Why Me?, chapter 10
The rest of the morning passed without incident. Mike and I went to band practice with B.J. and Tre and went through what we would do at the concert.
The members of the outcast were there and we joked around talking about how awesome this tour was going to be-- we had already sold out 5 shows.
At five, Mike, Billie, and Tre left the studio to go to find a bar that would serve them alcohol. Soon, I was the only one left in the studio.
I finally put down my guitar and walked outside to have a smoke. As I took a drag off the cigarette, I replayed the days events in my head. Jake worried me, but not as much as the urge to find some coke. I have been fighting the urge all day. I wondered if Will was the person I had seen at Matt's and whether or not he had any coke.
"It wouldnt hurt to ask," I said quietly to myself.
With that I hopped in my car and drove home. Once inside I picked up the phone and called Will. After three rings he finally picked up.
"Hello," he said.
"Hey, Will?" I said.
"Yeah," said Will.
"Its Michelle," I said.
"Oh, hey what's up," he said.
"Uh, nothing. Do you want to come over to my place," I said
"Sure, anything wrong?" he said
"No, just want to talk," I said.
"Oh, ok well I'll be over in a couple minutes," he said.
I hung up and walked into the living room. Even my mind was in conflict with my decision. During that whole conversation all I thought was, "This is a bad idea, NO it's not you NEED the coke, I don't need the coke, YES YOU DO!"
So I was tried to block out thoughts of cocaine by watching t.v, a Green day video came on just as the doorbell rang.
I lazily got off the couch and opened the door so that will could come in.
"Hey, how are you?" I said.
"Fine, are you sure everythings alright." He said.
"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something," I said.
We sat down on the couch and I decided to start off with my trip to Matt's.
"Well you know that me and Mike smoke weed right?" I said.
"Yeah," He said
"Well I ran out so I went to this guy Matt's house for some more and when I got there, a kid that looked a lot and I mean a lot like you walked out of his house." I said
Will shifted on the couch and looked away.
"Was it you?" I said.
"Well, I don't want my bandmates to know, but it was me. I have a bit of a problem. I do coke, smoke weed and occasionally shoot up with heroin."
"I didnt want anyone to know," he said.
"Thats ok, I have a problem too. When I went over yesterday I got high and Matt gave me coke and when I got home Mike threw it out and I have a really strong urge to go to Matt's and buy more even though I know I shouldn't. I always knew that doing coke just one time could get you addicted," I said
"That jackass, he did the same thing to me only I was high on coke and he injected me with some heroin," said Will
"But I know what you feel like, your mind is in total chaos because part of you wants more but the other part knows better."
"Thats exactly how I feel, and I don't know what to do." I said
I looked away from him and put my head in my hands.
Will moved closer to me and said, "I cant help you with getting rid of the problem, but if you come over to my place I can help you get rid of the urge." He said.
I knew better than to go with him, but I just couldn't control myself. Will helped me off the couch and I followed him to his car. The drive there was silent but once at his house I felt that I had done the right thing.
We walked into the house and I sat down on his couch. Will went upstairs and when he returned I saw him carrying the familiar white powder. He put the bag on the table and sat down.
"Are you sure you want more, once you give in to the urges it's a hard cycle to break," He said
"I just want to forget about this but I know I can't" I said as Will snorted some of the coke.
I followed his example and felt great because my mind was no longer yelling at itself to avoid coke. In a way I felt sorry that I had succumbed to the power of drugs but then again I didn't care. Will and I had a short conversation as the effect started to where off hours later. We had gone through a whole bag of cocaine. Once I was sure that Mike wouldnt know that I had done drugs, I thanked Will for letting me confide in him. He told me not to worry about it and when he hugged me I felt him slip something into my pocket. I left his house and walked home.
I walked inside and immediatly noticed that Mike hadn't gotten back yet even though it was already 11. I looked in my pocket to see what Will had put in there and saw that he had given me a small bag of cocaine.
A note inside the bag read: When you feel like you need it, use it. I always have more.
I smiled and went upstairs to stash it. I decided to put it in my guitar case because now Mike would have no reason to think there was weed in it. After that I took a shower and got ready for bed. At 1 Mike still wasnt home so I went to sleep.
Day of the first concert-
"Mike where the hell is Noelle?" yelled Jason from across the hall.
We were backstage in the arena where the first concert was going to start in a few hours.
