Why Me?, chapter 12
I was finally able to pull myself together. I walked to the bathroom to clean the eyeliner off of my face and reapply it. As I went back to the living room I heard the shower upstairs turn on, so I knew that Billie must be up.
I decided to make some coffee. Just as I poured out two cups of coffee Billie walked into the kitchen.
"Mmm, coffee," He said
"So are you going to sort things out with Adie today?" I asked him.
"Uh, yeah. I dont like it when we stay mad at each other," He said.
"So, where's Mike?"
I didn't want to tell him that I didn't know, because it would make me start crying and then he would figure out that I think Mike's cheating on me.
"Um, he left a little while ago," I said, carefully avoiding making eye contact with Billie.
"Really, I didnt hear him get in," He said.
"Yeah, he came home a little while after we went to sleep and he left before you got up," I said, hoping that Billie would change the subject
"Oh, well I've gotta get going. I have to talk to Adie. Well thanks for listening to me and letting me stay here," He said.
"No problem, see you later then," I said as he walked out the front door.
As soon as he was gone I went into the basement. I was in serious need of an escape, any kind of escape from reality. I knew just what I needed. I found my guitar case and opened the side compartment. I pulled out the depleted store of drugs and put it in my pocket. I would need to get more from Will pretty soon.
I also got my lighter and a pack of cigarettes from my room. I was going to drive around and get away for a little while but before I did that I needed to see Mike get home. I went back into the living room and sat down to wait for Mike. I turned on the TV and searched for a suitable program. Just then I heard the front door open.
It was Mike. But instead of feeling relieved that he was home, I felt terrible. There was lipstick on Mike's cheek and his neck. I don't wear lipstick. I decided to see what story he came up with so I let him talk first.
"Hey sweetie I'm home. I got um, real drunk last night. I had no clue where I was so I just crashed at my friends house," He said.
"Really, does your friend somehow magically take away a hangover that you would get if you really were drunk. And do you realize that I know you're cheating on me?" I said slowly.
He looked surprised, but also scared.
"Uh, uh, I'm not cheating on you," He said.
"Yes you are Mike, why else would you have been making out with a girl yesterday at Starbucks? Yes I saw you and your car there, and if you weren't cheating on me you wouldnt have lipstick all over you!" I yelled at him.
By this time I was crying and my vision was blurred from all the tears. Mike just stood there, ashamed.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I just couldnt help it," He said, moving towards me to give me a hug.
I pushed him a way and was about to run out the door when he grabbed my arm as I passed him.
Instead of listening to what he had to say, I slapped him across the face as hard as I could. He let me go and I went straight to my car. I quickly pulled out of the driveway and drove. I could barely see where I was going but I managed to make it to a huge park with trees all around it. I parked my car and walked into a secluded part of the park. I sat down in the grass, and was hidden from any passing people by the trees. I was still crying and I was very dissapointed. I had given him a second chance and he blew it. I really thought that he loved me but I guess I was wrong.
Mike is the one person I thought I could trust. He said he would protect me, but instead he hurt me. And how do I know that all the bullshit he told me about him caring about me when I was cutting was the truth. I don't, and I don't know what to do.
It was then that I realized that I had the power to temporarily ease the pain. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small bag of cocaine that I had. I poured the entire contents, which wasn't much, into the palm of my hand. I inhaled the drugs and let them work their magic.
I laid down on the grass and before I knew it I fell asleep. When I woke up the sun was directly overhead so I knew that it was around 12:00. I sat up and leaned against a tree. I didnt want to go home yet, but I didnt want to stay in the park. So I got up and dusted myself off. Then I walked to my car and sat for a minute. I had so many things running through my mind.
Could I face Mike today? I knew I had to because of the band. But would it ever be the same with us. Would we ever be friends again?
I decided to stop thinking about it and turned on the radio. A Green Day song came on and I quickly turned it off. I drove aimlessly around town and then heard my cell phone ring. I picked it up.
"Hello?" I said.
"Michelle, where the hell are you? Mike called and told me what happened. I'm really sorry, but I just want to know that you didn't do anything," said Billie Joe.
