And All the Shit You Put Me Through, chapter 7
"I'm hungry. Are you hungry?" I look at Billie who has his hands under his head, the sheets covering the lower part of his naked body. I look down at myself, without sheets. I feel sick as it is, the thought of food wanting me to throw up even more
"Not really." Suddenly his hand grips my jaw and squeezes
"I said, are you hungry?"
"Yes."
"Good. Get dressed and go buy food." He releases his grip and I scramble out of the bed desperately looking around for my clothes. I glance at Billie who is watching me amused. I find my clothes and pull them on. I check the pocket in my skirt to make sure the envelope is there. I go to the front door "Lauren, you forgot to ask me what I want." I freeze then turn back to face him.
"What would you like?"
"Hmm...something tasty...something-"
"I'll see what I can find." I say cutting him off. I hurry out of the room before he can stop me, knowing he wont follow me out. It's gotten dark now and it's cold. I wish I had put pants on or at least a jacket. I breath into my hands and rub them together trying to warm myself up. Not sure where anything is I take a guess and start walking to the right. As I'm walking I pass a bunch of teenage guys on bikes. One of them whistles. I speed up my pace. I can hear them laughing behind me. I start running, turning a corner. I don't think they're following me but that doesn't make me any less nervous. I see a bunch of lights in front of me and I notice a line of shops. I hear the sound of a bell in the distance. I get worried and run straight into someone. I fall to the ground and can't control the tears running down my face. I start crying heavily not caring about the looks I'm getting.
"Are you...what's wrong?" I look up through swollen eyes at a girl looking at me. I shake my head, "C'mon." Too upset to refuse I let her help me up and lead me in some direction, oblivious to where I'm going. "Here we are." We've stopped in front of a diner. I follow her in and sit in a seat opposite to her
"Who are you?"
"Oh I'm sorry, my name is Emily. What's yours?"
"L-Lauren"
"Don't worry you don't have to be scared. You want a smoke?" I nod my head and she hands me a cigarette and lights it.
"Thank you."
"Hey Derrick! Two colas!"
"Sure thing Em!"Derrick's a friend, he owns here."
"Oh."
"So do you want to tell me why you were crying?" I stare down at the table "You don't have to." There's a silence as Derrick brings over the drinks. I watch Emily take a sip of her cola
"It's...an ex-friend."
"Did you have a fight with her?"
"He. He's been...hurting me."
"Hurting you?" I begin to tell her everything, glad to finally be able to tell somone "Oh my god!" She puts her hand to her gaping mouth "Did you-
have you reported him!"
"I can't. He knows too many people. Reporting him would just make it worse."
"But surely the police can-"
"NO! I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell."
"It's okay. But you can't let him do those things to you, it's just disgusting!" I hang my head ashamed. Images of the 'events' in the motel room running through my mind. Not just the sex the other stuff too. I'm revolted with myself. Emily sits still, biting her lip as though in thought.
"Have you- have you ever tried...kissing him?"
"What? He's kissed me lots of times."
"No that's not what I mean. That's him forcing himself onto you. Have you ever tried kissing him, without him starting it?"
"I can't stand being near him why the fuck would I ever want to kiss him
if I didn't have to?"
"Well I was just thinking that maybe he only does those things to you because he knows you don't want him to, but if you can make him think you want him, he might stop." I thought about this. I know he gets pleasure from seeing me cry but I never thought of that.
"What time is it?"
"Just after 9, why?"
"SHIT! I've been gone too long! I have to go! Thank you." I run out of the diner and back to the motel.
"So what did you get me?" A lump forms in my throat as I remember why I had gone out in the first place.
"I'm sorry the- I couldn't find the stores."
"I thought I told you never to lie to me!" Billie comes over and I feel his fist connect with my cheek. For what seems like the millionth time today I started crying. "Aww poor baby did I hurt you?" Billie asks me while laughing "Oh well, I guess it's the only way you'll learn."
