Once Loved, chapter 1
"I picked up the razor, my breathing gone shallow. The bathroom door was closed and locked, even though no one was in the house. I put the razor to my skin and swiped. Nothing happened. Then there was a scratch with little droplets of blood forming on it. I watched as the blood trickled down my arms, spilling onto the bathroom floor.
And I did it again, but harder. This time the blood pouring out right away. I cut so deep, and I could see I split my vein. I was blinded with a white light, and then normal again. I had fallen onto the floor, in a pile of blood.
I'd dropped the razor in the bathroom sink. My wrists were just drenching with blood, it staining my skin the last part of me. And then I saw him, I saw Billie. In my mind, at least. He was whispering "I love you, Mikey. Stay here with me." And then the door fell in and Billie was there. He started crying and I totally blacked out.
I woke up 3 months later from a coma. Billie had been waiting those three months with me. Not once leaving the hospital except to check up with his Mom and to get some extra clothes and what not. He had grabbed Blue the last time he went home, and when I woke up he was singing "Good Riddance". It had always been my favorite song I think that's why I woke up. When I did wake up, I looked over to Billie. He was halfway through.
"It's not a question but a lesson learned in time..." I smiled at him and started crying. Apparently it had been really quiet except for him, because he seemed to hear the tears stream down my face. He looked up at me and screamed
"MIKEY!" Then I really started crying.
After we talked with rejoicing he told me what happened, what I had done. And then he asked me what I dreaded most.
"Why, Mikey? Why'd you do it?" I was so scared. But, I told him.
"Billie-I-Billie I love you. I knew you wouldn't care, would think I was just a stupid fag. Some idiot who loved his best friend. I figured, if I couldn't have you then no one could have me. I only love you, Billie. And you're the only one I'll ever love."
He smiled at me after I had said that, tears staining his face. What he said then will be with me for the rest of my life.
"I love you too, Mikey"
Billie just got done reading Mike's report on the tragedy. It was now ten years later and Mike was still true to his word. He loved Billie, and he always had, always will.
But Billie no longer loved Mike, at least not in that way. He loved Adrienne now. That's why they had two kids.
Billie got married just 3 years after he had whispered he loved Mike back. Mike didn't talk to him for 3 months after Billie told him he was getting married. Didn't show up to the wedding. Didn't talk to him for a year and a half after Billie got married. Actually, Mike had run away and become a heroin addict. When Billie tracked him and called him one day, he had screamed
"You're becoming a failure! You're a heroin addict like your mom!" Mike became sober after that. He came back to California...moved in next door to Billie. Still wouldn't talk to him for a month, but then Billie gave him a message on the phone that said:
"Listen, Mike, I'm sorry about before. But, I just didn't love you anymore. But Mikey, Mike.. please just talk to me. Please."
Mike talked to him after that, but only on the phone. And only once a week. At 8 P.M. every friday until 11 P.M. He then wouldn't even look at Billie whom lived next door. It took a year until Mike finally came over to Billie's house for the first time. Adie was grocery shopping and the boys were at school. He stayed for 20 minutes and went to live with a friend for 3 months.
But that was all in the past. They had just finished their American Idiot tour. Billie was still with Adie, Tré with a new girl every night or so, and Mike huddled up in his house alone. He never had a girlfriend, never even dated. Not until he and Billie had officially broken up.
So tonight, Mike sat all alone on Christmas Eve, staring at his whimpt 5 foot tree decorated with ornaments Billie had given for christmas presents some 15 years ago. No one had ever even been in Mike's house except Tré, who came over just about every day. But tonight he went home for Christmas. Since all of Mike's family was, as far as he knew, dead, he really did have no where to go.
He was reading his copy of his report on the so-called tragedy. Tears falling down his frozen face, the phone rang and bolted him out of his memories of the past. Mike went over to the phone and looked at the caller ID - Billie.
He picked up the phone and
"*sigh* Hello, Billie" he rolled his eyes and sat down on the chair next to the phone.
"MIKEY! Happy Christmas Eve!!" Mike rolled his eyes again and murmered a slight
"Yeah - not really" On the other line Billie cocked an eyebrow at Mike's reaction.
"Buddy, whatsamatter?" Mike was enraged at this.
"GOD DAMMIT BILLIE JOE YOU fuck KNOW 'WHATSAMATTER' SO JUST fuck OFF, ALRIGHT?!?!" Mike screamed and smashed the phone down.