"Oh, well aside from doing one thing I haven't done anything," I said hoping that he wouldnt ask me what I did.
"Michelle, tell me right now what did you do?" he said.
"Billie I don't wanna talk right now, I'll call you back later," I said, and I hung up the phone.
I needed, or at least felt like I did, to get more drugs. I didn't care right now if I overdosed or not. But I felt that since the 'nap' had sobered me up a little bit I could do some more.
I drove to Will's house, careful to avoid the neighborhood where Matt lived.
I got out of my car and walked up the driveway to the door. I rang the doorbell and Will quickly opened the door.
"Hey, what's up?" He said.
"Oh, nothing just felt like talking to someone," I said.
"Oh, okay I get what you mean," He said. Matt and I had a code, just in case someone was inside with him and I needed drugs, I told him that I felt like talking.
"Come on in," he said.
So I went inside and sat down on the couch. I glanced at a photo on the wall of The Outcasts posing with Green Day after one of our concerts. I smiled remembering that day. Mike and I were late to soundcheck because we were making out in the tour bus.
Will came back to the living room and gave me what I came for.
He looked me in the eye and said,"Did you finish it today. I can tell from your eyes that you're still not completely back to normal," He said.
"Uh, yeah I had a really bad morning," I said.
"Oh," He said.
"Well I'm sorry if it seems that I only came here to get this but I have to go, I just realized that I have to meet someone in like ten minutes," I said.
"Oh, no problem. I'll see you tomorrow, both bands are going to practice before the concert," He said.
"Yeah, see you," I said as I walked out the door to my car.
Truth be told, I really did go to Will's just for coke but I didn't want to stay because I knew he would ask me what had happened in the morning. I drove around again. And ended up at Tre's house. This time no one was at his house. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
"Hey, what's up are you okay?" said Tre when he saw me.
"Yeah I'm fine perfectly fine, do you mind if I hang out here for a while?" I said.
It didnt seem like Billie or Mike had told him yet and I didn't want him to feel bad for me. "Mike and I had a fight so I dont want to go home just yet," I said.
"Sure, you can stay here. Well I was just about to leave anyways, so no ones here to bother you," He said.
"Thanks Tre," I said. I gave him a hug and walked inside as he walked outside.
I sat on the couch and when I was about to turn the TV on my cell rang again.
"Hello," I said.
"Now where are you, and this time I want answers. Me and Adie are all sorted out so I want you and Mike to sort things out," said Billie who had called once again.
I sighed and said,"I'm at Tre's house, we can talk here if you want," I said.
"Okay, bye I'll be there in a bit," he said.
I really didn't want to be capable of any form of communication with Billie when he got here, because I didnt want to talk about me and Mike. I fished the small bag of cocaine that I had just aquired, out of my pocket. I was about to pour some of the substance into my palm when Billie walked in. Since the couch I was sitting on was clearly visible from the door I tried to hide the bag. I stuffed it in my pocket and instead pulled out a ciggarette and my lighter. Just as I lit it Billie sat down next to me.
"Michelle what where you trying to hide? I think I know what it is but I don't want to be right," He said slowly
"It's nothing Billie," I said. I got up and attempted to move to the other couch but Billie grabbed me. He wrestled me to the ground and retrieved the bag from my pocket.
Once I realized that he knew what it was I looked away.
"Michelle, I'm really disappointed in you. We all promised to stop doing drugs. I know what Matt did to you and how addicting coke is but why would you go back to him to buy more?" He said.
I still didn't look at him and I also didn't want him to know that I got the drugs from Will 'cause then he'd most likely kick Will's ass.
"I dont know Billie, I just couldn't resist," I said.
"Well you're not doing it anymore and I will make sure of that," he said.
He pulled out his cell phone and dialed someone's number. I didn't realize just who he called until he started talking.
"Listen you son of a bitch."
"Yeah you, Matt."
"If I found out that you are still selling coke to Michelle after today then I will personally go to your house and beat the shit out of you. Do you hear me?"
"She had to have gotten it from you there are no other dealers in this city that Michelle would go to."
He hung up the phone and turned to me. "There, you aren't getting drugs anymore," He said.
