I Don't Feel Any Shame, I Won't Apologise, chapter 1
It was Billie and Mikes first day of high school.
Mike walked into the room. "Billie...oh Billie..."
Billie twitched.
"GET UP!" Mike shouted as he jumped onto Billie's bed.
"Ouch! My legs...they're numb!" Billie whacked Mike and shoved him off the bed. Mike fell onto the floor.
"Ow...my ass..."
"Want me to fix it for you?" Billie winked.
"Get up, the bus arrives in like..." Mike stared at his watch. "5 minutes!!"
Mike ran over to Billie and pulled off his sheets.
Billie turned over.
Mike yanked his pillow and Billie's head fell onto the mattress.
"Hey, QUIT IT!" Billie shouted.
Mike stuck his tongue out and reached for Billie's guitar. He began to strum it.
"BITCH!" Billie jumped out of bed and pulled Blue from Mike's grip.
"Finally..." Mike got some clothes out of Billie's closet and handed them to him.
Billie took the clothes and headed for the bathroom.
Mike smacked Billie's ass on the way, Billie jumped, then turned around and smiled.
After 2 minutes of Mike roaming around the bedroom Billie opened the door dressed in his randomly picked out clothes.
Billie began to walk around the room, as if walking down the catwalk.
Mike clapped and threw a .20 cent coin at Billie. "OK, let's go!" Mike threw Billie a bag and started for the door. Billie followed and locked it on the way out.
The school bus was already halfway down the street. Mike gasped and ran after it. "SHHIITT!!!"
Billie walked after Mike, kicking a rock he had found on the concrete.
Mike tripped over and watched the school bus drive away, the kids in the backseat were laughing at him.
Billie caught up with Mike and continued walking.
"HEY! A little help here...?"
Billie turned around, he had been day dreaming and hadn't even noticed Mike.
"Oh, shit, sorry..."
Mike grabbed Billie's hand and pulled himself up. "C'mon, we'll have to walk..."
"You know the way?"
"Err, yeah, sure..." Mike rolled his eyes.
As they walked Billie counted the cars and their colors.
"6 red..." a car went by.
"19 blue..." another car went by.
"4 silver..."
Mike whacked Billie over the head. "SHUTUP, SHUTUP, OH GOD. SHUTUP!"
"8 Black..." Billie continued.
Mike frowned.
They continued walking before reaching a 2-way street. Mike looked left, and then right. He looked at Billie. "Which way?" He asked.
"Erm..." Billie pointed to the left, then right. He began to sing random numbers, "2, 6, 3, 7, 5, 8, 10!!" Billie stopped on the right side. "Right." He turned to Mike.
"Are you sure?" Mike questioned.
"Hey, dude. Even numbers never lie."
Billie began walking. Mike stared at the left and then followed.
After walking 3 streets they saw a school.
"See, even numbers NEVER lie!" Billie poked his tongue out and began skipping.
Mike sighed and followed.
"SKIP!" Billie turned and yelled.
Mike pretended not to hear and looked at the houses.
"SKIP YOU, GOD DAMIT. SKIP!!"
Mike did a little jump and frowned at Billie who had now reached the front gate.
Billie entered the gate and locked it.
"Damn it Billie!" Mike reached the gate and jumped over it.
Mike caught up with Billie and then stopped. "Where do we go now?" He asked.
"No idea...don't you have a timetable?"
"Err, NO!"
"OK, front desk it is..?"
"Where's that?"
Billie pointed to a sign. "Maybe it's the sign that says Office?" Billie rolled his eyes and ran to the door.
Mike looked around and felt the wind brush against his face and wrestle with his hair.
"Hey." Said a friendly voice.
Mike quickly turned around to see a girl around his age. "Hi," He replied and smiled.
"New here?" She asked.
"Yeah, just a little, umm...a little..." He stumbled on his words. She was so beautiful, elegant..
"Lost?" She finished his sentence.
"Yeh..." Mike looked around, trying to hide his embarrassment.
