Armatage Shanx, chapter 6
Billie lounged on his sunny front lawn, Chilled beer in one hand and a newspaper in the other. He breathed in the fresh Californian air and smiled. Even though he was a divorced man he still felt pretty good in himself at that moment. He felt happy watching Mike and Tre act like two year old as they soaked each other with water. Where they got the water pistols from Billie had no idea. He smiled again and read the newspaper. Well he did until it fell apart wet through. He looked up and saw Tre with a supersoaker in his hands with a goofy grin on his face. Billie stood up and grabbed it out of his hands and squirted it right in between his eyes. Tre jumped up and down waving his hand in front of his face. Mike doubled over in laughter then joined in with the watery fun, A.K.A Squirting Tre.
* * *
The taxi drove down the road that had clean suburban lawns perfectly mowed. Palm trees scattered here and there and skinny women walking round in bikinis.
"I don't think were gonna fit in around here," I said looking down at my 'not so flat' stomach. "There all skinny anorexic freaks around here. I'm not gonna stop eating so I can look like a pile of bones. I love to eat."
Lisa looked at me and smiled. "Your'e not fat...Just big boned."
I laughed. "That worked for Cartman,It's not gonna work for me. I love chocolate. Mars, Snickers, and oh my god...Malteasers." I slid down in my seat and pretended to drool. Natalie giggled and Lisa smiled, I sat up and looked out of my window. I smiled and laughed to myself. I was finally in California and on our way to a fabulously awesome house.
The taxi soon slowed and stopped then, we jumped out and looked at the house that was looming above us. I let out a muffled squeak. It was huge! The lawn perfectly mowed and flowers in window boxes under the purely cleaned panes of glass. I turned round and looked at Lisa and Nat who were stood behind me with huge grins on their faces.
"This is so...awesome!" I screamed and jumped up and down like a mad woman. They joined in but soon we got a little bit tired. So we sat down on the lawn and waited for the removal van which was bringing our possesions. We sat there for hours...I looked down my watch...We had been sat there for hours...Three hours to be exact. I was starting to get a little bit pissed and Nat and Lisa looked it too. I stood up and looked down the road and saw two tiny lights which were growing by the second. A few minutes later a small white van had pulled up outside of our new home.
Ok, If you said I was a little annoyed...You would have been wrong. If you said I was seriously pissed off...you would have been wrong. If you said seriously pissed off and ready kill someone...you would be right. I stood there with my hands on my hips, burnt slightly because we had all sat outside in the scolding sun waiting for our stuff. The man got out of his van and walked up to me with a clipboard in his hands.
"Are you Miss Seward?" He asked politely and looking down at clipboard.
I stood there giving him a glare and cleared my throat. "Yes that would be me," I said in a very sarcastic tone.
"Right...I'm afraid to say that we got lost during our little expedition with your things...and I'm also afraid to say that you will have to be paying for the gas...You obviously wrote down the directions wrong."
What the fucknuts?! Ok I can understand why he was afraid to say it...afraid Im gonna kill him. Well kind sir, I'm gonna have to kill you.
"Excuse me? You expect me to pay for your gas because you couldnt follow directions that I got off the internet...Blame Yahoo not me!" I snarled whilst he just looked at me smirking.
"Yes. You will have to pay for the gas or you will not get your things as simple as that. Now are you gonna pay or what?" He asked tapping his foot impatiently.
"No I'm fucking not!" I screamed.
"Well the things get thrown in the trash" He said making his way to his door.
"NO YOU LEAVE OUR STUFF ALONE." I raged running towards him...
* * *
It was starting to get dark and Billie Joe, Mike and Tre were completely soaked. They stood there in the garden with their clothes dripping wet. Billie smiled and laughed at the sight of Tre. He was stood in his boxers because he had gone to get dried, Mike then stole his clothes and stupid as Tre was....he ran after him and Billie Joe who were armed with water guns. So all in all...Tre got soaked. Again.
Billie was just making his way back inside when he heard a shout from across the road. He walked to the gate and looked out. Across the road was two girls holding back a third who was screaming in a very Brittish accent at this man who was cowering against a van. Billie laughed and beconed Mike and Tre to have a look. Tre looked over the fence and turned away nearly pissing himself. Mike chuckled and Billie decided it was time to help as the one who was screaming was getting a little more pissed off.
"Hey Billie look. The mad one is wearing a Kerplunk shirt. Do you think its a good idea to go over there. She might be a teeine." Tre asked hiding behind Mike who was still laughing to himself.
"Even if she is, she still needs help...well her friends do." He replied walking out of the gate and over the street towards them.
