Lots of Love, Mike x, chapter 42
December 2004
"Mum, they're here," shouted Ryan.
Stella laughed listening to her son. She glanced over at the clock, it was 8am on a Saturday morning and Ryan had been looking out for the postman all week, ever since the phone call from Billie just over a week ago.
She thought about Billie then, about how they'd always got on well and how she'd confided in him on a few occasions in the past. He was just so easy to talk to.
When he called her the line had been quite poor and she'd only just about heard him.
"Stell?"hHe had said.
"Billie, what a surprise, I can just about hear you though," Stella remembered saying.
"We've got you and Ryan some tickets for our show in London. It's not until February. Can you make it? There's some more if you want them."
"More?" Stella said, excited at the thought of seeing them all again.
"Yeah, we're doing a big thing at Milton Keynes in June. The dates haven't been decided on yet but if you want to I'll get some tickets for you."
"Oh Billie of course we'd want them, it's been so long since we've all been together."
"I know and a lot has happened Stell, we all feel bad about letting so much time go by."
"Its OK Billie, I understand, I've been busy too."
Busy having a baby by one of your friends
"I can't wait to catch up Stell, see you soon, look I've got to go, we're about to have a sound check," he said.
"I can hear them Billie," I said and I could, I could hear drumming and some bass guitar in the background, "give my love to everyone."
But he had gone as the line had broken up.
"Ryan, come and show me what you've got," I shouted down to him.
He came in, my dark curly haired brown eyed boy and with him a large brown envelope that looked quite full. It was obviously more than just tickets. Ryan opened up the brown envelope.
It was more than just tickets, there were a few letters too. I recognised the writing straight away. There was one from Mike, one from Tre and one from Adi & Billie who quite often wrote to me together. There were also what looked like Christmas cards and two small gifts. Then there were the tickets.
"Oh my god," said Ryan, "oh my god."
"What is it honey?" I said looking at his wondrous eyes delighted by what he was seeing.
"They've given us Access All Areas," said Ryan, "at Brixton and there are some more for Milton Keynes in June. Oh my god mum I'm so excited."
"I'd never have guessed," I said smiling at him, I loved him so much.
"But... who will look after Jessica?" said Ryan suddenly concerned for his little sister.
"Oh... well, we'll sort that out nearer the time."
May be in June it would be about time that Jessica met her father... and he met her.
**
Later that night when the children were fast asleep I decided to get out their letters.
I poured myself a glass of wine and sat down randomly picking one of their letters up. It was from Adi.
Dear Stella
Thank you for your last letter and the photograph of Ryan. My god Stella he's almost a man and so good looking. You're going to be fending the girls off with baseball bats soon. I can just see you now, they won't be allowed near him.
You must be so busy like us Stella. We mustn't leave it so long again; we missed writing to you and missed hearing all your news. The guys have been so busy they've hardly had time for their own families; it's caused quite a few rifts between brothers, sisters and parents I can tell you.
You can't believe how much Billie and I are looking forward to seeing you. Billie said we could have his credit card and go shopping together. Now that's a first!
The boys are growing huge and often ask about Ryan after that weekend we all spent in London. I can't believe it was two years ago now. How time flies.
Michelle is well and she often asks about you, how come you two drifted apart? She's never spoken about it and I know she thinks of you often, sometimes the little things set her off and she often tells stories about the two of you. I do hope you make it up because she is coming out to the Milton Keynes weekend.
I hope you can sort things out between each other then. Her and Ron are just such a great couple, they complement each other and he's such a talented musician but you must remember hearing them, they played at Mike's wedding and after you mentioning the similarity between him and Mike, Tre calls Ron a Mike-alike and says something about them being separated at birth, you know how he goes on about things when something is mentioned once, he just goes on and on about it. He'll never change.
Anyway have a wonderful Christmas. I'm so excited as the guys are taking a break from the tour over the Christmas period, it's been so hectic and the kids just want their Dad back to normal for a while.
Anyway, love to the gorgeous little man in your life.
See you in February (I can't wait)
Lots of love
Adi (& Billie Joe)
I sighed. Yes Ryan was still the only man in my life. I remembered again my falling out with Michelle. I still felt awful about it and I could see Michelle's side of it too but at the end of the day it had been my decision to not tell him about our baby. He had been in a relationship at the time. It was wrong of us, I knew that but at the time it was wonderful and I'd often thought of that weekend in London. It was just perfect.
I'd disagreed with Michelle because she had said it was his obligation to know but then he hadn't followed up on our wonderful secret weekend together and had kept secret because he was with someone. He'd let me down and I'd felt slightly used. That was when things started to change between all of us.
Sometimes though I felt that may be I had over-reacted and occasionally, just occasionally sometimes felt that I wanted to call him and tell him about Jessica.
