A light at the end, and we're still dreaming, chapter 1
I walked around the corner with a heavy backpack, and life racing through my mind like an unwelcome ghost, lingering like a lost soul of a possible future, and I broke down. I stood by the edge of the rail, loking down at the water. I was going to do it. I had to do this. It was the only way out.
My foot reached the side of the rail, and I held onto the steel rope holding up the bridge. I glanced at the water again. I was about to free myself.
I jumped.
I hit the water, and it stung my body like needles plunging into me, stopping my blood flow, and taking my breath away. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't move. All that was racing through my mind were the lingering lyrics of "Why do you want him?" I was dying, and I could feel it. I could see my past flashing before my eyes, and this I could see his face over me, and thats when I lost my vision, disappearing into the dark, and...
"Wake up, Jes, its today!"
My brother was hovering over me with his headphones on.
"And you managed to wake up this early just to try to wake me up? Shouldn't you be off studying or something playing with your little science kit?"
"Come on! IT'S THE CONCERT! Get dressed!"
"What...?"
"I thought Mason told you, we're going to catch Billie Joe play at the restaurant."
"I thought he told me he was vegetarian."
"Who said he couldn't eat beans?"
"Shut up. Did you talk to Mike about bass lessons?"
"He said he might help out a bit."
"Are mom and Dad still at the Island?"
"Yeah. I can't believe you didn't want to go."
"Yeah, well, we both know I prefer to look better pale with dark makeup."
"Hahaha very funny now come on. Billie Joe gave me a copy of the CD, signed, of course."
"Haha. I'd want my best friend's autograph because...?"
We laughed.
The phone rang, and I picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey! Whats up?"
"Anna? Oh my god it's been forever!"
"Yeah I know. I'm in town because I heard Green Day was gonna play. Are you going? I got that one email from you saying you liked Green Day."
"Yeah... You didn't know I used to date Tre?"
"Oh my god shut up, you did?"
"Yeah..."
"So, you're going?"
"Yeah."
"So I'll see you there?"
"Yepps."
I hung up.
"Who was that?"
"Do you remember Anna from last year?"
"Not really."
"We were best friends!"
"You know I never kept up with that. All I ever hear about now is Sam and that Indian girl."
"Yeah whatever."
I walked into the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal.
The door rang, and I went to answer it.
"Hello-?"
I screamed as I was pulled into a hug, and Billie Joe walked into the living room in tears.
"Oh my god Billie are you alright?"
He sniffled and sat on the couch, the way he always did. "It's my mom. She's just not doing too good right now.
I hugged him.
"You gonna be alright? Have some cereal and we'll talk this over."
"Thanks."
I fixed him a bowl and we sat and talked while my brother got dressed.
"So you looking forward to playing tonight? You know I don't like bad news... Especially on the day before it will officially be two months after I turned sixteen."
"And you keep up with that?"
I punched him lightly in the arm and turned on the television.
"If you don't dance tonight, I'll personally get off stage and kick your ass, got it?" I laughed harder. "Stop, you know I hate laughing!"
I set my head on his shoulder, still laughing hysterically.
"You know, Billie, you're the best friend I could ever have, damn it."
We sat there laughing for a second, and then he attempted to pull out a lighter and a joint out if his pocket. "Not here Billie. If my mom comes home, smells it anywhere, she'll think it was me or drag-ass in there." "But you do..." "Shut up. At least I'm not to the point where I'm so much smelling like it all the time. At least I've got the sense to cover it up with that perfume shit." He stuck both back in his pocket just as my brother came in the room.
"Hey Billie, wazzup?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Since when does anybody ever say 'wazzup? '"
"I do."
We laughed and he took the laundry basket of dirty clothes to be washed.
I got up to get a second bowl of cereal, singing to "Why do you want him?"
I walked back into the room and he looked at me smiling, and it felt very awkward.
"I love your voice."
"Thanks. I hate it. It doesn't sound like yours."
"So you want to sound like a guy?"
"No, I just want to have a voice for rock, rather than that opera shit everybody tells me I should sing."
He laughed, and looked at me, those georgeous eyes flickering in the shitty living room light. I couldn't help but think he was the hottest thing that ever set foot on the earth, but I wasn't saying anything.
I jumped when Jonathan came up behind me, interrupting Billie and mines eye contact, by saying," Little sis has a crush, does she? On her best friend?"
"SHUT UP DAMN IT! I'll never let you drive my car if you keep this up, I swear."
He walked into the other room and loaded up another laundry basket full.
I sat down next to Billie, my head on his shoulder again, that friendly comforting thing. I couldn't help but think he liked it, and as soon as I did so, I watched the last tear drop from his cheek.
"You pussy. You cry too much." He glared at me. "And you don't?"
We laughed and he hugged me.
"Hey, wait, I've got an idea."
He looked at me oddly and I smiled.
I ran into my room with him following. I fung open my closet door, and pulled out my "Secret stash" of "Collected" guitars, amps, chords, picks, and foot pedals.
"Smoke all you want now. I've got air fresheners in every plug, and this window sucks out everything."
I felt more water rush through my ears. I was unconsious, and I could see the blood in the water. I was dying, and slipping away from reality, and I could feel more of my past coming, rushing, racing through my head, and it was as if I was living it again. I could hear the sweet memories of listening to songs with Billie out on the bay, and I felt that memores would just fade away never to be heard again. My pants leg caught onto a log under the water, and it pulled me under. I had no more air, and my leg was bleeding, and I looked around... I could feel more memories coming... My life... Flashed... In... Front... Of... Me...
