What a father should be, chapter 5
Billie walked up the hospital stairs and turned the corner to Zach's room. Mike was sitting outside in a chair, waiting for Billie. On seeing him, Mike jumped up and smiled, extending his arms for Billie to hug. Billie Joe ran into him and hugged him briefly, before pulling away and smiling tiredly.
"How did it go. Seriously." Mike asked, trying to look Billie in his defeated green eyes.
"Not... not great. They pulled up everything I'd ever done wrong, they made me out to be a drug addict, like some screwed up drifter. They didn't listen to me! And... and Zach's dad... GOD!" Billie hissed, clenching his fists in rage. Mike sighed. He knew that's exactly what they would do to Billie. Dissect him and tear him apart.
"You saw him? What'd he say to you?" he asked. Billie shrugged.
"I wish he would have tried to attack me. Cause I sure as hell wanted to KILL him." Billie muttered, Mike nodding.
"It's not me! I'm not a drug addict! I'm not some hopeless moron with no direction! I wanna be a father Mike I want it more than anything in the fucking world. People get to be fathers everyday, but I have to prove myself to love someone? To love someone like Zach? HOW CAN I PROVE THAT?" yelled Billie, kicking Mike's chair clean over. Mike leant down and picked it up again, before rubbing Billie's trembling shoulders.
"Its okay. We know that's not who you are. But Zach's giving video testimony tomorrow, and it'll blow them all away. It's the truth and they can't ignore it. They need to see Zach's point of view and they will. For now though, Zach's been waiting for you. He's been staying up for you, but I dunno if he's still awake." Billie turned to go into Zach, but Mike grabbed his arm.
"Bill... tell him the truth." Mike said knowingly, and Billie closed his eyes and lowered his head, walking into Zach's room. Tre was snoring on the couch, while Zach slept innocently on top of his bed sheets, turned toward the window, waiting for Billie. Tre woke slowly and smiled at Billie, before sleepily walking out the door, knowing Billie wanted alone time with Zach.
Billie sat down in the chair next to Zach, scanning his body. The bruises had gone down a little, but the scars were more present than ever before. Billie began to think what would happen if he didn't become his father.
The connection they had would make them both feel permanently empty if they lost it. Zach would go to live with some family that wouldn't understand him, that would just paint over what had happened to him. And Billie would drift through life knowing he had let Zach slip between his fingers... knowing that he had not defeated Brad, not defeated the Zach inside him.
Billie felt tears dropping quickly onto Zach's sheets. Zach stirred and looked sadly at Billie's hopeless expression. He didn't know what to say to him. He then remembered Billie's love of music.
"Daddy you're a fool to cry... " sung Zach softly. Billie smiled.
"Mike and Tre played you Rolling Stones huh?" he smiled, wiping his eyes. Zach nodded, rubbing Billie's hand.
"What happened?" he asked, as Billie looked at the floor.
"Well, they were against me Zach. They didn't really listen to me. They thought I was an idiot." Billie gushed, as Zach felt hurt. His daddy was not an idiot.
"You're not an idiot, you're the best father anyone could ask for." Zach replied, getting upset.
"I've made you cry huh... " Billie said, feeling like shit. Feeling like the man the court had presented him to be.
"No, you've told me the truth and I love you for it." Zach said, getting up and hugging Billie. He felt less sore and Billie held him gently, smiling and laughing.
"Zach! Zach you can walk!" Billie laughed, helping Zach out of bed. Zach felt Billie's hands holding his own, like life lines. If he fell, Billie wouldn't let him hit the floor. Zach took a couple of steps and felt the adrenaline come rushing to his legs. He laughed and smiled up at Billie, who was beaming.
Zach took a few more steps, as Billie let his hands go. Zach managed to walk to the chair and sit down. He beamed and Billie came to sit him on his lap. They both smiled dreamily, as Billie rested his head on Zach's familiar mousy hair and Zach lay his head in Billie's warm and familiar smelling chest.
"You're a great daddy. And every one is gunna see. You just wait."
"How did it go. Seriously." Mike asked, trying to look Billie in his defeated green eyes.
"Not... not great. They pulled up everything I'd ever done wrong, they made me out to be a drug addict, like some screwed up drifter. They didn't listen to me! And... and Zach's dad... GOD!" Billie hissed, clenching his fists in rage. Mike sighed. He knew that's exactly what they would do to Billie. Dissect him and tear him apart.
"You saw him? What'd he say to you?" he asked. Billie shrugged.
"I wish he would have tried to attack me. Cause I sure as hell wanted to KILL him." Billie muttered, Mike nodding.
"It's not me! I'm not a drug addict! I'm not some hopeless moron with no direction! I wanna be a father Mike I want it more than anything in the fucking world. People get to be fathers everyday, but I have to prove myself to love someone? To love someone like Zach? HOW CAN I PROVE THAT?" yelled Billie, kicking Mike's chair clean over. Mike leant down and picked it up again, before rubbing Billie's trembling shoulders.
"Its okay. We know that's not who you are. But Zach's giving video testimony tomorrow, and it'll blow them all away. It's the truth and they can't ignore it. They need to see Zach's point of view and they will. For now though, Zach's been waiting for you. He's been staying up for you, but I dunno if he's still awake." Billie turned to go into Zach, but Mike grabbed his arm.
"Bill... tell him the truth." Mike said knowingly, and Billie closed his eyes and lowered his head, walking into Zach's room. Tre was snoring on the couch, while Zach slept innocently on top of his bed sheets, turned toward the window, waiting for Billie. Tre woke slowly and smiled at Billie, before sleepily walking out the door, knowing Billie wanted alone time with Zach.
Billie sat down in the chair next to Zach, scanning his body. The bruises had gone down a little, but the scars were more present than ever before. Billie began to think what would happen if he didn't become his father.
The connection they had would make them both feel permanently empty if they lost it. Zach would go to live with some family that wouldn't understand him, that would just paint over what had happened to him. And Billie would drift through life knowing he had let Zach slip between his fingers... knowing that he had not defeated Brad, not defeated the Zach inside him.
Billie felt tears dropping quickly onto Zach's sheets. Zach stirred and looked sadly at Billie's hopeless expression. He didn't know what to say to him. He then remembered Billie's love of music.
"Daddy you're a fool to cry... " sung Zach softly. Billie smiled.
"Mike and Tre played you Rolling Stones huh?" he smiled, wiping his eyes. Zach nodded, rubbing Billie's hand.
"What happened?" he asked, as Billie looked at the floor.
"Well, they were against me Zach. They didn't really listen to me. They thought I was an idiot." Billie gushed, as Zach felt hurt. His daddy was not an idiot.
"You're not an idiot, you're the best father anyone could ask for." Zach replied, getting upset.
"I've made you cry huh... " Billie said, feeling like shit. Feeling like the man the court had presented him to be.
"No, you've told me the truth and I love you for it." Zach said, getting up and hugging Billie. He felt less sore and Billie held him gently, smiling and laughing.
"Zach! Zach you can walk!" Billie laughed, helping Zach out of bed. Zach felt Billie's hands holding his own, like life lines. If he fell, Billie wouldn't let him hit the floor. Zach took a couple of steps and felt the adrenaline come rushing to his legs. He laughed and smiled up at Billie, who was beaming.
Zach took a few more steps, as Billie let his hands go. Zach managed to walk to the chair and sit down. He beamed and Billie came to sit him on his lap. They both smiled dreamily, as Billie rested his head on Zach's familiar mousy hair and Zach lay his head in Billie's warm and familiar smelling chest.
"You're a great daddy. And every one is gunna see. You just wait."