Jessica was beautiful. Just like her namesake, my best friend from years ago who had died before she got a chance to be with the love of her life, blonde with blue eyes although it was obvious that Jessica would darken as she got older. I loved her with all my heart, Ryan adored her and it was so obvious to me that she was just her father entirely. Her whole personality was his and I knew that when they all got together all of them would know whose daughter she was, there was no mistaking it.
Reaching across for the next letter I saw it was Tre's writing.
Hello you beautiful butterfly
I'm ashamed that I haven't written and my only excuse is that we've been working hard on our album and then starting the tour. There shouldn't be any excuses really but it took it out of us all, emotionally and physically and all our relationships suffered.
Thank you for your kind words about Claudia and I splitting up. It was quite amicable and we're still friends and as you know I'm still living at the house when I'm not on tour just so that I can get to see little Frankito. I love him so much Stella, he's beautiful, just like his Mom.
I'm glad you're meeting up with us as it's been too long. Two years I believe since we were all together in London. That was a great weekend wasn't it?
I'm so looking forward to seeing you again and please lets not leave it so long next time Stella.
You know we all sometimes talk about the fact that you never did come out to America to live and you promised us all remember?
You have no ties now. Please think about it. We'd love you to. I'd love you to.
See you in February little Butterfly and you'd better be bringing that tiger with you.
Love always
Tre
Yes Tre, it was a wonderful weekend and yes I have been thinking about finally leaving to go to America. I have no ties since mum passed away just over two years ago now. That makes me sad to think that she didn't get to see little Jessica but then she wouldn't even have known who she was.
Whether it will happen though I'm not sure, I'd fallen out with Michelle and I have a little girl.
I felt ashamed suddenly, ashamed that I hadn't shared Jessica with any of them. My heart started pounding like it was going to burst out of me.
I had been wrong and Michelle was right. I had kept my daughter from her father, what an awful thing to do. I was a selfish, selfish bitch and always had been. How was I going to explain it to them?
I poured myself another glass of wine. Usually I just had one but tonight, well, what the hell, I needed another one.
Then there was Mike's letter, I recognised the writing, the writing that had adorned many letters for so many years now. Twenty two years of writing to each other, well twenty years because for two years almost we'd lost touch and I think it was my entire fault. I'd slightly cut myself off for my own selfish reasons.
Dear Stella
It's been so long, what on earth were we playing at leaving it so long? So much has happened. The new album is awesome but was such hard, hard work. I am single again, isn't that so typical of me. Obviously I'm hard to put up with. Anyway, I'm older now and wiser and my god Stella we worked out butts off and are still working our butts off but loving it. The tour is just amazing. The recognition for this album is astounding. We knew it was one of our finest but we didn't think it would get recognised like this. I hope you enjoy listening to it. Can you understand what we're trying to say here? Most people do but you get the odd asshole that can't get us at all. That's their problem don't you think?
How's gorgeous Ryan? He's a handsome dude Stella, I bet you make a fine looking couple walking down the street, do people think you're brother and sister? That photo that you sent of the two of you last, you certainly don't look your age at all. I thought it was Ryan with his girlfriend!
I can't believe two years has gone by since we've seen each other. That weekend was great wasn't it?
I can't wait to see you both again and Estelle can't wait to see Ryan again. She enjoyed that weekend when we were all together. The kids all got on so well. They thought Ryan was a cool dude. Thanks for their gifts by the way, you always were thoughtful.
Have you ever thought again about coming out? We discussed it again the other day, Tre and I and we were saying how you always promised to come out and live in California. Are you going to keep that promise?
You'd better.
Looking forward to seeing you in February?
Take care and have a wonderful Christmas
Love always
Mike x
Stella sighed again, gulped the glass of wine down and poured out another.
She remembered that night in the kitchen when she'd found Mike there all alone wondering if he could marry Ana.
She'd sat with him for ages while he poured his heart out and she just sat and listened. She'd been desperate to tell him that she loved him but it was obvious to her by the way he was speaking about Ana that he loved Ana all along.
They'd gone on to get married a year later and what a wedding that was. Ana looked beautiful and Stella watched Mike marry her and that was the moment that she knew how foolish she'd been in thinking that there could have been any future with her and Mike but that was then and lots had happened in between.
Reading those letters from everybody had made her feel awful. All the time that they weren't in contact it was fine but now she'd heard from them, heard all their kind words as if they were standing there in front of her she'd realised she'd made a huge mistake.
She wanted desperately to be with them, always had in the entire time that she'd written to Mike she'd wanted to be with them and now, now she knew that she could. Yeah, she could sell up, move out there and be with them but after hearing what she'd done. Would they really want her?
