Waiting, Wishing, Dreams come true, chapter 1
You would think the happiest day in your life would be when you meet that special someone- in my world- it was nothing like that at all.
I'm a troubled girl that's not afraid to admit it. Okay, I'm Sam and I'm 17 years old.
I'm suicidal and I don't care the slightest what people think of me, sure I maybe suicidal but whether you like it or not I'm still human and always will be much to my parents happiness.
They knew for sure that I was suicidal they did nothing about it they wanted me gone, even if it was dead rather than alive. The only thing keeping me alive was music, just the fact that I could escape my disturbed world and drift into the musicians head to see what there coming from, there point of view.
"I don't want you in this house anymore you suicidal stubborn little bitch!" My mum yelled at me.
"Fine I'll pack all my stuff and I'm gone,' I said calmly even though I knew I had no where to go.
"Just do one thing for me as your daughter, forget everything all the arguments, just this," I said.
"What is it?" My pissed off mum said calmly.
"Just get me a plane ticket to Oakland, California, and I'm gone out of your life so you can only fuck yours up and no longer mine," I said proud that I finally got it out.
"Okay, I'll get you the plane ticket and I'll give you $100 only to get your life together and no longer in mine," My mum said handing me the money.
"Just may I ask why Oakland?" my mum said slowly.
"Cos there's people I want to try and meet and I've wanted to live there for a while now, not that you knew any of this because you were to busy bloody snorting meth up your nose to get a hit into your mind that you were a good parent," I said keeping calm.
"Look kid your staying here tonight to say goodbye to your sister and brother while I get you the ticket, okay?" My mum asked surprisingly keeping calm after everything I had told her.
"Okay, fine, I'll stay the night ONLY, put the ticket in my room and I'll be gone before you wake up ok?"
"Fine, go pack, once your done packing say goodbye to everyone even your dad, even though I know you don't like him," My mum said telling me what to do again.
So went to go pack my stuff ALL my stuff knowing that I have been kicked out, but the thing was I got a say in where I went and I'm glad I got kicked out. I no longer had to put up with all the mental abuse from my dad and the physical abuse from my mum. I was so happy but the only thing was as a down-side, I didn't want to leave my brother and sister they were so young only 6 and 7, but I was determined to explain the best I could why I was leaving, just to help them understand why they would never see their sister again. I continued to pack up all my Green Day posters and all my things except the furniture knowing that I had carved stuff into it that I wanted my parents to find, just so they knew a little bit how I felt while being abused, being tormented and knowing that my brother and sister would go through the same thing eventually.
I eventually packed up all my stuff my clothes and my CD's and my guitar having a case all on its own.
I came out of my room to see that my sister Jamaica was sitting in bed with my brother Jake.
I just knew that they knew I was going, they hear all my arguments with our parents.
"I'm so sorry guys, I'm so sorry I have put you through this," was what I began with to them.
"Don't be, we know what's going on and that you can't stay, we want you to be happy and if that doesn't involve us then fine," Jake said intelligently, I knew he was very smart for a seven year old and it was all going to waste, on filling it with my arguments.
"Thanks Jake, but I should be sorry even though you won't except it, just if they give you shit, whatever you do don't listen to it, their not worth it, do it for me. If I know our parents any better they keep quiet for the next few weeks or months and ignore the subject, but don't bring it up you can with each other but not with them. I'm going to miss you guys, and you have my mobile number if they give you shit and you get hurt by it ring me, even if you are crying or whatever, if it is like a broken nose run to the hospital. Also avoid eye contact, they will try to stare you out but don't back down. I'm leaving notes for you guys in my room because when you wake up I won't be there." I said starting to cry.
"We know, we don't want you to go, we know you have to but if anything can you ring us every night, not on the main phone but on our mobiles," Jake said starting to cry as well as Jamaica.
"Jamaica, come here," I said holding my arms out for her.
"Yeah?" Jamaica said coming into my arms.
"I want you to know, mum will try to get close to you since I'm gone, I don't want you to get close to her, she will eventually try and hit you when you get about the age of 15, don't go anywhere near dad in the next year both of you." I said making sure they understood.
"Jake, come here," I said doing the same to him as I did with Jamaica.
"Okay, you are probably the luckiest out of all of us, because you're a guy that will grow big and strong and will be able to stick up for himself and hopefully your sister aswell. You're also very smart you have a big brain so just keep you're mouth shut and don't say anything to set dad off, you have seen and heard our arguments
unfortunately. The last thing I want, is you two getting abused like I did, I know you're fully aware of it mum and dad aren't, they won't so don't say anything to them. Just remember I love you and always will, I'm going to be happy but I will miss you dearly and remember everything I have told you, and the notes I will be leaving you, I want you to keep them and hide from mum and dad, both of you because what I want to write I don't want them to know. I'll write a back up one too that I will leave in my room and the ones I write to you I will put in your rooms ok?" I said now really crying.
