What a father should be, chapter 8
Billie Joe walked out of the court room after yet another long day of ear bashing. He opened his car door and started up the engine, sighing and closing his eyes. Zach was so young yet he managed to muster that testimony, and the words that Billie's lawyer had told him would win him the case.
Billie looked glumly out at the streets as he recollected that the hope of him winning was dim. Billie blinked at a newspaper subheading and vaguely looked away. He scanned his mind and then looked back again in disbelief and read it over:
"Armstrong's stepfather confesses: Billie using child for publicity"
Billie stared dumbfounded at the lies that leered back at him. Car horns started to beep behind him, as Billie swung his car toward the corner shop and stopped to a sharp halt outside. He furiously picked up the paper and brought a copy, looking angrily at the headline. As he walked back to his car, he opened it up and started to read:
"We managed to get an interview with Mr. Armstrong's stepfather, Bradley Cummings. Tell us Mr. Cummings, what is your opinion on this matter?"
"Billie rung me up about two weeks ago, excited and saying that he was finally going to adopt a child that would clean up his image. I wasn't very happy about it, but I try to support him so I reluctantly agreed with him. I then learned of the child's past, and tried to persuade my son to let someone else take care of the child, but he insisted it was 'too perfect'. I was angry with him, and he then threatened to spread lies about me if I didn't agree with him and keep my mouth shut. I didn't want to, but I thought 'who am I to interfere?'. I then realized that it wasn't about me, it was about what was right for the boy.
So I rung Billie and said I was going to tell the media, and he responded by lying to both the courts and his possible future son that I myself had abused him as a child. I was horrified, and have tried to contact the child but Billie won't have it. I'm worried about him and concerned for the little boy. Please son, if you're reading this, reconsider adopting him. I'm not trying to harm you, I'm trying to protect you from making a mistake. I love you."
Billie Joe screamed and slammed the article onto his dashboard.
"LOVE ME? LOVE ME? YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Billie punched the seat next to him, in a blind fury.
"LIES LIES FUCKING LIES I HATE YOU!" he yelled, feeling as if he could burst. He felt sick and unbelievably angry. He felt angrier than he ever had before. Billie got out of his car and tore up the article completely, throwing it into the air and spitting on it. People walking past stared at him, to which he responded with a glare.
Brad was so full of shit. He could not believe this. He just couldn't believe it. Where the hell was his mother? Surely she knew this was a bunch of lies? Billie was furious. How could Brad do this? How the hell could people believe someone like him? Why were people so damn fucking blind? Billie started up his car and sped off to the hospital. On his way home, he brought another copy of the article and once entering Zach's room, shoved it into Mike's hands.
"Read this bullshit!" he hissed, slammed himself down in the chair and fuming. Zach didn't say anything, just looked curiously at the papers. Mike read it out aloud and grew furious, as did Tre and Zach. Billie was so angry he couldn't manage to see straight. He felt hatred bubbling in his stomach for Brad. He wanted to kill him. Mike dropped the article to the floor and rubbed his forehead. Tre reread it quietly and grew sad. How could someone do this to Billie? After all he'd done for Zach.
Zach left Billie alone. He was little frightened; he'd never seen Billie angry before. Billie shook from anger and punched his seat hard. Zach jumped and Billie quickly looked at him, his eyes taking on a softer tone. He'd forgotten Zach and he was all that mattered to him. Billie moved his chair closer to Zach's bed yet saw Zach wouldn't look him in the eye. Billie was now no longer angry, but hurt.
"Zach... Zach I would never hit you. No matter how angry I was." Billie said quietly, as Zach continued to look at his bed sheets and not at Billie. Billie rubbed Zach's hand softly and felt it shaking. What had he done? Zach was scared of him. Billie looked around. He needed to show Zach he wasn't angry with him. He needed to show Zach that despite being furious, he'd never take it out on him. It wasn't Zach's fault. Billie backed away from Zach, and stood with his hands in his pockets above him. He saw Zach with his head down, and saw in him the boy that was used to be smacked hard whenever someone was angry.
"I'm not your daddy Zach. Not your bad one anyway. Wait here. I'll prove it to you." Billie walked out of the hospital room, as Mike and Tre gawked after him. Zach looked uncertainly at Mike and Tre, who both shrugged. An hour passed by, and Zach started to tap his fingers to Good Riddance. He was nervous. He heard his door being opened and looked up to see Billie coming in with something in a black case.
Mike and Tre smiled and relaxed. They both looked at each other and left the room. Billie sat softly next to Zach, who now moved to look closer at the case. It had lots of stickers, and writing. Dates, numbers, times, names... lots of things. It was one of the most interesting things he'd ever seen. Billie smiled as he watched Zach trying to understand the markings.
