B.J.A.'s B-Day, chapter 1
It was February 17, Billie Joe's birthday. Mike stumbled out of bed and into his office. He picked up the phone on the desk and dialed Tre's number. "C'mon, pick up," he said, getting inpatient.
"Hello," Tre said in a hoarse voice.
"Good, you finally picked up!"
"Who is this a-and how did you get my phone number," Tre stuttered.
"It's me, Mike, who'd ya think?"
"Don't do that again!"
"Ok...whatever, Tre."
"So, why'd you call me at," Tre pauses to look at his alarm clock, "at 7:00am!?"
"It's Billie's birthday and we should make him something."
"I know, let's make muffins!"
"I have a muffin tin, oven mitt and a jellyroll pan."
"Yeah, but you don't know how to use any of those things, Tre."
"So... it's not my fault, I use them for decoration!"
"Ok, just come over to my house in an hour."
"Uggg, fine," Tre said, then hung up the phone, rubbing his eyes.
An hour later Tre barged into Mike's house and kicked open the kitchen door.
"Damn it, Tre!" Mike shouted, sounding tense.
"WHAT!?"
"You told me to meet you here!"
"I'm sorry, Tre, but the cook is having a fit, so watch out for flying utensils."
"Wha- oomph!" Tre hits the floor with a juicer by his head.
"Told ya to watch out, Tre!"
"WATCH OUT!"
A pastry blender and a bowel came flying towards Mike. Mike ducks and the pastry blender misses him, but the bowel hits him in the middle of his forehead, knocking him down.
"THAT'S IT, I QUIT!" The cook said, pissed off, throwing a grater at them before he stormed out of the kitchen.
"Ok, there goes our first plan," Mike says in a slight daze.
"Now what are we going to do?" Tre said hopelessly.
"Well I guess we'll have to make it by ourselves!"
"Make exactly what?" Tre said with his eyebrow raised.
"A cake, dumbass!"
"Well then, let's get started, I can already feel a sugar buzz coming on!"
Mike takes out some measuring spoons and puts some sugar in the bowel that hit him in the head.
"Can I help!?"
"No, Tre!!!"
"I mean, you will, but not now."
"Ok....." Tre said in a sad voice.
Mike put flour and milk in the bowel.
After he mixed it all together with a whisk, Mike put it in the oven.
"Now, Tre, I don't care what you do, just don't mess with the cake," Mike said, pointing to the oven.
"Ok.." Tre said, crossing his fingers behind his back.
As soon as Mike left the kitchen Tre bolted for the stove. He threw open the stove door and took the cake out of the bowel and placed it on a skillet, putting it back in the oven. Mike comes in a little later finding Tre on the floor staring at the oven.
"Are you ok?"
"Shhhhh, this is my favorite part!"
"Ummm...ok."
"You can take the cake out of the oven now."
"Yay," Tre said, grabbing a spatula.
"Why are you grabbing that?"
"Tre opens the oven, taking the cake out with the spatula.
"Tre!!!"
Mike screamed and grabbed a cookie sheet placing the cake on it. Mike took the skillet out of the oven without using an oven mitt and threw it in the sink. Then he placed the cookie sheet on the top of the oven, then turned the stove off.
"TRE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!"
Mike picks up a rolling pin and hits Tre over the head with it.
"OWWWW!!!"
"Oh, settle down, it's not like it's going to make you any dumber," Mike protested.
"Ok, now let's finish the cake," Mike said, taking a deep breath. "Tre, you can help with this."
"Ohhhh, what am I going to do, what am I going to do, what am I going to do," Tre said over and over like an excited kid in a candy store.
"You are going to put black icing on the cake."
"Using this!!!!!????" Tre said, pulling a butcher knife out from behind his back.
"T-Tre, put that down," Mike stuttered.
"Ok, ok," Tre said, putting the knife on the counter.
"I don't even want to know how you did that," Mike said, putting the knife up and away from Tre.
Mike hands Tre a rubber scraper.
