Its Not Easy Being Jimmy, chapter 1

I sat under a bus shelter waiting for number 36 as the rain hit the ground hard. Why was it taking so long? I rummaged around in my backpack and got out some tobacco and a rizler and started to make a roll-up. I watched as two girls made the lamest excuse of walking home. They were wearing short skirts and high heels and were stumbling around laughing at something. They both turned into a dark alley and vanished. I turned my head down to my lap and focused on lighting up the roll-up that was now in between my lips. I took a toke and lent back taking in all the noises on the street. Finally the bus came. I threw the roll-up on the floor and walked to the doors. As I paid the man he looked at me like I was the shit under his shoes that he wanted to scrape off. I returned the look then made my way to the backseat. There was a girl sitting in front of me. She was very attractive yet I wasn't attracted to her, which was something I hadn't understood since the start of college. I had had plenty of girlfriends but it was just something I didn't like about them. Id never want to kiss them or do anything couples should. I rested my head on the window and closed my eyes hoping that all the thoughts in my head would disappear. The rain beat on the window and made trails down it. My stop came and I walked down the bus putting my hood on in the process. As I stepped into the rain I could feel the ice-cold water seeping into my shoes. I walked into a dark alley, jumped up on the fire escape and climbed my way up to my apartment. Harvey and his gang would probably be waiting in the corridor for me and I wasn't in the mood to be beaten up today. I climbed in through the window I had left open before I went and stepped into the bath below it then shut the window trying to make as little noise as possible. My converses squeaked when I walked into the sitting room and threw the bag and myself on the sofa. I turned the TV on and lit up a cigarette. I flicked through the channels finally stopping at MTV. There was that new band on again. I think they're called Green Day or something. It's a pretty good song but the flat they're in is a shit hole. A bit like my own. I took the razor that was lying on the coffee table and looked at it for a moment then gripped it tight and dug it deep into my forearm. I screamed silently as a tear ran down my cheek and hit my lip ring. I did this a couple of times then threw the blade across the room and put my head in my hands. Soon I drifted off into a shallow sleep on the sofa with all of my wet clothes on. I couldn't be assed to get changed and my body was already numb from the cold outside.
**
I woke up with Ramone brushing her tail in my face as she purred away. I sighed then got up and grabbed my backpack. Making sure I had everything in it I opened the front door and walked out leaving Ramone. She had fallen asleep on the sofa were I had just been sleeping. If only life was as simple as a cats. I locked the door behind me and turned only to see Harvey standing in front of me. He had yellow blood shot eyes and was puffing away on a cheap cigarette. I swallowed and my skin froze. I tried turning back but there were already two of his gang standing behind me. Their fists curled up ready for a blow at me.
"Hello Jimmy." He said with a smirk on his face. He dropped the cigarette and stamped it out with his foot. "Me and the boys were very upset that Gay Boy didn't come home yesterday."
My heart started thumping and when it hit the ribcage it was so loud that I was sure they could hear it. I was sure they could here the fear they were injecting into me. I stood still and stared into Harvey's eyes. Maybe they wouldn't beat me up today. Maybe this was just a threat day. It at happened before, why not again?
"Well?!" he snapped at me this time with a frown so deep that a full-grown child could swim in it. My voice was lost and I couldn't say anything but stutter.
"I... I... "
"That's not good enough!" His eyes grew wider and the yellow transformed completely into red. His fist tightened as he drew back his arm and smacked me hard in the face. I fell to the floor covering my bleeding lip and face as his gang started kicking and punching me. The blow to my stomach was the last one, as I lay concussed on the hard floor. I was bleeding not only on the outside but also on the inside. Not literally but it felt as though my heart was tearing apart inside me. Why am I so fucking stupid? Why can I never learn to stand up for myself? They left me alone to rot outside my own home. But I wasn't dead yet. After about 15 minutes I woke up and managed to pull myself onto my legs. I walked into my dirty flat and washed my bruises and cuts then returned to my almost deathbed. I dragged myself to work and at 1 hour late I new I was going to get it.
**
"Where the fuck do you think you've been?" The boss shouted at me, "We've had over 10 complaining customers who wants their food served to them."
I tried speaking.
"I don't even want your lame excuses! Go get dressed and get to work, you lazy piece of shit!"
I sighed as I walked into the kitchen. I quickly but steadily got dressed into my apron and made my way to the table that needed serving. There were 3 guys sitting at the table and they seemed pretty familiar but I wasn't sure were I had seen them before.
"One vegetable lasagne?" I asked faking a smile.
"That's me!" Said the guy with the brown hair. He smiled at me which for some reason made my guts turn upside down. I didn't know what to do so I smiled back and handed him the lasagne.
"And two cheeseburgers and fries."
I handed the plates to the two other guys and was about to walk away but decided to ask them were I had seen them.
"Umm, if you don't mind me asking... What's your name?"
"I'm Billie Joe and this is Mike and this is Tre."
I gave a puzzled look.
"Why do you wanna know?" he asked me.
"Oh... Its just you looked familiar that's all."
"You might have seen us on MTV!" Tre said proudly.
"Oh right, Green Day? You've got some pretty cool songs."
"Yeh that's the one." Billie smiled, "hey, we've got a gig tonight at Trinity Rooms if you wanna come?"
"Yeh sure!" I said without thinking.
"Cool, if you come backstage at 7 or something we'll give you a ticket."
"Ok," He smiled at me again and this time I smiled back but looking deep into his green eyes. I hadn't felt this way about someone since I was 10 when I fell in love with Lucy. And this isn't a girl. I snapped out of the trance he was putting me in and coughed awkwardly. "Yeh I'll see ya then," I said and walked quickly towards the kitchen. I started sweating and sat down on a chair in the corner, as I finally knew who I was. No! I wasn't gay! I started smacking my head hard with my hand then got up on my feet and ran towards the men's room and washed my face with freezing water. I lifted my head and looked at myself in the mirror. I wasn't... I couldn't be... But I could... All these thoughts were rushing about in my head making me dizzy yet I already knew the answer to my question. Harvey seemed to have known who I was before even I did. I wasn't...