A Journal Never Lies, chapter 8
Jack, her version of her 'perfect guy', was about to take a punch at an unfamiliar guy. All that was heard was the yell of her voice, screaming his name to not hit him. Jack lowered his fist and looked confused at her. He walked over to her. The last words she heard him say before leaving were, "Who are you?".
She rushed home. How could he forget her? Was it a joke he was playing on her? It couldn't have been a joke, he seemed too serious. Was he trying to act cool in front of all those people? Suddenly, she heard someone yelling. She turned around and saw Jack.
"Hey. Umm, who are you exactly? Why did you try and stop me from hitting that guy? Do you know me? Do I know you?"
She felt a lump in her throat. She fought back the tears of rejection. She began choaking on her own words, "Umm, I met you at Gilman last night. You gave me a joint. You told me you smoke to escape for a little bit. Remember? We hung out like, all night."
He scratched his head, "Well, if I met you and then smoked, then I probally don't remember you. And that seems to be the case. But you do look familiar. Is your name Kate?"
She shook her head. This was becoming ridiculous, talking to a guy that didn't even remember her name. She wondered why she stayed though, trying to get him to remember, wanting him to remember.
All Jack did was shrug, "Then, I really don't remember you. Sorry."
"Umm, well, okay. See ya."
She felt so stupid. She was standing there, actually thinking he would remember her. She sighed. Walking home felt like forever. She looked around at the scenery. She felt like hitching a ride right there. She knew in her heart she never would. But, right at that time, she felt like it. She already left her parents' house, she wasn't gonig to leave Frank's house, she loved it there. It was like her paradise. It was the best place. She could be herself, and not be judged. She could goof off with the best people in her life and have fun with it. Never was she going to leave her idea of paradise.
She walked inside her home and slammed the door. She stomped into her room, sad and angry at that had just happened with Jack.
"Jesus Christ Al. What is your problem?" Mike said poking his head from the kitchen. He took one look at Alex and knew something was wrong with her. He walked over to her and gave her a hug. She hugged back, letting stray tears fall down her cheeks. "Wanna talk about it?" She wiped away the tears and shook her head no. She didn't want to discuss anything to anyone. The only person she trusted with her life, was her journal.
She pulled away from Mike's embrace, thanking him for the offer. She began walking to her room, to get to her trustworthy escape. When she closed the door to her room, she looked around. Everything had seemed so much...empiter than usual. Maybe it was just the way she was feeling, but nothing around her seemed to be at its fullest.
She sat down on her bed, wrapping a wool blanket around her pale body. She felt cold all of the sudden. She felt herself shiver. When she felt the texture of her blanket hit her arms, she felt instantly warm. She smiled from the heat she began to feel. She had her journal in her hand, about to write, but she felt too tired. She laid her head down, promising herself she would only sleep for a few minutes. But those few minutes turned into a few hours.
When she woke up, she looked out her window. The sky was dark. She knew she slept too much. She rubbed her eyes, letting a yawn out. She looked to where she last remembered her journal being, she couldn't find it. She began to get frantic, wanting to find her most prized possession. She stopped for a second, to gather her thoughts of where her journal may be, when she heard fustrated mumbles. She followed the noise to where she came to a door, Frank's bedroom door.
She opened the door to find Frank, her one and only brother, trying to open the journal. He looked up, instant guilt in his eyes, to see the owner of the journal. She walked over to him and snatched it away from his hands.
"I can't believe you Frank!"
He got up to try and give her a hug of being sorry, but she silently refused it. "You know Alex, things have seemed wrong with you, and I've been worried. You never tell me stuff like you used to. I didn't know what else to do! I didn't want to find stuff about you through another person, other than you!"
"But why, Frank? You know that's invaing my personal space. Why didn't you just ask!" She became furious with her brother. She began not to trust him. She couldn't believe he would do such a thing.