-- Inside The Office --
"Um, hi there. I'm new, and lost. Oh, my friend is outside as well." Billie said to the lady at the front desk.
"Name please?"
"Billie. Billie Joe."
The lady began typing into her computer and scanning it with her eyes.
She peeped from under her glasses and stopped typing.
"Armstrong, Billie Joe?" She questioned.
"Yes. And my friends name Is Mike Pritchard."
Again, the lady began vigorously typing. Billie hated the way people did that.
"Michael Pritchard?".
"YES!" Billie began to get annoyed.
"OK, you're in FG2." She smiled and handed Billie two timetables."
Billie walked for the door but stopped. He looked beyond the sunlit glass at Mike and the girl he was talking to. He could see in Mike's movements that he liked her.
Billie felt a little jealous, and opened the door. He ran to Mike.
"Hey mate! What's up!" Billie didn't want to do this to his best friend, but, he had to. For their future.
"Who's this? A girl you like? Oh, well, she's ugly isn't she?!" Billie laughed and shoved Mike on the shoulder.
The girl had overcome a look of hurt and sadness.
"Your girlfriend isn't going to like this Mike, let's go!"
Mike glared at Billie and kicked him in the shins. "SHE IS NOT UGLY!" he yelled.
The girl smiled. "And I don't even have a girlfriend!"
She smiled even more.
"...You broke up?" Billie questioned. "Anyway, here's your timetable." Billie handed Mike a sheet of paper. Mike took it and began scaling the page.
"We have all but one class together," Billie interrupted and looked into Mike's eyes.
"I'd better get going..." The girl said. She waved and turned away.
"Wait!" Mike ran after her. "What's your name?"
"...Oh, Sarah." She said, blushing.
"Awesome, nice to meet you, Sarah..."
"Yeh, umm. I have to get going. I'll see you later." Sarah began walking of to a building block.
Mike watched her walk. He was taken to a world of his own, where it was just him and her.
Billie punched Mike in the back. Mike immediately turned around, his world was shattered.
"What was that for!?" He complained.
"You kicked me!"
"Yeh, well, why did you call her ugly?"
Billie stared, turned around and began walking for F block.
Mike sighed and followed.
Sarah stopped, turned around, and watched Mike walk away from the distance. She sighed and cuddled her books.
All through class Mike couldn't stop thinking about Sarah, he wrote her name all over his books. She was perfect.
Billie on the other hand was being annoying as hell. He kept kicking Mike's chair and throwing paper at his head. Mike's rage inside was kept hidden as he thought of Sarah.
'Why does Mike love her so much?', Billie thought.'Why doesn't he love me?...what do I do to make him love me...' Billie had never had a girlfriend, or been in love with any girl. Only Mike. He didn't know whether he was gay, or bi. But he did know that he wanted to be with Mike. Billie sighed at the thought of Mike and Sarah. Every time he saw Mike with her, laughing, he felt like running home and crying until the pain numbed. Mike was always there for Billie, they had been best friends for 3 years. It didn't sound like a long time, but for Billie, it felt like eternity.
The bell rang, interrupting Mike's thoughts. Billie jumped out of his seat and packed away his books. "Let's go buddy!" He patted Mike on the back and began walking for the door.
Mike slowly got up and peered out the window, He looked at the swaying flowers, the peaceful trees, and the happy children running around outside. He felt at home, safe, and secure.
Lunch time finally came after another lesson of Sarah dreaming. Mike and Billie wandered around the back field and sat down under a tree. The ants scattered away like moving dots as they sat down.
Billie got his bag and roamed for his lunch. "Biscuits...smarties...choc bar... " Billie mumbled to himself. "Ahah!" He pulled out a sandwich and began unwrapping it.
"Mike, you ok?"
Mike was silently staring at the ground
"Mike...Miikkeee...MIKE!" Billie tapped him on the shoulder.
"Oh, what?..." Mike looked at Billie. His innocent eyes met with Billie's, Billie sighed and started eating.
"HII!!" Said a friendly voice from above them.
Mike's head jerked upwards quickly. It was Sarah.