"Mum, they're here," shouted Ryan.
Stella laughed listening to her son. She glanced over at the clock, it was 8am on a Saturday morning and Ryan had been looking out for the postman all week, ever since the phone call from Billie just over a week ago.
She thought about Billie then, about how they'd always got on well and how she'd confided in him on a few occasions in the past. He was just so easy to talk to.
When he called her the line had been quite poor and she'd only just about heard him.
"Stell?"hHe had said.
"Billie, what a surprise, I can just about hear you though," Stella remembered saying.
"We've got you and Ryan some tickets for our show in London. It's not until February. Can you make it? There's some more if you want them."
"More?" Stella said, excited at the thought of seeing them all again.
"Yeah, we're doing a big thing at Milton Keynes in June. The dates haven't been decided on yet but if you want to I'll get some tickets for you."
"Oh Billie of course we'd want them, it's been so long since we've all been together."
"I know and a lot has happened Stell, we all feel bad about letting so much time go by."
"Its OK Billie, I understand, I've been busy too."
Busy having a baby by one of your friends
"I can't wait to catch up Stell, see you soon, look I've got to go, we're about to have a sound check," he said.
"I can hear them Billie," I said and I could, I could hear drumming and some bass guitar in the background, "give my love to everyone."
But he had gone as the line had broken up.
"Ryan, come and show me what you've got," I shouted down to him.
He came in, my dark curly haired brown eyed boy and with him a large brown envelope that looked quite full. It was obviously more than just tickets. Ryan opened up the brown envelope.
It was more than just tickets, there were a few letters too. I recognised the writing straight away. There was one from Mike, one from Tre and one from Adi & Billie who quite often wrote to me together. There were also what looked like Christmas cards and two small gifts. Then there were the tickets.
"Oh my god," said Ryan, "oh my god."
"What is it honey?" I said looking at his wondrous eyes delighted by what he was seeing.
"They've given us Access All Areas," said Ryan, "at Brixton and there are some more for Milton Keynes in June. Oh my god mum I'm so excited."
"I'd never have guessed," I said smiling at him, I loved him so much.
"But... who will look after Jessica?" said Ryan suddenly concerned for his little sister.
"Oh... well, we'll sort that out nearer the time."
May be in June it would be about time that Jessica met her father... and he met her.
**
Later that night when the children were fast asleep I decided to get out their letters.
I poured myself a glass of wine and sat down randomly picking one of their letters up. It was from Adi.
Dear Stella
Thank you for your last letter and the photograph of Ryan. My god Stella he's almost a man and so good looking. You're going to be fending the girls off with baseball bats soon. I can just see you now, they won't be allowed near him.
You must be so busy like us Stella. We mustn't leave it so long again; we missed writing to you and missed hearing all your news. The guys have been so busy they've hardly had time for their own families; it's caused quite a few rifts between brothers, sisters and parents I can tell you.
You can't believe how much Billie and I are looking forward to seeing you. Billie said we could have his credit card and go shopping together. Now that's a first!
The boys are growing huge and often ask about Ryan after that weekend we all spent in London. I can't believe it was two years ago now. How time flies.
Michelle is well and she often asks about you, how come you two drifted apart? She's never spoken about it and I know she thinks of you often, sometimes the little things set her off and she often tells stories about the two of you. I do hope you make it up because she is coming out to the Milton Keynes weekend.
I hope you can sort things out between each other then. Her and Ron are just such a great couple, they complement each other and he's such a talented musician but you must remember hearing them, they played at Mike's wedding and after you mentioning the similarity between him and Mike, Tre calls Ron a Mike-alike and says something about them being separated at birth, you know how he goes on about things when something is mentioned once, he just goes on and on about it. He'll never change.
Anyway have a wonderful Christmas. I'm so excited as the guys are taking a break from the tour over the Christmas period, it's been so hectic and the kids just want their Dad back to normal for a while.
Anyway, love to the gorgeous little man in your life.
See you in February (I can't wait)
Lots of love
Adi (& Billie Joe)
I sighed. Yes Ryan was still the only man in my life. I remembered again my falling out with Michelle. I still felt awful about it and I could see Michelle's side of it too but at the end of the day it had been my decision to not tell him about our baby. He had been in a relationship at the time. It was wrong of us, I knew that but at the time it was wonderful and I'd often thought of that weekend in London. It was just perfect.
I'd disagreed with Michelle because she had said it was his obligation to know but then he hadn't followed up on our wonderful secret weekend together and had kept secret because he was with someone. He'd let me down and I'd felt slightly used. That was when things started to change between all of us.
Sometimes though I felt that may be I had over-reacted and occasionally, just occasionally sometimes felt that I wanted to call him and tell him about Jessica.