Billie undid the case and revealed one of the most precious things to him in the world: Blue. Zach gaped. It was beautiful. There was so much to look at. There was rude words on it too, but Zach couldn't have cared less. Billie slowly lifted it out of the case and plugged it into the amplifier. He turned it on low, so as not to be too loud. He wanted something soft...he wasn't angry anymore. Billie put its case on the floor underneath Zach's bed and lifted the guitar into his arms. Zach watched silently, wanting to learn how to play it just like Billie.
"Do you like it Zach?" asked Billie, as Zach nodded.
"I love it. It's very complicated though." Zach commented, watching Billie tune it. So many knobs and twiddling, but Billie's fingers seemed to know it back to front, and slid up and down the guitar neck like ice skaters on a pond. Zach was fascinated. Billie looked at Zach, who looked so interested it was quite funny. Zach's brow was furrowed in concentration as he tried to understand the guitar. Billie smiled quietly to himself and wondered what to play Zach. He remembered something he had been working on for a while, but wasn't sure if it was ready yet...
"My dad gave me this guitar before he died Zach. He told me to practice, so that all I've been doing since he died. This is my favorite guitar in the world. I'm going to play you something I've been working on for a little while... but I'm not sure if its ready yet so... here goes." Billie plucked the three bottom strings slowly, as Zach's ears received the sound he became entranced. He liked it a lot.
"Summer has come and passed... the innocent can never last... wake me up... when September ends... " Billie sang softly, feeling his way along the familiar sounds of the guitar. Zach sat quietly, listening. Billie didn't look at him; he looked at the guitar, remembering what all stickers and memories he had stuck there meant. Zach watched Billie's fingers and realized they could never form into a fist to hurt him. Fingers that played like that could never be used to hurt people intentionally. Billie was not that sort of person. Zach felt completely calm as Billie stroked the last notes and finished:
"Wake me up... when September ends... " Billie finished, and let the last string hum for a while. Zach felt himself crying, as did Billie. They sat for a while in silence.
"I liked it. It was beautiful to me Billie." Zach said quietly. Billie looked at him and Zach saw a new pain in Billie's eyes. He missed his father. Just like Zach wanted so desperately to have a real father, Billie wanted his real father back. Zach nestled closer to Billie.
"Tell me about your daddy. I want to hear what he was like." Zach asked, looking at Billie. Billie looked at his guitar and smiled, remembering his dad.
"One time, when I was really little, my dad carried me around on his shoulders for an entire day because I said I was sick of looking up at everyone. I loved him so much. I still do. I always wish he was here Zach. Always." Billie finished, but remembered another thing.
"This other time, my big brothers got into this huge fight outside and were getting in too deep, so my dad went outside and broke it up. He jumped right into the middle of it, just to protect my brothers. Even though they started it." Billie laughed, and then swallowed. His dad was gone. And for what? For Brad to replace him? Billie felt the same type of tears falling all over his guitar. They were the kind of tears that just sort of fell out. They were funny in a way, they just came running out of his eyes, without him stopping himself. Zach watched and hugged Billie's waist softly.
"He sounds like you." Zach whispered, looking at the tears running down the guitar neck. Billie looked at Zach, who looked back up at him. Billie smiled and held Zach closer to him, bringing him onto his lap. Billie Joe picked up the guitar and placed Zach's hands on it. He beamed. They curved perfectly.
"Okay, put your index finger here... that's called a fret." Billie explained. He pushed Zach's fingers along each fret gently.
"First fret, second fret, third fret, and so on. The idea is, you put your fingers in different places and it will make different sounds. If you combine them you can get chords or a series of sounds when you pluck the strings." Zach stuck his tongue out at an angle, trying to concentrate. Billie laughed and slid Zach's finger down the E string, plucking the string with his other hand.
Dooo do do do do do do do do
Zach giggled as did Billie. Billie placed his fingers properly for the opening notes of Wake Me Up When September Ends, and moved Zach's hand down over the guitar.
"Now just pluck those bottom strings. These three. When I say." he moved Zach's hand along the three strings. Zach waited patiently.
"Now." Billie said, and Zach plucked.
Do do do.
"Again."
Do do do.
"Now do the whole thing."
Do do do do do do.
Zach grinned and smiled proudly at Billie.
"I did it! I did it!" Billie laughed.
"I know you did!" he replied. Zach smiled happily and plucked other strings.
"I wanna hear you play it again." Zach said, and moved to rest his head on the bottom of the guitar. Billie smiled and started to play as Zach listened to the vibrations and the feeling of Billie's music with one ear, and his voice with the other.
