Through the Eyes of Tré Cool, chapter 1

Through the Eyes of Tré Cool on April 4th 2006

Ohhh. I had so much beer on Saturday that I've been on a three day hangover. Billie was at the bitch-ass-eight-year-old Choice Awards while me and Mike were at a party. I need to get out.
I got up, about ten empty beer bottles fell off of me. I guess I'll go golf. I started to walk out the door, but then I just took a few beer bottles for the trip. About four... five... I JUST BROUGHT FOUR SIX PACKS!
I drove to the course, chugging some beer every few minutes... maybe seconds.
I got to the course with my clubs in one hand, beer in the other. The ultimate image of the true golfer.

Here we go now, first hole. First I took a lucky chug of beer, and then I brought my club back, and SWING! The ball went straight down the fairway. This'll be easy!
I took my lucky chug of beer, can't swing without the beer first! I swung the club on that ball and it went up, up, up over the green! Here it comes! And... IN THE HOLE!
"Yeah, bitch!" I yelled. "THAT'S TRE COOL RIGHT THERE!" I threw a beer bottle on the ground, breaking it.

"Woohoohoo!" I yelled, driving the golf cart at full speed around the course. "YEAH!" I chugged some more beer down.
I drove all around the course, all around the trees and on the green. Through the bushes and maybe over a few golfers too!
"Stop, Tré!" yelled one of the golfers.
"What do you want with me?!" I yelled. "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, COPPERS!"
"Tré! You're going straight towards a-"
I heard a crash and then my vision went black...

I woke up to see the owner of the course and a cop looking over me.
"What do you want?" I asked. "Where's my beer?!"
"Tré," said the owner. "You got drunk, and hit a tree."
"What else is new?" I said. That cop was writing on a slip. "What's that?"
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a DUIGC," said the cop.
"A what?"
"Driving under the influence in a golf cart."
The cop stuck the slip on my face, and I fell asleep.