"Oh, this bitch again..." Billie murmured.
"SAARRAHH!!" Mike jumped up and hugged her. He stopped for a second.
'Oh my god...I'M HUGGING SARAH!!!!!...she smells...so...great. I could do this all day.'
Mike smiled and looked at her. "How are you?" He asked.
"I'm great, how's your first day going?"
"Not too bad." Mike looked at the book she was holding, he saw his name on the back page, along with a small heart. He blushed and then looked at Billie.
Billie looked back with evil eyes, as if he was saying, "Kill her Mike...go on..."
Mike looked back at Sarah. "So, want to sit?"
"Sure," She smiled and sat down next to Mike.
Mike grabbed her hand. Sarah blushed.
"So, Sarah...what year are you in?" Billie broke the entwining stare between the two.
Sarah looked at Billie and said, "Year 7. You?"
"Oh me?..." Billie was going to do anything and everything he could to make sure Mike wasn't with her.
"Oh, I'm in...umm...year 7 as well. Yeah, Mike here though...he's in year 5."
Mike stared at Billie. "What are you talking about? I'm in year 7 you idiot."
"Oh, sorry. You just look so young. And inexperienced..."
Mike turned to Sarah, "Don't mind Billie, he can be a real jerk sometimes..."
"Oh, I don't mind. He's probably just having a bad day." Sarah connected to Mike's eyes again.
Billie needed to do something. He tapped Mike on the shoulder.
Mike looked at him.
Billie gulped and Moved closer to Mike. He began to shake.
Billie's nose touched Mike's, Mike began to freak out.
The bell rang as Mike backed away into Sarah's arms. She fell back along with Mike. They both laughed and spread out along the field. Looking up at the blue sky.
Billie hit himself. 'What the hell was that?', He thought. Anger built up inside of him. He now completely hated Sarah.
Mike turned his had along the grass and stared at Sarah, Sarah did the same.
He moved closer to her, and hugged her.
"Get a room," Billie yelled as he walked of to his next class.
"I'd better get to class..." Sarah said. She got up and started walking.
"Cya later!" She yelled.
Mike watched her walk, again. He felt so weak and dreamy.
As the school day began to end, Billie packed away his things and examined the clock. Every click echoed in his ears. Until finally, the bell rang.
He looked down, a tear rolled down his cheek and crashed to the floor.
Mike had already began walking out the classroom. He promised he would say goodbye to Sarah.
Billie slumped out of his chair and followed. He watched Mike hug Sarah and say his goodbyes.
Billie couldn't take the pain, so he turned the opposite way, and began dragging his feet out of the school hall, out the gate, and all the way home.
He opened the door and began stamping up the stairs. When he reached the top he opened his bedroom door, walked in and then shut it. From there he slowly fell to his knees and cried. His tears fell to the floor, soaking the carpet. Every drip was a cry for help, a cry of questions.
Mike was still walking home. As he lived two streets away from Billie, he decided to visit him and find out why he was such a jerk at school.
So he turned into his street and began for his house.
He came to the front door, it was already open. Mike walked in.
"Billie?" He questioned as he looked around.
He heard hard sobbing upstairs, and groans of pain. Mike bolted up the stairs and crashed into Billie's door. The door opened. Mike saw blood on the carpet, as well as the stains of Billies violent tears.
Behind the door was Billie. Mike looked at his wrist, he was bleeding.
"Shit BILLIE!" Mike yelled. Mike ran down stairs and into the bathroom, He found a packet of band-aids. Mike was shaking, he was so scared. Bandages flew out of the packet as Mike ripped it open and placed all of them around Billie's wound.
Mike then fell onto Billie and hugged him. Billie looked down, crying.
"Why Billie?...Why..?" Mike asked.
A drip of blood fell to the carpet, it exploded into thousands of tiny spectrums. Billie's life slowly reduced with every withdrawal.
Billie slowly replied, "I don't feel any shame...I won't apologise..."
And with that, his head fell onto Mike's.
