Worlds Apart, chapter 13
I didn’t think anything could top the gig at Newcastle Arena, but I was wrong. They played an amazing set, which was nearly all requests. They had about ten of my friends up on stage at various times and did some great covers of I Fought the Law, London Calling and Shout. Then they finished with Time of Your Life and I don’t think there was one person in the whole place who wasn’t singing along. Afterwards, we set up a signing table next to the bar and they spent ages signing flyers and chatting to people after they came off stage while my friend Andy, who was DJing, played non-stop punk and ska. I knew everybody in the room was going to remember this night forever, and that they were going to talk about it for years to come. I knew no other birthday I ever had in my whole life was ever going to top this one, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even care that I hardly saw the Green Day guys for the rest of the night, seeing as everyone wanted to talk to them. The only problem I had was Tom. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him until the end of the night, when he asked if he could talk to me outside. I went and sat on the back steps with him, cause I knew people weren’t using that door and we weren’t going to get interrupted.
“Happy Birthday� he said,
“Thanks�
“This is the best 21st I’ve been to. You’ve kicked everyone else’s asses. I can’t believe you got Green Day here�
“I know� I smiled, “It’s been awesome�
There was an awkward pause, then he sighed and put his head in his hands, looking down at the ground.
“I miss you so much� he said, quietly.
My heart wrenched.
“I know� I said, “I miss you too�
“I love you�
“Tom…�
“I do. You don’t just stop loving someone when they leave� he said, his voice cracking with frustration, “I can’t believe you don’t think we have a future. I don’t know how you can imagine being with someone else. It’s always been you and me�
“I know,� I said, feeling tears prick my eyes, “But things are different now. We have to move on…I don’t want to argue about this any more Tom. You have to accept that it’s over�
He wiped his eyes, angrily.
“I can’t,� he said, through tears “I need you�
I hugged him. He smelled so familiar that for a moment I never wanted to let go. We just sat on the steps holding each other and crying for what felt like forever. Then he lifted his head and said,
“I should go�
I nodded,
“Well meet up for coffee or something this week…then we can talk some more�
He nodded, then hugged me again.
Suddenly, I heard the squeaky double doors open behind us and looked up to see Billie Joe silhouetted in the doorway, an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
“Sorry� he said, noticing our tear-streaked faces, “I’ll come back later�
“No, its ok� said Tom, “I’m on my way�
He pushed past Billie Joe quickly and headed off down the alleyway that led to the main street. I knew it was because he didn’t want him to see he’d been crying. Billie Joe watched him leave and then wordlessly sat down next to me and lit his cigarette. He offered it to me. I shook my head. He put it back in his mouth.
“Was that Tom?� he asked, after what felt like ages. I nodded.
“Pretty guy� he commented, exhaling.
“I know� I said, wiping my eyes.
He gently put his arm round my shoulders and I leaned against him. I couldn’t work out exactly what it was about him that was so reassuring. Maybe it came from him being 12 years older than me. He just always seemed to know exactly what to say and do to comfort me the most.
“Don’t cry� he said softly, “You guys are both going to be fine. I know that seems impossible right now but you will be. Trust me, I know�
I nodded. He gently wiped the tears from my face.
“We’re gonna need to reapply that eyeliner� he said. I groaned. He chuckled .
Then he kissed the top of my head. It was a surprise, but a nice one. It gave me a warm feeling that made me so glad he was there.
“Thank you Billie� I said, softly, “Foe everything. Tonight has been amazing. It’s my favorite birthday so far�
“I’ve had a great time too� he said, “I hadn’t been to a 21st in ages, Everyone’s fucked. Oh wait, I forgot. I’ve got something for you�
I lifted my head from his shoulder as he took an envelope from his pocket.
“Happy Birthday� he said, “From all of us�
I smiled, and opened it. Inside were a bunch of tickets for Leeds festival.
“Awesome� I laughed, “You didn’t have to do this!�
“Yeah we did, it’s your birthday. There’s six tickets so you and Ben can take some friends. And there are backstage passes for you guys too but we haven’t gotten those yet. Y’know, so you can come by and say hi�
“Billie Joe…� I smiled,
“Aaand, I have an extra thing for you too� he said, pulling out yet another envelope. I opened it, wondering what else he could possibly have got me. Greyhound Bus tickets.
“It’s a years pass so you can get free bus rides in California� he explained, “I thought it might come in handy�
“Oh my God� I grinned, “That’s such a cool idea. Seriously, Billie Joe, this is awesome. You didn’t have to do all this�
“I did,� he said, taking my hand, “Cause you have to have some way of getting to Oakland to come visit me every now and then�
I looked straight up, into his eyes. What was happening? Everything suddenly felt different between us. He lifted a hand and stroked his fingers down my face. His fingertips felt rough. He had guitarist’s hands.