My foot reached the side of the rail, and I held onto the steel rope holding up the bridge. I glanced at the water again. I was about to free myself.
I jumped.
I hit the water, and it stung my body like needles plunging into me, stopping my blood flow, and taking my breath away. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't move. All that was racing through my mind were the lingering lyrics of "Why do you want him?" I was dying, and I could feel it. I could see my past flashing before my eyes, and this I could see his face over me, and thats when I lost my vision, disappearing into the dark, and...
"Wake up, Jes, its today!"
My brother was hovering over me with his headphones on.
"And you managed to wake up this early just to try to wake me up? Shouldn't you be off studying or something playing with your little science kit?"
"Come on! IT'S THE CONCERT! Get dressed!"
"What...?"
"I thought Mason told you, we're going to catch Billie Joe play at the restaurant."
"I thought he told me he was vegetarian."
"Who said he couldn't eat beans?"
"Shut up. Did you talk to Mike about bass lessons?"
"He said he might help out a bit."
"Are mom and Dad still at the Island?"
"Yeah. I can't believe you didn't want to go."
"Yeah, well, we both know I prefer to look better pale with dark makeup."
"Hahaha very funny now come on. Billie Joe gave me a copy of the CD, signed, of course."
"Haha. I'd want my best friend's autograph because...?"
We laughed.
The phone rang, and I picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey! Whats up?"
"Anna? Oh my god it's been forever!"
"Yeah I know. I'm in town because I heard Green Day was gonna play. Are you going? I got that one email from you saying you liked Green Day."
"Yeah... You didn't know I used to date Tre?"
"Oh my god shut up, you did?"
"Yeah..."
"So, you're going?"
"Yeah."
"So I'll see you there?"
"Yepps."
I hung up.
"Who was that?"
"Do you remember Anna from last year?"
"Not really."
"We were best friends!"
"You know I never kept up with that. All I ever hear about now is Sam and that Indian girl."
"Yeah whatever."
I walked into the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal.
The door rang, and I went to answer it.
"Hello-?"
I screamed as I was pulled into a hug, and Billie Joe walked into the living room in tears.
"Oh my god Billie are you alright?"
He sniffled and sat on the couch, the way he always did. "It's my mom. She's just not doing too good right now.
I hugged him.
"You gonna be alright? Have some cereal and we'll talk this over."
"Thanks."
I fixed him a bowl and we sat and talked while my brother got dressed.
"So you looking forward to playing tonight? You know I don't like bad news... Especially on the day before it will officially be two months after I turned sixteen."
"And you keep up with that?"
I punched him lightly in the arm and turned on the television.
"If you don't dance tonight, I'll personally get off stage and kick your ass, got it?" I laughed harder. "Stop, you know I hate laughing!"
I set my head on his shoulder, still laughing hysterically.
"You know, Billie, you're the best friend I could ever have, damn it."
We sat there laughing for a second, and then he attempted to pull out a lighter and a joint out if his pocket. "Not here Billie. If my mom comes home, smells it anywhere, she'll think it was me or drag-ass in there." "But you do..." "Shut up. At least I'm not to the point where I'm so much smelling like it all the time. At least I've got the sense to cover it up with that perfume shit." He stuck both back in his pocket just as my brother came in the room.
"Hey Billie, wazzup?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Since when does anybody ever say 'wazzup? '"
"I do."
We laughed and he took the laundry basket of dirty clothes to be washed.
I got up to get a second bowl of cereal, singing to "Why do you want him?"
I walked back into the room and he looked at me smiling, and it felt very awkward.
"I love your voice."
"Thanks. I hate it. It doesn't sound like yours."
"So you want to sound like a guy?"
"No, I just want to have a voice for rock, rather than that opera shit everybody tells me I should sing."
He laughed, and looked at me, those georgeous eyes flickering in the shitty living room light. I couldn't help but think he was the hottest thing that ever set foot on the earth, but I wasn't saying anything.
I jumped when Jonathan came up behind me, interrupting Billie and mines eye contact, by saying," Little sis has a crush, does she? On her best friend?"
"SHUT UP DAMN IT! I'll never let you drive my car if you keep this up, I swear."
He walked into the other room and loaded up another laundry basket full.
I sat down next to Billie, my head on his shoulder again, that friendly comforting thing. I couldn't help but think he liked it, and as soon as I did so, I watched the last tear drop from his cheek.
"You pussy. You cry too much." He glared at me. "And you don't?"
We laughed and he hugged me.
"Hey, wait, I've got an idea."
He looked at me oddly and I smiled.
I ran into my room with him following. I fung open my closet door, and pulled out my "Secret stash" of "Collected" guitars, amps, chords, picks, and foot pedals.
"Smoke all you want now. I've got air fresheners in every plug, and this window sucks out everything."
I felt more water rush through my ears. I was unconsious, and I could see the blood in the water. I was dying, and slipping away from reality, and I could feel more of my past coming, rushing, racing through my head, and it was as if I was living it again. I could hear the sweet memories of listening to songs with Billie out on the bay, and I felt that memores would just fade away never to be heard again. My pants leg caught onto a log under the water, and it pulled me under. I had no more air, and my leg was bleeding, and I looked around... I could feel more memories coming... My life... Flashed... In... Front... Of... Me...
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