Memories Of Her, chapter 6
Mike, Tre and I had come up from the basement, we were sitting around the kitchen table with beers in front of each of us. I stared at the bottle of comfort, actually, it didn't do much comforting, I made myself believe it did though. Mike and Tre were engaged in a conversation about past touring experiences and about the old days when we used to tour in the bookmobile. They had tried to include me in the conversation several times, they spoke of funny things we had done, but I didn't feel like talking about tour or Green Day; I felt like going to bed and dreaming about the one person that I needed desperately.
Claudia, Tre's exwife, had come over and was talking and helping Brittany make dinner. I watched the girls giggle and joke as they buzzed about the kitchen, chopping carrots, frying chicken, taste testing everything. I got sick of watching them be happy, I didn't want to be happy, I wanted to be alone. I slowly rose from my seat and wandered from the kitchen up the stairs. I planned on going to my room to try to sleep, but I stopped outside Joey's closed bedroom door, I heard something I hadn't been doing much of myself lately. I knocked on the
door, I heard his muffled voice invite me in. I cracked open his door wide enough to stick my head inside his room.
"Hey," I said once I saw him. He was sitting on his bed with an acoustic guitar on his lap, I had to smile, I loved it when he played that goddamn thing.
"Hey," he whispered back almost inaudibly. My smile faded as I walked over to his bed and took a seat next to him. He had stopped playing the instrument once he had heard me knock on the door, I wished for him to start strumming the strings once again. I knew he wouldn't though, he hated playing around me, I suppose he thought I'd reprimand him for his mistakes.
"Please play it Joe, I need to hear you play," I said as tears formed in my eyes. He hung his head, I could tell he was trying his hardest not to break down.
"I..I can't," he spoke in a quivering voice. My tears overflowed and spilled down my cheeks, I put my arm around him and he leaned into me. He cried into me for what felt like and hour, I was crying too. It was a relief to let out my emotions, especially with my son who had not show much emotion since the death of his mother. I thought about how Joey had gracefully held himself together and Adrienne's funeral, I had broken down.
He was stronger than what I gave him credit for. I hadn't really noticed that until now, he was letting out all he had felt for the past weeks, he couldn't hold the pain any longer. I wanted to take all his pain away; as much as I hurt, I didn't want him to feel an ounce of sadness or anger.
"I love you Joseph," I whispered to him. He hugged me tighter, I knew that meant he loved me too, he never liked to say it out loud. I pulled him onto my lap, a place he hadn't sat since he was maybe five. I wrapped both my arms around him and he leaned his head on my shoulder. I had a feeling we would be here like this for a while, I didn't mind, I wasn't hungry anyway.
"He's beautiful," Adie cooed as the nurse carefully handed my newlywed wife our first child for the first time. He was wrapped in a blue soft fleece blanket, his little eyes were closed and he was sleeping peacefully. I leaned down and took a closer look at the little fella, he looked a lot like me, but I saw Adie in him too. I smiled, Adie looked up at me with teary eyes. "Isn't he?" she asked.
"He's a handsome devil," I said. She rolled her eyes with the smile still on her face.
"Hold him," she encouraged me. Suddenly a sharp fear rushed through my body, I was terrified of my own baby.
"I don't want to break him," I answered with a slight stutter. She giggled.
"You can't break him baby, but if you do, I'll break you," she threatened. She said it quite seriously, I knew mothers were very protective of their babies. I held out my arms and she gently placed Joey into them, he was light, this is easier than I thought. Easy, until he woke up and let out a scream, it happened so suddenly that I almost jumped out of my skin. I rushed him back to Adie and watched her as she used her motherly charms to soothe the hysterical baby.
Now that baby is eleven years old, and he is growing up to be a strong young man.
Claudia, Tre's exwife, had come over and was talking and helping Brittany make dinner. I watched the girls giggle and joke as they buzzed about the kitchen, chopping carrots, frying chicken, taste testing everything. I got sick of watching them be happy, I didn't want to be happy, I wanted to be alone. I slowly rose from my seat and wandered from the kitchen up the stairs. I planned on going to my room to try to sleep, but I stopped outside Joey's closed bedroom door, I heard something I hadn't been doing much of myself lately. I knocked on the
door, I heard his muffled voice invite me in. I cracked open his door wide enough to stick my head inside his room.
"Hey," I said once I saw him. He was sitting on his bed with an acoustic guitar on his lap, I had to smile, I loved it when he played that goddamn thing.
"Hey," he whispered back almost inaudibly. My smile faded as I walked over to his bed and took a seat next to him. He had stopped playing the instrument once he had heard me knock on the door, I wished for him to start strumming the strings once again. I knew he wouldn't though, he hated playing around me, I suppose he thought I'd reprimand him for his mistakes.
"Please play it Joe, I need to hear you play," I said as tears formed in my eyes. He hung his head, I could tell he was trying his hardest not to break down.
"I..I can't," he spoke in a quivering voice. My tears overflowed and spilled down my cheeks, I put my arm around him and he leaned into me. He cried into me for what felt like and hour, I was crying too. It was a relief to let out my emotions, especially with my son who had not show much emotion since the death of his mother. I thought about how Joey had gracefully held himself together and Adrienne's funeral, I had broken down.
He was stronger than what I gave him credit for. I hadn't really noticed that until now, he was letting out all he had felt for the past weeks, he couldn't hold the pain any longer. I wanted to take all his pain away; as much as I hurt, I didn't want him to feel an ounce of sadness or anger.
"I love you Joseph," I whispered to him. He hugged me tighter, I knew that meant he loved me too, he never liked to say it out loud. I pulled him onto my lap, a place he hadn't sat since he was maybe five. I wrapped both my arms around him and he leaned his head on my shoulder. I had a feeling we would be here like this for a while, I didn't mind, I wasn't hungry anyway.
"He's beautiful," Adie cooed as the nurse carefully handed my newlywed wife our first child for the first time. He was wrapped in a blue soft fleece blanket, his little eyes were closed and he was sleeping peacefully. I leaned down and took a closer look at the little fella, he looked a lot like me, but I saw Adie in him too. I smiled, Adie looked up at me with teary eyes. "Isn't he?" she asked.
"He's a handsome devil," I said. She rolled her eyes with the smile still on her face.
"Hold him," she encouraged me. Suddenly a sharp fear rushed through my body, I was terrified of my own baby.
"I don't want to break him," I answered with a slight stutter. She giggled.
"You can't break him baby, but if you do, I'll break you," she threatened. She said it quite seriously, I knew mothers were very protective of their babies. I held out my arms and she gently placed Joey into them, he was light, this is easier than I thought. Easy, until he woke up and let out a scream, it happened so suddenly that I almost jumped out of my skin. I rushed him back to Adie and watched her as she used her motherly charms to soothe the hysterical baby.
Now that baby is eleven years old, and he is growing up to be a strong young man.
