His Little Drummer Girl, chapter 32
Later that day Maria and I were at Brad's party and they got out the vodka and the joints again. I took some of each but made sure I didn't take a lot, memories of being in hospital came flooding back to me. Actually a bit of me quite liked being in hospital. I got loads of attention from mum and dad and even Billie Joe then. Where were they now? Busy with their lives.
The next thing I remember is throwing up in Brad's garden. I remember Maria leaning over me and laughing. "That's it" she was saying, "throw it all up." I was aware of Maria standing over me and she had something shiny around her neck. Shit no. It was Adi's locket. Fuck it. It was her that had broken into their house and I bet Brad had something to do with it too. The key. The last time I saw the key was at Maria's. She must have stolen the key and used it to get into Billie Joes and trash the place. Oh no. What had I done? It was all my fault.
I knew I had to get out of there but didn't really know the way home. I told Maria that I was going to get some air and went out to the front of the house and noted the number. I reached into my pocket and got my mobile phone out. It had been switched off all night and I noticed there were two missed calls from Billie's number. I called him.
"Hi Billie it's Franky," I said.
"Franky honey, we're getting a little worried. Where are you? It's late, we expected you home over an hour ago."
"Billie I'm not sure where I am. I'm scared."
"What do you mean?" He sounded panicked.
"I'm at this party and I don't know how to get home," I started crying then.
"OK, calm down, any idea at all where you are?" he said.
"Well the house number is 1590 and... " I looked around and saw a restaurant across the street. I told him the name of it. He knew where it was and said he'd be there soon.
Within five minutes he was there. My rescuer. I got in the car feeling guilty hoping that he hadn't smelt the joints and booze on me but I think he had as he didn't say a word to me and he looked pissed off. When we arrived back at his, Adi was waiting at the front door. I sloped on past her without saying anything and just went through to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water.
"Why Franky?" said Adi suddenly.
"Why what?" I said. I felt like shit. God knows what I looked like.
"Well you've obviously been drinking and smoking and whatever else, we can smell it on you. After all you went through in hospital I can't believe you'd do something like this again."
I was really angry now and hated her, especially after she badmouthed me before to Billie. She thought she was so perfect.
"Why don't you just fuck off?" I said to her. She looked shocked. "You think you're so perfect don't you. You're not my mum and you never will be. So don't tell me what to do. I bet you took drugs when you were younger and don't tell me that you've never smoked and had a drink. I've seen you at the wine... "
"ENOUGH," said Billie Joe. "Don't ever speak to Adi like that again. I suggest you get yourself up to the bathroom and get that smell washed off. We'll talk about this tomorrow before your parents get here. We're meant to be taking care of you and you've abused our trust."
I was ashamed then and burst out crying but Billie didn't come over to me and comfort me like I thought he would. He just let me walk right on past him.
As I turned to go up the stairs I saw them together in the kitchen hugging one another. It was at that point that I knew he couldn't really have loved me at all. Not like he loved Adi. She was so beautiful why would he even look at me. She was a beautiful woman and I was just a plain old teenager. Loser. I wanted to run and hide but there was nowhere to go. I just went upstairs and did as I was told.
I couldn't sleep for ages and I swore I could hear Billie and Adi making love. I covered my head with the pillow so that I couldn't hear anything. What a mess.
The next day I had a thumping headache. I was so ashamed I didn't want to get out of bed and face everybody. There was a knock at the door then Adi came in.
"How are you feeling?" she said. She was carrying a tray of orange juice and toast.
"Not good," I said sheepishly.
"Well I'm not surprised. Your first hangover I presume?" she said.
"I suppose," I mumbled. Stop being moody I thought to myself, stand up for yourself.
"Drink this up, it might help," and she handed me the orange juice. My mouth was so dry that I drank it all down.
"Billie's gone out for a while so you haven't got to face him yet. He's not very pleased you know. I think he feels responsible as you were in our care."
"I'm sorry for what I said."
"It's fine. You were drunk. We all say things we don't mean when we've had a drink"
"No. There's more. I think I know who broke into your house."
"What?" she said.
"I think it was that Maria girl from school."
"Her?" said Adi disappointed that I knew her. "How come you know this?"
"I've been hanging out with her these past few days. I've got no other friends yet and she made me laugh and we had fun. She gave me cigarettes and some vodka and joints. I stole the vodka. Oh Adi I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. I don't know why I did it," and I just started sobbing on her shoulder.
