I Won't Be Gone Forever, chapter 3
"I still can't believe you came back." I repeated for the third time since Bam and I had left the school gates and headed for home.
"Bill, I know, but you remember, I told you I'd be back and I am." She smiled as she looked sideways at me.
"Mmm." I sighed as I looked up, just as she turned her gaze away. I watched her hair blow in the soft wind.
"Well this is me." She interrupted my thoughts as she stopped outside a house I had seen before. I looked down at the ground and saw a small coin on the edge of the sidewalk.
"You live with you're mum?"
"Yup, just her and I as it has always been," she replied. I smiled and knew it was her mum, Mary, that I had helped earlier that day.
"So you want to walk to school with me tomorrow?" I looked at her hopefully.
"Nope." She replied bluntly. I was a bit shocked and was about to nod and turn away when she carried on. "'Because it's Saturday tomorrow, and I'd rather walk to the park with you." She giggled. I laughed.
"Shit I can't believe I did that." I said out loud. She poked her tongue out and turned up her drive.
"You'll come and get me tomorrow?" she asked.
"Yup." I waved and walked past the few houses in-between Bam's and mine.
Pushing the door open, I was greeted with silence as usual. I sighed and stomped up the stairs. As I reached the top I heard muffled voices, and my mum rushed out of her room looking flushed with hair sticking up on end and nothing but a dressing gown on. I frowned.
"Hey Billie honey, where were you last night?" She smiled sweetly, like she was hiding something.
"Mike's, gee I was expecting the third degree." I grumbled and looked straight into her eyes, making her shift them suspiciously to the floor. "Who's in there?" I asked taking a few steps towards her. She put her hand on her door.
"Oh nothing, no-one, err, it's empty." She fumbled her words. I walked a few more paces toward her until I was inches from her face. She'd gone red and wouldn't look me in the eye.
"Mum, who's in there?" I repeated and pushed open the door.
"Bill, I'm sorry." She whispered as I lay eyes on a half dressed man lying on her bed. I snapped my head round and glared at her. She had turned pale and stared hard at the floor.
"Who the fucks this?" I asked.
"This is Brad." Mum muttered. I rolled my eyes as tears started to fill them.
"What about dad?" She looked straight at me but then said nothing. I knew she felt bad. I turned and ran down the stairs.
"Billie wait!" I heard mum come after me, but she gave up as I slammed the front door. It seemed weird to me that this time, three years prior, I was doing the exact same thing.
*
I took a long drag and wiped a few escaped tears from my face. My bum was getting cold sitting on the front step to my house, but I didn't care. I finished my cigarette and clasped my hands together. I sighed and got ready to walk back into the house, where my mother was in a fit of drunken rage. You could hear her smashing things from outside. I stood, but turned my head slowly to follow a familiar figure running down the street. I walked down the drive and started after him. I followed Billie all the way to the local park where I stood at the gate and watched him slow down and fall to his knees. I knew what the date was and so I slowly moved towards him. I too lowered myself to kneel behind him and put both my arms around his neck. He flinched at first but soon relaxed and leant back in my arms. I listened to him cry for few moments more before I whispered.
"Billie, it's ok." I didn't know exactly what had upset him but it was September, so I had a pretty good idea. His shoulders stopped shuddering and he slowly calmed down enough to turn and look straight at me.
"Do you know how much I missed you?" He asked, rubbing the back of his hand across his face to dry his tears.
"No I didn't and I'm sorry I left you." I replied before taking him in my arms again. We stayed silent for a while before Billie released his grip from around me and stood. He said nothing but held out his hand. I took it as he pulled me up and led me out of the park.
"Bill, where are we going?" I looked at him curiously.
"I want to go get Blue and introduce you to a friend of mine." He replied, I smiled and followed him down the now dark streets. I would have felt slightly worried being in this strange new town in the dark, were it not for the fact that Billie hadn't let go of my hand. And so, I felt safe.
*
I led Bam straight to Mikes', knowing they'd instantly warm to each other. I knocked on his door and looked back to see Bam smiling broadly. Mike opened the door within a few seconds.
"Hey BJ and BJ's hot friend who I don't know." He greeted casually and he stepped aside to let Bam and I through.
"Mike Bam, Bam Mike." I quickly introduced my two friends and walked into the kitchen to find the beers.
"Why hello I am Mike Pritchard, pleased to meet your... Bill I forgot the word again!" He called,
"Acquaintance!" I yelled back.
