My Life, chapter 5
It felt as though we had been driving forever. He had tried several times to make small talk with me, but each time I shrugged him off and continued staring out my window. I looked for signs to inform me where I was being taken, surprisingly there weren't many. The last sign I saw was about an hour ago and it read, "Welcome to Sacramento, The Capital of California." Well obviously it's the fucking capital, what kind of jackass doesn't know that? Anyway, I was getting kind of anxious so I decided it was time Billie Joe and I had a little chat.
"So, does mom know that you are kidnapping me?" I asked him. If she didn't, she would go into hysterics and probably call the police.
"Of course, I told her about this after you went to bed last night. She thought it was a good idea," he answered. He seemed relieved that I spoke to him. I guess he thought because I ended the silent treatment all was well now. How wrong he was.
"So, where are you taking me?" I asked. He kept his eyes on the road, but he smiled. Dear lord, just tell me! I need to know Billie Joe, I really do.
"Truthfully, I have no clue. You see, I'm just gonna drive as far as it takes to get you to talk to me and open up. I don't know you as well as I want to, Joe. I want to spend time with you, get to know you. We have never had that father-son-relationship. I love you, you know that, right?" he asked, turning his head towards me and removing his eyes from the road momentarily. I just shrugged. How the hell was I supposed to know he loved me if he never showed it. And isn't it a bit too late to start building a relationship now? I had a feeling he wasn't just driving around to get to know me, there was something else going on inside that thick head of his.
"Well, you just told me the other night you did," I said simply, not wanting to get into a big pointless discussion about how much daddy loves me. Personally, I'd rather keep thinking he doesn't love me.
"I know. It's just.." he sighed heavily. "I don't know. I'm not a good father," he said with his voice cracking. Oh for the love of god, don't cry now! Don't blur your bloody vision and get us in a car accident, chances are I'll be killed. I rolled my eyes; what an actor he was.
"You are a good father, really. Mom, Jake, and me know you are busy with the band, it's fine. We get along fine, don't do this. So what if you don't spend time with me or mom or Jakob, we understand," I said, lying. I, personally, didn't understand, but I didn't want him to cry even if it was just an act. I hate it when people cry, not because it annoys me, but because I'm not good at comforting people. The worst thing for me is watching someone suffer or grieve and knowing I can't console them, even if I'm not fond of the person.
After stopping at a rest stop for about ten minutes, we were back on the road. I was getting annoyed, I talked to him, why couldn't he just take me home now? I was sick of being around him. At least he had held back his tears, for goodness sake, what man cries?! Anyway, I want to go home, I mean does he not realize I have school, does he not know about my up coming soccer games? I highly doubt this trip will last only a day, it was Sunday and tomorrow there would be school. My mom would really allow my dad to do this? As much as I hate school, it is better than spending time with my dad. I decided to ask him to take me back.
"I want to go home," I whined. He didn't respond, he kept his eyes on the road and ignored me for another minute or so. He finally answered.
"No," he said. And that was that. I was enraged, he couldn't make me go somewhere with him if I didn't want to. I started crying, not real crying, acting crying. I figured if I faked some tears he'd feel bad and take me home. Not the case, instead he turned on the radio. What an asshole! He tuned out his own son's "crying" to hear some rock songs on the radio, how could he do a thing like that? Did he know I was faking?
"I'm not taking you home, Joey," he said firmly. At that moment something hit me with a force, not literally, but a feeling I had never felt before. It was so strong, it made me feel as though my insides were going to burst. But what was it? Suddenly I realized what it was.
"I hate you," I sneered at him. I had never said these words to my father before, which made me fear how he was going to react, but what scared me more was that I actually meant it.
"So, does mom know that you are kidnapping me?" I asked him. If she didn't, she would go into hysterics and probably call the police.
"Of course, I told her about this after you went to bed last night. She thought it was a good idea," he answered. He seemed relieved that I spoke to him. I guess he thought because I ended the silent treatment all was well now. How wrong he was.
"So, where are you taking me?" I asked. He kept his eyes on the road, but he smiled. Dear lord, just tell me! I need to know Billie Joe, I really do.
"Truthfully, I have no clue. You see, I'm just gonna drive as far as it takes to get you to talk to me and open up. I don't know you as well as I want to, Joe. I want to spend time with you, get to know you. We have never had that father-son-relationship. I love you, you know that, right?" he asked, turning his head towards me and removing his eyes from the road momentarily. I just shrugged. How the hell was I supposed to know he loved me if he never showed it. And isn't it a bit too late to start building a relationship now? I had a feeling he wasn't just driving around to get to know me, there was something else going on inside that thick head of his.
"Well, you just told me the other night you did," I said simply, not wanting to get into a big pointless discussion about how much daddy loves me. Personally, I'd rather keep thinking he doesn't love me.
"I know. It's just.." he sighed heavily. "I don't know. I'm not a good father," he said with his voice cracking. Oh for the love of god, don't cry now! Don't blur your bloody vision and get us in a car accident, chances are I'll be killed. I rolled my eyes; what an actor he was.
"You are a good father, really. Mom, Jake, and me know you are busy with the band, it's fine. We get along fine, don't do this. So what if you don't spend time with me or mom or Jakob, we understand," I said, lying. I, personally, didn't understand, but I didn't want him to cry even if it was just an act. I hate it when people cry, not because it annoys me, but because I'm not good at comforting people. The worst thing for me is watching someone suffer or grieve and knowing I can't console them, even if I'm not fond of the person.
After stopping at a rest stop for about ten minutes, we were back on the road. I was getting annoyed, I talked to him, why couldn't he just take me home now? I was sick of being around him. At least he had held back his tears, for goodness sake, what man cries?! Anyway, I want to go home, I mean does he not realize I have school, does he not know about my up coming soccer games? I highly doubt this trip will last only a day, it was Sunday and tomorrow there would be school. My mom would really allow my dad to do this? As much as I hate school, it is better than spending time with my dad. I decided to ask him to take me back.
"I want to go home," I whined. He didn't respond, he kept his eyes on the road and ignored me for another minute or so. He finally answered.
"No," he said. And that was that. I was enraged, he couldn't make me go somewhere with him if I didn't want to. I started crying, not real crying, acting crying. I figured if I faked some tears he'd feel bad and take me home. Not the case, instead he turned on the radio. What an asshole! He tuned out his own son's "crying" to hear some rock songs on the radio, how could he do a thing like that? Did he know I was faking?
"I'm not taking you home, Joey," he said firmly. At that moment something hit me with a force, not literally, but a feeling I had never felt before. It was so strong, it made me feel as though my insides were going to burst. But what was it? Suddenly I realized what it was.
"I hate you," I sneered at him. I had never said these words to my father before, which made me fear how he was going to react, but what scared me more was that I actually meant it.