* * *
"You dickhead, Fuckface, Cock smoking, Mother fucking asshole. Are you insane?" I screamed as Lisa and Natalie struggled to hold me back.
"Hey...Its simple no money...No stuff."
"Fuck off and die!"
"Hey whats going on here?" said a voice that seemed familiar. I looked up and saw three men walking across the street. The one who was leading them was short, skinny, black hair and was soaked to the bone. The one behind him was tall, blonde, Wearing sunglasses and had a pistol in his hand. Who did he think he was? Someone from the Mafia? and the other one was short like the first, hiding behind the second and wearing only a pair of boxers. I let out a stiffled laugh. They all looked like the Mafia come to think of it.
The removal man looked at them and spluttered.
"Hey...you know what? Cos you are new to the U.S.A you can take them." He rushed then jumped in his van.
"Thank you," I said and made my way around the back of the van, then opened up the trunk.
"Hey." said a voice behind me. To be precise the short, soaked one from the 'Mafia'. I turned round to meet a pair of green eyes smiling at me. I though I was going to pass out. My idol was standing in front of me soaked wet through, his hair stuck to his face covering his eyes, just like the VMAs picture.
"Holy Shit!" I screamed in his face. "Oh my god! Billie Joe Armstrong. FUCK ME!" I said sliding down the van.
"Tre your right she is a teenie," He said looking down at me smiling. "Are you ok?"
I nodded at him and he held out a hand to help me up. I took it warily and stood looking at him.
"Oh shit." I turned round and looked at our possesions. "East Bay Punk Mafia," I whispered.
"Excuse me?" Billie Joe said from behind me in a slightly amused voice.
"Nothing," I whispered again and took out my bass guitar from out of the van and walked slowly to our new home.
"Wait. Why were you screaming at him?" He asked running up to me.
"Bastard wanted our money cause he got fucking lost," Natalie said whilst she stared at Tre. Well not his face at his boxers.
"Thats not right," Mike said aiming the gun at the mans window and shot. The removal man screamed and Mike laughed as water streamed out of the tip. I smiled half heartedly and walked indoors. I walked up the stairs and into my room. I sat down on the bed and placed Poppy on my knee. I sighed and played the E-string then went into the bass line from Longview. I must have been sat there hours playing away to myself when a knock on my door awoke me from my daydream.
"Come in," I muttered and the door slowly opened to reveal Billie Joe Armstrong. My fucking idol from since I can remember and he was stood in my bedroom doorway, smiling at me.
"Hey. Lisa told me to tell you to get your ass downstairs and get your things cos' Tre is going through them. I thought I would give you the message cos he's running round with a black thong on his head." He smiled as I stood up and ran out of the door pushing him out of the way. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I saw Tre Cool, the drummer of the best band on the fucking planet running round the living room with a thong on his head. Just like Billie said.
"Hey! What the fuck are you doing? Their private stuff that doesn't belong to you." I said pulling them off his head and shoving them into one of three boxes on the floor, picked one up and took it upstairs. I threw it onto my bed and sighed. In a space of maybe two hours, I had met Green Day, Told one of them to fuck me and they managed to see my underwear as a fucking bonus. I sat on my bed and opened the box that was at the side of me. On the top was a Polaroid picture of me and Lewis on my birthday. I smiled at his girlfriend who was sat in the back sulking like a small child as we hugged like a couple. I let one tear fall out of my eye. I was being so emotional and I didn't have a clue why. I heard footsteps coming slowly up the stairs and they kept stumbling. The door suddenly flew open and I saw two boxes stacked on top of each other being carried by a small person. I ran over and took the top box off to see their face. Again I saw a pair of dazzlingly green eyes looking back at me slightly covered by fluffly black hair.
"Hello again. I thought I'd bring your stuff up." He smiled and I grinned back.
"Thanks. You didn't have to. I would have come down eventually," I said, dropping the box on the bed and taking the other then repeating the process. I looked at him and smiled.
"You play?" He asked pointing to my bass.
"Yeah. Me, Lisa and Nat are in a band," I said grinning smugly.
"Maybe I can hear you guys play sometime?" He asked again.
"Yeah. You can hear the sultry punk sounds of Armatage Shanx," I said waving my hand like a diva.
He laughed at me and looked at his feet. "How about tommorow? I mean we are neighbours."
"Yeah. I'll have to make sure its ok with the guys but yeah. I can't see a problem with that." I said putting my hands in my pockets and joining him staring at the floor.
