Cigarettes and Valentines, chapter 6

[Recap]
"Jesus... I know what happened to Maria." Said I voice. I immediately spun around, not realizing I was still using the cross to balance on. I fell backwards into the water and felt something hit my head... then all I saw was black.
[End Recap]


That's all I can remember until I woke up in my room at the Lost and Found.
According to Tunny, I fell off the cross and hit my head on the hook then fell into the water, he dived in after me and dragged me to the surface. I was unconscious so they took me to the Lost and Found and filled me up with painkillers. After 2 days of sleeping it off I woke up with a huge headache and a bruise the size of China on the back of my head.

"Jesus, your awake!" Tunny yelled excitedly.

"Oww! Wanna yell any louder... I don't think they heard you in Japan." I spat at him.

"Whoa, someone's in a bad mood." said Tunny before rolling his eyes.

I laughed then hugged him. He told me what had happened. I wasn't surprised that he had saved me, he was like a brother to me. "Tunny, who said they knew what happened to Maria...?" I asked.

"I don't know, I didn't see." He replied.

'Fucking hell' is all I could think. Then I remembered I still had the letterbomb. I reached under my bed and grabbed the letter.

I ripped it open to see:

"Dear Jesus,
I'm so sorry it had to end this way, you were like a son to me, but I can't stand this town any longer, I'm leaving it behind. I'm leaving it tonight. I don't want to leave you behind and live with the regret so by dying I will not regret it. I won't feel a thing. You were keeping me here, but now every time I look at you, I can see the pain in your eyes. The pain I caused. You have been searching for answers. I can't give all of them to you, but I can tell you this. I killed Maria. It wasn't an accident... it was a therapeutic chain of events. I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you. I know you loved her, but she wasn't right for you, she would have ended up hurting you, then I would have lost you. You have to understand why I did it.

Jesus I don't know if you still want to hear what I have to say. But you do mean a lot to me. I'd be more than proud to call you my son.
Love Jimmy XX"

I felt anger and sadness swell inside of me. How could he have done this to me? He destroyed the one thing I loved. I got up and in a fit of rage packed my things. This wasn't how I was going to live my life anymore. I left the lost and found that day, I left Tunny, Whatshername, Jimmy and Maria all behind me. I was no longer the Jesus of Suburbia, all of it was a lie.

I'd had enough of all the hollow lies. This was the dawning of the rest of my life.
I couldn't go home, I wasn't prepared to apologize for running away from pain when I had no where else to go. I was leaving ALL of it. This time I was city bound, and it wouldn't end up another lost dream.

I decided to catch a train to New York. After I paid for my ticket and took my seat, I kept thinking about weather I had done the right thing.

"Hi, I'm Emily." said the girl who was sitting next to me. This was the first thing she said to me during the trip.

"Hi Emily. I'm Jes-" I stopped mid sentence. "I Mean I'm James." I said giving her a weak smile.

She looked about 23, straight brown hair, dark blue eyes, pretty smile, beautiful... not like the girls at the Lost and Found, she wasn't even wearing make-up let alone all the eyeliner they wore. She was way above me.

We spoke for ages, I didn't tell her much about my past, I just told her that I was planning on going to New York and to make something of myself. That's when it hit me. I was going to make something of myself. No matter what.