Mike shivered and held onto Billie as tight as he could.
"I'll never let go..."
Mike walked into the room. "Billie...oh Billie..."
Billie twitched.
"GET UP!" Mike shouted as he jumped onto Billie's bed.
"Ouch! My legs...they're numb!" Billie whacked Mike and shoved him off the bed. Mike fell onto the floor.
"Ow...my ass..."
"Want me to fix it for you?" Billie winked.
"Get up, the bus arrives in like..." Mike stared at his watch. "5 minutes!!"
Mike ran over to Billie and pulled off his sheets.
Billie turned over.
Mike yanked his pillow and Billie's head fell onto the mattress.
"Hey, QUIT IT!" Billie shouted.
Mike stuck his tongue out and reached for Billie's guitar. He began to strum it.
"BITCH!" Billie jumped out of bed and pulled Blue from Mike's grip.
"Finally..." Mike got some clothes out of Billie's closet and handed them to him.
Billie took the clothes and headed for the bathroom.
Mike smacked Billie's ass on the way, Billie jumped, then turned around and smiled.
After 2 minutes of Mike roaming around the bedroom Billie opened the door dressed in his randomly picked out clothes.
Billie began to walk around the room, as if walking down the catwalk.
Mike clapped and threw a .20 cent coin at Billie. "OK, let's go!" Mike threw Billie a bag and started for the door. Billie followed and locked it on the way out.
The school bus was already halfway down the street. Mike gasped and ran after it. "SHHIITT!!!"
Billie walked after Mike, kicking a rock he had found on the concrete.
Mike tripped over and watched the school bus drive away, the kids in the backseat were laughing at him.
Billie caught up with Mike and continued walking.
"HEY! A little help here...?"
Billie turned around, he had been day dreaming and hadn't even noticed Mike.
"Oh, shit, sorry..."
Mike grabbed Billie's hand and pulled himself up. "C'mon, we'll have to walk..."
"You know the way?"
"Err, yeah, sure..." Mike rolled his eyes.
As they walked Billie counted the cars and their colors.
"6 red..." a car went by.
"19 blue..." another car went by.
"4 silver..."
Mike whacked Billie over the head. "SHUTUP, SHUTUP, OH GOD. SHUTUP!"
"8 Black..." Billie continued.
Mike frowned.
They continued walking before reaching a 2-way street. Mike looked left, and then right. He looked at Billie. "Which way?" He asked.
"Erm..." Billie pointed to the left, then right. He began to sing random numbers, "2, 6, 3, 7, 5, 8, 10!!" Billie stopped on the right side. "Right." He turned to Mike.
"Are you sure?" Mike questioned.
"Hey, dude. Even numbers never lie."
Billie began walking. Mike stared at the left and then followed.
After walking 3 streets they saw a school.
"See, even numbers NEVER lie!" Billie poked his tongue out and began skipping.
Mike sighed and followed.
"SKIP!" Billie turned and yelled.
Mike pretended not to hear and looked at the houses.
"SKIP YOU, GOD DAMIT. SKIP!!"
Mike did a little jump and frowned at Billie who had now reached the front gate.
Billie entered the gate and locked it.
"Damn it Billie!" Mike reached the gate and jumped over it.
Mike caught up with Billie and then stopped. "Where do we go now?" He asked.
"No idea...don't you have a timetable?"
"Err, NO!"
"OK, front desk it is..?"
"Where's that?"
Billie pointed to a sign. "Maybe it's the sign that says Office?" Billie rolled his eyes and ran to the door.
Mike looked around and felt the wind brush against his face and wrestle with his hair.
"Hey." Said a friendly voice.
Mike quickly turned around to see a girl around his age. "Hi," He replied and smiled.
"New here?" She asked.
"Yeah, just a little, umm...a little..." He stumbled on his words. She was so beautiful, elegant..
"Lost?" She finished his sentence.
"Yeh..." Mike looked around, trying to hide his embarrassment.
-- Inside The Office --
"Um, hi there. I'm new, and lost. Oh, my friend is outside as well." Billie said to the lady at the front desk.