"Use this," Mike said, handing it to him in a hurry. "Once you're done, put in red icing, 'Happy birthday Billie Joe.' Ok?"
"Tre nods his head and does as he was told. Once he was done he looked at Mike smiling.
"Good, one thing you did right!"
"Yeah," Tre said, throwing the rubber scraper in the sink, but the handle of it hit the garbage disposal switch. The handle of the skillet hit went down the drain then, "BOOM!!!!"
The sink exploded, sending out food scraps everywhere. "Tre..." Mike said, wiping the gunk out of his eyes.
"Y-yes," Tre said, keeping his eyes closed.
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!"
Mike tackles Tre to the gunk covered floor. Mike's wife walks into the kitchen. Mike stops, looking up at her.
"I'm not even going to ask," she said as she walked out of the kitchen.
An hour later, after they got the maid to clean up the kitchen and after Mike and Tre got cleaned up they went to Billie's to give him the cake. Tre knocks on the door. Adrienne answers the door.
"Oh, hi guys, let me guess, you're here to see Billie."
"Yeah, how'd you guess?"
"Well he's out on the porch."
"Ok, thanks."
They walk past her and to the porch stopping in the door way. They saw Billie playing Good Riddance. Tre sneaks up behind him and screams,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" in his ear.
"TRE!!!" Billie screamed, jumping up, startled.
Mike walks in and places the cake on a near by table.
"Thanks, guys," Billie Joe said, smiling.
"Ummmm... what smells?" Billie said, looking at Mike and Tre. Tre takes potato skins out of his hair.
Mike tells Billie Joe the whole story.
"Ha, ha, ha, you know Tre will do stuff like that, Mike!"
Billie Joe hugs Mike and Tre.
"Thanks guys, you really made my day. Especially with that story," Billie said, chuckling a little.
He glances at the cake, a little afraid to eat it. Billie takes a bite and swallows hard, knowing he also swallowed something other than cake, but tries to keep a straight face. He puts it in the back of the fridge, saving it for their next concert, so he could throw it into the audience. They spent the rest of the night out on the town knowing this would be a birthday none of them would forget.
"Hello," Tre said in a hoarse voice.
"Good, you finally picked up!"
"Who is this a-and how did you get my phone number," Tre stuttered.
"It's me, Mike, who'd ya think?"
"Don't do that again!"
"Ok...whatever, Tre."
"So, why'd you call me at," Tre pauses to look at his alarm clock, "at 7:00am!?"
"It's Billie's birthday and we should make him something."
"I know, let's make muffins!"
"I have a muffin tin, oven mitt and a jellyroll pan."
"Yeah, but you don't know how to use any of those things, Tre."
"So... it's not my fault, I use them for decoration!"
"Ok, just come over to my house in an hour."
"Uggg, fine," Tre said, then hung up the phone, rubbing his eyes.
An hour later Tre barged into Mike's house and kicked open the kitchen door.
"Damn it, Tre!" Mike shouted, sounding tense.
"WHAT!?"
"You told me to meet you here!"
"I'm sorry, Tre, but the cook is having a fit, so watch out for flying utensils."
"Wha- oomph!" Tre hits the floor with a juicer by his head.
"Told ya to watch out, Tre!"
"WATCH OUT!"
A pastry blender and a bowel came flying towards Mike. Mike ducks and the pastry blender misses him, but the bowel hits him in the middle of his forehead, knocking him down.
"THAT'S IT, I QUIT!" The cook said, pissed off, throwing a grater at them before he stormed out of the kitchen.
"Ok, there goes our first plan," Mike says in a slight daze.
"Now what are we going to do?" Tre said hopelessly.
"Well I guess we'll have to make it by ourselves!"
"Make exactly what?" Tre said with his eyebrow raised.
"A cake, dumbass!"
"Well then, let's get started, I can already feel a sugar buzz coming on!"
Mike takes out some measuring spoons and puts some sugar in the bowel that hit him in the head.
"Can I help!?"