“You know…you really do look beautiful tonight� he said, simply.
“So do you� I smiled, my heart beating fast,
He chuckled,
“It wasn’t really the look I was going for,� he said.
“Sorry� I smiled, as he rested his forehead against mine. I realized he was still holding my hand, and our fingers were entwined together. Time seemed to completely slow down, until I had no idea how long we had been sitting there at all.
“Billie Joe…� I whispered,
“Mmm?� he murmured, kissing my forehead. His voice sounded low and husky, and I had no idea what to say. I could just feel this surge of warmth seeping all the way through my body and completely taking me over. He kissed my nose. Then I lifted my head and our lips met. And time seemed to stop altogether. I started to think maybe I was dreaming. I lifted my hand to his hair and tried to run my fingers through it. I grinned.
“What?� he smiled, softly,
“Your hair is really crunchy,� I said,
“We get through a lot of hair products,� he admitted.
We both grinned as I kissed him again. He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap as he deepened the kiss. He tasted of cigarettes and alcohol but I didn’t care. My heart was racing. All the passion that had been building up over the past few weeks came rushing out and we were completely powerless to stop it. When we broke off, breathing heavily, he said
“Shit…you have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to do that�
I was leaning in to kiss him again when the door behind us opened again and Mike walked out, finding Billie Joe and I wrapped up in each other’s arms. I looked down, embarrassed, even though I knew there was no need. I was pretty sure Mike had known how I felt about Billie Joe all along.
“So that’s where you’ve been� he smiled, slyly.
“…yeah� Billie Joe smiled back.
“Well, it’s about time. I was getting worried it wasn’t going to happen at all. Look BJ, I hate to interrupt but I think we need to head off soon. Jason’s really drunk. And if we don’t go now we’re going to have a lot of people following us back to our hotel�
Billie Joe nodded,
“No problem� he said, “Just give me a minute�
Mike smiled at us knowingly and went back inside. I looked back at Billie Joe, finally allowing myself to get lost in those eyes without wanting to get out again. Neither of us said anything right away. Then he pulled me closer against him and rested his chin in the crook of my neck.
“Soph…that wasn’t a rebound kiss was it?� he asked softly.
I took his hand again and intertwined his fingers with mine.
“No� I said, “It wasn’t a rebound kiss�
He gently kissed my neck. I felt like my body was dissolving.
“Look� he whispered, “I have to go now. When you finish up here, could you come by our hotel….I want us to talk. I don’t want to keave it like this.�
I nodded. I was barely capable of speech by then.
“Cool� he said, “I’m in room 404. And I’m checked in as Jakob Danger�
He kissed me once more before he stood up and went back inside, leaving me on the steps, staring into space and trying to force my brain to start working again so I could figure out what all this meant.
“Happy Birthday� he said,
“Thanks�
“This is the best 21st I’ve been to. You’ve kicked everyone else’s asses. I can’t believe you got Green Day here�
“I know� I smiled, “It’s been awesome�
There was an awkward pause, then he sighed and put his head in his hands, looking down at the ground.
“I miss you so much� he said, quietly.
My heart wrenched.
“I know� I said, “I miss you too�
“I love you�
“Tom…�
“I do. You don’t just stop loving someone when they leave� he said, his voice cracking with frustration, “I can’t believe you don’t think we have a future. I don’t know how you can imagine being with someone else. It’s always been you and me�
“I know,� I said, feeling tears prick my eyes, “But things are different now. We have to move on…I don’t want to argue about this any more Tom. You have to accept that it’s over�
He wiped his eyes, angrily.
“I can’t,� he said, through tears “I need you�
I hugged him. He smelled so familiar that for a moment I never wanted to let go. We just sat on the steps holding each other and crying for what felt like forever. Then he lifted his head and said,
“I should go�
I nodded,
“Well meet up for coffee or something this week…then we can talk some more�
He nodded, then hugged me again.
Suddenly, I heard the squeaky double doors open behind us and looked up to see Billie Joe silhouetted in the doorway, an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
“Sorry� he said, noticing our tear-streaked faces, “I’ll come back later�
“No, its ok� said Tom, “I’m on my way�
He pushed past Billie Joe quickly and headed off down the alleyway that led to the main street. I knew it was because he didn’t want him to see he’d been crying. Billie Joe watched him leave and then wordlessly sat down next to me and lit his cigarette. He offered it to me. I shook my head. He put it back in his mouth.
“Was that Tom?� he asked, after what felt like ages. I nodded.
“Pretty guy� he commented, exhaling.
“I know� I said, wiping my eyes.
