Until The Grave Is Our Home, chapter 3
I saw Mike come out of the bedroom and immediately my heart started to race. All the words I had rehearsed over and over seemed to slip away as the recorder was placed into my hands. Regardless, I got up and went into the room, closing the door slowly behind me. I took a seat on bed with the recorder and tried to figure out where to start.
"Hi Billie... .its um... .its Tré." I felt like a complete idiot on so many different levels. "So I guess I'm supposed to sit here and tell you what you meant to me and shit. But... how the hell do I even begin to do that? Is it even possible?" I exhaled slowly, trying to form coherent words. " All I really knew of you was fun. Every moment we spent together; it was fun, silly...just goofing off and being ourselves. And I guess I was the funny one. But suddenly... ..things aren't so funny anymore. So where does that leave me? When the laughter stops and there's nothing left, is that when you learn if there was ever anything there to begin with? I don't want to believe we had nothing more than jokes and silliness. And I don't know whether or not the emptiness I'm feeling is the result of a shell of a friendship that never really had any deeper levels; or if it's just the emptiness of losing the one person... " I stopped as my voice cracked slightly. "The one person who taught me... that life could be livable. That even if you have next to nothing, a good friend can get you farther than you could imagine. Dark as things got at times, I wasn't afraid...because you had taught me that I didn't have to be. Because you had taught me that even in the worst of situations, there's always a way out, or a way to make it better. And that if you don't have laughter in your life, you have nothing. Which is why, if I eventually get to a place in my life where I can laugh again... I'll be laughing because you taught me how. I'll be laughing for you." I bit down on my lip. I can't do this. I stopped the recorder and sat there, so lost in my thoughts I didn't know if I would ever find a way out again.
"Hi Billie... .its um... .its Tré." I felt like a complete idiot on so many different levels. "So I guess I'm supposed to sit here and tell you what you meant to me and shit. But... how the hell do I even begin to do that? Is it even possible?" I exhaled slowly, trying to form coherent words. " All I really knew of you was fun. Every moment we spent together; it was fun, silly...just goofing off and being ourselves. And I guess I was the funny one. But suddenly... ..things aren't so funny anymore. So where does that leave me? When the laughter stops and there's nothing left, is that when you learn if there was ever anything there to begin with? I don't want to believe we had nothing more than jokes and silliness. And I don't know whether or not the emptiness I'm feeling is the result of a shell of a friendship that never really had any deeper levels; or if it's just the emptiness of losing the one person... " I stopped as my voice cracked slightly. "The one person who taught me... that life could be livable. That even if you have next to nothing, a good friend can get you farther than you could imagine. Dark as things got at times, I wasn't afraid...because you had taught me that I didn't have to be. Because you had taught me that even in the worst of situations, there's always a way out, or a way to make it better. And that if you don't have laughter in your life, you have nothing. Which is why, if I eventually get to a place in my life where I can laugh again... I'll be laughing because you taught me how. I'll be laughing for you." I bit down on my lip. I can't do this. I stopped the recorder and sat there, so lost in my thoughts I didn't know if I would ever find a way out again.
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