"It's OK but I think we need to have a proper chat about this when Billie and your Mom and Dad get here don't you?"
She left the room then and I felt so alone. Everyone will hate me.
Later on...
I finally ventured down the stairs and they were all in the Kitchen talking. It went quiet when I turned up. I felt like shit and wanted to hide.
"Hi Baby," said mum.
"Hi Blue eyes," said Dad. He hadn't called me that in a while. He gave me a wink, which made me feel a little better, then I went over to hug them both.
"I missed you both and I'm so sorry for what I've done," I said and then burst out crying.
"Its OK honey," said Tre. "Lets sit over here and talk about it shall we? You've been through a hell of a lot lately too."
We all sat around the table, Mum, Tre, Billie Joe, Adi and me. I felt so stupid.
"Tell us all from the beginning," said Mum. They were all looking at me.
I told them all how I hadn't got any friends at school and I was real upset about Samuel and had made friends with Maria and what she got me to do. I told them I'd heard Adrienne and Billie Joe talking about me looking at him and that it had upset me a lot. Adrienne and Billie were shocked then and I saw him give her an odd look. I told them about seeing Maria wearing the necklace and I'd put two and two together and worked out that she must have sent the letters, stolen the key and broken in.
Billie was up and out the door then. "I know where she lives the little bitch. She's nothing but trouble round here" and then he was gone.
"Go after him Tre," Adi said concerned and Tre got up and followed Billie.
"I'm so sorry Adi," I said looking over at her but cuddling into Mum.
"I'm sorry too. I didn't realise you'd heard what I said. It's unforgivable of me. I'm such an insecure person. I'm so sorry Franky. Forgive me?"
"Billie really loves you," I said. "As if he's going to want to be with me" and we all laughed.
This was the truth and I had to get used to it. I was a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl and he was married to such a beautiful woman with two gorgeous children. Get real. I knew there was no chance with Billie Joe. He had his Adi, she's all he wanted and that was that.
A while later Billie Joe came back with the locket. Nothing more was said apart from the fact he wouldn't press charges as it would be all over the press and that he'd really appreciate it if I hadn't any more to do with Maria and her friends. I agreed. 'I'll always love you' I thought sadly 'but I know it will never be returned and that would have to be the end of it'...
The next thing I remember is throwing up in Brad's garden. I remember Maria leaning over me and laughing. "That's it" she was saying, "throw it all up." I was aware of Maria standing over me and she had something shiny around her neck. Shit no. It was Adi's locket. Fuck it. It was her that had broken into their house and I bet Brad had something to do with it too. The key. The last time I saw the key was at Maria's. She must have stolen the key and used it to get into Billie Joes and trash the place. Oh no. What had I done? It was all my fault.
I knew I had to get out of there but didn't really know the way home. I told Maria that I was going to get some air and went out to the front of the house and noted the number. I reached into my pocket and got my mobile phone out. It had been switched off all night and I noticed there were two missed calls from Billie's number. I called him.
"Hi Billie it's Franky," I said.
"Franky honey, we're getting a little worried. Where are you? It's late, we expected you home over an hour ago."
"Billie I'm not sure where I am. I'm scared."
"What do you mean?" He sounded panicked.
"I'm at this party and I don't know how to get home," I started crying then.
"OK, calm down, any idea at all where you are?" he said.
"Well the house number is 1590 and... " I looked around and saw a restaurant across the street. I told him the name of it. He knew where it was and said he'd be there soon.
Within five minutes he was there. My rescuer. I got in the car feeling guilty hoping that he hadn't smelt the joints and booze on me but I think he had as he didn't say a word to me and he looked pissed off. When we arrived back at his, Adi was waiting at the front door. I sloped on past her without saying anything and just went through to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water.
"Why Franky?" said Adi suddenly.
"Why what?" I said. I felt like shit. God knows what I looked like.
"Well you've obviously been drinking and smoking and whatever else, we can smell it on you. After all you went through in hospital I can't believe you'd do something like this again."
I was really angry now and hated her, especially after she badmouthed me before to Billie. She thought she was so perfect.