"She went to talk to Will, check your dressing room," said Mike.
I was busy getting some last minute practice, playing along with Billie and just talking to members of the Outcasts.
They were extremely jumpy and nervous but I managed to get them to crack a smile here and there.
"You ok Will?" I said as the guitarist paced in front of Green Day's dressing room door.
"What, oh yeah I'm fine. Just nervous. I never thought we would open for Green Day, let alone play in front of a milliion producers and fans." He said.
"Don't worry about it, I thought I was going to die the first time I played with the rest of the band." I said.
"Thanks, oh and have you seen Noelle? Jason still can't find her." He said.
"Come to think of it we can't find Tre either, but oh well, they will turn up in time for sound check." I said as I walked away from Will.
"K, see ya" He said as he went back to pacing.
I walked down the crowded backstage area to find Mike. I finally found him drinking a cup of coffee and sitting down in the Outcasts dressing room which was empty.
"Hey babe, what's up?" He said.
"Nothing, just kinda excited about the show." I said.
I sat down next to him and he pulled me closer. He set down his coffee and we both turned to lie down on the couch. He leaned in and kissed me softly. When he pulled away I looked him straight in the eyes and said " I love you, so much."
"I love you too" He said.
I leaned closer to him and kissed him back. The kisses deepened and we made out on that couch for what seemed like forever until Marc walked into the dressing room.
"Woah, sorry to interupt but you guys are needed for soundcheck," He said as Mike and I quickly pulled away from each other.
We exchanged mischevious glances and walked out of the room to find Billie and Tre.
After sound check everybody met up in the dressing room to await the start of the concert. The Outcasts were definetly nervous when they were called to the stage but they played extremely well. They ran offstage and I gave Mike a quick kiss before we walked onstage.
The crowd was awesome and I felt great. We played old songs and songs off of the new album, Nimrod. Billie Joe almost got pulled offstage by a group of admirers. And then before we walked offstage so Billie could perform Good Riddance by himself, Tre did a stage dive.
Back in the dressing room we all talked about the show and how great we felt. The Outcasts were even approached by a producer. After the show we all went back to our tour buses and tried to get some rest. Although it was hours before Mike and I fell asleep. We picked up where we had started in the dressing room.
The members of the outcast were there and we joked around talking about how awesome this tour was going to be-- we had already sold out 5 shows.
At five, Mike, Billie, and Tre left the studio to go to find a bar that would serve them alcohol. Soon, I was the only one left in the studio.
I finally put down my guitar and walked outside to have a smoke. As I took a drag off the cigarette, I replayed the days events in my head. Jake worried me, but not as much as the urge to find some coke. I have been fighting the urge all day. I wondered if Will was the person I had seen at Matt's and whether or not he had any coke.
"It wouldnt hurt to ask," I said quietly to myself.
With that I hopped in my car and drove home. Once inside I picked up the phone and called Will. After three rings he finally picked up.
"Hello," he said.
"Hey, Will?" I said.
"Yeah," said Will.
"Its Michelle," I said.
"Oh, hey what's up," he said.
"Uh, nothing. Do you want to come over to my place," I said
"Sure, anything wrong?" he said
"No, just want to talk," I said.
"Oh, ok well I'll be over in a couple minutes," he said.
I hung up and walked into the living room. Even my mind was in conflict with my decision. During that whole conversation all I thought was, "This is a bad idea, NO it's not you NEED the coke, I don't need the coke, YES YOU DO!"
So I was tried to block out thoughts of cocaine by watching t.v, a Green day video came on just as the doorbell rang.
I lazily got off the couch and opened the door so that will could come in.
"Hey, how are you?" I said.
"Fine, are you sure everythings alright." He said.
"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something," I said.
We sat down on the couch and I decided to start off with my trip to Matt's.
"Well you know that me and Mike smoke weed right?" I said.
"Yeah," He said
"Well I ran out so I went to this guy Matt's house for some more and when I got there, a kid that looked a lot and I mean a lot like you walked out of his house." I said
Will shifted on the couch and looked away.
"Was it you?" I said.
"Well, I don't want my bandmates to know, but it was me. I have a bit of a problem. I do coke, smoke weed and occasionally shoot up with heroin."
"I didnt want anyone to know," he said.