I can taste blood in my mouth. Too afraid to move I swallow it. How could I ever pretend to want Billie Joe Armstrong?
"Not really." Suddenly his hand grips my jaw and squeezes
"I said, are you hungry?"
"Yes."
"Good. Get dressed and go buy food." He releases his grip and I scramble out of the bed desperately looking around for my clothes. I glance at Billie who is watching me amused. I find my clothes and pull them on. I check the pocket in my skirt to make sure the envelope is there. I go to the front door "Lauren, you forgot to ask me what I want." I freeze then turn back to face him.
"What would you like?"
"Hmm...something tasty...something-"
"I'll see what I can find." I say cutting him off. I hurry out of the room before he can stop me, knowing he wont follow me out. It's gotten dark now and it's cold. I wish I had put pants on or at least a jacket. I breath into my hands and rub them together trying to warm myself up. Not sure where anything is I take a guess and start walking to the right. As I'm walking I pass a bunch of teenage guys on bikes. One of them whistles. I speed up my pace. I can hear them laughing behind me. I start running, turning a corner. I don't think they're following me but that doesn't make me any less nervous. I see a bunch of lights in front of me and I notice a line of shops. I hear the sound of a bell in the distance. I get worried and run straight into someone. I fall to the ground and can't control the tears running down my face. I start crying heavily not caring about the looks I'm getting.
"Are you...what's wrong?" I look up through swollen eyes at a girl looking at me. I shake my head, "C'mon." Too upset to refuse I let her help me up and lead me in some direction, oblivious to where I'm going. "Here we are." We've stopped in front of a diner. I follow her in and sit in a seat opposite to her
"Who are you?"
"Oh I'm sorry, my name is Emily. What's yours?"
"L-Lauren"
"Don't worry you don't have to be scared. You want a smoke?" I nod my head and she hands me a cigarette and lights it.
"Thank you."
"Hey Derrick! Two colas!"
"Sure thing Em!"Derrick's a friend, he owns here."
"Oh."
"So do you want to tell me why you were crying?" I stare down at the table "You don't have to." There's a silence as Derrick brings over the drinks. I watch Emily take a sip of her cola
"It's...an ex-friend."
"Did you have a fight with her?"
"He. He's been...hurting me."
"Hurting you?" I begin to tell her everything, glad to finally be able to tell somone "Oh my god!" She puts her hand to her gaping mouth "Did you-
have you reported him!"
"I can't. He knows too many people. Reporting him would just make it worse."
"But surely the police can-"
"NO! I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell."
"It's okay. But you can't let him do those things to you, it's just disgusting!" I hang my head ashamed. Images of the 'events' in the motel room running through my mind. Not just the sex the other stuff too. I'm revolted with myself. Emily sits still, biting her lip as though in thought.
"Have you- have you ever tried...kissing him?"
"What? He's kissed me lots of times."
"No that's not what I mean. That's him forcing himself onto you. Have you ever tried kissing him, without him starting it?"
"I can't stand being near him why the fuck would I ever want to kiss him
if I didn't have to?"
"Well I was just thinking that maybe he only does those things to you because he knows you don't want him to, but if you can make him think you want him, he might stop." I thought about this. I know he gets pleasure from seeing me cry but I never thought of that.
"What time is it?"
"Just after 9, why?"
"SHIT! I've been gone too long! I have to go! Thank you." I run out of the diner and back to the motel.
"So what did you get me?" A lump forms in my throat as I remember why I had gone out in the first place.
"I'm sorry the- I couldn't find the stores."
"I thought I told you never to lie to me!" Billie comes over and I feel his fist connect with my cheek. For what seems like the millionth time today I started crying. "Aww poor baby did I hurt you?" Billie asks me while laughing "Oh well, I guess it's the only way you'll learn."
I can taste blood in my mouth. Too afraid to move I swallow it. How could I ever pretend to want Billie Joe Armstrong?
