Outcast, chapter 4
Why am I even here? I thought to myself as I sat in an old armchair in a claustrophobically small corner of Billie Joe's basement. The smell of alcohol, cigarettes, joints, and sweat emanating from all the people in the room was almost overbearing.
Mike had asked me to come to this "small get-together" this morning when we went into town, and I had reluctantly agreed. I figured that I needed to socialize a bit more, because it couldn't hurt to know a few people right? I should have known better though, because once a group of five or more people from my school get together, I become invisible, whether I want to be or not.
Mike had originally explained it to where I thought it was just going to be him, myself, Billie, Frank and their girlfriends at this party. Obviously they had invited other people. Either that, or a lot of people had crashed the party once their 'Beer Sonar' went off.
I felt extremely uncomfortable in a sea of unknown people, so I tried to look around the crowd for people I at least talked to. I only saw a lot of people gathered in the middle of the floor, acting like they know how to dance to the utterly senseless beat pounding out of the giant speakers. Then I saw some other people scattered around the various couches lined up against the walls. There was no one in the entire room who did not have a plastic cup in their hands, including myself.
But I, unlike everyone else, felt extremely out of place and overdressed. Since I had never been to a party like this, I didn't know the dress code was t-shirts and jeans; even collared shirts seemed a little dressy. And here I was, still wearing my torn black calf-length skirt from the same morning and my black lace-up V-neck top. It was actually ironic; I was the most easily spotted person in the room, yet no one seemed to notice me.
I was still feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious until I spotted at least two familiar faces entangled on one of the other armchairs across the room. Frank's current girlfriend Ramona was sitting on his lap with an arm around his neck while he had an arm around her waist.
They looked more the picture of a perfect couple, because they were even almost dressed the same. Frank had on a simple black button-up shirt and jeans, while Ramona looked absolutely cool, for lack of a better word. She was wearing a black slip-dress that went up to just above her knees, and underneath it she had black jeans with silvery sandals.
I tried not to stare, but I had always thought she looked somewhat like a punk model, what with all the cool things she wears all the time. Ramona, or Mona as everyone calls her, never usually wears that much black when she's in a good mood, so I'm guessing her outfit was most likely worn at the request of Frank.
I gave a small, knowing smile as I watched the two of them cuddle on one of the couches. It was interesting to me how two people could be sitting in the loudest and smelliest room ever, and still act like they were the only two people in the entire world, let alone the room.
As he softly caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, I was surprised to feel a small twinge of jealousy. The only thing I kept thinking was, I wish I could have someone look at me like that, like I was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen.
My feelings were somewhat justified, as I had never had someone to call my own, and vice-versa, and the only looks I really ever got from most members of the opposite sex were either looks of fear or disgust. I try not to let it get to me though, because for the longest time I convinced myself that I don't need to mess around with things like that. If they don't want me, then I don't want them. I don't need a boyfriend, and I don't want one, I think.
She doesn't know how lucky she is, I thought as I gazed fondly at Ramona and Frank. They shared a small but soft kiss before they looked over at me. They both smiled at me and Frank did a wave like that of a child waving at their parents. I gave a small chuckle and waved back with almost as much enthusiasm. The exchange went on until I saw Billie standing in my line of vision.
"Having fun?" he smirked, while having to practically yell over the music.
"Tons." I yelled back sarcastically. I shook my head and had to squint my eyes to get a clear look at him. He laughed.
"How many of those things have you had anyway?" I peered into my cup and widened my eyes in mock concentration.
"I don't know." He laughed again.
"Well, just don't overdo it, C. We still have to get you home, remember?"
"Yeah, because friends don't let friends walk drunk." I said pointedly.
"Hey, it's the thought that counts." He said, acting hurt.
"True."
"Well, I gotta go find Adie, so I'll see you later?" I nodded.
"Okay then. Just let me know if you need anything."
"Jesus, you make it sound like a restaurant or something."
"Well, I live to serve, Madame." I rolled my eyes as he broke into an exaggerated bow. We shared a small laugh before he started to walk away.
"Actually, Billie?"
"Yeah?"
"Is there a place I could lie down for a while? This music is giving me a headache."
"Yeah, sure. Umm, hey Mike!" He yelled across the room. Mike yelled back a response and Billie beckoned him over. Mike strode over and asked what was up.
"Could you take C up to my room? She wants to lie down."
"Sure." Mike said, and Billie said thanks. Mike then looked at me and offered me a hand to lead me out.
"Are you okay?" I took his hand and grabbed my head with my other hand as a small wave of dizziness hit me.