"Acquaintance." He finished.
"Bam. You know, it would have been easier to say pleased to meet you." She replied before following me into the kitchen a half smile on her lips. Mike laughed and walked into the kitchen behind Bam. I opened a beer and walked through the house looking for Blue.
"Bill, you looking for Blue?" Mike asked.
"Mmm." Was my halfhearted reply.
"My bedroom dude." He called. I grabbed Blue and made my way downstairs.
"We're off. I just wanted to get Blue." I informed Mike. He gave me the puppy eyes.
"Oh so soon? But Billie... "
"Shut up." I interrupted and shoved him playfully. I smiled and took Bam by the hand, leading her out of the house.
"I'll see ya." I heard Mike shout
"Bye, nice meeting you!" Bam yelled.
"Same!"
We walked in silence to my house were I sat down on the cold grass. I patted the ground beside me, beckoning for Bam to sit. She smiled and crouched down to my eye level.
"Bill, what are you doing?" She asked, her eyes gleaming in the half moon light. I stared deep into her emerald flames and patted the ground again. She laughed softly and plunked herself ungracefully onto the floor. She held her knees into her chest and watched me intently as I strummed a few chords on Blue. I hummed softly, having not made up any words to my songs yet. She swayed gently in time to my playing and closed her eyes. I stopped strumming after a while and just stared at her. I had never felt like this about anyone before. She lit a cigarette and took a long drag, slowly opening her eyes. Lowering her hand from her mouth she stared back at me.
"What?" She asked. I shook my head, taking a sip from the beer I'd taken from Mike's and watching the smoky wisps curling themselves around her face. She handed the cigarette to me and looked behind her towards my house.
"Why'd you run out?" She questioned. I answered slowly not removing my gaze from hers.
"I caught my mum with some other guy." She nodded understandingly.
She stood and said, "You know what you have to do now though, right?" I looked up at her with a puzzled expression. She folded her arms. I still hadn't caught on as she grabbed my arm and pulled me up.
"You have to go in and sort it out, tell her how you feel, let her explain." I shook my head.
"No fucking way, we haven't talked properly since dad, you know, I can't just waltz in there and... "
"Yes you can, and you will." She walked round behind me, put both her hands on my back and pushed me towards my house.
"Bam, no way." I didn't want to go in, but I didn't resist her either. I plodded up to the front door.
"You'll be fine." She whispered in my ear. I turned to look at her but she was already half way down the drive.
"I'll see you tomorrow Billie Joe." She called. I let out a long sigh and pushed the door open.
I looked through out the house. Finding no one awake, I tip-toed up the stairs to my bedroom where I laid upon my bed and fell into a restless but dream filled sleep. All of the dreams... Dominated by Bam.
I awoke to the sounds of giggling and laughter downstairs. I propped myself up on my elbows and shook my head tiredly. I rose and walked downstairs to find my mum and Brad entwined together, cuddling and kissing. I stood in stock as a fuming expression appeared on my face. My mum turned quickly when she felt my presence.
"Oh hey Billie, um breakfast?" She leaped away from Brad and pointed to a plate of toast and eggs on the table.
"Fuck off." I muttered and slunk out of the room. I knew I couldn't tell her how I felt, she was with Brad now and there's nothing I could do.
I slumped down on the couch and moodily flicked through the channels. I heard muttering from the kitchen and then Brad appeared in the doorway to the lounge. I didn't take my eyes from the TV and completely ignored him. He moved and stood right in front of the television screen. I leant over so I could see, still ignoring Brad. He got mad then and leant forward, shoving his face in mine. I was shocked and flinched.
"Listen Billie," he said my name like he had just been thrown up on, "You're a stupid kid if you think that your stupid mood swings are going to change the fact that I'm going to be part of this family. 'Cause I am, no matter how hard you and your fuckwit brothers and sisters try." He grabbed me by my shirt collar now, and held me up close to his face, his dark eyes boring right into me. I swallowed hard as he sneered and threw me down on the couch.
"You're going to be sorry if you ever do me wrong." He left the room. I was so shocked and scared for the future of my family, what if Brad moved in and... ? I couldn't think about that.
I wanted to get away, so I ran to the only place I could think of.
I knocked roughly on the door.
"Bam, come on open up!" There was silence from inside. "Bam! Fuck, I need to talk to you!" Still, there was no response. I sighed agitatedly and pushed the door open...