Frank ran rubbed his green haired scalp, "I don't know, Alex. I knew you had that journal. And I knew you would write about your problems in there. Knowing you, I knew you wouldn't just tell me everything that has been going on. I've been worried about you. I just want to know what's been wrong with you."
"You want to know what's wrong, Frank? Do you really? The man I thought was the one for me doesn't even fucking remember me. I thought I loved him, but I guess it wasn't real love. This man gave me a joint, and I smoked it. Yes, Frank, I smoked a joint. I know I've said in the past I would never smoke, because of the way mom and dad are, but I don't care anymore. And you know what, I liked it. I want more and more, but can't find any. You do it. You know what it's like. I wish mom and dad would die. I hate them. I know hate is a strong word, but this is a strong feeling I have. Hate fits right in that category. Being teased and beat up at school has ruined my self-esteem for life. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over everything that happened to me in those school hallways. I think that's all you need to know about me. And if you want to know anything else about my fucking personal life, ask me."
She began walking out of Frank's room, her hournal in her hand, heading toward the front door. Frank followed her out. "Alex! Where are you going? I'm sorry!"
"Out, Frank. I'm going out." She really had no idea where she was going. But all she knew, was that she needed to get away from home.
May 14, 1989
I left. I kinda wish I didn't. I want to go back, but I'm still mad at Frank. He took you, journal, away from me. He tried to read you. I can't believe him. He was the only one I trusted in my whole family. Now, I have no one. I don't know where to go. I'm scared out of my mind. I wish I knew where to go exactly. The peoiple around here at night time scare me in a way. I may look like I fit in with people around here, but I know I don't. I don't think I fit in anywhereThey all look like they're heading for a night of getting wasted, getting stoned, or wanting sex where ever they can get it. I miss home. I haven't been home for about a day. I wonder if anyone misses me, or even knows I'm gone. Maybe they're glad I'm gone. Maybe all they wanted was to get rid of me. Maybe, I'm better off on my own, without a care in the world. I'll just see what this world has to offer to me.
She looked around her. It seemed like everyone was staring at her. She was tired, she needed sleep. She had no idea what time it was, but she didn't care. There was a bench nearby, so she decided to use that as her new bed. She laid down and sighed. "Well, I guess this is my new home."
She rushed home. How could he forget her? Was it a joke he was playing on her? It couldn't have been a joke, he seemed too serious. Was he trying to act cool in front of all those people? Suddenly, she heard someone yelling. She turned around and saw Jack.
"Hey. Umm, who are you exactly? Why did you try and stop me from hitting that guy? Do you know me? Do I know you?"
She felt a lump in her throat. She fought back the tears of rejection. She began choaking on her own words, "Umm, I met you at Gilman last night. You gave me a joint. You told me you smoke to escape for a little bit. Remember? We hung out like, all night."
He scratched his head, "Well, if I met you and then smoked, then I probally don't remember you. And that seems to be the case. But you do look familiar. Is your name Kate?"
She shook her head. This was becoming ridiculous, talking to a guy that didn't even remember her name. She wondered why she stayed though, trying to get him to remember, wanting him to remember.
All Jack did was shrug, "Then, I really don't remember you. Sorry."
"Umm, well, okay. See ya."
She felt so stupid. She was standing there, actually thinking he would remember her. She sighed. Walking home felt like forever. She looked around at the scenery. She felt like hitching a ride right there. She knew in her heart she never would. But, right at that time, she felt like it. She already left her parents' house, she wasn't gonig to leave Frank's house, she loved it there. It was like her paradise. It was the best place. She could be herself, and not be judged. She could goof off with the best people in her life and have fun with it. Never was she going to leave her idea of paradise.
She walked inside her home and slammed the door. She stomped into her room, sad and angry at that had just happened with Jack.
"Jesus Christ Al. What is your problem?" Mike said poking his head from the kitchen. He took one look at Alex and knew something was wrong with her. He walked over to her and gave her a hug. She hugged back, letting stray tears fall down her cheeks. "Wanna talk about it?" She wiped away the tears and shook her head no. She didn't want to discuss anything to anyone. The only person she trusted with her life, was her journal.