He gently put his arm round my shoulders and I leaned against him. I couldn’t work out exactly what it was about him that was so reassuring. Maybe it came from him being 12 years older than me. He just always seemed to know exactly what to say and do to comfort me the most.
“Don’t cry� he said softly, “You guys are both going to be fine. I know that seems impossible right now but you will be. Trust me, I know�
I nodded. He gently wiped the tears from my face.
“We’re gonna need to reapply that eyeliner� he said. I groaned. He chuckled .
Then he kissed the top of my head. It was a surprise, but a nice one. It gave me a warm feeling that made me so glad he was there.
“Thank you Billie� I said, softly, “Foe everything. Tonight has been amazing. It’s my favorite birthday so far�
“I’ve had a great time too� he said, “I hadn’t been to a 21st in ages, Everyone’s fucked. Oh wait, I forgot. I’ve got something for you�
I lifted my head from his shoulder as he took an envelope from his pocket.
“Happy Birthday� he said, “From all of us�
I smiled, and opened it. Inside were a bunch of tickets for Leeds festival.
“Awesome� I laughed, “You didn’t have to do this!�
“Yeah we did, it’s your birthday. There’s six tickets so you and Ben can take some friends. And there are backstage passes for you guys too but we haven’t gotten those yet. Y’know, so you can come by and say hi�
“Billie Joe…� I smiled,
“Aaand, I have an extra thing for you too� he said, pulling out yet another envelope. I opened it, wondering what else he could possibly have got me. Greyhound Bus tickets.
“It’s a years pass so you can get free bus rides in California� he explained, “I thought it might come in handy�
“Oh my God� I grinned, “That’s such a cool idea. Seriously, Billie Joe, this is awesome. You didn’t have to do all this�
“I did,� he said, taking my hand, “Cause you have to have some way of getting to Oakland to come visit me every now and then�
I looked straight up, into his eyes. What was happening? Everything suddenly felt different between us. He lifted a hand and stroked his fingers down my face. His fingertips felt rough. He had guitarist’s hands.
“You know…you really do look beautiful tonight� he said, simply.
“So do you� I smiled, my heart beating fast,
He chuckled,
“It wasn’t really the look I was going for,� he said.
“Sorry� I smiled, as he rested his forehead against mine. I realized he was still holding my hand, and our fingers were entwined together. Time seemed to completely slow down, until I had no idea how long we had been sitting there at all.
“Billie Joe…� I whispered,
“Mmm?� he murmured, kissing my forehead. His voice sounded low and husky, and I had no idea what to say. I could just feel this surge of warmth seeping all the way through my body and completely taking me over. He kissed my nose. Then I lifted my head and our lips met. And time seemed to stop altogether. I started to think maybe I was dreaming. I lifted my hand to his hair and tried to run my fingers through it. I grinned.
“What?� he smiled, softly,
“Your hair is really crunchy,� I said,
“We get through a lot of hair products,� he admitted.
We both grinned as I kissed him again. He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap as he deepened the kiss. He tasted of cigarettes and alcohol but I didn’t care. My heart was racing. All the passion that had been building up over the past few weeks came rushing out and we were completely powerless to stop it. When we broke off, breathing heavily, he said
“Shit…you have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to do that�
I was leaning in to kiss him again when the door behind us opened again and Mike walked out, finding Billie Joe and I wrapped up in each other’s arms. I looked down, embarrassed, even though I knew there was no need. I was pretty sure Mike had known how I felt about Billie Joe all along.
“So that’s where you’ve been� he smiled, slyly.
“…yeah� Billie Joe smiled back.
“Well, it’s about time. I was getting worried it wasn’t going to happen at all. Look BJ, I hate to interrupt but I think we need to head off soon. Jason’s really drunk. And if we don’t go now we’re going to have a lot of people following us back to our hotel�
Billie Joe nodded,
“No problem� he said, “Just give me a minute�
Mike smiled at us knowingly and went back inside. I looked back at Billie Joe, finally allowing myself to get lost in those eyes without wanting to get out again. Neither of us said anything right away. Then he pulled me closer against him and rested his chin in the crook of my neck.
“Soph…that wasn’t a rebound kiss was it?� he asked softly.
I took his hand again and intertwined his fingers with mine.
“No� I said, “It wasn’t a rebound kiss�
He gently kissed my neck. I felt like my body was dissolving.
“Look� he whispered, “I have to go now. When you finish up here, could you come by our hotel….I want us to talk. I don’t want to keave it like this.�
I nodded. I was barely capable of speech by then.
“Cool� he said, “I’m in room 404. And I’m checked in as Jakob Danger�
He kissed me once more before he stood up and went back inside, leaving me on the steps, staring into space and trying to force my brain to start working again so I could figure out what all this meant.
