The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life, chapter 4
"It's just... " Tre began, struggling to string his words together.
Him and I have been sitting on the floor in my bedroom talking for hours, Mike took mum and Joey into town for lunch, to get out of the house but I decided to stay here and so did Tre. I was in a mood where I didn't want to see the rest of the world, I didn't want to bump into someone I know, I don't want to talk to anyone but my family and my family includes Mike and Tre. So me and Tre have been talking.
"It's just really... um..." Tre began again.
"Hard?" I answer
He sighed. "Yeah" he put his arm around me and pulled me into an uncoordinated one armed hug and looked down at me. "How you holding up kiddo?" he asked
I looked away from him and instead rested my head on his shoulder. The question had caught me off guard. No one had asked me how I was doing so I hadn't really thought about the answer.
"I don't know" I answered truthfully.
"I honestly don't know" I muttered.
I thought about how I could describe the feeling.
"It's... well... I can't... " I said, my voice straining, trying to find the right words.
"I can't really understand" my hands were moving as I continued with my disjointed sentence. Tre was listening intently.
"I can't... fix it in my head...that he won't... can't... ever come home" I whispered the last two words and my eyes prickled. Tre gave me a tight squeeze and a bit of a shake, then nodded; he opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and just nodded. We fell into a comfortable silence once again.
I'm in the kitchen making toast, it's not even morning, it's after dinner, but I had a toast craving. I sit in my chair backwards, resting my chin on the back of the chair, watching the toaster heat up, waiting for it to pop.
The phone rings, and I look at it, it keeps ringing.
"Anyone got it?" I yell out into the house.
"No" Joey yells back from the TV.
So I stood up slowly and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" I say into the receiver
"Hello." I hear an important voice state. "Is this the Armstrong residence?" he asks.
I smirk and put the phone to my other ear, switching hands.
"That depends on who wants to know" I reply.
"Of course." The important voice says." This is Jonhnathan Baxter Of The Berkeley Medical Institution. I here a snigger in the background, Joey must be watching the family guy. I pull the phone away from my ear and give it an exasperated look. I didn't know there WAS a "Berkeley Medical Institution
"Jeremy Baxter?" I ask, purposely getting his name wrong "I'm supposed to know who that is?" I say
Jonathan Baxter gets slightly annoyed, I hear it in his voice but he's trying to stay calm.
"Is this the Armstrong residence?" he asks again, firmly and impatiently.
I wonder for a moment, what would happen if I told him no and he rang back.
"yes" I say
"is Mrs Adrienne Armstrong available?" he asks impatiently.
"maybe" I say
" MUM!" I yell into the receiver, I smirk again as I imagine him flinching on the other end.
"I dunno if she's here." I say sarcastically. "Tre's rubbing off on me" I thought
"Please, it's about your father"
I stop for a moment and smirk again, what trouble had dad got himself into this time?
"okay" I say
"MUM!" I yell again.
"what?!" she says
"phone, for you" I reply
"who is it?" she asks
"A Jeremy Baxter" I say, hopefully loud enough for him to hear.
She mouths the words, "who's that?" as she takes the phone off me and covers the receiver with her hand.
"it's about dad"
Mum smirks and puts the phone up to her ear.
"Hello?" she paused
"yes this is she." She paused again
"Yes so I've been told." She winked at me and turned around so her back was facing me.
"He was in a what!?!" she said loudly into the phone and paused.
"WELL IS HE OKAY!?" she screamed and paused
"I don't care what you've done and how you did it. Is. He. Okay."she said impatiently.
Joey appeared at the door and shot me a curious glance. I shrugged and he sat down.
"what's dad done?" he asks
"I dunno" I reply
"maybe he ate too much at grandma Ollie's and he has gastric?" He said with a grin.
" Nah, sounds serious" I reply motioning to mum, she had stopped speaking and was just nodding and making inaudible noises. She hung up the phone and unplugged it. Her back still turned.
