"What did Dad say?" Mom glared at me
"I don't need your fathers permission do anything, and you will not talk about him in my house!"
"What?"
"Oh don't be an idiot Lauren, your fathers not in Japan on business, I kicked the bastard out! He's moved back in with his bestest friend in the whole world in New York and it's permanent!" I closed my gaping mouth. Dad's gone? Forever? I hate him for not saying goodbye but I hate my mom even more for keeping it from me for the past month. I know I should be crying but I'm too pissed off. I leaved the room and run upstairs to my room, I pull a bag out of my closet and start packing for the trip. I hate Billie Joe but I hate my parents a lot more right now. My flight isn't until the day after tomorrow but I can't stay here. I zip up my bag and sneak across to moms room, I open her drawers going through them until I find the plane ticket. I go back to my room and climb out through the window, I throw my bag down on the ground and climb down the drainpipe. I don't have any friends here, so I decide to walk to school.
It's Friday night so I doubt anyone will be showing up here tomorrow, I figure I'll just sleep on the oval. I make my way right to the middle of it and lay down. I look up at the stars trying to find the constellations which is stupid because I've never been able to see them. People will often try to point them out and say can you see them now so I just pretend that I can. It's pretty late now and I can feel my eyes slowly starting to close, it makes them go blurry and all the stars start swirling, eventually I drift off to sleep.
"Fuck!" My eyes snap open as something hits me in the stomach, I groan.
"Shit dude you hit her!" I hear people rush over to me, a guy stands over me "are you okay?" I sit up
"Can't be worse."
"I'm really sorry, my friend doesn't know how to throw a ball."
"Well your friends an idiot." I say as I let him help me up, I snatch my bag up, he looks at me puzzled "Sorry bad night last night."
"You wanna talk? No that's okay I'm just gonna go get coffee."
"I'll come with you!"
"No really that's okay."
"I insist." I didn't like this guy, I don't know whether it's all guys in general now or just because this guy is just too friendly, something I'm not exactly used to.
"I'm Felix."
"Felix?" I repeat
"Don't ask." I take a second before introducing myself
"I'm Lauren."
"So Lauren what were you doing sleeping on the oval?" He asks as we start walking
"Aren't you gonna tell your friend you're leaving?"
"Just leave him besides you're way prettier than he is." I stop walking, my heart starts racing, I've heard this line so many times
"Don't talk like that!" I start walking again, quickening my pace, Felix does the same to catch up with me
"Hey what's your deal?"
"Will you just FUCK OFF?!? I don't want to get coffee with you, okay I didn't invite you, you're just some prick with stupid lines!"
"What the hell is your problem."
"At the moment?"
"Fine just forget it then." Felix says then walks back to his friend, I look back at him, he's talking to his friend and pointing at me, his friends just laughing. I decide to get out of here. I'm gonna need a different place to sleep tonight. As I make my way to the nearest coffee shop I check my mobile, its already PM, it must have been a really deep sleep. I have about 10 missed calls from mom and a bunch of messages all asking the same thing 'where are you? Please call me.' I press the reply button and type 'going to LA and don't stop calling me' I push send and watch as the little message sent sign appears. I close my phone shove it in my pocket. I get to the coffee place and push the door open, I buy a latte and go sit at a table near the back.
"Fine Lauren pretend I don't exist." I look around me to see who's talking, I spot John Kiffmeyer aka Al Sobrante,
"What do you want?"
"All I ask is that you say hello, or do I have to get Billie to teach you some manners?" Between the three who made up Sweet Children I used to think Al was the nicest, well my opinion has completely changed, they all deserve to die and go to hell, the only reason that I hope they don't is because their band is fucking awesome.
"I doubt Billie would know how to teach something like that, unless of course its polite to abuse people?" Al laughs. Him and Mike are the only ones I feel confident to answer back to, I guess it's because they haven't hurt me, but either way it makes me feel less nervous when it's just me and them. I take a sip of my latte and wince as I scolds my mouth. Not wanting to continue a conversation with Al I pick up my cup and walk out of the café. I get to the sidewalk and walk over to the bus stop I check the schedule as I do so, my bus pulls up and I get in. It's pretty full and the only sit is next to an old lady, I look at her to see if she minds and she smiles so I sit down.
"Hello dear."
"Hi."
"It's a lovely day." I'm really getting over the lying thing but it's an old lady so I don't wanna be rude
"Sure is."