"BILLIE ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?" I yelled. "Matt will kick the shit out of me for that, he already threatened me with Jake."
"He won't because he never does what he says he will," said Billie.
"Well now that we got that out of the way we need to talk about Mike," He said.
I was still shocked that he would call Matt, but that quickly faded.
"I trusted him, and I even gave him a second chance Billie. I loved him so much," I said as I started crying
Billie pulled me into a hug and held me.
"I know, I know. I just don't want you to hate him forever. I know you won't ever trust him like you did and I know that the best relationship you guys will ever have is to be friends. Just please don't give up that friendship," He said.
"Will you at least go talk to him, for me?" He said.
I looked at him and slowly nodded.
"Good, let's go, I dont wan't you to be sad anymore," Said Billie.
We each got in our cars and drove to my house. I was thinking that I could get a small apartment to avoid being around Mike 24-7.
I pulled into the driveway and went inside with Billie. Mike was sitting on the couch. His eyes were red, indicating that he had been crying.
"Hey," I said.
"Hi," He said. "I'm really sorry, I still love you," Said Mike.
"Mike, I loved you but after what you did TWICE I won't ever be able to love you like that again. I mean, we can still be friends but you lost my trust so to even be friends again, you'll have to regain a little bit of that trust," I said.
Mike looked sad, but he nodded.
"Okay, I really am sorry that I screwed up what we had. I just don't know why I did it," he said.
We talked for a while longer. Then, I went upstairs and fell asleep in the guest bedroom.
The next day we had band practice. And then we finally had the last concert for the Nimrod tour. When we went back home, I bought a small apartment and moved all my stuff into it with the help of Billie, Mike and Tre.
It has been three months since I moved into my apartment and I think I was doing pretty good. I had enough space and a guest room because Billie and Tre insisted on getting drunk at my place, at least once a month.
I had just finished playing my guitar and put it in its case ( Free of drugs, I hadn't even thought about coke for a while thanks to Billie's help). I then put it in the hall closet and was about to sit down in the living room to watch TV when the doorbell rang. I thought that it would probably be Billie or even Mike. But I was wrong.
I was very wrong. When I opened the door I saw Jake, Matt and two huge guys that had to be their friends. They were all holding baseball bats.
I decided to make some coffee. Just as I poured out two cups of coffee Billie walked into the kitchen.
"Mmm, coffee," He said
"So are you going to sort things out with Adie today?" I asked him.
"Uh, yeah. I dont like it when we stay mad at each other," He said.
"So, where's Mike?"
I didn't want to tell him that I didn't know, because it would make me start crying and then he would figure out that I think Mike's cheating on me.
"Um, he left a little while ago," I said, carefully avoiding making eye contact with Billie.
"Really, I didnt hear him get in," He said.
"Yeah, he came home a little while after we went to sleep and he left before you got up," I said, hoping that Billie would change the subject
"Oh, well I've gotta get going. I have to talk to Adie. Well thanks for listening to me and letting me stay here," He said.
"No problem, see you later then," I said as he walked out the front door.
As soon as he was gone I went into the basement. I was in serious need of an escape, any kind of escape from reality. I knew just what I needed. I found my guitar case and opened the side compartment. I pulled out the depleted store of drugs and put it in my pocket. I would need to get more from Will pretty soon.
I also got my lighter and a pack of cigarettes from my room. I was going to drive around and get away for a little while but before I did that I needed to see Mike get home. I went back into the living room and sat down to wait for Mike. I turned on the TV and searched for a suitable program. Just then I heard the front door open.
It was Mike. But instead of feeling relieved that he was home, I felt terrible. There was lipstick on Mike's cheek and his neck. I don't wear lipstick. I decided to see what story he came up with so I let him talk first.
"Hey sweetie I'm home. I got um, real drunk last night. I had no clue where I was so I just crashed at my friends house," He said.
"Really, does your friend somehow magically take away a hangover that you would get if you really were drunk. And do you realize that I know you're cheating on me?" I said slowly.
He looked surprised, but also scared.
"Uh, uh, I'm not cheating on you," He said.
"Yes you are Mike, why else would you have been making out with a girl yesterday at Starbucks? Yes I saw you and your car there, and if you weren't cheating on me you wouldnt have lipstick all over you!" I yelled at him.
