And All the Shit You Put Me Through, chapter 9
What the hell just happened?!? What the fuck is wrong with her?!? Why would she try and trick me like that?!? Why did I fall for it?!? I can't believe I told her I liked her. What the hell would make me say that? It can't be...can it? I don't even know if I want her to like me. I don't want her to be hating me either though. God I am so confused. But, I guess it's true when they say you always hurt the one you love, you know if that is what I'm feeling. Look at me I'm so fucking pathethic right now, since when do I get all mopey about shit?
"Snap out of it Armstrong," I say shaking my head. I should be pissed, fucking bitch pulling that shit with me. As much as I try to be angry, I'm hurt and upset. 'I hate you Billie Joe Armstrong'. Those words kept echoing in my mind, something I never wanted to hear, something I never thought I would hear. I pass past a bar, it occurs to me to just go in and try to pass myself of as 21, it's worked in the past but I don't think that in the mood I'm in I could pull it off. The door swings open and out stumbles a big fat drunk guy. I stop and stare watching, he notices and smiles. It's a creepy smile so I try to keep walking
"Now hold on there sonny!" he grabs my shoulder and swings me around to face him. He breathes into my face and theres a strong smell of alcohol, the grip on my shoulder tightens, I try to remove it but I can't. "How old are you boy? I don't like my boys too old." Holy shit! I frantically try to escape but he's at least twice my height and 5 times my weight. All of a sudden I have a flashback. It's of Lauren at my house struggling underneath me, tears pouring down her face, her pleading screams, and then me laughing getting pleasure out of it. When I snap out of it, I've been dragged into an alley and my pants are around my ankles. The guy is behind me. Oh my God.
Lauren what have I been doing to you? I sat in the alley my knees hugged up against my chest. The big guy having left a little while ago. I feel so vulnerable, for the first time since my father died I actually cried. It's not me I feel sorry for though, it's Lauren. How much I must've hurt her. What she must have gone through, be going through. Oh god what have I done? No wonder she hates me. How do I apologise for something like this? Is there even a way to apologise? So many things I have to fix, I guess saying I'm sorry is the beginning of a long time of redemption.
"Snap out of it Armstrong," I say shaking my head. I should be pissed, fucking bitch pulling that shit with me. As much as I try to be angry, I'm hurt and upset. 'I hate you Billie Joe Armstrong'. Those words kept echoing in my mind, something I never wanted to hear, something I never thought I would hear. I pass past a bar, it occurs to me to just go in and try to pass myself of as 21, it's worked in the past but I don't think that in the mood I'm in I could pull it off. The door swings open and out stumbles a big fat drunk guy. I stop and stare watching, he notices and smiles. It's a creepy smile so I try to keep walking
"Now hold on there sonny!" he grabs my shoulder and swings me around to face him. He breathes into my face and theres a strong smell of alcohol, the grip on my shoulder tightens, I try to remove it but I can't. "How old are you boy? I don't like my boys too old." Holy shit! I frantically try to escape but he's at least twice my height and 5 times my weight. All of a sudden I have a flashback. It's of Lauren at my house struggling underneath me, tears pouring down her face, her pleading screams, and then me laughing getting pleasure out of it. When I snap out of it, I've been dragged into an alley and my pants are around my ankles. The guy is behind me. Oh my God.
Lauren what have I been doing to you? I sat in the alley my knees hugged up against my chest. The big guy having left a little while ago. I feel so vulnerable, for the first time since my father died I actually cried. It's not me I feel sorry for though, it's Lauren. How much I must've hurt her. What she must have gone through, be going through. Oh god what have I done? No wonder she hates me. How do I apologise for something like this? Is there even a way to apologise? So many things I have to fix, I guess saying I'm sorry is the beginning of a long time of redemption.