"Well. I better go. Tre needs his medication." He laughed. "I suppose you need sleep too. Must have been a long tiring flight from England."
"Yeah," I said kicking the boxes off my bed and throwing my quilt on it.
"Goodnight Shanxy," He said and walked out as I stood there shocked that he called me that.
I quickly undressed and got into my bed. I snuggled down into my pillow and smiled. My life seemed so much better even though it had only just really started.
* * *
The taxi drove down the road that had clean suburban lawns perfectly mowed. Palm trees scattered here and there and skinny women walking round in bikinis.
"I don't think were gonna fit in around here," I said looking down at my 'not so flat' stomach. "There all skinny anorexic freaks around here. I'm not gonna stop eating so I can look like a pile of bones. I love to eat."
Lisa looked at me and smiled. "Your'e not fat...Just big boned."
I laughed. "That worked for Cartman,It's not gonna work for me. I love chocolate. Mars, Snickers, and oh my god...Malteasers." I slid down in my seat and pretended to drool. Natalie giggled and Lisa smiled, I sat up and looked out of my window. I smiled and laughed to myself. I was finally in California and on our way to a fabulously awesome house.
The taxi soon slowed and stopped then, we jumped out and looked at the house that was looming above us. I let out a muffled squeak. It was huge! The lawn perfectly mowed and flowers in window boxes under the purely cleaned panes of glass. I turned round and looked at Lisa and Nat who were stood behind me with huge grins on their faces.
"This is so...awesome!" I screamed and jumped up and down like a mad woman. They joined in but soon we got a little bit tired. So we sat down on the lawn and waited for the removal van which was bringing our possesions. We sat there for hours...I looked down my watch...We had been sat there for hours...Three hours to be exact. I was starting to get a little bit pissed and Nat and Lisa looked it too. I stood up and looked down the road and saw two tiny lights which were growing by the second. A few minutes later a small white van had pulled up outside of our new home.
Ok, If you said I was a little annoyed...You would have been wrong. If you said I was seriously pissed off...you would have been wrong. If you said seriously pissed off and ready kill someone...you would be right. I stood there with my hands on my hips, burnt slightly because we had all sat outside in the scolding sun waiting for our stuff. The man got out of his van and walked up to me with a clipboard in his hands.
"Are you Miss Seward?" He asked politely and looking down at clipboard.
I stood there giving him a glare and cleared my throat. "Yes that would be me," I said in a very sarcastic tone.
"Right...I'm afraid to say that we got lost during our little expedition with your things...and I'm also afraid to say that you will have to be paying for the gas...You obviously wrote down the directions wrong."
What the fucknuts?! Ok I can understand why he was afraid to say it...afraid Im gonna kill him. Well kind sir, I'm gonna have to kill you.
"Excuse me? You expect me to pay for your gas because you couldnt follow directions that I got off the internet...Blame Yahoo not me!" I snarled whilst he just looked at me smirking.
"Yes. You will have to pay for the gas or you will not get your things as simple as that. Now are you gonna pay or what?" He asked tapping his foot impatiently.
"No I'm fucking not!" I screamed.
"Well the things get thrown in the trash" He said making his way to his door.
"NO YOU LEAVE OUR STUFF ALONE." I raged running towards him...
* * *
It was starting to get dark and Billie Joe, Mike and Tre were completely soaked. They stood there in the garden with their clothes dripping wet. Billie smiled and laughed at the sight of Tre. He was stood in his boxers because he had gone to get dried, Mike then stole his clothes and stupid as Tre was....he ran after him and Billie Joe who were armed with water guns. So all in all...Tre got soaked. Again.
Billie was just making his way back inside when he heard a shout from across the road. He walked to the gate and looked out. Across the road was two girls holding back a third who was screaming in a very Brittish accent at this man who was cowering against a van. Billie laughed and beconed Mike and Tre to have a look. Tre looked over the fence and turned away nearly pissing himself. Mike chuckled and Billie decided it was time to help as the one who was screaming was getting a little more pissed off.
"Hey Billie look. The mad one is wearing a Kerplunk shirt. Do you think its a good idea to go over there. She might be a teeine." Tre asked hiding behind Mike who was still laughing to himself.
"Even if she is, she still needs help...well her friends do." He replied walking out of the gate and over the street towards them.
* * *
"You dickhead, Fuckface, Cock smoking, Mother fucking asshole. Are you insane?" I screamed as Lisa and Natalie struggled to hold me back.
"Hey...Its simple no money...No stuff."
"Fuck off and die!"