"Bill, I know, but you remember, I told you I'd be back and I am." She smiled as she looked sideways at me.
"Mmm." I sighed as I looked up, just as she turned her gaze away. I watched her hair blow in the soft wind.
"Well this is me." She interrupted my thoughts as she stopped outside a house I had seen before. I looked down at the ground and saw a small coin on the edge of the sidewalk.
"You live with you're mum?"
"Yup, just her and I as it has always been," she replied. I smiled and knew it was her mum, Mary, that I had helped earlier that day.
"So you want to walk to school with me tomorrow?" I looked at her hopefully.
"Nope." She replied bluntly. I was a bit shocked and was about to nod and turn away when she carried on. "'Because it's Saturday tomorrow, and I'd rather walk to the park with you." She giggled. I laughed.
"Shit I can't believe I did that." I said out loud. She poked her tongue out and turned up her drive.
"You'll come and get me tomorrow?" she asked.
"Yup." I waved and walked past the few houses in-between Bam's and mine.
Pushing the door open, I was greeted with silence as usual. I sighed and stomped up the stairs. As I reached the top I heard muffled voices, and my mum rushed out of her room looking flushed with hair sticking up on end and nothing but a dressing gown on. I frowned.
"Hey Billie honey, where were you last night?" She smiled sweetly, like she was hiding something.
"Mike's, gee I was expecting the third degree." I grumbled and looked straight into her eyes, making her shift them suspiciously to the floor. "Who's in there?" I asked taking a few steps towards her. She put her hand on her door.
"Oh nothing, no-one, err, it's empty." She fumbled her words. I walked a few more paces toward her until I was inches from her face. She'd gone red and wouldn't look me in the eye.
"Mum, who's in there?" I repeated and pushed open the door.
"Bill, I'm sorry." She whispered as I lay eyes on a half dressed man lying on her bed. I snapped my head round and glared at her. She had turned pale and stared hard at the floor.
"Who the fucks this?" I asked.
"This is Brad." Mum muttered. I rolled my eyes as tears started to fill them.
"What about dad?" She looked straight at me but then said nothing. I knew she felt bad. I turned and ran down the stairs.
"Billie wait!" I heard mum come after me, but she gave up as I slammed the front door. It seemed weird to me that this time, three years prior, I was doing the exact same thing.
*
I took a long drag and wiped a few escaped tears from my face. My bum was getting cold sitting on the front step to my house, but I didn't care. I finished my cigarette and clasped my hands together. I sighed and got ready to walk back into the house, where my mother was in a fit of drunken rage. You could hear her smashing things from outside. I stood, but turned my head slowly to follow a familiar figure running down the street. I walked down the drive and started after him. I followed Billie all the way to the local park where I stood at the gate and watched him slow down and fall to his knees. I knew what the date was and so I slowly moved towards him. I too lowered myself to kneel behind him and put both my arms around his neck. He flinched at first but soon relaxed and leant back in my arms. I listened to him cry for few moments more before I whispered.
"Billie, it's ok." I didn't know exactly what had upset him but it was September, so I had a pretty good idea. His shoulders stopped shuddering and he slowly calmed down enough to turn and look straight at me.
"Do you know how much I missed you?" He asked, rubbing the back of his hand across his face to dry his tears.
"No I didn't and I'm sorry I left you." I replied before taking him in my arms again. We stayed silent for a while before Billie released his grip from around me and stood. He said nothing but held out his hand. I took it as he pulled me up and led me out of the park.
"Bill, where are we going?" I looked at him curiously.
"I want to go get Blue and introduce you to a friend of mine." He replied, I smiled and followed him down the now dark streets. I would have felt slightly worried being in this strange new town in the dark, were it not for the fact that Billie hadn't let go of my hand. And so, I felt safe.
*
I led Bam straight to Mikes', knowing they'd instantly warm to each other. I knocked on his door and looked back to see Bam smiling broadly. Mike opened the door within a few seconds.
"Hey BJ and BJ's hot friend who I don't know." He greeted casually and he stepped aside to let Bam and I through.
"Mike Bam, Bam Mike." I quickly introduced my two friends and walked into the kitchen to find the beers.
"Why hello I am Mike Pritchard, pleased to meet your... Bill I forgot the word again!" He called,
"Acquaintance!" I yelled back.