"Thats ok, I have a problem too. When I went over yesterday I got high and Matt gave me coke and when I got home Mike threw it out and I have a really strong urge to go to Matt's and buy more even though I know I shouldn't. I always knew that doing coke just one time could get you addicted," I said
"That jackass, he did the same thing to me only I was high on coke and he injected me with some heroin," said Will
"But I know what you feel like, your mind is in total chaos because part of you wants more but the other part knows better."
"Thats exactly how I feel, and I don't know what to do." I said
I looked away from him and put my head in my hands.
Will moved closer to me and said, "I cant help you with getting rid of the problem, but if you come over to my place I can help you get rid of the urge." He said.
I knew better than to go with him, but I just couldn't control myself. Will helped me off the couch and I followed him to his car. The drive there was silent but once at his house I felt that I had done the right thing.
We walked into the house and I sat down on his couch. Will went upstairs and when he returned I saw him carrying the familiar white powder. He put the bag on the table and sat down.
"Are you sure you want more, once you give in to the urges it's a hard cycle to break," He said
"I just want to forget about this but I know I can't" I said as Will snorted some of the coke.
I followed his example and felt great because my mind was no longer yelling at itself to avoid coke. In a way I felt sorry that I had succumbed to the power of drugs but then again I didn't care. Will and I had a short conversation as the effect started to where off hours later. We had gone through a whole bag of cocaine. Once I was sure that Mike wouldnt know that I had done drugs, I thanked Will for letting me confide in him. He told me not to worry about it and when he hugged me I felt him slip something into my pocket. I left his house and walked home.
I walked inside and immediatly noticed that Mike hadn't gotten back yet even though it was already 11. I looked in my pocket to see what Will had put in there and saw that he had given me a small bag of cocaine.
A note inside the bag read: When you feel like you need it, use it. I always have more.
I smiled and went upstairs to stash it. I decided to put it in my guitar case because now Mike would have no reason to think there was weed in it. After that I took a shower and got ready for bed. At 1 Mike still wasnt home so I went to sleep.
Day of the first concert-
"Mike where the hell is Noelle?" yelled Jason from across the hall.
We were backstage in the arena where the first concert was going to start in a few hours.
"She went to talk to Will, check your dressing room," said Mike.
I was busy getting some last minute practice, playing along with Billie and just talking to members of the Outcasts.
They were extremely jumpy and nervous but I managed to get them to crack a smile here and there.
"You ok Will?" I said as the guitarist paced in front of Green Day's dressing room door.
"What, oh yeah I'm fine. Just nervous. I never thought we would open for Green Day, let alone play in front of a milliion producers and fans." He said.
"Don't worry about it, I thought I was going to die the first time I played with the rest of the band." I said.
"Thanks, oh and have you seen Noelle? Jason still can't find her." He said.
"Come to think of it we can't find Tre either, but oh well, they will turn up in time for sound check." I said as I walked away from Will.
"K, see ya" He said as he went back to pacing.
I walked down the crowded backstage area to find Mike. I finally found him drinking a cup of coffee and sitting down in the Outcasts dressing room which was empty.
"Hey babe, what's up?" He said.
"Nothing, just kinda excited about the show." I said.
I sat down next to him and he pulled me closer. He set down his coffee and we both turned to lie down on the couch. He leaned in and kissed me softly. When he pulled away I looked him straight in the eyes and said " I love you, so much."
"I love you too" He said.
I leaned closer to him and kissed him back. The kisses deepened and we made out on that couch for what seemed like forever until Marc walked into the dressing room.
"Woah, sorry to interupt but you guys are needed for soundcheck," He said as Mike and I quickly pulled away from each other.
We exchanged mischevious glances and walked out of the room to find Billie and Tre.
After sound check everybody met up in the dressing room to await the start of the concert. The Outcasts were definetly nervous when they were called to the stage but they played extremely well. They ran offstage and I gave Mike a quick kiss before we walked onstage.
The crowd was awesome and I felt great. We played old songs and songs off of the new album, Nimrod. Billie Joe almost got pulled offstage by a group of admirers. And then before we walked offstage so Billie could perform Good Riddance by himself, Tre did a stage dive.
Back in the dressing room we all talked about the show and how great we felt. The Outcasts were even approached by a producer. After the show we all went back to our tour buses and tried to get some rest. Although it was hours before Mike and I fell asleep. We picked up where we had started in the dressing room.