"Go into Jakob's room. Both of you." Mum said.
She turned around, just looking at her face I knew something was wrong, she seemed to be frozen, she had stopped blinking and the colour had drained from her face.
"why, what's up?" Joey asked
"just go; ill be in there in a minute"
maybe I was in trouble for being a smart ass to that man, but why Joey? He looks dumbfounded, I wasn't that rude, I just called him Jeremy... and yelled in his ear... okay maybe I was a little rude... but Joey didn't do anything, he looked just as confused as me.
I sit down on my bed but Joey stays standing, after about 20 minutes, we were in laughter, talking about all the things dad could of possibly done, each more unrealistic than the last.
"maybe, maybe he pushed someone in a wheel chair into wet cement and nicked off, and that was the hospital calling to say that she had an allergic reaction to it?" Joey said, and I laughed at the thought of someone stuck in cement, in the middle of the street.
I was still laughing when mum and Uncle Steve walked in and the laughter slid off my face as I looked at the state of my mother. She was having trouble speaking, she wasn't crying then, but it looked like she had run out of tears. She was trying to explain what happened, but my mind had shut down, my world had no sound, and everything seemed to be in slow motion. All I could see was pain, my mother breaking down, her eyes, bloodshot and puffy from crying, my Uncle, looking solemn and out of place, trying to comfort her. He led her out of my bedroom with his arm around his sister's shoulders.
I looked up at my brother with hope in my eyes. He shook his head, something was crushed in side of me, like his head movements controlled the outcome of my life. I looked down at my shaking hands and started whispering "no. no no no" as though, if I said it enough times, everything would rewind. It would all go away. "No no no no no." My brother sat down next to me, and began to explain. He knew I didn't hear when mum told us. As he spoke, images began to flash through my mind:, she
The rain pounds against the windscreen as the driver sings along to the radio, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, as he turns the corner, the car skids due to the rain, his mood immediately changes as he knows he's lost control, his fingers tighten around the wheel and terror flashes in his eyes as the car slams into the tree.
I flinch as I see this, and my head droops even further as tears dwell In my eyes, threatening to fall, My brother places his hand lightly on my shoulder but I push it off and rub out of my bedroom slamming the door in my wake, I stop for a moment as I see my mother sobbing into her hands, with her elbows on the table. My Uncle looked helpless and awkward; he looked up at me with sympathy. I stood, rooted to the spot for a split second, then turned on my heel and wrenched the front door open and ran full pelt out the front door and was soaked, instantly, to the bone, from the rain that caused the accident. I ran out onto the road and looked up at the sky "WHY" I screamed "HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?" I yelled, at no one in particular, tears were streaming freely down my face now blending with the rain. I sank to my knees and yelled with pain and cried, un controllably into my hands "no dad" I moaned "no no no." Gravel was digging into my knees but I was already numb with so much pain I didn't notice. I looked directly into the sky, rain pouring into my already, stinging eyes and cascading down my face. "How could you Dad" I whispered "HOW COULD YOU" I could barely hear my own half-angry half-desperate voice due to the pounding of the rain against the sodden ground but I somehow managed to hear the softer, more broken voice of my mother ,mutter, in my ear: "come inside Jakob honey"
"I answered the phone." I said to Tre
"You what?" he asked, he seemed to of just come out of a memory as well.
"When they called, the hospital, I answered the phone" I said
"Oh," he said
I could tell that that meant absolutely nothing and that I wasn't making sense so I added
"I was a smart ass to the man that rang. I feel bad now, it must be hard telling the family bad news, and I made it worse" I said, feeling shame, a new emotion for me. Lately I've been so over whelmed with sadness to allow anything else like guilt, in.
"It doesn't matter mate, it really doesn't matter, if you were nice to him, it wouldn't of changed anything, it really doesn't matter."
"Yeah, I suppose your right" I answer as I hear the door close, mum, Mike and Joey must be back. I looked at Tre and he nodded and we both stood up and exited my bedroom.