"Name please?"
"Billie. Billie Joe."
The lady began typing into her computer and scanning it with her eyes.
She peeped from under her glasses and stopped typing.
"Armstrong, Billie Joe?" She questioned.
"Yes. And my friends name Is Mike Pritchard."
Again, the lady began vigorously typing. Billie hated the way people did that.
"Michael Pritchard?".
"YES!" Billie began to get annoyed.
"OK, you're in FG2." She smiled and handed Billie two timetables."
Billie walked for the door but stopped. He looked beyond the sunlit glass at Mike and the girl he was talking to. He could see in Mike's movements that he liked her.
Billie felt a little jealous, and opened the door. He ran to Mike.
"Hey mate! What's up!" Billie didn't want to do this to his best friend, but, he had to. For their future.
"Who's this? A girl you like? Oh, well, she's ugly isn't she?!" Billie laughed and shoved Mike on the shoulder.
The girl had overcome a look of hurt and sadness.
"Your girlfriend isn't going to like this Mike, let's go!"
Mike glared at Billie and kicked him in the shins. "SHE IS NOT UGLY!" he yelled.
The girl smiled. "And I don't even have a girlfriend!"
She smiled even more.
"...You broke up?" Billie questioned. "Anyway, here's your timetable." Billie handed Mike a sheet of paper. Mike took it and began scaling the page.
"We have all but one class together," Billie interrupted and looked into Mike's eyes.
"I'd better get going..." The girl said. She waved and turned away.
"Wait!" Mike ran after her. "What's your name?"
"...Oh, Sarah." She said, blushing.
"Awesome, nice to meet you, Sarah..."
"Yeh, umm. I have to get going. I'll see you later." Sarah began walking of to a building block.
Mike watched her walk. He was taken to a world of his own, where it was just him and her.
Billie punched Mike in the back. Mike immediately turned around, his world was shattered.
"What was that for!?" He complained.
"You kicked me!"
"Yeh, well, why did you call her ugly?"
Billie stared, turned around and began walking for F block.
Mike sighed and followed.
Sarah stopped, turned around, and watched Mike walk away from the distance. She sighed and cuddled her books.
All through class Mike couldn't stop thinking about Sarah, he wrote her name all over his books. She was perfect.
Billie on the other hand was being annoying as hell. He kept kicking Mike's chair and throwing paper at his head. Mike's rage inside was kept hidden as he thought of Sarah.
'Why does Mike love her so much?', Billie thought.'Why doesn't he love me?...what do I do to make him love me...' Billie had never had a girlfriend, or been in love with any girl. Only Mike. He didn't know whether he was gay, or bi. But he did know that he wanted to be with Mike. Billie sighed at the thought of Mike and Sarah. Every time he saw Mike with her, laughing, he felt like running home and crying until the pain numbed. Mike was always there for Billie, they had been best friends for 3 years. It didn't sound like a long time, but for Billie, it felt like eternity.
The bell rang, interrupting Mike's thoughts. Billie jumped out of his seat and packed away his books. "Let's go buddy!" He patted Mike on the back and began walking for the door.
Mike slowly got up and peered out the window, He looked at the swaying flowers, the peaceful trees, and the happy children running around outside. He felt at home, safe, and secure.
Lunch time finally came after another lesson of Sarah dreaming. Mike and Billie wandered around the back field and sat down under a tree. The ants scattered away like moving dots as they sat down.
Billie got his bag and roamed for his lunch. "Biscuits...smarties...choc bar... " Billie mumbled to himself. "Ahah!" He pulled out a sandwich and began unwrapping it.
"Mike, you ok?"
Mike was silently staring at the ground
"Mike...Miikkeee...MIKE!" Billie tapped him on the shoulder.
"Oh, what?..." Mike looked at Billie. His innocent eyes met with Billie's, Billie sighed and started eating.
"HII!!" Said a friendly voice from above them.
Mike's head jerked upwards quickly. It was Sarah.
"Oh, this bitch again..." Billie murmured.