"So where are you headed?"
"Airport, I'm flying to LA tomorrow."
"That's sounds wonderful but why are you going so early?"
"Umm... I've always had bad luck at airports so I figured uhh,... just to be on the safe side." We talk about more random things like the weather, whether or not the guy on the 5 o clock news is a 'hunk'. finally we get to my stop I stand and look at the lady whose name I've learnt is Doris
"Goodbye it was nice talking to you."
"You too Lauren, take care." I smile and get off the bus.
As I walk through the airport doors the climate changes dramatically, sort of like a slight breeze. I'm assuming its too early to tell them that I'm here. By now it was about 3:30, I decided to go look through all the shops I didn't have a lot of money so I was mostly just browsing. After hours of going around in circles I went to go sit and one of the food places. I got a coke and sat down, running my finger around the rim of the glass and chewing on the straw. I didn't have a portable cd or tape player so I was forced to listen to the music they had blaring through the speakers, it was some pop song I didn't realize so I started humming Lost In The Supermarket to myself, my humming soon turned to singing which got louder, I noticed a few weird looks so I stopped and started drumming my fingers on the table.
"Lauren what's wrong? Your eyes are all red and puffy."
"Oh, uhh... happy crying."
"Aww... " Mom and Ollie said in unison. The rest of the meal included meaningless conversation, which I ignored, my brain too clouded with bad thoughts. I started getting a sick feeling.
"Lauren are you gonna puke? You've gone really pale." Startled I look over to Mike who has paused his eating for the moment. Mom puts her hand on my forehead
"She doesn't have a fever." Of course I don't. I feel the food I forced myself to eat coming back up. I push my chair back from the table and race back to the bathroom. I lean over the toilet bowl as I throw up. When it finishes I rinse my mouth out to get rid of the taste. I look into the mirror and see Billie's reflection, he holds a glass
"Drink it." His voice is stern so I accept it. I smell it, not sure whether to trust what might have been put in it. "It doesn't have shit in it. How stupid do you think I am?" I decide against answering the question and drink the drink in one go "Besides," he wraps his arms around my waist "don't want you sick for our big trip."
***
"But mom! Aren't you worried that I'll... that I'll go to parties and get drunk and have anonymous sex or something?!?" I'd spent the last 20 minutes trying to think of reasons for me to not go on the LA trip
"Lauren, I'm counting on it, you haven't had a boyfriend in so long, I think it will be good for you." I have never heard of a mom encouraging their daughter to have sex it's just unnatural.
"Well... uhh you know what mom?" I struggled to think of something to say "I'm a lesbian!" I blurted out. Mom stopped what she was doing and looked at me
"You shouldn't joke about things like that, and don't try and say that you're not joking because I've seen how you act around girls and its not lesbian like."
"Fine I'm not a lesbian, but what if I get pregnant?" I know for a fact that this isn't possible because I've been taking birth control pills since I was 15, which was when everything first started. I managed to find a pharmacy that doesn't exactly go by the rules so the guy that works there is the only person that knows.
"Look Lauren stop looking for excuses! I don't know what your problem is, this is a huge opportunity to get away from here for a bit, to catch up with Billie Joe who I really hope you fall in love with and have many babies with because he is a great kid. And I've already paid for this trip so you are going whether you like it or not, it took most of our savings."
"What did Dad say?" Mom glared at me
"I don't need your fathers permission do anything, and you will not talk about him in my house!"
"What?"
"Oh don't be an idiot Lauren, your fathers not in Japan on business, I kicked the bastard out! He's moved back in with his bestest friend in the whole world in New York and it's permanent!" I closed my gaping mouth. Dad's gone? Forever? I hate him for not saying goodbye but I hate my mom even more for keeping it from me for the past month. I know I should be crying but I'm too pissed off. I leaved the room and run upstairs to my room, I pull a bag out of my closet and start packing for the trip. I hate Billie Joe but I hate my parents a lot more right now. My flight isn't until the day after tomorrow but I can't stay here. I zip up my bag and sneak across to moms room, I open her drawers going through them until I find the plane ticket. I go back to my room and climb out through the window, I throw my bag down on the ground and climb down the drainpipe. I don't have any friends here, so I decide to walk to school.