"Yeah, I love you to much and I will miss you a lot but I don't want you to suffer anymore," Jamaica said crying a lot more than me. "Yeah same with me but we will be glad you will be happy just please, come back and get us when your life gets better, you know we hate it here, even though we haven't been abused yet." Jake said crying as well now.
"That's the thing though Jake Yet! I don't want there to be a yet, I'll will miss you dearly but do me a favor, before I come back for you, if you get abused listen to these CD's both of you they will make you fell better and this band will know how you're feeling in their own way ok?" I asked handing them a copy of my favorite Green Day CD's nimrod. And American Idiot. "Yeah, we will listen to them, and always think of you that one day you will come and get us," Jake said looking at Jamaica who was hysterical that I was really leaving.
"Jamaica, I'm sorry but if you want to be angry at anyone it will be mum and dad always have a hatred towards them, knowing that they make people's lives a living hell and that one day you will escape." I said trying to calm her down. "Yeah I know but when will that be?" Jamaica asked with a worried look.
"As soon as I turn a legal adult and that I can adopt you into my care," and that will be at least two years and you won't be 15 either you will be 8 or 9 then and Jake you will be 9 or 10, if I keep going on like this I will never leave, and I will never be able to rescue you from this living hell," I said pulling away.
"Just remember us as you live your life and that you will keep your promises," Jake said as tears were escaping his eyes like a waterfall.
"God I will keep my promises and will think of you everyday hoping you aren't going through the shit I have and am," I said reassuring them that I will keep them.
"I have to go, I love you too much to leave you here but in the next two years I will have a better life and hopefully, just hopefully you will be in it." I said pulling away from them even more.
"Bye, we love you, unlike our asshole parents," Jake said bravely.
"Yeah, thanks, it's good you have a attitude now you will need it later," I said now leaving the room.
"Happy dad, I'm gone tomorrow morning and just remember you may have mentally abused me, but I'm going to live my life in a whole other state and don't you ever try and visit me," I said without turning back.
"Yeah, I may be happy but your still my daughter," he said as if he wanted a hug.
"Unfortunately," I muttered under my breath.
"I'm not giving you a hug, not now not ever, I have had enough, I'm going to my room," I said walking to my room now. I started to write my notes- first my private ones to Jake and Jamaica.
I'm a troubled girl that's not afraid to admit it. Okay, I'm Sam and I'm 17 years old.
I'm suicidal and I don't care the slightest what people think of me, sure I maybe suicidal but whether you like it or not I'm still human and always will be much to my parents happiness.
They knew for sure that I was suicidal they did nothing about it they wanted me gone, even if it was dead rather than alive. The only thing keeping me alive was music, just the fact that I could escape my disturbed world and drift into the musicians head to see what there coming from, there point of view.
"I don't want you in this house anymore you suicidal stubborn little bitch!" My mum yelled at me.
"Fine I'll pack all my stuff and I'm gone,' I said calmly even though I knew I had no where to go.
"Just do one thing for me as your daughter, forget everything all the arguments, just this," I said.
"What is it?" My pissed off mum said calmly.
"Just get me a plane ticket to Oakland, California, and I'm gone out of your life so you can only fuck yours up and no longer mine," I said proud that I finally got it out.
"Okay, I'll get you the plane ticket and I'll give you $100 only to get your life together and no longer in mine," My mum said handing me the money.
"Just may I ask why Oakland?" my mum said slowly.
"Cos there's people I want to try and meet and I've wanted to live there for a while now, not that you knew any of this because you were to busy bloody snorting meth up your nose to get a hit into your mind that you were a good parent," I said keeping calm.
"Look kid your staying here tonight to say goodbye to your sister and brother while I get you the ticket, okay?" My mum asked surprisingly keeping calm after everything I had told her.
"Okay, fine, I'll stay the night ONLY, put the ticket in my room and I'll be gone before you wake up ok?"
"Fine, go pack, once your done packing say goodbye to everyone even your dad, even though I know you don't like him," My mum said telling me what to do again.
So went to go pack my stuff ALL my stuff knowing that I have been kicked out, but the thing was I got a say in where I went and I'm glad I got kicked out. I no longer had to put up with all the mental abuse from my dad and the physical abuse from my mum. I was so happy but the only thing was as a down-side, I didn't want to leave my brother and sister they were so young only 6 and 7, but I was determined to explain the best I could why I was leaving, just to help them understand why they would never see their sister again. I continued to pack up all my Green Day posters and all my things except the furniture knowing that I had carved stuff into it that I wanted my parents to find, just so they knew a little bit how I felt while being abused, being tormented and knowing that my brother and sister would go through the same thing eventually.