"No, Tre!!!"
"I mean, you will, but not now."
"Ok....." Tre said in a sad voice.
Mike put flour and milk in the bowel.
After he mixed it all together with a whisk, Mike put it in the oven.
"Now, Tre, I don't care what you do, just don't mess with the cake," Mike said, pointing to the oven.
"Ok.." Tre said, crossing his fingers behind his back.
As soon as Mike left the kitchen Tre bolted for the stove. He threw open the stove door and took the cake out of the bowel and placed it on a skillet, putting it back in the oven. Mike comes in a little later finding Tre on the floor staring at the oven.
"Are you ok?"
"Shhhhh, this is my favorite part!"
"Ummm...ok."
"You can take the cake out of the oven now."
"Yay," Tre said, grabbing a spatula.
"Why are you grabbing that?"
"Tre opens the oven, taking the cake out with the spatula.
"Tre!!!"
Mike screamed and grabbed a cookie sheet placing the cake on it. Mike took the skillet out of the oven without using an oven mitt and threw it in the sink. Then he placed the cookie sheet on the top of the oven, then turned the stove off.
"TRE, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!"
Mike picks up a rolling pin and hits Tre over the head with it.
"OWWWW!!!"
"Oh, settle down, it's not like it's going to make you any dumber," Mike protested.
"Ok, now let's finish the cake," Mike said, taking a deep breath. "Tre, you can help with this."
"Ohhhh, what am I going to do, what am I going to do, what am I going to do," Tre said over and over like an excited kid in a candy store.
"You are going to put black icing on the cake."
"Using this!!!!!????" Tre said, pulling a butcher knife out from behind his back.
"T-Tre, put that down," Mike stuttered.
"Ok, ok," Tre said, putting the knife on the counter.
"I don't even want to know how you did that," Mike said, putting the knife up and away from Tre.
Mike hands Tre a rubber scraper.
"Use this," Mike said, handing it to him in a hurry. "Once you're done, put in red icing, 'Happy birthday Billie Joe.' Ok?"
"Tre nods his head and does as he was told. Once he was done he looked at Mike smiling.
"Good, one thing you did right!"
"Yeah," Tre said, throwing the rubber scraper in the sink, but the handle of it hit the garbage disposal switch. The handle of the skillet hit went down the drain then, "BOOM!!!!"
The sink exploded, sending out food scraps everywhere. "Tre..." Mike said, wiping the gunk out of his eyes.
"Y-yes," Tre said, keeping his eyes closed.
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!"
Mike tackles Tre to the gunk covered floor. Mike's wife walks into the kitchen. Mike stops, looking up at her.
"I'm not even going to ask," she said as she walked out of the kitchen.
An hour later, after they got the maid to clean up the kitchen and after Mike and Tre got cleaned up they went to Billie's to give him the cake. Tre knocks on the door. Adrienne answers the door.
"Oh, hi guys, let me guess, you're here to see Billie."
"Yeah, how'd you guess?"
"Well he's out on the porch."
"Ok, thanks."
They walk past her and to the porch stopping in the door way. They saw Billie playing Good Riddance. Tre sneaks up behind him and screams,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" in his ear.
"TRE!!!" Billie screamed, jumping up, startled.
Mike walks in and places the cake on a near by table.
"Thanks, guys," Billie Joe said, smiling.
"Ummmm... what smells?" Billie said, looking at Mike and Tre. Tre takes potato skins out of his hair.
Mike tells Billie Joe the whole story.
"Ha, ha, ha, you know Tre will do stuff like that, Mike!"
Billie Joe hugs Mike and Tre.
"Thanks guys, you really made my day. Especially with that story," Billie said, chuckling a little.
He glances at the cake, a little afraid to eat it. Billie takes a bite and swallows hard, knowing he also swallowed something other than cake, but tries to keep a straight face. He puts it in the back of the fridge, saving it for their next concert, so he could throw it into the audience. They spent the rest of the night out on the town knowing this would be a birthday none of them would forget.
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