A Journal Never Lies, chapter 11
She was all alone, by herself, no one to go to. She was tired, but afraid to get a full night's sleep. She wondered if leaving and staying for over three days on her own was such a good idea. Crying herself to sleep was a usual routine now. She didn't know if being on her own was such a good idea.
People seemed to notice her on the familiar loney streets she walked everyday. The people who remembered her face would call her 'Whatsername', because they never were able to ask her what her name is. Conversations with people were never long, but they put a smile on her face for a short period of time.
Being known to people had some perks to it. When she would walk into the local 7-11, the workers would now treat her to some food, free of charge. She was grateful that she needed no money to get food in her system. Some of the local dealers knew her as well, getting her a joint here and there for her pleasure. But these people could never give her the thing she wanted most, love.
Walking down the street, she spotted the familiar colors of the 7-11. She walked in and spotted some of the workers who gave her food not too long ago. When the bell indicating someone had entered the store rung, all the workers' attention came to her.
"Hey Whatsername. How's it goin'? Here for some grub?" one worker said, walking up to her. She just flashed a small smile and waved her hands. That was all she needed to do so they knew she was hungry. One of the female workers disappeared and came back with a hot dog and a bottle of A&W Root Beer. She felt her stomach growl from the excitement of having the food in her stomach.
When she left the store with her food, she sat of the curb, staring at her food. She braced herself for the taste of a hot dog. When she bit into it, it tasted like she never had a hot dog before. She enjoyed every morsal of it, washing it down with a cold, refreshing soda. Nothing had satisfied her as much as that hot dog did in the last three, four days. Once she finished, she threw out her garbage and continued on walking.
"Fuck," she said to herself. She was just coming to realize she didn't bring anything with her. She sighed in frustration, trying to figure out a way to get money for clothes and other things.
After walking around for an hour or two, she came to a place in the neighborhood she knew, Jack's neighborhood. She walked around it, not caring if he saw her or not. She missed him, even though he didn't even remember her. She really did think he was something special. But, obviously, she wasn't special to him.
Even though he said that night how much he cared for her, he acted like she was invisible when they met the next day. She thoguht he was "The One", but not anymore he's not. When she thinks of how she doesn't want him to be "The One", the more she wants him to be. She hates how the thoguhts she wants to think, never come out the way they should. They always seem to do the opposite. Like when she wanted to go home everyday she wasn't; she never went home. Or the whole Jack situation. Nothing ever stayed the way it should in her life. And she was just going to have to learn to deal with it.
Suddenly, she heard some yelling, "Kate! Kate!" She ingorned it, thinking it was just a couple who got into a fight. She guessed the boyfriend was just trying to get the girlfriend to come back so they could talk about the argument they just had. She wished she had a boyfriend like that. One that cared enough to call her back, even if they said hurtful things to each other. She wanted one who was sweet, gental, and a hopeless romantic. But with her luck, that would never happen.
She felt a hand a her shoulder. A voice said "Jeeze, Kate. I've been calling you, haven't you heard me?" She turned around to come face-to-face with Jack. She felt her knees giving out on her, knowing she would fall at any second. She didn't know why she was acting like this. It was like this guy had a spell on her.
"Umm, no. I-I-I didn't. P-probally bec-cause m-my name's n-not K-kate. It's Al-al-ex." She mentally kicked herself. Now she was studdering! She thoguht nothing could get more worse than this.
Jack looked slightly embarrassed, "Oh. Okay. Well....I guess I'll see you around....umm...umm..."
She knew he was hinting for her to give him her name. But all she did was smile and say, "Just call me....Whatsername." She walked away, a new sense of pride in her body. She felt like a newer person, one that wasn't going to let people walk all over her. She was starting to feel like a person who wouldn't take any shit from anyone. She was a new person, and wasn't changing for anyone.
May 17, 1989
Things on my own seem to be looking on the bright side now, Jerry! People know me. I'm a known person people want to talk to and get to know! I was suspicious and scared at first. I mean, it's odd when people, complete strangers, start talking to you. So when they asked for my name, I wouldn't say anything. Now, I have a new name to people: Whatsername. I've taken it as my second name to myself as well. It just sounds so much like....me.