"Hey whats going on here?" said a voice that seemed familiar. I looked up and saw three men walking across the street. The one who was leading them was short, skinny, black hair and was soaked to the bone. The one behind him was tall, blonde, Wearing sunglasses and had a pistol in his hand. Who did he think he was? Someone from the Mafia? and the other one was short like the first, hiding behind the second and wearing only a pair of boxers. I let out a stiffled laugh. They all looked like the Mafia come to think of it.
The removal man looked at them and spluttered.
"Hey...you know what? Cos you are new to the U.S.A you can take them." He rushed then jumped in his van.
"Thank you," I said and made my way around the back of the van, then opened up the trunk.
"Hey." said a voice behind me. To be precise the short, soaked one from the 'Mafia'. I turned round to meet a pair of green eyes smiling at me. I though I was going to pass out. My idol was standing in front of me soaked wet through, his hair stuck to his face covering his eyes, just like the VMAs picture.
"Holy Shit!" I screamed in his face. "Oh my god! Billie Joe Armstrong. FUCK ME!" I said sliding down the van.
"Tre your right she is a teenie," He said looking down at me smiling. "Are you ok?"
I nodded at him and he held out a hand to help me up. I took it warily and stood looking at him.
"Oh shit." I turned round and looked at our possesions. "East Bay Punk Mafia," I whispered.
"Excuse me?" Billie Joe said from behind me in a slightly amused voice.
"Nothing," I whispered again and took out my bass guitar from out of the van and walked slowly to our new home.
"Wait. Why were you screaming at him?" He asked running up to me.
"Bastard wanted our money cause he got fucking lost," Natalie said whilst she stared at Tre. Well not his face at his boxers.
"Thats not right," Mike said aiming the gun at the mans window and shot. The removal man screamed and Mike laughed as water streamed out of the tip. I smiled half heartedly and walked indoors. I walked up the stairs and into my room. I sat down on the bed and placed Poppy on my knee. I sighed and played the E-string then went into the bass line from Longview. I must have been sat there hours playing away to myself when a knock on my door awoke me from my daydream.
"Come in," I muttered and the door slowly opened to reveal Billie Joe Armstrong. My fucking idol from since I can remember and he was stood in my bedroom doorway, smiling at me.
"Hey. Lisa told me to tell you to get your ass downstairs and get your things cos' Tre is going through them. I thought I would give you the message cos he's running round with a black thong on his head." He smiled as I stood up and ran out of the door pushing him out of the way. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I saw Tre Cool, the drummer of the best band on the fucking planet running round the living room with a thong on his head. Just like Billie said.
"Hey! What the fuck are you doing? Their private stuff that doesn't belong to you." I said pulling them off his head and shoving them into one of three boxes on the floor, picked one up and took it upstairs. I threw it onto my bed and sighed. In a space of maybe two hours, I had met Green Day, Told one of them to fuck me and they managed to see my underwear as a fucking bonus. I sat on my bed and opened the box that was at the side of me. On the top was a Polaroid picture of me and Lewis on my birthday. I smiled at his girlfriend who was sat in the back sulking like a small child as we hugged like a couple. I let one tear fall out of my eye. I was being so emotional and I didn't have a clue why. I heard footsteps coming slowly up the stairs and they kept stumbling. The door suddenly flew open and I saw two boxes stacked on top of each other being carried by a small person. I ran over and took the top box off to see their face. Again I saw a pair of dazzlingly green eyes looking back at me slightly covered by fluffly black hair.
"Hello again. I thought I'd bring your stuff up." He smiled and I grinned back.
"Thanks. You didn't have to. I would have come down eventually," I said, dropping the box on the bed and taking the other then repeating the process. I looked at him and smiled.
"You play?" He asked pointing to my bass.
"Yeah. Me, Lisa and Nat are in a band," I said grinning smugly.
"Maybe I can hear you guys play sometime?" He asked again.
"Yeah. You can hear the sultry punk sounds of Armatage Shanx," I said waving my hand like a diva.
He laughed at me and looked at his feet. "How about tommorow? I mean we are neighbours."
"Yeah. I'll have to make sure its ok with the guys but yeah. I can't see a problem with that." I said putting my hands in my pockets and joining him staring at the floor.
"Well. I better go. Tre needs his medication." He laughed. "I suppose you need sleep too. Must have been a long tiring flight from England."
"Yeah," I said kicking the boxes off my bed and throwing my quilt on it.
"Goodnight Shanxy," He said and walked out as I stood there shocked that he called me that.
I quickly undressed and got into my bed. I snuggled down into my pillow and smiled. My life seemed so much better even though it had only just really started.