"Why don't you just fuck off?" I said to her. She looked shocked. "You think you're so perfect don't you. You're not my mum and you never will be. So don't tell me what to do. I bet you took drugs when you were younger and don't tell me that you've never smoked and had a drink. I've seen you at the wine... "
"ENOUGH," said Billie Joe. "Don't ever speak to Adi like that again. I suggest you get yourself up to the bathroom and get that smell washed off. We'll talk about this tomorrow before your parents get here. We're meant to be taking care of you and you've abused our trust."
I was ashamed then and burst out crying but Billie didn't come over to me and comfort me like I thought he would. He just let me walk right on past him.
As I turned to go up the stairs I saw them together in the kitchen hugging one another. It was at that point that I knew he couldn't really have loved me at all. Not like he loved Adi. She was so beautiful why would he even look at me. She was a beautiful woman and I was just a plain old teenager. Loser. I wanted to run and hide but there was nowhere to go. I just went upstairs and did as I was told.
I couldn't sleep for ages and I swore I could hear Billie and Adi making love. I covered my head with the pillow so that I couldn't hear anything. What a mess.
The next day I had a thumping headache. I was so ashamed I didn't want to get out of bed and face everybody. There was a knock at the door then Adi came in.
"How are you feeling?" she said. She was carrying a tray of orange juice and toast.
"Not good," I said sheepishly.
"Well I'm not surprised. Your first hangover I presume?" she said.
"I suppose," I mumbled. Stop being moody I thought to myself, stand up for yourself.
"Drink this up, it might help," and she handed me the orange juice. My mouth was so dry that I drank it all down.
"Billie's gone out for a while so you haven't got to face him yet. He's not very pleased you know. I think he feels responsible as you were in our care."
"I'm sorry for what I said."
"It's fine. You were drunk. We all say things we don't mean when we've had a drink"
"No. There's more. I think I know who broke into your house."
"What?" she said.
"I think it was that Maria girl from school."
"Her?" said Adi disappointed that I knew her. "How come you know this?"
"I've been hanging out with her these past few days. I've got no other friends yet and she made me laugh and we had fun. She gave me cigarettes and some vodka and joints. I stole the vodka. Oh Adi I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. I don't know why I did it," and I just started sobbing on her shoulder.
"It's OK but I think we need to have a proper chat about this when Billie and your Mom and Dad get here don't you?"
She left the room then and I felt so alone. Everyone will hate me.
Later on...
I finally ventured down the stairs and they were all in the Kitchen talking. It went quiet when I turned up. I felt like shit and wanted to hide.
"Hi Baby," said mum.
"Hi Blue eyes," said Dad. He hadn't called me that in a while. He gave me a wink, which made me feel a little better, then I went over to hug them both.
"I missed you both and I'm so sorry for what I've done," I said and then burst out crying.
"Its OK honey," said Tre. "Lets sit over here and talk about it shall we? You've been through a hell of a lot lately too."
We all sat around the table, Mum, Tre, Billie Joe, Adi and me. I felt so stupid.
"Tell us all from the beginning," said Mum. They were all looking at me.
I told them all how I hadn't got any friends at school and I was real upset about Samuel and had made friends with Maria and what she got me to do. I told them I'd heard Adrienne and Billie Joe talking about me looking at him and that it had upset me a lot. Adrienne and Billie were shocked then and I saw him give her an odd look. I told them about seeing Maria wearing the necklace and I'd put two and two together and worked out that she must have sent the letters, stolen the key and broken in.
Billie was up and out the door then. "I know where she lives the little bitch. She's nothing but trouble round here" and then he was gone.
"Go after him Tre," Adi said concerned and Tre got up and followed Billie.
"I'm so sorry Adi," I said looking over at her but cuddling into Mum.
"I'm sorry too. I didn't realise you'd heard what I said. It's unforgivable of me. I'm such an insecure person. I'm so sorry Franky. Forgive me?"
"Billie really loves you," I said. "As if he's going to want to be with me" and we all laughed.
This was the truth and I had to get used to it. I was a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl and he was married to such a beautiful woman with two gorgeous children. Get real. I knew there was no chance with Billie Joe. He had his Adi, she's all he wanted and that was that.
A while later Billie Joe came back with the locket. Nothing more was said apart from the fact he wouldn't press charges as it would be all over the press and that he'd really appreciate it if I hadn't any more to do with Maria and her friends. I agreed. 'I'll always love you' I thought sadly 'but I know it will never be returned and that would have to be the end of it'...