She pulled away from Mike's embrace, thanking him for the offer. She began walking to her room, to get to her trustworthy escape. When she closed the door to her room, she looked around. Everything had seemed so much...empiter than usual. Maybe it was just the way she was feeling, but nothing around her seemed to be at its fullest.
She sat down on her bed, wrapping a wool blanket around her pale body. She felt cold all of the sudden. She felt herself shiver. When she felt the texture of her blanket hit her arms, she felt instantly warm. She smiled from the heat she began to feel. She had her journal in her hand, about to write, but she felt too tired. She laid her head down, promising herself she would only sleep for a few minutes. But those few minutes turned into a few hours.
When she woke up, she looked out her window. The sky was dark. She knew she slept too much. She rubbed her eyes, letting a yawn out. She looked to where she last remembered her journal being, she couldn't find it. She began to get frantic, wanting to find her most prized possession. She stopped for a second, to gather her thoughts of where her journal may be, when she heard fustrated mumbles. She followed the noise to where she came to a door, Frank's bedroom door.
She opened the door to find Frank, her one and only brother, trying to open the journal. He looked up, instant guilt in his eyes, to see the owner of the journal. She walked over to him and snatched it away from his hands.
"I can't believe you Frank!"
He got up to try and give her a hug of being sorry, but she silently refused it. "You know Alex, things have seemed wrong with you, and I've been worried. You never tell me stuff like you used to. I didn't know what else to do! I didn't want to find stuff about you through another person, other than you!"
"But why, Frank? You know that's invaing my personal space. Why didn't you just ask!" She became furious with her brother. She began not to trust him. She couldn't believe he would do such a thing.
Frank ran rubbed his green haired scalp, "I don't know, Alex. I knew you had that journal. And I knew you would write about your problems in there. Knowing you, I knew you wouldn't just tell me everything that has been going on. I've been worried about you. I just want to know what's been wrong with you."
"You want to know what's wrong, Frank? Do you really? The man I thought was the one for me doesn't even fucking remember me. I thought I loved him, but I guess it wasn't real love. This man gave me a joint, and I smoked it. Yes, Frank, I smoked a joint. I know I've said in the past I would never smoke, because of the way mom and dad are, but I don't care anymore. And you know what, I liked it. I want more and more, but can't find any. You do it. You know what it's like. I wish mom and dad would die. I hate them. I know hate is a strong word, but this is a strong feeling I have. Hate fits right in that category. Being teased and beat up at school has ruined my self-esteem for life. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over everything that happened to me in those school hallways. I think that's all you need to know about me. And if you want to know anything else about my fucking personal life, ask me."
She began walking out of Frank's room, her hournal in her hand, heading toward the front door. Frank followed her out. "Alex! Where are you going? I'm sorry!"
"Out, Frank. I'm going out." She really had no idea where she was going. But all she knew, was that she needed to get away from home.
May 14, 1989
I left. I kinda wish I didn't. I want to go back, but I'm still mad at Frank. He took you, journal, away from me. He tried to read you. I can't believe him. He was the only one I trusted in my whole family. Now, I have no one. I don't know where to go. I'm scared out of my mind. I wish I knew where to go exactly. The peoiple around here at night time scare me in a way. I may look like I fit in with people around here, but I know I don't. I don't think I fit in anywhereThey all look like they're heading for a night of getting wasted, getting stoned, or wanting sex where ever they can get it. I miss home. I haven't been home for about a day. I wonder if anyone misses me, or even knows I'm gone. Maybe they're glad I'm gone. Maybe all they wanted was to get rid of me. Maybe, I'm better off on my own, without a care in the world. I'll just see what this world has to offer to me.
She looked around her. It seemed like everyone was staring at her. She was tired, she needed sleep. She had no idea what time it was, but she didn't care. There was a bench nearby, so she decided to use that as her new bed. She laid down and sighed. "Well, I guess this is my new home."