"SAARRAHH!!" Mike jumped up and hugged her. He stopped for a second.
'Oh my god...I'M HUGGING SARAH!!!!!...she smells...so...great. I could do this all day.'
Mike smiled and looked at her. "How are you?" He asked.
"I'm great, how's your first day going?"
"Not too bad." Mike looked at the book she was holding, he saw his name on the back page, along with a small heart. He blushed and then looked at Billie.
Billie looked back with evil eyes, as if he was saying, "Kill her Mike...go on..."
Mike looked back at Sarah. "So, want to sit?"
"Sure," She smiled and sat down next to Mike.
Mike grabbed her hand. Sarah blushed.
"So, Sarah...what year are you in?" Billie broke the entwining stare between the two.
Sarah looked at Billie and said, "Year 7. You?"
"Oh me?..." Billie was going to do anything and everything he could to make sure Mike wasn't with her.
"Oh, I'm in...umm...year 7 as well. Yeah, Mike here though...he's in year 5."
Mike stared at Billie. "What are you talking about? I'm in year 7 you idiot."
"Oh, sorry. You just look so young. And inexperienced..."
Mike turned to Sarah, "Don't mind Billie, he can be a real jerk sometimes..."
"Oh, I don't mind. He's probably just having a bad day." Sarah connected to Mike's eyes again.
Billie needed to do something. He tapped Mike on the shoulder.
Mike looked at him.
Billie gulped and Moved closer to Mike. He began to shake.
Billie's nose touched Mike's, Mike began to freak out.
The bell rang as Mike backed away into Sarah's arms. She fell back along with Mike. They both laughed and spread out along the field. Looking up at the blue sky.
Billie hit himself. 'What the hell was that?', He thought. Anger built up inside of him. He now completely hated Sarah.
Mike turned his had along the grass and stared at Sarah, Sarah did the same.
He moved closer to her, and hugged her.
"Get a room," Billie yelled as he walked of to his next class.
"I'd better get to class..." Sarah said. She got up and started walking.
"Cya later!" She yelled.
Mike watched her walk, again. He felt so weak and dreamy.
As the school day began to end, Billie packed away his things and examined the clock. Every click echoed in his ears. Until finally, the bell rang.
He looked down, a tear rolled down his cheek and crashed to the floor.
Mike had already began walking out the classroom. He promised he would say goodbye to Sarah.
Billie slumped out of his chair and followed. He watched Mike hug Sarah and say his goodbyes.
Billie couldn't take the pain, so he turned the opposite way, and began dragging his feet out of the school hall, out the gate, and all the way home.
He opened the door and began stamping up the stairs. When he reached the top he opened his bedroom door, walked in and then shut it. From there he slowly fell to his knees and cried. His tears fell to the floor, soaking the carpet. Every drip was a cry for help, a cry of questions.
Mike was still walking home. As he lived two streets away from Billie, he decided to visit him and find out why he was such a jerk at school.
So he turned into his street and began for his house.
He came to the front door, it was already open. Mike walked in.
"Billie?" He questioned as he looked around.
He heard hard sobbing upstairs, and groans of pain. Mike bolted up the stairs and crashed into Billie's door. The door opened. Mike saw blood on the carpet, as well as the stains of Billies violent tears.
Behind the door was Billie. Mike looked at his wrist, he was bleeding.
"Shit BILLIE!" Mike yelled. Mike ran down stairs and into the bathroom, He found a packet of band-aids. Mike was shaking, he was so scared. Bandages flew out of the packet as Mike ripped it open and placed all of them around Billie's wound.
Mike then fell onto Billie and hugged him. Billie looked down, crying.
"Why Billie?...Why..?" Mike asked.
A drip of blood fell to the carpet, it exploded into thousands of tiny spectrums. Billie's life slowly reduced with every withdrawal.
Billie slowly replied, "I don't feel any shame...I won't apologise..."
And with that, his head fell onto Mike's.
Mike shivered and held onto Billie as tight as he could.
"I'll never let go..."
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