I eventually packed up all my stuff my clothes and my CD's and my guitar having a case all on its own.
I came out of my room to see that my sister Jamaica was sitting in bed with my brother Jake.
I just knew that they knew I was going, they hear all my arguments with our parents.
"I'm so sorry guys, I'm so sorry I have put you through this," was what I began with to them.
"Don't be, we know what's going on and that you can't stay, we want you to be happy and if that doesn't involve us then fine," Jake said intelligently, I knew he was very smart for a seven year old and it was all going to waste, on filling it with my arguments.
"Thanks Jake, but I should be sorry even though you won't except it, just if they give you shit, whatever you do don't listen to it, their not worth it, do it for me. If I know our parents any better they keep quiet for the next few weeks or months and ignore the subject, but don't bring it up you can with each other but not with them. I'm going to miss you guys, and you have my mobile number if they give you shit and you get hurt by it ring me, even if you are crying or whatever, if it is like a broken nose run to the hospital. Also avoid eye contact, they will try to stare you out but don't back down. I'm leaving notes for you guys in my room because when you wake up I won't be there." I said starting to cry.
"We know, we don't want you to go, we know you have to but if anything can you ring us every night, not on the main phone but on our mobiles," Jake said starting to cry as well as Jamaica.
"Jamaica, come here," I said holding my arms out for her.
"Yeah?" Jamaica said coming into my arms.
"I want you to know, mum will try to get close to you since I'm gone, I don't want you to get close to her, she will eventually try and hit you when you get about the age of 15, don't go anywhere near dad in the next year both of you." I said making sure they understood.
"Jake, come here," I said doing the same to him as I did with Jamaica.
"Okay, you are probably the luckiest out of all of us, because you're a guy that will grow big and strong and will be able to stick up for himself and hopefully your sister aswell. You're also very smart you have a big brain so just keep you're mouth shut and don't say anything to set dad off, you have seen and heard our arguments
unfortunately. The last thing I want, is you two getting abused like I did, I know you're fully aware of it mum and dad aren't, they won't so don't say anything to them. Just remember I love you and always will, I'm going to be happy but I will miss you dearly and remember everything I have told you, and the notes I will be leaving you, I want you to keep them and hide from mum and dad, both of you because what I want to write I don't want them to know. I'll write a back up one too that I will leave in my room and the ones I write to you I will put in your rooms ok?" I said now really crying.
"Yeah, I love you to much and I will miss you a lot but I don't want you to suffer anymore," Jamaica said crying a lot more than me. "Yeah same with me but we will be glad you will be happy just please, come back and get us when your life gets better, you know we hate it here, even though we haven't been abused yet." Jake said crying as well now.
"That's the thing though Jake Yet! I don't want there to be a yet, I'll will miss you dearly but do me a favor, before I come back for you, if you get abused listen to these CD's both of you they will make you fell better and this band will know how you're feeling in their own way ok?" I asked handing them a copy of my favorite Green Day CD's nimrod. And American Idiot. "Yeah, we will listen to them, and always think of you that one day you will come and get us," Jake said looking at Jamaica who was hysterical that I was really leaving.
"Jamaica, I'm sorry but if you want to be angry at anyone it will be mum and dad always have a hatred towards them, knowing that they make people's lives a living hell and that one day you will escape." I said trying to calm her down. "Yeah I know but when will that be?" Jamaica asked with a worried look.
"As soon as I turn a legal adult and that I can adopt you into my care," and that will be at least two years and you won't be 15 either you will be 8 or 9 then and Jake you will be 9 or 10, if I keep going on like this I will never leave, and I will never be able to rescue you from this living hell," I said pulling away.
"Just remember us as you live your life and that you will keep your promises," Jake said as tears were escaping his eyes like a waterfall.
"God I will keep my promises and will think of you everyday hoping you aren't going through the shit I have and am," I said reassuring them that I will keep them.
"I have to go, I love you too much to leave you here but in the next two years I will have a better life and hopefully, just hopefully you will be in it." I said pulling away from them even more.
"Bye, we love you, unlike our asshole parents," Jake said bravely.
"Yeah, thanks, it's good you have a attitude now you will need it later," I said now leaving the room.
"Happy dad, I'm gone tomorrow morning and just remember you may have mentally abused me, but I'm going to live my life in a whole other state and don't you ever try and visit me," I said without turning back.
"Yeah, I may be happy but your still my daughter," he said as if he wanted a hug.
"Unfortunately," I muttered under my breath.
"I'm not giving you a hug, not now not ever, I have had enough, I'm going to my room," I said walking to my room now. I started to write my notes- first my private ones to Jake and Jamaica.
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