I've Been Living A Lie, chapter 6
I glared at Jason who laughed at the look on my face before standing up and walking to the door.
"I think i'll leave now." He paused and turned to look at me evilly, "She scares me!"
I rolled my eyes and realised that I was now in the exact same position I was in the back room before. Jason shut the door behind him and I dropped my head, my eyes meeting my shoes and staying there. I wasn't one to show my emotions usually so I was suprised to feel tears rising into the corner of my eyes. I frantically blinked trying to get rid of them but it didn't work and I soon found tears were rolling down my face. I was well aware two pairs of concerned and nervous eyes were watching me but I didn't dare look up from my shoes. My shouldors started to shake as the shock of the situation took its tole. I backed up until I hit a wall and slid down it, burying my head in my arms. I heard footsteps and then felt a hand on my shouldor I quickly shrugged it off and raised my head a little to see the familar shoes of Billie Joe, I glanced quickly at his face but regretted it as all I saw was sadness and hurt in his eyes. I put my head in my arms again.
"Just leave me alone" I muttered. I felt him sit next to me and I heard Adrienne sob a little across the room. I wasnt sure how I was feeling at this moment so I kept quiet. I jumped slightly when his voice cut the silence.
"But we don't wanna leave you alone, just because we havn't seen you since you were little doesn't change the fact that your our daughter. We never wanted any of this, if we knew it would have been this hard we would have never put you up for adoption. Never." He said his voice cracking slightly as he tried to make me understand... But I didn't understand. I couldn't understand.
I sighed heavilly before speaking. "Why do you even bother?" I muttered sliding further down the wall so I was practically lying down with my hands covering my face.
Adrienne crossed the room and sat the other side of me, wiping the tears from her eyes and watching me with with the same confused expression Billie Joe wore.
"What do you mean, why do we bother?" She asked softly, her voice slightly hoarse from crying. I didn't move my hands or the position I was in on the floor, but I did answer.
"Why do you bother with me? You obviously don't care, you abandoned me! You left me in some care home and you didn't give a shit. I only found out I was adopted a week ago and even then I had to find out on my own. Why are you bothering with me if you never wanted me in the first place!" My eyes widened, I was upset i never meant for it to sound so harsh. I just didn't know how else to say it, and I was angry at myself because I knew they cared. I didn't even mean to say they didn't, I knew they stayed in touch and I knew they were thinking about me.
And now I looked at them to see them both looking away tears slipping from their eyes. I found myself crying again as I sat up and put my head in my hands.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I.. It wasn't meant to come out like that. I.. I'm just .. confused and upset and I have no idea what's going to happen to me and..." I cut myself off trying to think of the words that would describe my life right now before saying.
"My life's just fucked up and i'm sorry i'm taking it out on you" I finally said and shakilly got to my feet, Tears blurring my vision. They both looked at me but stayed silent. When I planned on coming here I always thought I'd feel nothing for them... only see them as famous idols ... but it pained me to see the hurt in their eyes. It was then I realised I'd probably ruined any chance of my real parents ever wanting to see me again. That's what I wanted wasn't it.... so why did it hurt so much? I put a shaky hand to my head and looked them both deep in the eyes as they stared right back.
"I'll never be a perfect daughter.... I'm not even sure what a perfect daughter is. And i've obviously messed this up..and... well I guess i'll just leave you alone" I said trying to wipe the tears from my eyes but they just kept coming and smudging my vision as I turned and stumbled towards the door quickly.
"Wait! ..."
"I think i'll leave now." He paused and turned to look at me evilly, "She scares me!"
I rolled my eyes and realised that I was now in the exact same position I was in the back room before. Jason shut the door behind him and I dropped my head, my eyes meeting my shoes and staying there. I wasn't one to show my emotions usually so I was suprised to feel tears rising into the corner of my eyes. I frantically blinked trying to get rid of them but it didn't work and I soon found tears were rolling down my face. I was well aware two pairs of concerned and nervous eyes were watching me but I didn't dare look up from my shoes. My shouldors started to shake as the shock of the situation took its tole. I backed up until I hit a wall and slid down it, burying my head in my arms. I heard footsteps and then felt a hand on my shouldor I quickly shrugged it off and raised my head a little to see the familar shoes of Billie Joe, I glanced quickly at his face but regretted it as all I saw was sadness and hurt in his eyes. I put my head in my arms again.
"Just leave me alone" I muttered. I felt him sit next to me and I heard Adrienne sob a little across the room. I wasnt sure how I was feeling at this moment so I kept quiet. I jumped slightly when his voice cut the silence.
"But we don't wanna leave you alone, just because we havn't seen you since you were little doesn't change the fact that your our daughter. We never wanted any of this, if we knew it would have been this hard we would have never put you up for adoption. Never." He said his voice cracking slightly as he tried to make me understand... But I didn't understand. I couldn't understand.
I sighed heavilly before speaking. "Why do you even bother?" I muttered sliding further down the wall so I was practically lying down with my hands covering my face.
Adrienne crossed the room and sat the other side of me, wiping the tears from her eyes and watching me with with the same confused expression Billie Joe wore.
"What do you mean, why do we bother?" She asked softly, her voice slightly hoarse from crying. I didn't move my hands or the position I was in on the floor, but I did answer.
"Why do you bother with me? You obviously don't care, you abandoned me! You left me in some care home and you didn't give a shit. I only found out I was adopted a week ago and even then I had to find out on my own. Why are you bothering with me if you never wanted me in the first place!" My eyes widened, I was upset i never meant for it to sound so harsh. I just didn't know how else to say it, and I was angry at myself because I knew they cared. I didn't even mean to say they didn't, I knew they stayed in touch and I knew they were thinking about me.
And now I looked at them to see them both looking away tears slipping from their eyes. I found myself crying again as I sat up and put my head in my hands.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I.. It wasn't meant to come out like that. I.. I'm just .. confused and upset and I have no idea what's going to happen to me and..." I cut myself off trying to think of the words that would describe my life right now before saying.
"My life's just fucked up and i'm sorry i'm taking it out on you" I finally said and shakilly got to my feet, Tears blurring my vision. They both looked at me but stayed silent. When I planned on coming here I always thought I'd feel nothing for them... only see them as famous idols ... but it pained me to see the hurt in their eyes. It was then I realised I'd probably ruined any chance of my real parents ever wanting to see me again. That's what I wanted wasn't it.... so why did it hurt so much? I put a shaky hand to my head and looked them both deep in the eyes as they stared right back.
"I'll never be a perfect daughter.... I'm not even sure what a perfect daughter is. And i've obviously messed this up..and... well I guess i'll just leave you alone" I said trying to wipe the tears from my eyes but they just kept coming and smudging my vision as I turned and stumbled towards the door quickly.
"Wait! ..."
