"Do You Have A Lifestory, Jimmy?", chapter 7
Jimmy was still fast asleep when I woke up in the middle of the night. The sky was starry and dark blue. I only wished I could sift it through another angle.
I wanted to be with Jimmy. He was the only thing in this world that I could cling onto.
He was the light in the darkness. Simply the love amongst the hate. The living amongst the dead. I looked at his peaceful face. He was really cute.
The ruffled and untidy hair hung down over his closed eyes, nearly reached his well-shaped nose.
I started thinking about myself. No, I wasn't anything to brag about. My silly, black hair, the blueish brown and the quite wide cheeks... no.
And I was trying to figure out why I loved Jimmy so indeedly. And what love really is about. We had known each other for three weeks. Three and a half. What had happened during them?
Well... we talked a lot. Partied with the Underbelly. We kissed. We argued.
I just kept watching my beloved sleeping for the rest of the night. That is to say three hours.
When he finally woke up, he did it with style, trust me... Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and he immediately sat up, shrieking a little. He scared me to yelling as well. "Jeeze how are you?"
In the fraction of a second, I sat with my arm around him. He panted and gasped for breath. "J... just a nightmare, nothing urgent!" he stammered under his breath. "Don't you worry honey, I'll be fine."
I raised an eyebrow. "You know, talking about nightmares helps... usually..."
"No thank you, I don't want to re-etablish that."
End of conversation, I thought.
I leaned my head on his shoulder. I wanted to say it. So badly. But I couldn't lie.
***
"Can I ask you something?" Jimmy's face was so troubled that it hurted.
"Go ahead." I licked the stolen ice cream that we were sharing for the moment.
"Do you love me."
I heard from the tone that he wasn't asking. He was stating it.
"What?! What makes you think that?!" I defended myself. He knew that something was wrong.
"Because... I know this may sound a little fucked, but..." He fumbled with lighting his cigarette and groaned. I could see how hopeless he felt. It was obvious. "You know the dream that I had last night?"
I nodded. I was filled with anger and sorrow out to my fingertips, ready to detonate.
"It was so real..." He rubbed his eyes with the thumb and the index finger.
It hit me. That was the first time I ever saw Jimmy cry.
"You saw me leaving", I whispered with a hollow, serious voice. "Do you think I'm going to? Would a stupid dream make me go?"
Jimmy wouldn't face me. He wouldn't say anything. He just apathetically wiped the tears.
"Jimmy?" My voice was totally changed and shivering. My lip trembled.
"Things have changed. You can feel that."
"But you don't understand!" Jimmy did his best to wipe the tears, to seem unmoved.
I flew up from the bench in a defence pose.
"I thought I was the only one who can understand everything inside of you?"
"Look, you really have to listen to me now, Whatsername!" Jimmy desperately tried to get my attention. "I was just so stupid, all the time, but when you came around... look, you've changed me, in a good way!"
I gave him a glance of disbelief.
"I mean, a great way!" Jimmy shouted. "But... I don't know what I am any longer." He got silent and slowly buried his face in his hands.
Apathetically, I sank down on the bench again.
"You don't love me then", I whispered with eyes of a corpse.
"No, you got it all wrong--"
"Jimmy." I held up my hand to silence him. "You're such a martyr. Listen to me now. You can't do everything."
"But you didn't really understand what I said--" Jimmy coaxed carefully.
"No, it's fine!" I roared, and Jimmy looked scared to death. "I'm not living for wasting time as your personal drug! I won't waste my time arguing. You only live once, Jimmy, so do something about it! You can't wait for everything to happen!" I clenched my teeth to avoid crying and dropped my voice. "I can't take this place, or this town. I'm gonna leave it behind Jimmy. I'm leaving you tonight."
***
"Just give me one more chance! It's my fault!" Jimmy wouldn't leave me alone. He pursued me around the empty streets. It was the middle of the night.
I clenched my teeth and stamped my way forwards.
"Please!" he kept yell, just one meter behind me.
I turned around, furious.
"Farewell! See you in hell!" I pushed him away from me. "Hope you rest in pieces!"
Jimmy gazed at me. I knew that the unbelievable had happened to him. The end of his era.
As he didn't utter a word, he only made me even more upset.