Him and I have been sitting on the floor in my bedroom talking for hours, Mike took mum and Joey into town for lunch, to get out of the house but I decided to stay here and so did Tre. I was in a mood where I didn't want to see the rest of the world, I didn't want to bump into someone I know, I don't want to talk to anyone but my family and my family includes Mike and Tre. So me and Tre have been talking.
"It's just really... um..." Tre began again.
"Hard?" I answer
He sighed. "Yeah" he put his arm around me and pulled me into an uncoordinated one armed hug and looked down at me. "How you holding up kiddo?" he asked
I looked away from him and instead rested my head on his shoulder. The question had caught me off guard. No one had asked me how I was doing so I hadn't really thought about the answer.
"I don't know" I answered truthfully.
"I honestly don't know" I muttered.
I thought about how I could describe the feeling.
"It's... well... I can't... " I said, my voice straining, trying to find the right words.
"I can't really understand" my hands were moving as I continued with my disjointed sentence. Tre was listening intently.
"I can't... fix it in my head...that he won't... can't... ever come home" I whispered the last two words and my eyes prickled. Tre gave me a tight squeeze and a bit of a shake, then nodded; he opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and just nodded. We fell into a comfortable silence once again.
I'm in the kitchen making toast, it's not even morning, it's after dinner, but I had a toast craving. I sit in my chair backwards, resting my chin on the back of the chair, watching the toaster heat up, waiting for it to pop.
The phone rings, and I look at it, it keeps ringing.
"Anyone got it?" I yell out into the house.
"No" Joey yells back from the TV.
So I stood up slowly and picked up the phone.
"Hello?" I say into the receiver
"Hello." I hear an important voice state. "Is this the Armstrong residence?" he asks.
I smirk and put the phone to my other ear, switching hands.
"That depends on who wants to know" I reply.
"Of course." The important voice says." This is Jonhnathan Baxter Of The Berkeley Medical Institution. I here a snigger in the background, Joey must be watching the family guy. I pull the phone away from my ear and give it an exasperated look. I didn't know there WAS a "Berkeley Medical Institution
"Jeremy Baxter?" I ask, purposely getting his name wrong "I'm supposed to know who that is?" I say
Jonathan Baxter gets slightly annoyed, I hear it in his voice but he's trying to stay calm.
"Is this the Armstrong residence?" he asks again, firmly and impatiently.
I wonder for a moment, what would happen if I told him no and he rang back.
"yes" I say
"is Mrs Adrienne Armstrong available?" he asks impatiently.
"maybe" I say
" MUM!" I yell into the receiver, I smirk again as I imagine him flinching on the other end.
"I dunno if she's here." I say sarcastically. "Tre's rubbing off on me" I thought
"Please, it's about your father"
I stop for a moment and smirk again, what trouble had dad got himself into this time?
"okay" I say
"MUM!" I yell again.
"what?!" she says
"phone, for you" I reply
"who is it?" she asks
"A Jeremy Baxter" I say, hopefully loud enough for him to hear.
She mouths the words, "who's that?" as she takes the phone off me and covers the receiver with her hand.
"it's about dad"
Mum smirks and puts the phone up to her ear.
"Hello?" she paused
"yes this is she." She paused again
"Yes so I've been told." She winked at me and turned around so her back was facing me.
"He was in a what!?!" she said loudly into the phone and paused.
"WELL IS HE OKAY!?" she screamed and paused
"I don't care what you've done and how you did it. Is. He. Okay."she said impatiently.
Joey appeared at the door and shot me a curious glance. I shrugged and he sat down.
"what's dad done?" he asks
"I dunno" I reply
"maybe he ate too much at grandma Ollie's and he has gastric?" He said with a grin.
" Nah, sounds serious" I reply motioning to mum, she had stopped speaking and was just nodding and making inaudible noises. She hung up the phone and unplugged it. Her back still turned.
"Go into Jakob's room. Both of you." Mum said.
