Green Day in....the Blair Witch Project, chapter 1
"Hi, I'm Billie Joe. Me, my friend Tre and our camera man Mike are gunna go up to the woods, and sort out this 'Blair Witch' bullshit. We'll be documenting the whole process...i guess. Mike's making me document the whole process. Anyway, so we're gunna start by interviewing the fucked over locals of this Berkely town..."
"Hey...hey Billie Joe...lets call her the Blair Bitch and see if she gets pissed off at us!" Tre laughed, packing his equipment into the car. Billie peered curiously at the woods.
"I'm only doing this because the arseholes at school say I'm a fag...and they dared me to do it...freekin morons." Billie Joe muttered, while Mike kept looking at the woods. They were grey.
Thats what everyone in Berkely was mystified about...that the woods were all gray, there was no colour, no matter what season it was. Billie shivered. And to go there in winter. How stupid were they? He smiled to himself; pretty stupid.
"This here is one of our wonderful locals...Ms. Hilton." Tre remarked.
"Thats hot." replied Ms. Hilton, choking her small dog.
"Yes..tell me Ms. Hilton, what is your opinion on the Blair Bitch legend?" asked Tre.
"Well um...like...I think...if I'm capable of it...that um...the witch is like, smelly and ew...and not hot...and she'll eat my dog...so I don't go up there much...I had this boyfriend whose little sister was so desperate she apparently slept with the Blair Witch...she wasn't hot." Paris flicked her hair out of her eyes and smiled at Billie Joe, who gave her the finger.
"Tell me Ms. Hilton, would you fuck me?" Tre asked, placing his head underneath Paris's bra.
"I fuck anyone." she replied, raising her eyebrow at Billie.
"Good. No wonder you carry that dog around all the time. Lets go Mike and Tre." Billie said, marching off.
"NOW TRE!" Tre blew kisses to Paris and they moved on.
"Heres Pierre...on of our other locals..hes a jock and a right prick. Hes also mind numbingly stupid and he has a crappy band called Pimple Fans. Pierre?" asked Billie, as Pierre turned around and smashed him in the mouth. Mike pulled up Billie.
"You moron, don't go picking fights! Pierre, what is your opinion on the Blair Witch?" asked Mike, as Pierre cracked his knuckles at Billie, who rolled his eyes.
"Shes a witch." he replied simply. He had a Simple Plan...to be a moron.
"And...have you heard anything about her at all? Any legends?"
"I'm just a kid." he replied, looking vaugely up at his cruddily done fohawk and wishing he was cool.
"Great...thanks..." Mike said.
"For nothing fucker!" yelled Billie, as Tre pulled him away.
"Hey...hey Billie Joe...lets call her the Blair Bitch and see if she gets pissed off at us!" Tre laughed, packing his equipment into the car. Billie peered curiously at the woods.
"I'm only doing this because the arseholes at school say I'm a fag...and they dared me to do it...freekin morons." Billie Joe muttered, while Mike kept looking at the woods. They were grey.
Thats what everyone in Berkely was mystified about...that the woods were all gray, there was no colour, no matter what season it was. Billie shivered. And to go there in winter. How stupid were they? He smiled to himself; pretty stupid.
"This here is one of our wonderful locals...Ms. Hilton." Tre remarked.
"Thats hot." replied Ms. Hilton, choking her small dog.
"Yes..tell me Ms. Hilton, what is your opinion on the Blair Bitch legend?" asked Tre.
"Well um...like...I think...if I'm capable of it...that um...the witch is like, smelly and ew...and not hot...and she'll eat my dog...so I don't go up there much...I had this boyfriend whose little sister was so desperate she apparently slept with the Blair Witch...she wasn't hot." Paris flicked her hair out of her eyes and smiled at Billie Joe, who gave her the finger.
"Tell me Ms. Hilton, would you fuck me?" Tre asked, placing his head underneath Paris's bra.
"I fuck anyone." she replied, raising her eyebrow at Billie.
"Good. No wonder you carry that dog around all the time. Lets go Mike and Tre." Billie said, marching off.
"NOW TRE!" Tre blew kisses to Paris and they moved on.
"Heres Pierre...on of our other locals..hes a jock and a right prick. Hes also mind numbingly stupid and he has a crappy band called Pimple Fans. Pierre?" asked Billie, as Pierre turned around and smashed him in the mouth. Mike pulled up Billie.
"You moron, don't go picking fights! Pierre, what is your opinion on the Blair Witch?" asked Mike, as Pierre cracked his knuckles at Billie, who rolled his eyes.
"Shes a witch." he replied simply. He had a Simple Plan...to be a moron.
"And...have you heard anything about her at all? Any legends?"
"I'm just a kid." he replied, looking vaugely up at his cruddily done fohawk and wishing he was cool.
"Great...thanks..." Mike said.
"For nothing fucker!" yelled Billie, as Tre pulled him away.