Jessica was beautiful. Just like her namesake, my best friend from years ago who had died before she got a chance to be with the love of her life, blonde with blue eyes although it was obvious that Jessica would darken as she got older. I loved her with all my heart, Ryan adored her and it was so obvious to me that she was just her father entirely. Her whole personality was his and I knew that when they all got together all of them would know whose daughter she was, there was no mistaking it.
Reaching across for the next letter I saw it was Tre's writing.
Hello you beautiful butterfly
I'm ashamed that I haven't written and my only excuse is that we've been working hard on our album and then starting the tour. There shouldn't be any excuses really but it took it out of us all, emotionally and physically and all our relationships suffered.
Thank you for your kind words about Claudia and I splitting up. It was quite amicable and we're still friends and as you know I'm still living at the house when I'm not on tour just so that I can get to see little Frankito. I love him so much Stella, he's beautiful, just like his Mom.
I'm glad you're meeting up with us as it's been too long. Two years I believe since we were all together in London. That was a great weekend wasn't it?
I'm so looking forward to seeing you again and please lets not leave it so long next time Stella.
You know we all sometimes talk about the fact that you never did come out to America to live and you promised us all remember?
You have no ties now. Please think about it. We'd love you to. I'd love you to.
See you in February little Butterfly and you'd better be bringing that tiger with you.
Love always
Tre
Yes Tre, it was a wonderful weekend and yes I have been thinking about finally leaving to go to America. I have no ties since mum passed away just over two years ago now. That makes me sad to think that she didn't get to see little Jessica but then she wouldn't even have known who she was.
Whether it will happen though I'm not sure, I'd fallen out with Michelle and I have a little girl.
I felt ashamed suddenly, ashamed that I hadn't shared Jessica with any of them. My heart started pounding like it was going to burst out of me.
I had been wrong and Michelle was right. I had kept my daughter from her father, what an awful thing to do. I was a selfish, selfish bitch and always had been. How was I going to explain it to them?
I poured myself another glass of wine. Usually I just had one but tonight, well, what the hell, I needed another one.
Then there was Mike's letter, I recognised the writing, the writing that had adorned many letters for so many years now. Twenty two years of writing to each other, well twenty years because for two years almost we'd lost touch and I think it was my entire fault. I'd slightly cut myself off for my own selfish reasons.
Dear Stella
It's been so long, what on earth were we playing at leaving it so long? So much has happened. The new album is awesome but was such hard, hard work. I am single again, isn't that so typical of me. Obviously I'm hard to put up with. Anyway, I'm older now and wiser and my god Stella we worked out butts off and are still working our butts off but loving it. The tour is just amazing. The recognition for this album is astounding. We knew it was one of our finest but we didn't think it would get recognised like this. I hope you enjoy listening to it. Can you understand what we're trying to say here? Most people do but you get the odd asshole that can't get us at all. That's their problem don't you think?
How's gorgeous Ryan? He's a handsome dude Stella, I bet you make a fine looking couple walking down the street, do people think you're brother and sister? That photo that you sent of the two of you last, you certainly don't look your age at all. I thought it was Ryan with his girlfriend!
I can't believe two years has gone by since we've seen each other. That weekend was great wasn't it?
I can't wait to see you both again and Estelle can't wait to see Ryan again. She enjoyed that weekend when we were all together. The kids all got on so well. They thought Ryan was a cool dude. Thanks for their gifts by the way, you always were thoughtful.
Have you ever thought again about coming out? We discussed it again the other day, Tre and I and we were saying how you always promised to come out and live in California. Are you going to keep that promise?
You'd better.
Looking forward to seeing you in February?
Take care and have a wonderful Christmas
Love always
Mike x
Stella sighed again, gulped the glass of wine down and poured out another.
She remembered that night in the kitchen when she'd found Mike there all alone wondering if he could marry Ana.
She'd sat with him for ages while he poured his heart out and she just sat and listened. She'd been desperate to tell him that she loved him but it was obvious to her by the way he was speaking about Ana that he loved Ana all along.
They'd gone on to get married a year later and what a wedding that was. Ana looked beautiful and Stella watched Mike marry her and that was the moment that she knew how foolish she'd been in thinking that there could have been any future with her and Mike but that was then and lots had happened in between.
Reading those letters from everybody had made her feel awful. All the time that they weren't in contact it was fine but now she'd heard from them, heard all their kind words as if they were standing there in front of her she'd realised she'd made a huge mistake.
She wanted desperately to be with them, always had in the entire time that she'd written to Mike she'd wanted to be with them and now, now she knew that she could. Yeah, she could sell up, move out there and be with them but after hearing what she'd done. Would they really want her?