"Wake Me Up... When September Ends... ."
Billie looked glumly out at the streets as he recollected that the hope of him winning was dim. Billie blinked at a newspaper subheading and vaguely looked away. He scanned his mind and then looked back again in disbelief and read it over:
"Armstrong's stepfather confesses: Billie using child for publicity"
Billie stared dumbfounded at the lies that leered back at him. Car horns started to beep behind him, as Billie swung his car toward the corner shop and stopped to a sharp halt outside. He furiously picked up the paper and brought a copy, looking angrily at the headline. As he walked back to his car, he opened it up and started to read:
"We managed to get an interview with Mr. Armstrong's stepfather, Bradley Cummings. Tell us Mr. Cummings, what is your opinion on this matter?"
"Billie rung me up about two weeks ago, excited and saying that he was finally going to adopt a child that would clean up his image. I wasn't very happy about it, but I try to support him so I reluctantly agreed with him. I then learned of the child's past, and tried to persuade my son to let someone else take care of the child, but he insisted it was 'too perfect'. I was angry with him, and he then threatened to spread lies about me if I didn't agree with him and keep my mouth shut. I didn't want to, but I thought 'who am I to interfere?'. I then realized that it wasn't about me, it was about what was right for the boy.
So I rung Billie and said I was going to tell the media, and he responded by lying to both the courts and his possible future son that I myself had abused him as a child. I was horrified, and have tried to contact the child but Billie won't have it. I'm worried about him and concerned for the little boy. Please son, if you're reading this, reconsider adopting him. I'm not trying to harm you, I'm trying to protect you from making a mistake. I love you."
Billie Joe screamed and slammed the article onto his dashboard.
"LOVE ME? LOVE ME? YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Billie punched the seat next to him, in a blind fury.
"LIES LIES FUCKING LIES I HATE YOU!" he yelled, feeling as if he could burst. He felt sick and unbelievably angry. He felt angrier than he ever had before. Billie got out of his car and tore up the article completely, throwing it into the air and spitting on it. People walking past stared at him, to which he responded with a glare.
Brad was so full of shit. He could not believe this. He just couldn't believe it. Where the hell was his mother? Surely she knew this was a bunch of lies? Billie was furious. How could Brad do this? How the hell could people believe someone like him? Why were people so damn fucking blind? Billie started up his car and sped off to the hospital. On his way home, he brought another copy of the article and once entering Zach's room, shoved it into Mike's hands.
"Read this bullshit!" he hissed, slammed himself down in the chair and fuming. Zach didn't say anything, just looked curiously at the papers. Mike read it out aloud and grew furious, as did Tre and Zach. Billie was so angry he couldn't manage to see straight. He felt hatred bubbling in his stomach for Brad. He wanted to kill him. Mike dropped the article to the floor and rubbed his forehead. Tre reread it quietly and grew sad. How could someone do this to Billie? After all he'd done for Zach.
Zach left Billie alone. He was little frightened; he'd never seen Billie angry before. Billie shook from anger and punched his seat hard. Zach jumped and Billie quickly looked at him, his eyes taking on a softer tone. He'd forgotten Zach and he was all that mattered to him. Billie moved his chair closer to Zach's bed yet saw Zach wouldn't look him in the eye. Billie was now no longer angry, but hurt.
"Zach... Zach I would never hit you. No matter how angry I was." Billie said quietly, as Zach continued to look at his bed sheets and not at Billie. Billie rubbed Zach's hand softly and felt it shaking. What had he done? Zach was scared of him. Billie looked around. He needed to show Zach he wasn't angry with him. He needed to show Zach that despite being furious, he'd never take it out on him. It wasn't Zach's fault. Billie backed away from Zach, and stood with his hands in his pockets above him. He saw Zach with his head down, and saw in him the boy that was used to be smacked hard whenever someone was angry.
"I'm not your daddy Zach. Not your bad one anyway. Wait here. I'll prove it to you." Billie walked out of the hospital room, as Mike and Tre gawked after him. Zach looked uncertainly at Mike and Tre, who both shrugged. An hour passed by, and Zach started to tap his fingers to Good Riddance. He was nervous. He heard his door being opened and looked up to see Billie coming in with something in a black case.
Mike and Tre smiled and relaxed. They both looked at each other and left the room. Billie sat softly next to Zach, who now moved to look closer at the case. It had lots of stickers, and writing. Dates, numbers, times, names... lots of things. It was one of the most interesting things he'd ever seen. Billie smiled as he watched Zach trying to understand the markings.
