Waiting, chapter 1
As I lay on my bad in the middle of the night, I constantly think about you. All the mistakes we've made, yet you move on. I stay behind, waiting for your call for me to step forward. Or until your hand reaches out for mine. I still stay in this same position. I toss and turn, but nothing keeps me comfortable, unless I'm with you. But suddenly, it doesn't feel that way. I sit up in my bed and try to rest my teenage mind.
"Just some thoughts. Nothing personal," I'd say to myself. That was to only put myself to sleep again. It used to work, until it got this far without someone pointing our mistake out. I sit up again. I look around in my dark room, and there you are in my thoughts again. "Get out!" I yell. But you yet remain. I swing my feet over the side, and stand. I rub my sleepy eyes, and yawn. Before I know it, the sun comes up. And before I know it, here I am, sitting by the phone expecting a call from you. I pick up the phone, then lay it back down. "I'm gonna do this now!" I pick it up again, and lay it back down. "I can't. What is it?" I ask myself. "Why can't I call you?" I walk away.
I stand at my locker, waiting for you. Waiting. There you come! My heart beats fast, and my mind feels free of any thought. "Hey! Matt, come -" You walk away. My hand falls from the sky and down the my side. I look down, and I see something drop on my converse. I wipe my eyes, and pull myself together. "Hey, Alice, it's just one day. It'll be okay. Wait till after school," I tell myself just to get on with the day.
After school, we go down to the local park where all the skateborders go. I follow you on your skateboard. You skate away, and I stay behind. Suddenly, one of your friends are stopped along beside me, holding his board in his arms. Walking along with me. "Matt left ya huh?" he asks. "Aww, it's just for a while. He'll be back." I make our relationship sound normal. "I hope. For now, I'll be a nice friend and walk with you."
"Thank you," I thank him. We come to the destination where my boyfriend is. There he is with his friend. He comes up to Bryce.
"Where did you go?"
"I was walking with your girlfriend. If you want to keep her, I advise you to at least try..." Bryce then walks away. He waves at me, and everyone else just watches. I wave back. Matt comes up to me and hugs me.
"I'm sorry."
"Okay," I say. In my mind, I'm thinking, Whatever ass. But, I couldn't say that. He wraps his arms around me, and smack kisses me. Going out for six months and only smack kisses are happening. I think to myself. I kiss him back. I enjoy being with him while I can. Soon he will be skating off without me. I was right. There he goes with some of his friends. I look down at my feet.
"Let's not," I say almost talking to them. "They're not worth the effort of running after them." I walk on home. Matt calls later that night and asks where I went. I told him. We get off. Before he leaves, he claims he loves me. I say it back. Him, unknowing the way I feel, asks me to come with him tommorow and not leave. I said yes. I hang up, and head straight to my room. I pull out my converse shoe box, and open it up. The first thing I can see is a ribbon and a cloth. Underneath, there are box blades. I take one out. As I cut my arms,I think of Matt. Not one moment do I go without thinking of him. Soon, it gets out of hand, and I notice all the cuts. I stop. Unwanting to.
My mother walks in as soon as I lay the box under my bed. She sits on my bed, then I notice her. "What's wrong, babe?" she asks. I jump.
"Nothing!"
"Something is."
"Matt." She nods her head. Then leaves the room after a couple of words about her past. I didn't listen. She new it cause she left in mid-sentance. I lock my door behind her. I forgot about my arms. Did she see them? It doesn't matter...I fall back and go to sleep.
My alarm clock beeps, and I wake up. I see the time. Too late to go to school, so I just turn over and fall asleep again. After a few hours, I get a phone call. From Matt. "Hello?"
"Where were you today?"
"Home. Asleep."
"Oh. Me and Emily -" He goes on. I stop listening. "And, yeah. So you coming?"
"Huh?" I zone back in. "Uh, oh, yeah. Yes."
"Do you know when?"
"Now?"
"Correct! See ya soon."