It's Friday night so I doubt anyone will be showing up here tomorrow, I figure I'll just sleep on the oval. I make my way right to the middle of it and lay down. I look up at the stars trying to find the constellations which is stupid because I've never been able to see them. People will often try to point them out and say can you see them now so I just pretend that I can. It's pretty late now and I can feel my eyes slowly starting to close, it makes them go blurry and all the stars start swirling, eventually I drift off to sleep.
"Fuck!" My eyes snap open as something hits me in the stomach, I groan.
"Shit dude you hit her!" I hear people rush over to me, a guy stands over me "are you okay?" I sit up
"Can't be worse."
"I'm really sorry, my friend doesn't know how to throw a ball."
"Well your friends an idiot." I say as I let him help me up, I snatch my bag up, he looks at me puzzled "Sorry bad night last night."
"You wanna talk? No that's okay I'm just gonna go get coffee."
"I'll come with you!"
"No really that's okay."
"I insist." I didn't like this guy, I don't know whether it's all guys in general now or just because this guy is just too friendly, something I'm not exactly used to.
"I'm Felix."
"Felix?" I repeat
"Don't ask." I take a second before introducing myself
"I'm Lauren."
"So Lauren what were you doing sleeping on the oval?" He asks as we start walking
"Aren't you gonna tell your friend you're leaving?"
"Just leave him besides you're way prettier than he is." I stop walking, my heart starts racing, I've heard this line so many times
"Don't talk like that!" I start walking again, quickening my pace, Felix does the same to catch up with me
"Hey what's your deal?"
"Will you just FUCK OFF?!? I don't want to get coffee with you, okay I didn't invite you, you're just some prick with stupid lines!"
"What the hell is your problem."
"At the moment?"
"Fine just forget it then." Felix says then walks back to his friend, I look back at him, he's talking to his friend and pointing at me, his friends just laughing. I decide to get out of here. I'm gonna need a different place to sleep tonight. As I make my way to the nearest coffee shop I check my mobile, its already PM, it must have been a really deep sleep. I have about 10 missed calls from mom and a bunch of messages all asking the same thing 'where are you? Please call me.' I press the reply button and type 'going to LA and don't stop calling me' I push send and watch as the little message sent sign appears. I close my phone shove it in my pocket. I get to the coffee place and push the door open, I buy a latte and go sit at a table near the back.
"Fine Lauren pretend I don't exist." I look around me to see who's talking, I spot John Kiffmeyer aka Al Sobrante,
"What do you want?"
"All I ask is that you say hello, or do I have to get Billie to teach you some manners?" Between the three who made up Sweet Children I used to think Al was the nicest, well my opinion has completely changed, they all deserve to die and go to hell, the only reason that I hope they don't is because their band is fucking awesome.
"I doubt Billie would know how to teach something like that, unless of course its polite to abuse people?" Al laughs. Him and Mike are the only ones I feel confident to answer back to, I guess it's because they haven't hurt me, but either way it makes me feel less nervous when it's just me and them. I take a sip of my latte and wince as I scolds my mouth. Not wanting to continue a conversation with Al I pick up my cup and walk out of the café. I get to the sidewalk and walk over to the bus stop I check the schedule as I do so, my bus pulls up and I get in. It's pretty full and the only sit is next to an old lady, I look at her to see if she minds and she smiles so I sit down.
"Hello dear."
"Hi."
"It's a lovely day." I'm really getting over the lying thing but it's an old lady so I don't wanna be rude
"Sure is."
"So where are you headed?"
"Airport, I'm flying to LA tomorrow."
"That's sounds wonderful but why are you going so early?"
"Umm... I've always had bad luck at airports so I figured uhh,... just to be on the safe side." We talk about more random things like the weather, whether or not the guy on the 5 o clock news is a 'hunk'. finally we get to my stop I stand and look at the lady whose name I've learnt is Doris
"Goodbye it was nice talking to you."
"You too Lauren, take care." I smile and get off the bus.
As I walk through the airport doors the climate changes dramatically, sort of like a slight breeze. I'm assuming its too early to tell them that I'm here. By now it was about 3:30, I decided to go look through all the shops I didn't have a lot of money so I was mostly just browsing. After hours of going around in circles I went to go sit and one of the food places. I got a coke and sat down, running my finger around the rim of the glass and chewing on the straw. I didn't have a portable cd or tape player so I was forced to listen to the music they had blaring through the speakers, it was some pop song I didn't realize so I started humming Lost In The Supermarket to myself, my humming soon turned to singing which got louder, I noticed a few weird looks so I stopped and started drumming my fingers on the table.