She turned around, just looking at her face I knew something was wrong, she seemed to be frozen, she had stopped blinking and the colour had drained from her face.
"why, what's up?" Joey asked
"just go; ill be in there in a minute"
maybe I was in trouble for being a smart ass to that man, but why Joey? He looks dumbfounded, I wasn't that rude, I just called him Jeremy... and yelled in his ear... okay maybe I was a little rude... but Joey didn't do anything, he looked just as confused as me.
I sit down on my bed but Joey stays standing, after about 20 minutes, we were in laughter, talking about all the things dad could of possibly done, each more unrealistic than the last.
"maybe, maybe he pushed someone in a wheel chair into wet cement and nicked off, and that was the hospital calling to say that she had an allergic reaction to it?" Joey said, and I laughed at the thought of someone stuck in cement, in the middle of the street.
I was still laughing when mum and Uncle Steve walked in and the laughter slid off my face as I looked at the state of my mother. She was having trouble speaking, she wasn't crying then, but it looked like she had run out of tears. She was trying to explain what happened, but my mind had shut down, my world had no sound, and everything seemed to be in slow motion. All I could see was pain, my mother breaking down, her eyes, bloodshot and puffy from crying, my Uncle, looking solemn and out of place, trying to comfort her. He led her out of my bedroom with his arm around his sister's shoulders.
I looked up at my brother with hope in my eyes. He shook his head, something was crushed in side of me, like his head movements controlled the outcome of my life. I looked down at my shaking hands and started whispering "no. no no no" as though, if I said it enough times, everything would rewind. It would all go away. "No no no no no." My brother sat down next to me, and began to explain. He knew I didn't hear when mum told us. As he spoke, images began to flash through my mind:, she
The rain pounds against the windscreen as the driver sings along to the radio, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, as he turns the corner, the car skids due to the rain, his mood immediately changes as he knows he's lost control, his fingers tighten around the wheel and terror flashes in his eyes as the car slams into the tree.
I flinch as I see this, and my head droops even further as tears dwell In my eyes, threatening to fall, My brother places his hand lightly on my shoulder but I push it off and rub out of my bedroom slamming the door in my wake, I stop for a moment as I see my mother sobbing into her hands, with her elbows on the table. My Uncle looked helpless and awkward; he looked up at me with sympathy. I stood, rooted to the spot for a split second, then turned on my heel and wrenched the front door open and ran full pelt out the front door and was soaked, instantly, to the bone, from the rain that caused the accident. I ran out onto the road and looked up at the sky "WHY" I screamed "HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?" I yelled, at no one in particular, tears were streaming freely down my face now blending with the rain. I sank to my knees and yelled with pain and cried, un controllably into my hands "no dad" I moaned "no no no." Gravel was digging into my knees but I was already numb with so much pain I didn't notice. I looked directly into the sky, rain pouring into my already, stinging eyes and cascading down my face. "How could you Dad" I whispered "HOW COULD YOU" I could barely hear my own half-angry half-desperate voice due to the pounding of the rain against the sodden ground but I somehow managed to hear the softer, more broken voice of my mother ,mutter, in my ear: "come inside Jakob honey"
"I answered the phone." I said to Tre
"You what?" he asked, he seemed to of just come out of a memory as well.
"When they called, the hospital, I answered the phone" I said
"Oh," he said
I could tell that that meant absolutely nothing and that I wasn't making sense so I added
"I was a smart ass to the man that rang. I feel bad now, it must be hard telling the family bad news, and I made it worse" I said, feeling shame, a new emotion for me. Lately I've been so over whelmed with sadness to allow anything else like guilt, in.
"It doesn't matter mate, it really doesn't matter, if you were nice to him, it wouldn't of changed anything, it really doesn't matter."
"Yeah, I suppose your right" I answer as I hear the door close, mum, Mike and Joey must be back. I looked at Tre and he nodded and we both stood up and exited my bedroom.
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