"I love y -" he hangs up. I stop at the word 'you'. My lips stay froze, and my mind melts. My heart gets cold. I hang up. I walk down the the park, and see no one. There I am again, waiting. Waiting. I hear a voice.
"Alice!" I turn quickly.
"Matt!" He hugs me. No kisses. Just hugs.
"I'm so glad you're here!"
"You didn't say something on the phone a few moments ago." I thought now would be a good time to talk.
"Huh?"
"Yeah. I love you too."
"Right." That's all he says. Bryce walks up.
"Alice! 'Sup?" I smile. He blushes. Matt skates off and Bryce stays. "I'm going to knock Matt out!" he says. He tells me to hold on, and he runs up the hill to Matt. I sit down.
"Does he think I'm lazy?" I ask myself. I see Bryce walking back. No smile. That's not usual. I stand to my feet. Bryce takes me by the shoulders and takes a deep breath. He lets go. "What's up?" He nods his head. His eyes wonder off into nowhere.
"How do you really love Matt?"
"I would die for him..." I say so sure.
"Then, you don't need to know. At least by me telling you..." He points his finger up the hill. "You want me to go where?"
"To Matt." My heart thumps. Out of the distance I see Matt talking to his friend. His friend points to me, and Matt turns around. Then back agian. I walk up behind him. I put my arm around him, but he walks away. "Matt!"
"What?"
"Bryce wanted me to come up here. What do you want?"
"What did he tell you?"
"Nothing. What's going on?"
"Nothing." He walks away. My heart beats faster. Bryce comes behind me. He faces me.
"That ass. He won't tell you? I will." He takes me by the hand. This is weird, I tell myself. He sets me down. He tells me. My eyes open filled with tears. My heart breaks. "When did you see him and her? I knew something was up."
"A while ago. I just heard about it now though."I cover my mouth. And then stand to walk home. I leave. Not a word or thought. I walk to my room. I sit on my bed and rock back and forth slowly. The phone rings. I look at it ring. Matt. I watch it ring and ring. Then I pull out my box from under my bed. There is the razor. I take it to my wrists and just slash them as hard as i can. I lay there, waiting to see if i'll survive or die. Once again, waiting. Waiting.
"Just some thoughts. Nothing personal," I'd say to myself. That was to only put myself to sleep again. It used to work, until it got this far without someone pointing our mistake out. I sit up again. I look around in my dark room, and there you are in my thoughts again. "Get out!" I yell. But you yet remain. I swing my feet over the side, and stand. I rub my sleepy eyes, and yawn. Before I know it, the sun comes up. And before I know it, here I am, sitting by the phone expecting a call from you. I pick up the phone, then lay it back down. "I'm gonna do this now!" I pick it up again, and lay it back down. "I can't. What is it?" I ask myself. "Why can't I call you?" I walk away.
I stand at my locker, waiting for you. Waiting. There you come! My heart beats fast, and my mind feels free of any thought. "Hey! Matt, come -" You walk away. My hand falls from the sky and down the my side. I look down, and I see something drop on my converse. I wipe my eyes, and pull myself together. "Hey, Alice, it's just one day. It'll be okay. Wait till after school," I tell myself just to get on with the day.
After school, we go down to the local park where all the skateborders go. I follow you on your skateboard. You skate away, and I stay behind. Suddenly, one of your friends are stopped along beside me, holding his board in his arms. Walking along with me. "Matt left ya huh?" he asks. "Aww, it's just for a while. He'll be back." I make our relationship sound normal. "I hope. For now, I'll be a nice friend and walk with you."
"Thank you," I thank him. We come to the destination where my boyfriend is. There he is with his friend. He comes up to Bryce.
"Where did you go?"
"I was walking with your girlfriend. If you want to keep her, I advise you to at least try..." Bryce then walks away. He waves at me, and everyone else just watches. I wave back. Matt comes up to me and hugs me.
"I'm sorry."
