Are we demented or am I disturbed?, chapter 1
Are we demented or am I disturbed? The space that's in between insane and secure. Tales from another broken home. I don't care if you don't care. Dearly beloved are you listening? I can't remember a word that you were saying...
I closed my diary. Shutting my mind and my life for the moment. "Oh hey Billie," I said with a forced smile as my best friend walked through my door.
"Hey there kid. What you doing there?"
He pointed to my diary. Only writing songs and suicidal notes, Billie. Oh, and the occasional death-inspired picture. "Oh, nothing important. Just bored. So what are you doing here?"
"Ah I see. Well, my dearest little friend, I am here to ask you, would you do me the honor of going to the angst-filled school dance with me?"
"Aww Billie, you're a sweetie. Of course," I said, giving him a big hug.
"Thanks Ruby. We're going to be the only couple not intending to lose their virginity with one another. That means, we can hang shit on the others! Excellent!" Oh how I wish we were a couple Billie Joe. Oh how I wish...
"Hah, yeah," I replied lamely, "So true."
"So... ... been ahh...err, alright lately?" He asked, as usual. Billie was the only one who knew. The only one that knew why I did it. Why I felt like this. Why I had a diary filled with notes that would disturb most normal and happy people.
"Billie... ," I said, looking at him longingly, "You know I'm ok. Most of the time," I said with a little snigger. He smiled back at me and his sparkling eyes stared deep into mine.
"Talk to me. Tell my why, tell me whatever you want. I love you like a sister R, and you know that."
"I know Billie, I know. I love you like a brother." I nudged his arm and raised my eyebrows up and down, "Maybe even a little more." OH god Ruby. No you didn't. Swallow me up earth. Now. Please. I love this guy too much!
"You know you want it," he said, mirroring my actions.
I smiled and stared at how complete and beautiful he was, and how he brought so much happiness to my life.
"I know, I know Billie Joe. But... why would you want a hopeless girl like me?"
"Ruby... don't. Please don't talk about yourself like that. You are so much more than that."
I sat there thinking over his words. Was I more than that, or was there no point to this misery of a life I lead? A single tear trickled down my cheek. I quickly turned away so Billie couldn't see. It was so hard not being perfect around Billie. He didn't mean to, but he painted a picture of what he wanted me to be to him, and I couldn't help but force myself to live up to that.
"I love you Billie. I love you for loving me, even though I'm hardly perfect."
"Shh," Billie said holding me close to his chest, "Come on girl, we have school. I love you too, but I won't love you if we're late for school. You know it makes them hate us more."
I sniffled away the rest of my tears as Billie wiped my smeared make up off. He was always here for me like this. Grabbing my hand to help me up, Billie and I walked off to school and tried to ignore the thoughts of what would happen today.
I closed my diary. Shutting my mind and my life for the moment. "Oh hey Billie," I said with a forced smile as my best friend walked through my door.
"Hey there kid. What you doing there?"
He pointed to my diary. Only writing songs and suicidal notes, Billie. Oh, and the occasional death-inspired picture. "Oh, nothing important. Just bored. So what are you doing here?"
"Ah I see. Well, my dearest little friend, I am here to ask you, would you do me the honor of going to the angst-filled school dance with me?"
"Aww Billie, you're a sweetie. Of course," I said, giving him a big hug.
"Thanks Ruby. We're going to be the only couple not intending to lose their virginity with one another. That means, we can hang shit on the others! Excellent!" Oh how I wish we were a couple Billie Joe. Oh how I wish...
"Hah, yeah," I replied lamely, "So true."
"So... ... been ahh...err, alright lately?" He asked, as usual. Billie was the only one who knew. The only one that knew why I did it. Why I felt like this. Why I had a diary filled with notes that would disturb most normal and happy people.
"Billie... ," I said, looking at him longingly, "You know I'm ok. Most of the time," I said with a little snigger. He smiled back at me and his sparkling eyes stared deep into mine.
"Talk to me. Tell my why, tell me whatever you want. I love you like a sister R, and you know that."
"I know Billie, I know. I love you like a brother." I nudged his arm and raised my eyebrows up and down, "Maybe even a little more." OH god Ruby. No you didn't. Swallow me up earth. Now. Please. I love this guy too much!
"You know you want it," he said, mirroring my actions.
I smiled and stared at how complete and beautiful he was, and how he brought so much happiness to my life.
"I know, I know Billie Joe. But... why would you want a hopeless girl like me?"
"Ruby... don't. Please don't talk about yourself like that. You are so much more than that."
I sat there thinking over his words. Was I more than that, or was there no point to this misery of a life I lead? A single tear trickled down my cheek. I quickly turned away so Billie couldn't see. It was so hard not being perfect around Billie. He didn't mean to, but he painted a picture of what he wanted me to be to him, and I couldn't help but force myself to live up to that.
"I love you Billie. I love you for loving me, even though I'm hardly perfect."
"Shh," Billie said holding me close to his chest, "Come on girl, we have school. I love you too, but I won't love you if we're late for school. You know it makes them hate us more."
I sniffled away the rest of my tears as Billie wiped my smeared make up off. He was always here for me like this. Grabbing my hand to help me up, Billie and I walked off to school and tried to ignore the thoughts of what would happen today.
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