By this time I was crying and my vision was blurred from all the tears. Mike just stood there, ashamed.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I just couldnt help it," He said, moving towards me to give me a hug.
I pushed him a way and was about to run out the door when he grabbed my arm as I passed him.
Instead of listening to what he had to say, I slapped him across the face as hard as I could. He let me go and I went straight to my car. I quickly pulled out of the driveway and drove. I could barely see where I was going but I managed to make it to a huge park with trees all around it. I parked my car and walked into a secluded part of the park. I sat down in the grass, and was hidden from any passing people by the trees. I was still crying and I was very dissapointed. I had given him a second chance and he blew it. I really thought that he loved me but I guess I was wrong.
Mike is the one person I thought I could trust. He said he would protect me, but instead he hurt me. And how do I know that all the bullshit he told me about him caring about me when I was cutting was the truth. I don't, and I don't know what to do.
It was then that I realized that I had the power to temporarily ease the pain. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small bag of cocaine that I had. I poured the entire contents, which wasn't much, into the palm of my hand. I inhaled the drugs and let them work their magic.
I laid down on the grass and before I knew it I fell asleep. When I woke up the sun was directly overhead so I knew that it was around 12:00. I sat up and leaned against a tree. I didnt want to go home yet, but I didnt want to stay in the park. So I got up and dusted myself off. Then I walked to my car and sat for a minute. I had so many things running through my mind.
Could I face Mike today? I knew I had to because of the band. But would it ever be the same with us. Would we ever be friends again?
I decided to stop thinking about it and turned on the radio. A Green Day song came on and I quickly turned it off. I drove aimlessly around town and then heard my cell phone ring. I picked it up.
"Hello?" I said.
"Michelle, where the hell are you? Mike called and told me what happened. I'm really sorry, but I just want to know that you didn't do anything," said Billie Joe.
"Oh, well aside from doing one thing I haven't done anything," I said hoping that he wouldnt ask me what I did.
"Michelle, tell me right now what did you do?" he said.
"Billie I don't wanna talk right now, I'll call you back later," I said, and I hung up the phone.
I needed, or at least felt like I did, to get more drugs. I didn't care right now if I overdosed or not. But I felt that since the 'nap' had sobered me up a little bit I could do some more.
I drove to Will's house, careful to avoid the neighborhood where Matt lived.
I got out of my car and walked up the driveway to the door. I rang the doorbell and Will quickly opened the door.
"Hey, what's up?" He said.
"Oh, nothing just felt like talking to someone," I said.
"Oh, okay I get what you mean," He said. Matt and I had a code, just in case someone was inside with him and I needed drugs, I told him that I felt like talking.
"Come on in," he said.
So I went inside and sat down on the couch. I glanced at a photo on the wall of The Outcasts posing with Green Day after one of our concerts. I smiled remembering that day. Mike and I were late to soundcheck because we were making out in the tour bus.
Will came back to the living room and gave me what I came for.
He looked me in the eye and said,"Did you finish it today. I can tell from your eyes that you're still not completely back to normal," He said.
"Uh, yeah I had a really bad morning," I said.
"Oh," He said.
"Well I'm sorry if it seems that I only came here to get this but I have to go, I just realized that I have to meet someone in like ten minutes," I said.
"Oh, no problem. I'll see you tomorrow, both bands are going to practice before the concert," He said.
"Yeah, see you," I said as I walked out the door to my car.
Truth be told, I really did go to Will's just for coke but I didn't want to stay because I knew he would ask me what had happened in the morning. I drove around again. And ended up at Tre's house. This time no one was at his house. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
"Hey, what's up are you okay?" said Tre when he saw me.
"Yeah I'm fine perfectly fine, do you mind if I hang out here for a while?" I said.
It didnt seem like Billie or Mike had told him yet and I didn't want him to feel bad for me. "Mike and I had a fight so I dont want to go home just yet," I said.
"Sure, you can stay here. Well I was just about to leave anyways, so no ones here to bother you," He said.
"Thanks Tre," I said. I gave him a hug and walked inside as he walked outside.