"Okay," I say. In my mind, I'm thinking, Whatever ass. But, I couldn't say that. He wraps his arms around me, and smack kisses me. Going out for six months and only smack kisses are happening. I think to myself. I kiss him back. I enjoy being with him while I can. Soon he will be skating off without me. I was right. There he goes with some of his friends. I look down at my feet.
"Let's not," I say almost talking to them. "They're not worth the effort of running after them." I walk on home. Matt calls later that night and asks where I went. I told him. We get off. Before he leaves, he claims he loves me. I say it back. Him, unknowing the way I feel, asks me to come with him tommorow and not leave. I said yes. I hang up, and head straight to my room. I pull out my converse shoe box, and open it up. The first thing I can see is a ribbon and a cloth. Underneath, there are box blades. I take one out. As I cut my arms,I think of Matt. Not one moment do I go without thinking of him. Soon, it gets out of hand, and I notice all the cuts. I stop. Unwanting to.
My mother walks in as soon as I lay the box under my bed. She sits on my bed, then I notice her. "What's wrong, babe?" she asks. I jump.
"Nothing!"
"Something is."
"Matt." She nods her head. Then leaves the room after a couple of words about her past. I didn't listen. She new it cause she left in mid-sentance. I lock my door behind her. I forgot about my arms. Did she see them? It doesn't matter...I fall back and go to sleep.
My alarm clock beeps, and I wake up. I see the time. Too late to go to school, so I just turn over and fall asleep again. After a few hours, I get a phone call. From Matt. "Hello?"
"Where were you today?"
"Home. Asleep."
"Oh. Me and Emily -" He goes on. I stop listening. "And, yeah. So you coming?"
"Huh?" I zone back in. "Uh, oh, yeah. Yes."
"Do you know when?"
"Now?"
"Correct! See ya soon."
"I love y -" he hangs up. I stop at the word 'you'. My lips stay froze, and my mind melts. My heart gets cold. I hang up. I walk down the the park, and see no one. There I am again, waiting. Waiting. I hear a voice.
"Alice!" I turn quickly.
"Matt!" He hugs me. No kisses. Just hugs.
"I'm so glad you're here!"
"You didn't say something on the phone a few moments ago." I thought now would be a good time to talk.
"Huh?"
"Yeah. I love you too."
"Right." That's all he says. Bryce walks up.
"Alice! 'Sup?" I smile. He blushes. Matt skates off and Bryce stays. "I'm going to knock Matt out!" he says. He tells me to hold on, and he runs up the hill to Matt. I sit down.
"Does he think I'm lazy?" I ask myself. I see Bryce walking back. No smile. That's not usual. I stand to my feet. Bryce takes me by the shoulders and takes a deep breath. He lets go. "What's up?" He nods his head. His eyes wonder off into nowhere.
"How do you really love Matt?"
"I would die for him..." I say so sure.
"Then, you don't need to know. At least by me telling you..." He points his finger up the hill. "You want me to go where?"
"To Matt." My heart thumps. Out of the distance I see Matt talking to his friend. His friend points to me, and Matt turns around. Then back agian. I walk up behind him. I put my arm around him, but he walks away. "Matt!"
"What?"
"Bryce wanted me to come up here. What do you want?"
"What did he tell you?"
"Nothing. What's going on?"
"Nothing." He walks away. My heart beats faster. Bryce comes behind me. He faces me.
"That ass. He won't tell you? I will." He takes me by the hand. This is weird, I tell myself. He sets me down. He tells me. My eyes open filled with tears. My heart breaks. "When did you see him and her? I knew something was up."
"A while ago. I just heard about it now though."I cover my mouth. And then stand to walk home. I leave. Not a word or thought. I walk to my room. I sit on my bed and rock back and forth slowly. The phone rings. I look at it ring. Matt. I watch it ring and ring. Then I pull out my box from under my bed. There is the razor. I take it to my wrists and just slash them as hard as i can. I lay there, waiting to see if i'll survive or die. Once again, waiting. Waiting.