Billie undid the case and revealed one of the most precious things to him in the world: Blue. Zach gaped. It was beautiful. There was so much to look at. There was rude words on it too, but Zach couldn't have cared less. Billie slowly lifted it out of the case and plugged it into the amplifier. He turned it on low, so as not to be too loud. He wanted something soft...he wasn't angry anymore. Billie put its case on the floor underneath Zach's bed and lifted the guitar into his arms. Zach watched silently, wanting to learn how to play it just like Billie.
"Do you like it Zach?" asked Billie, as Zach nodded.
"I love it. It's very complicated though." Zach commented, watching Billie tune it. So many knobs and twiddling, but Billie's fingers seemed to know it back to front, and slid up and down the guitar neck like ice skaters on a pond. Zach was fascinated. Billie looked at Zach, who looked so interested it was quite funny. Zach's brow was furrowed in concentration as he tried to understand the guitar. Billie smiled quietly to himself and wondered what to play Zach. He remembered something he had been working on for a while, but wasn't sure if it was ready yet...
"My dad gave me this guitar before he died Zach. He told me to practice, so that all I've been doing since he died. This is my favorite guitar in the world. I'm going to play you something I've been working on for a little while... but I'm not sure if its ready yet so... here goes." Billie plucked the three bottom strings slowly, as Zach's ears received the sound he became entranced. He liked it a lot.
"Summer has come and passed... the innocent can never last... wake me up... when September ends... " Billie sang softly, feeling his way along the familiar sounds of the guitar. Zach sat quietly, listening. Billie didn't look at him; he looked at the guitar, remembering what all stickers and memories he had stuck there meant. Zach watched Billie's fingers and realized they could never form into a fist to hurt him. Fingers that played like that could never be used to hurt people intentionally. Billie was not that sort of person. Zach felt completely calm as Billie stroked the last notes and finished:
"Wake me up... when September ends... " Billie finished, and let the last string hum for a while. Zach felt himself crying, as did Billie. They sat for a while in silence.
"I liked it. It was beautiful to me Billie." Zach said quietly. Billie looked at him and Zach saw a new pain in Billie's eyes. He missed his father. Just like Zach wanted so desperately to have a real father, Billie wanted his real father back. Zach nestled closer to Billie.
"Tell me about your daddy. I want to hear what he was like." Zach asked, looking at Billie. Billie looked at his guitar and smiled, remembering his dad.
"One time, when I was really little, my dad carried me around on his shoulders for an entire day because I said I was sick of looking up at everyone. I loved him so much. I still do. I always wish he was here Zach. Always." Billie finished, but remembered another thing.
"This other time, my big brothers got into this huge fight outside and were getting in too deep, so my dad went outside and broke it up. He jumped right into the middle of it, just to protect my brothers. Even though they started it." Billie laughed, and then swallowed. His dad was gone. And for what? For Brad to replace him? Billie felt the same type of tears falling all over his guitar. They were the kind of tears that just sort of fell out. They were funny in a way, they just came running out of his eyes, without him stopping himself. Zach watched and hugged Billie's waist softly.
"He sounds like you." Zach whispered, looking at the tears running down the guitar neck. Billie looked at Zach, who looked back up at him. Billie smiled and held Zach closer to him, bringing him onto his lap. Billie Joe picked up the guitar and placed Zach's hands on it. He beamed. They curved perfectly.
"Okay, put your index finger here... that's called a fret." Billie explained. He pushed Zach's fingers along each fret gently.
"First fret, second fret, third fret, and so on. The idea is, you put your fingers in different places and it will make different sounds. If you combine them you can get chords or a series of sounds when you pluck the strings." Zach stuck his tongue out at an angle, trying to concentrate. Billie laughed and slid Zach's finger down the E string, plucking the string with his other hand.
Dooo do do do do do do do do
Zach giggled as did Billie. Billie placed his fingers properly for the opening notes of Wake Me Up When September Ends, and moved Zach's hand down over the guitar.
"Now just pluck those bottom strings. These three. When I say." he moved Zach's hand along the three strings. Zach waited patiently.
"Now." Billie said, and Zach plucked.
Do do do.
"Again."
Do do do.
"Now do the whole thing."
Do do do do do do.
Zach grinned and smiled proudly at Billie.
"I did it! I did it!" Billie laughed.
"I know you did!" he replied. Zach smiled happily and plucked other strings.
"I wanna hear you play it again." Zach said, and moved to rest his head on the bottom of the guitar. Billie smiled and started to play as Zach listened to the vibrations and the feeling of Billie's music with one ear, and his voice with the other.
"Wake Me Up... When September Ends... ."