"Fuck you!" I yelled loudly. Then turned around again and ran away. Forever.
I wanted to be with Jimmy. He was the only thing in this world that I could cling onto.
He was the light in the darkness. Simply the love amongst the hate. The living amongst the dead. I looked at his peaceful face. He was really cute.
The ruffled and untidy hair hung down over his closed eyes, nearly reached his well-shaped nose.
I started thinking about myself. No, I wasn't anything to brag about. My silly, black hair, the blueish brown and the quite wide cheeks... no.
And I was trying to figure out why I loved Jimmy so indeedly. And what love really is about. We had known each other for three weeks. Three and a half. What had happened during them?
Well... we talked a lot. Partied with the Underbelly. We kissed. We argued.
I just kept watching my beloved sleeping for the rest of the night. That is to say three hours.
When he finally woke up, he did it with style, trust me... Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and he immediately sat up, shrieking a little. He scared me to yelling as well. "Jeeze how are you?"
In the fraction of a second, I sat with my arm around him. He panted and gasped for breath. "J... just a nightmare, nothing urgent!" he stammered under his breath. "Don't you worry honey, I'll be fine."
I raised an eyebrow. "You know, talking about nightmares helps... usually..."
"No thank you, I don't want to re-etablish that."
End of conversation, I thought.
I leaned my head on his shoulder. I wanted to say it. So badly. But I couldn't lie.
***
"Can I ask you something?" Jimmy's face was so troubled that it hurted.
"Go ahead." I licked the stolen ice cream that we were sharing for the moment.
"Do you love me."
I heard from the tone that he wasn't asking. He was stating it.
"What?! What makes you think that?!" I defended myself. He knew that something was wrong.
"Because... I know this may sound a little fucked, but..." He fumbled with lighting his cigarette and groaned. I could see how hopeless he felt. It was obvious. "You know the dream that I had last night?"
I nodded. I was filled with anger and sorrow out to my fingertips, ready to detonate.
"It was so real..." He rubbed his eyes with the thumb and the index finger.
It hit me. That was the first time I ever saw Jimmy cry.
"You saw me leaving", I whispered with a hollow, serious voice. "Do you think I'm going to? Would a stupid dream make me go?"
Jimmy wouldn't face me. He wouldn't say anything. He just apathetically wiped the tears.
"Jimmy?" My voice was totally changed and shivering. My lip trembled.
"Things have changed. You can feel that."
"But you don't understand!" Jimmy did his best to wipe the tears, to seem unmoved.
I flew up from the bench in a defence pose.
"I thought I was the only one who can understand everything inside of you?"
"Look, you really have to listen to me now, Whatsername!" Jimmy desperately tried to get my attention. "I was just so stupid, all the time, but when you came around... look, you've changed me, in a good way!"
I gave him a glance of disbelief.
"I mean, a great way!" Jimmy shouted. "But... I don't know what I am any longer." He got silent and slowly buried his face in his hands.
Apathetically, I sank down on the bench again.
"You don't love me then", I whispered with eyes of a corpse.
"No, you got it all wrong--"
"Jimmy." I held up my hand to silence him. "You're such a martyr. Listen to me now. You can't do everything."
"But you didn't really understand what I said--" Jimmy coaxed carefully.
"No, it's fine!" I roared, and Jimmy looked scared to death. "I'm not living for wasting time as your personal drug! I won't waste my time arguing. You only live once, Jimmy, so do something about it! You can't wait for everything to happen!" I clenched my teeth to avoid crying and dropped my voice. "I can't take this place, or this town. I'm gonna leave it behind Jimmy. I'm leaving you tonight."
***
"Just give me one more chance! It's my fault!" Jimmy wouldn't leave me alone. He pursued me around the empty streets. It was the middle of the night.
I clenched my teeth and stamped my way forwards.
"Please!" he kept yell, just one meter behind me.
I turned around, furious.
"Farewell! See you in hell!" I pushed him away from me. "Hope you rest in pieces!"
Jimmy gazed at me. I knew that the unbelievable had happened to him. The end of his era.
As he didn't utter a word, he only made me even more upset.
"Fuck you!" I yelled loudly. Then turned around again and ran away. Forever.