Frank didn't care one bit about me. I haven't seen him anywhere around here looking for me! Shows how much he loved me! Not going back has been a good idea. I'm happy now, and I guess Frank is happier now, too. I guess having a little sister around was an annoyance to him. Now, we are both living our lives, happily.
I wonder what Frank is doing right now.
Is he thinking about how much he misses me? No, otherwise he'd be out looking for me.
Does he feel like an ass for reading my journal? I wish. He deserves to feel like an ass.
Is he wondering where I am, what I'm doing? Maybe. You can't just forget your sister who's run away.
Does he wonder why he isn't out looknig for me? Yeah. I know he's wondering that.
All these questions I have, but I'll never know a true answer. Only my guesses on what the answers would be.
Well, Jerry, I'm finally gonig out to do something fun tonight! There's this place call Gilman. I've been there tons of times [I know you don't know it, since you're just a journal]. Well, anyway, Frank has taken me there a few times, to see him and the rest of the band he's in, Green Day, play. They are soo good! But I mostly go to Gilman myself, since I know some people there.
I'm going tonight, because I think if I'm going to be out on my own, I should do stuff on my own. I'm so excited! I have no clue what band is playing, but I don't care. As long as I'm out, having fun, and enjoying myself, I'll have a great time. Well, I'm going to head out...
When she got to Gilman, she walked inside, smelling the familiar club. The smell of smoke, urine, and booze filled the air. She didn't mind it, since she's smelled that smell time and time again. After a few times there, the smell was actually a comforting smell. The walls were a dark shade of green and brown, with a mixture of black in it. The paint was chipping, but no one cared about it. The apperance didn't matter at all. All they wanted was to rock out to a local band.
She pushed herself through the crowd of sweaty people, who were waiting for the next band to play. She hoped she didn't miss any good bands. Rudy came on stage. He was always the person to introduce the next band.
Rudy positioned the microphone to his liking and smiled. "That was a great preformance. But now, here's our next band. This band is one of my personal favorites. This band doesn't need an introduction. Now, give it up, for the one, the only, Green Day!!
Her eyes widened. Her jaw dropped. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want Frank to see her. But, when the familiar chords to her favorite song "Disappearing Boy" began playing, she couldn't leave. Her mind wouldn't let her. She just stayed in place, listening to Billie Joe's voice ring through the walls of the club.
People seemed to notice her on the familiar loney streets she walked everyday. The people who remembered her face would call her 'Whatsername', because they never were able to ask her what her name is. Conversations with people were never long, but they put a smile on her face for a short period of time.
Being known to people had some perks to it. When she would walk into the local 7-11, the workers would now treat her to some food, free of charge. She was grateful that she needed no money to get food in her system. Some of the local dealers knew her as well, getting her a joint here and there for her pleasure. But these people could never give her the thing she wanted most, love.
Walking down the street, she spotted the familiar colors of the 7-11. She walked in and spotted some of the workers who gave her food not too long ago. When the bell indicating someone had entered the store rung, all the workers' attention came to her.
"Hey Whatsername. How's it goin'? Here for some grub?" one worker said, walking up to her. She just flashed a small smile and waved her hands. That was all she needed to do so they knew she was hungry. One of the female workers disappeared and came back with a hot dog and a bottle of A&W Root Beer. She felt her stomach growl from the excitement of having the food in her stomach.
When she left the store with her food, she sat of the curb, staring at her food. She braced herself for the taste of a hot dog. When she bit into it, it tasted like she never had a hot dog before. She enjoyed every morsal of it, washing it down with a cold, refreshing soda. Nothing had satisfied her as much as that hot dog did in the last three, four days. Once she finished, she threw out her garbage and continued on walking.
"Fuck," she said to herself. She was just coming to realize she didn't bring anything with her. She sighed in frustration, trying to figure out a way to get money for clothes and other things.
After walking around for an hour or two, she came to a place in the neighborhood she knew, Jack's neighborhood. She walked around it, not caring if he saw her or not. She missed him, even though he didn't even remember her. She really did think he was something special. But, obviously, she wasn't special to him.
Even though he said that night how much he cared for her, he acted like she was invisible when they met the next day. She thoguht he was "The One", but not anymore he's not. When she thinks of how she doesn't want him to be "The One", the more she wants him to be. She hates how the thoguhts she wants to think, never come out the way they should. They always seem to do the opposite. Like when she wanted to go home everyday she wasn't; she never went home. Or the whole Jack situation. Nothing ever stayed the way it should in her life. And she was just going to have to learn to deal with it.