He went up to his room and cried on his bed. I am a fucking failure, he thought. Mike walked back downstairs and drank some egg nogg. BLEH, he thought, this is some nasty shit! He threw the carton of egg nogg away and sat back down on the couch. He opened the drawer next to the armrest and pulled out a razor...
And I did it again, but harder. This time the blood pouring out right away. I cut so deep, and I could see I split my vein. I was blinded with a white light, and then normal again. I had fallen onto the floor, in a pile of blood.
I'd dropped the razor in the bathroom sink. My wrists were just drenching with blood, it staining my skin the last part of me. And then I saw him, I saw Billie. In my mind, at least. He was whispering "I love you, Mikey. Stay here with me." And then the door fell in and Billie was there. He started crying and I totally blacked out.
I woke up 3 months later from a coma. Billie had been waiting those three months with me. Not once leaving the hospital except to check up with his Mom and to get some extra clothes and what not. He had grabbed Blue the last time he went home, and when I woke up he was singing "Good Riddance". It had always been my favorite song I think that's why I woke up. When I did wake up, I looked over to Billie. He was halfway through.
"It's not a question but a lesson learned in time..." I smiled at him and started crying. Apparently it had been really quiet except for him, because he seemed to hear the tears stream down my face. He looked up at me and screamed
"MIKEY!" Then I really started crying.
After we talked with rejoicing he told me what happened, what I had done. And then he asked me what I dreaded most.
"Why, Mikey? Why'd you do it?" I was so scared. But, I told him.
"Billie-I-Billie I love you. I knew you wouldn't care, would think I was just a stupid fag. Some idiot who loved his best friend. I figured, if I couldn't have you then no one could have me. I only love you, Billie. And you're the only one I'll ever love."
He smiled at me after I had said that, tears staining his face. What he said then will be with me for the rest of my life.
"I love you too, Mikey"
Billie just got done reading Mike's report on the tragedy. It was now ten years later and Mike was still true to his word. He loved Billie, and he always had, always will.
But Billie no longer loved Mike, at least not in that way. He loved Adrienne now. That's why they had two kids.
Billie got married just 3 years after he had whispered he loved Mike back. Mike didn't talk to him for 3 months after Billie told him he was getting married. Didn't show up to the wedding. Didn't talk to him for a year and a half after Billie got married. Actually, Mike had run away and become a heroin addict. When Billie tracked him and called him one day, he had screamed
"You're becoming a failure! You're a heroin addict like your mom!" Mike became sober after that. He came back to California...moved in next door to Billie. Still wouldn't talk to him for a month, but then Billie gave him a message on the phone that said:
"Listen, Mike, I'm sorry about before. But, I just didn't love you anymore. But Mikey, Mike.. please just talk to me. Please."
Mike talked to him after that, but only on the phone. And only once a week. At 8 P.M. every friday until 11 P.M. He then wouldn't even look at Billie whom lived next door. It took a year until Mike finally came over to Billie's house for the first time. Adie was grocery shopping and the boys were at school. He stayed for 20 minutes and went to live with a friend for 3 months.
But that was all in the past. They had just finished their American Idiot tour. Billie was still with Adie, Tré with a new girl every night or so, and Mike huddled up in his house alone. He never had a girlfriend, never even dated. Not until he and Billie had officially broken up.
So tonight, Mike sat all alone on Christmas Eve, staring at his whimpt 5 foot tree decorated with ornaments Billie had given for christmas presents some 15 years ago. No one had ever even been in Mike's house except Tré, who came over just about every day. But tonight he went home for Christmas. Since all of Mike's family was, as far as he knew, dead, he really did have no where to go.
He was reading his copy of his report on the so-called tragedy. Tears falling down his frozen face, the phone rang and bolted him out of his memories of the past. Mike went over to the phone and looked at the caller ID - Billie.
He picked up the phone and
"*sigh* Hello, Billie" he rolled his eyes and sat down on the chair next to the phone.
"MIKEY! Happy Christmas Eve!!" Mike rolled his eyes again and murmered a slight
"Yeah - not really" On the other line Billie cocked an eyebrow at Mike's reaction.
"Buddy, whatsamatter?" Mike was enraged at this.
"GOD DAMMIT BILLIE JOE YOU fuck KNOW 'WHATSAMATTER' SO JUST fuck OFF, ALRIGHT?!?!" Mike screamed and smashed the phone down.
He went up to his room and cried on his bed. I am a fucking failure, he thought. Mike walked back downstairs and drank some egg nogg. BLEH, he thought, this is some nasty shit! He threw the carton of egg nogg away and sat back down on the couch. He opened the drawer next to the armrest and pulled out a razor...
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