I sat on the couch and when I was about to turn the TV on my cell rang again.
"Hello," I said.
"Now where are you, and this time I want answers. Me and Adie are all sorted out so I want you and Mike to sort things out," said Billie who had called once again.
I sighed and said,"I'm at Tre's house, we can talk here if you want," I said.
"Okay, bye I'll be there in a bit," he said.
I really didn't want to be capable of any form of communication with Billie when he got here, because I didnt want to talk about me and Mike. I fished the small bag of cocaine that I had just aquired, out of my pocket. I was about to pour some of the substance into my palm when Billie walked in. Since the couch I was sitting on was clearly visible from the door I tried to hide the bag. I stuffed it in my pocket and instead pulled out a ciggarette and my lighter. Just as I lit it Billie sat down next to me.
"Michelle what where you trying to hide? I think I know what it is but I don't want to be right," He said slowly
"It's nothing Billie," I said. I got up and attempted to move to the other couch but Billie grabbed me. He wrestled me to the ground and retrieved the bag from my pocket.
Once I realized that he knew what it was I looked away.
"Michelle, I'm really disappointed in you. We all promised to stop doing drugs. I know what Matt did to you and how addicting coke is but why would you go back to him to buy more?" He said.
I still didn't look at him and I also didn't want him to know that I got the drugs from Will 'cause then he'd most likely kick Will's ass.
"I dont know Billie, I just couldn't resist," I said.
"Well you're not doing it anymore and I will make sure of that," he said.
He pulled out his cell phone and dialed someone's number. I didn't realize just who he called until he started talking.
"Listen you son of a bitch."
"Yeah you, Matt."
"If I found out that you are still selling coke to Michelle after today then I will personally go to your house and beat the shit out of you. Do you hear me?"
"She had to have gotten it from you there are no other dealers in this city that Michelle would go to."
He hung up the phone and turned to me. "There, you aren't getting drugs anymore," He said.
"BILLIE ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?" I yelled. "Matt will kick the shit out of me for that, he already threatened me with Jake."
"He won't because he never does what he says he will," said Billie.
"Well now that we got that out of the way we need to talk about Mike," He said.
I was still shocked that he would call Matt, but that quickly faded.
"I trusted him, and I even gave him a second chance Billie. I loved him so much," I said as I started crying
Billie pulled me into a hug and held me.
"I know, I know. I just don't want you to hate him forever. I know you won't ever trust him like you did and I know that the best relationship you guys will ever have is to be friends. Just please don't give up that friendship," He said.
"Will you at least go talk to him, for me?" He said.
I looked at him and slowly nodded.
"Good, let's go, I dont wan't you to be sad anymore," Said Billie.
We each got in our cars and drove to my house. I was thinking that I could get a small apartment to avoid being around Mike 24-7.
I pulled into the driveway and went inside with Billie. Mike was sitting on the couch. His eyes were red, indicating that he had been crying.
"Hey," I said.
"Hi," He said. "I'm really sorry, I still love you," Said Mike.
"Mike, I loved you but after what you did TWICE I won't ever be able to love you like that again. I mean, we can still be friends but you lost my trust so to even be friends again, you'll have to regain a little bit of that trust," I said.
Mike looked sad, but he nodded.
"Okay, I really am sorry that I screwed up what we had. I just don't know why I did it," he said.
We talked for a while longer. Then, I went upstairs and fell asleep in the guest bedroom.
The next day we had band practice. And then we finally had the last concert for the Nimrod tour. When we went back home, I bought a small apartment and moved all my stuff into it with the help of Billie, Mike and Tre.
It has been three months since I moved into my apartment and I think I was doing pretty good. I had enough space and a guest room because Billie and Tre insisted on getting drunk at my place, at least once a month.
I had just finished playing my guitar and put it in its case ( Free of drugs, I hadn't even thought about coke for a while thanks to Billie's help). I then put it in the hall closet and was about to sit down in the living room to watch TV when the doorbell rang. I thought that it would probably be Billie or even Mike. But I was wrong.
I was very wrong. When I opened the door I saw Jake, Matt and two huge guys that had to be their friends. They were all holding baseball bats.