Suddenly, she heard some yelling, "Kate! Kate!" She ingorned it, thinking it was just a couple who got into a fight. She guessed the boyfriend was just trying to get the girlfriend to come back so they could talk about the argument they just had. She wished she had a boyfriend like that. One that cared enough to call her back, even if they said hurtful things to each other. She wanted one who was sweet, gental, and a hopeless romantic. But with her luck, that would never happen.
She felt a hand a her shoulder. A voice said "Jeeze, Kate. I've been calling you, haven't you heard me?" She turned around to come face-to-face with Jack. She felt her knees giving out on her, knowing she would fall at any second. She didn't know why she was acting like this. It was like this guy had a spell on her.
"Umm, no. I-I-I didn't. P-probally bec-cause m-my name's n-not K-kate. It's Al-al-ex." She mentally kicked herself. Now she was studdering! She thoguht nothing could get more worse than this.
Jack looked slightly embarrassed, "Oh. Okay. Well....I guess I'll see you around....umm...umm..."
She knew he was hinting for her to give him her name. But all she did was smile and say, "Just call me....Whatsername." She walked away, a new sense of pride in her body. She felt like a newer person, one that wasn't going to let people walk all over her. She was starting to feel like a person who wouldn't take any shit from anyone. She was a new person, and wasn't changing for anyone.
May 17, 1989
Things on my own seem to be looking on the bright side now, Jerry! People know me. I'm a known person people want to talk to and get to know! I was suspicious and scared at first. I mean, it's odd when people, complete strangers, start talking to you. So when they asked for my name, I wouldn't say anything. Now, I have a new name to people: Whatsername. I've taken it as my second name to myself as well. It just sounds so much like....me.
Frank didn't care one bit about me. I haven't seen him anywhere around here looking for me! Shows how much he loved me! Not going back has been a good idea. I'm happy now, and I guess Frank is happier now, too. I guess having a little sister around was an annoyance to him. Now, we are both living our lives, happily.
I wonder what Frank is doing right now.
Is he thinking about how much he misses me? No, otherwise he'd be out looking for me.
Does he feel like an ass for reading my journal? I wish. He deserves to feel like an ass.
Is he wondering where I am, what I'm doing? Maybe. You can't just forget your sister who's run away.
Does he wonder why he isn't out looknig for me? Yeah. I know he's wondering that.
All these questions I have, but I'll never know a true answer. Only my guesses on what the answers would be.
Well, Jerry, I'm finally gonig out to do something fun tonight! There's this place call Gilman. I've been there tons of times [I know you don't know it, since you're just a journal]. Well, anyway, Frank has taken me there a few times, to see him and the rest of the band he's in, Green Day, play. They are soo good! But I mostly go to Gilman myself, since I know some people there.
I'm going tonight, because I think if I'm going to be out on my own, I should do stuff on my own. I'm so excited! I have no clue what band is playing, but I don't care. As long as I'm out, having fun, and enjoying myself, I'll have a great time. Well, I'm going to head out...
When she got to Gilman, she walked inside, smelling the familiar club. The smell of smoke, urine, and booze filled the air. She didn't mind it, since she's smelled that smell time and time again. After a few times there, the smell was actually a comforting smell. The walls were a dark shade of green and brown, with a mixture of black in it. The paint was chipping, but no one cared about it. The apperance didn't matter at all. All they wanted was to rock out to a local band.
She pushed herself through the crowd of sweaty people, who were waiting for the next band to play. She hoped she didn't miss any good bands. Rudy came on stage. He was always the person to introduce the next band.
Rudy positioned the microphone to his liking and smiled. "That was a great preformance. But now, here's our next band. This band is one of my personal favorites. This band doesn't need an introduction. Now, give it up, for the one, the only, Green Day!!
Her eyes widened. Her jaw dropped. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want Frank to see her. But, when the familiar chords to her favorite song "Disappearing Boy" began playing, she couldn't leave. Her mind wouldn't let her. She just stayed in place, listening to Billie Joe's voice ring through the walls of the club.