"Yeah, I just got up too fast. Nothing to worry about." I assured him.
"Okay. Let me help you though." He said as he switched the hand he was holding mine in to place it around my waist to support me. I said thanks as I half-stumbled through the barrage of beer cans and cups littering the floor. We climbed the small flight of stairs to Billie's room near the end of one hall.
He opened the door for me as I walked into the room and fell not-so-gracefully on the bed. He sat at the end and studied my lost expression.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired. I need a nap." I smiled at him for reassurance. He looked like he didn't believe me, but he smiled back anyway and stood up.
"Alright then, well just lay there and get some sleep. I'll wake you up later to take you home." I nodded and closed my eyes.
After a minute or so when I didn't hear the door close like I had expected, I opened my eyes again to see Mike sitting on a chair in a corner of the room fumbling with a big black case on his lap.
"You're not going back to the party?" I asked, while watching him pull an acoustic guitar out of the case and position it on his leg. I rolled onto my side to look at him better.
He shook his head. "Nah, it got boring and the music was a little too loud for my taste." I laughed.
"Yeah, same here. But I thought you'd be used to it after playing at the Gilman's all the time." He merely shrugged.
"Well, I like loud music, just as long as it's worth listening to." I nodded in understanding and then it got quiet for a while.
"Plus, I don't trust a bunch of drunk guys not to try something on a sleeping girl, especially you."
I don't know if he meant the statement to sound the way it came out, so I looked at him with curiosity. He looked up from the case and his eyes locked on my own. The intensity of his deep blue gaze made me blush unintentionally, and I tried with difficulty to suppress the all-too familiar but still strange fluttering in my chest.
Trying to change the subject, I said, "So what are you doing?" He looked away and shrugged.
"Practicing."
I nodded and smiled. Then I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes.
After a while of him trying random chords, I heard him play a song I did not recognize. As I drifted to sleep, I decided that it was the most beautiful tune I had ever heard. Underneath the gentle strumming of the guitar, I heard Mike humming along softly.
Few people had ever heard him sing, and I was glad to be one of those few. Every time he sang, I felt an immediate sense of security and relaxation. His voice had the softness of peace, yet the seriousness of promises and safety.
Right now, his voice and his skill came together in a combined epiphany. From that moment, I knew I was in trouble. I knew there was no turning back. I knew... ..I was smitten.
Mike had asked me to come to this "small get-together" this morning when we went into town, and I had reluctantly agreed. I figured that I needed to socialize a bit more, because it couldn't hurt to know a few people right? I should have known better though, because once a group of five or more people from my school get together, I become invisible, whether I want to be or not.
Mike had originally explained it to where I thought it was just going to be him, myself, Billie, Frank and their girlfriends at this party. Obviously they had invited other people. Either that, or a lot of people had crashed the party once their 'Beer Sonar' went off.
I felt extremely uncomfortable in a sea of unknown people, so I tried to look around the crowd for people I at least talked to. I only saw a lot of people gathered in the middle of the floor, acting like they know how to dance to the utterly senseless beat pounding out of the giant speakers. Then I saw some other people scattered around the various couches lined up against the walls. There was no one in the entire room who did not have a plastic cup in their hands, including myself.
But I, unlike everyone else, felt extremely out of place and overdressed. Since I had never been to a party like this, I didn't know the dress code was t-shirts and jeans; even collared shirts seemed a little dressy. And here I was, still wearing my torn black calf-length skirt from the same morning and my black lace-up V-neck top. It was actually ironic; I was the most easily spotted person in the room, yet no one seemed to notice me.
I was still feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious until I spotted at least two familiar faces entangled on one of the other armchairs across the room. Frank's current girlfriend Ramona was sitting on his lap with an arm around his neck while he had an arm around her waist.
They looked more the picture of a perfect couple, because they were even almost dressed the same. Frank had on a simple black button-up shirt and jeans, while Ramona looked absolutely cool, for lack of a better word. She was wearing a black slip-dress that went up to just above her knees, and underneath it she had black jeans with silvery sandals.
I tried not to stare, but I had always thought she looked somewhat like a punk model, what with all the cool things she wears all the time. Ramona, or Mona as everyone calls her, never usually wears that much black when she's in a good mood, so I'm guessing her outfit was most likely worn at the request of Frank.
I gave a small, knowing smile as I watched the two of them cuddle on one of the couches. It was interesting to me how two people could be sitting in the loudest and smelliest room ever, and still act like they were the only two people in the entire world, let alone the room.