"Acquaintance." He finished.
"Bam. You know, it would have been easier to say pleased to meet you." She replied before following me into the kitchen a half smile on her lips. Mike laughed and walked into the kitchen behind Bam. I opened a beer and walked through the house looking for Blue.
"Bill, you looking for Blue?" Mike asked.
"Mmm." Was my halfhearted reply.
"My bedroom dude." He called. I grabbed Blue and made my way downstairs.
"We're off. I just wanted to get Blue." I informed Mike. He gave me the puppy eyes.
"Oh so soon? But Billie... "
"Shut up." I interrupted and shoved him playfully. I smiled and took Bam by the hand, leading her out of the house.
"I'll see ya." I heard Mike shout
"Bye, nice meeting you!" Bam yelled.
"Same!"
We walked in silence to my house were I sat down on the cold grass. I patted the ground beside me, beckoning for Bam to sit. She smiled and crouched down to my eye level.
"Bill, what are you doing?" She asked, her eyes gleaming in the half moon light. I stared deep into her emerald flames and patted the ground again. She laughed softly and plunked herself ungracefully onto the floor. She held her knees into her chest and watched me intently as I strummed a few chords on Blue. I hummed softly, having not made up any words to my songs yet. She swayed gently in time to my playing and closed her eyes. I stopped strumming after a while and just stared at her. I had never felt like this about anyone before. She lit a cigarette and took a long drag, slowly opening her eyes. Lowering her hand from her mouth she stared back at me.
"What?" She asked. I shook my head, taking a sip from the beer I'd taken from Mike's and watching the smoky wisps curling themselves around her face. She handed the cigarette to me and looked behind her towards my house.
"Why'd you run out?" She questioned. I answered slowly not removing my gaze from hers.
"I caught my mum with some other guy." She nodded understandingly.
She stood and said, "You know what you have to do now though, right?" I looked up at her with a puzzled expression. She folded her arms. I still hadn't caught on as she grabbed my arm and pulled me up.
"You have to go in and sort it out, tell her how you feel, let her explain." I shook my head.
"No fucking way, we haven't talked properly since dad, you know, I can't just waltz in there and... "
"Yes you can, and you will." She walked round behind me, put both her hands on my back and pushed me towards my house.
"Bam, no way." I didn't want to go in, but I didn't resist her either. I plodded up to the front door.
"You'll be fine." She whispered in my ear. I turned to look at her but she was already half way down the drive.
"I'll see you tomorrow Billie Joe." She called. I let out a long sigh and pushed the door open.
I looked through out the house. Finding no one awake, I tip-toed up the stairs to my bedroom where I laid upon my bed and fell into a restless but dream filled sleep. All of the dreams... Dominated by Bam.
I awoke to the sounds of giggling and laughter downstairs. I propped myself up on my elbows and shook my head tiredly. I rose and walked downstairs to find my mum and Brad entwined together, cuddling and kissing. I stood in stock as a fuming expression appeared on my face. My mum turned quickly when she felt my presence.
"Oh hey Billie, um breakfast?" She leaped away from Brad and pointed to a plate of toast and eggs on the table.
"Fuck off." I muttered and slunk out of the room. I knew I couldn't tell her how I felt, she was with Brad now and there's nothing I could do.
I slumped down on the couch and moodily flicked through the channels. I heard muttering from the kitchen and then Brad appeared in the doorway to the lounge. I didn't take my eyes from the TV and completely ignored him. He moved and stood right in front of the television screen. I leant over so I could see, still ignoring Brad. He got mad then and leant forward, shoving his face in mine. I was shocked and flinched.
"Listen Billie," he said my name like he had just been thrown up on, "You're a stupid kid if you think that your stupid mood swings are going to change the fact that I'm going to be part of this family. 'Cause I am, no matter how hard you and your fuckwit brothers and sisters try." He grabbed me by my shirt collar now, and held me up close to his face, his dark eyes boring right into me. I swallowed hard as he sneered and threw me down on the couch.
"You're going to be sorry if you ever do me wrong." He left the room. I was so shocked and scared for the future of my family, what if Brad moved in and... ? I couldn't think about that.
I wanted to get away, so I ran to the only place I could think of.
I knocked roughly on the door.
"Bam, come on open up!" There was silence from inside. "Bam! Fuck, I need to talk to you!" Still, there was no response. I sighed agitatedly and pushed the door open...