As he softly caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, I was surprised to feel a small twinge of jealousy. The only thing I kept thinking was, I wish I could have someone look at me like that, like I was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen.
My feelings were somewhat justified, as I had never had someone to call my own, and vice-versa, and the only looks I really ever got from most members of the opposite sex were either looks of fear or disgust. I try not to let it get to me though, because for the longest time I convinced myself that I don't need to mess around with things like that. If they don't want me, then I don't want them. I don't need a boyfriend, and I don't want one, I think.
She doesn't know how lucky she is, I thought as I gazed fondly at Ramona and Frank. They shared a small but soft kiss before they looked over at me. They both smiled at me and Frank did a wave like that of a child waving at their parents. I gave a small chuckle and waved back with almost as much enthusiasm. The exchange went on until I saw Billie standing in my line of vision.
"Having fun?" he smirked, while having to practically yell over the music.
"Tons." I yelled back sarcastically. I shook my head and had to squint my eyes to get a clear look at him. He laughed.
"How many of those things have you had anyway?" I peered into my cup and widened my eyes in mock concentration.
"I don't know." He laughed again.
"Well, just don't overdo it, C. We still have to get you home, remember?"
"Yeah, because friends don't let friends walk drunk." I said pointedly.
"Hey, it's the thought that counts." He said, acting hurt.
"True."
"Well, I gotta go find Adie, so I'll see you later?" I nodded.
"Okay then. Just let me know if you need anything."
"Jesus, you make it sound like a restaurant or something."
"Well, I live to serve, Madame." I rolled my eyes as he broke into an exaggerated bow. We shared a small laugh before he started to walk away.
"Actually, Billie?"
"Yeah?"
"Is there a place I could lie down for a while? This music is giving me a headache."
"Yeah, sure. Umm, hey Mike!" He yelled across the room. Mike yelled back a response and Billie beckoned him over. Mike strode over and asked what was up.
"Could you take C up to my room? She wants to lie down."
"Sure." Mike said, and Billie said thanks. Mike then looked at me and offered me a hand to lead me out.
"Are you okay?" I took his hand and grabbed my head with my other hand as a small wave of dizziness hit me.
"Yeah, I just got up too fast. Nothing to worry about." I assured him.
"Okay. Let me help you though." He said as he switched the hand he was holding mine in to place it around my waist to support me. I said thanks as I half-stumbled through the barrage of beer cans and cups littering the floor. We climbed the small flight of stairs to Billie's room near the end of one hall.
He opened the door for me as I walked into the room and fell not-so-gracefully on the bed. He sat at the end and studied my lost expression.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little tired. I need a nap." I smiled at him for reassurance. He looked like he didn't believe me, but he smiled back anyway and stood up.
"Alright then, well just lay there and get some sleep. I'll wake you up later to take you home." I nodded and closed my eyes.
After a minute or so when I didn't hear the door close like I had expected, I opened my eyes again to see Mike sitting on a chair in a corner of the room fumbling with a big black case on his lap.
"You're not going back to the party?" I asked, while watching him pull an acoustic guitar out of the case and position it on his leg. I rolled onto my side to look at him better.
He shook his head. "Nah, it got boring and the music was a little too loud for my taste." I laughed.
"Yeah, same here. But I thought you'd be used to it after playing at the Gilman's all the time." He merely shrugged.
"Well, I like loud music, just as long as it's worth listening to." I nodded in understanding and then it got quiet for a while.
"Plus, I don't trust a bunch of drunk guys not to try something on a sleeping girl, especially you."
I don't know if he meant the statement to sound the way it came out, so I looked at him with curiosity. He looked up from the case and his eyes locked on my own. The intensity of his deep blue gaze made me blush unintentionally, and I tried with difficulty to suppress the all-too familiar but still strange fluttering in my chest.
Trying to change the subject, I said, "So what are you doing?" He looked away and shrugged.
"Practicing."
I nodded and smiled. Then I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes.
After a while of him trying random chords, I heard him play a song I did not recognize. As I drifted to sleep, I decided that it was the most beautiful tune I had ever heard. Underneath the gentle strumming of the guitar, I heard Mike humming along softly.
Few people had ever heard him sing, and I was glad to be one of those few. Every time he sang, I felt an immediate sense of security and relaxation. His voice had the softness of peace, yet the seriousness of promises and safety.
Right now, his voice and his skill came together in a combined epiphany. From that moment, I knew I was in trouble. I knew there was no turning back. I knew... ..I was smitten.
