St. Jimmy's Girlfriend, chapter 2

The taxi dropped me off at the beginning of the driveway. I began the long walk to the front door. I was bawling like a baby.

I guess they heard me because Billie opened the door before I even had the chance to knock. He stared at me for a moment. He looked like he was about to cry. He hugged me and I cried into his shoulder. I let go so that I could look at him. His eyes were bloodshot.

He led me inside into the living room. Adrienne was sitting on the couch crying into a pillow. Mike was standing by the fireplace staring into it. Tears were falling down his cheeks. I had never seen Tre Cool cry. He was sobbing into the couch next to Adrienne. I could hear him. Jimmy was his best friend.

They all looked up as we walked in. Adrienne immediately got up and locked me into her arms. I really needed someone to hold me right now. She tried to let go. I wouldn't let her. I hadn't talked to anyone. It felt a little weird when I heard her say, "I... I'm so sorry, Kaley." This made me cry more.

Jimmy was... dead. Gone forever. Forever. Such a scary word. He would never come back. There was nothing I could do to make him.

I couldn't take it. I let go of Adi and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me. I stared into the mirror and watched the tears run down my cheeks. I felt like I was going to heave. I did.

There was a knock on the door as I wiped the sweat from my forehead. It was Tre. "Kaley?" he said, "Open up. I... I want to talk to you. About... Jimmy." I wanted to open the door and slam it in his face. I didn't. I knew that he missed Jimmy as much as I did. They had known each other forever. I opened the door. His eyes were bloodshot. He grabbed my hand and led me to Billie and Adi's room.

I sat on the bed as he closed the door. "Look," he said, turning around,"I know you loved Jimmy. You even told him."
"Yeah," I said, "Your point?"
"He never told you, though," he continued.
"So what?!" I snapped back. He was right, though. He never told me. He never would. I started to cry again. "He... he just never said it," I said calmly.
"But he did!" Tre said immediately after.
"That's all he would ever say about you! 'I love her so much,' he would say, 'I think she's the one'."
I stared at him. Jimmy, my Jimmy said that? "The one?" Me?

I was in shock. Yeah, Jimmy did ask me about what I thought of marriage every time and again. Not alot, just, sometimes. I just always thought that he was joking, you know?

There was a knock on the door and Billie walked in, followed by Mike. "Hey," I said, forcing a smile,"Where's Adi?"
"Checking on Joey and Jakob," Billie answered.
"I... I'll go with her," I said, "I haven't seen them in a while."
"Alright," he said, stepping aside so I could walk through the door. I walked down the hall to outside Jakob's room. I could hear them talking.

"Jakob? Jakob, honey," she said, "Are you awake?" I heard him turn over.
"Mommy?" he said, "Mommy, what's wrong?" He sounded worried.
"Just sad things, baby," she said, "But it's going to be okay."
I walked in. "Hey, everybody," I said, again forcing a smile.
"Kaley!" Jakob said, beaming.
"Hey, buddy," I answered, messing up his hair. He giggled as he usually does when I do that.
Adi tucked him in again and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight, sweetie," she said, walking out the door. I followed.
"Goodnight, Mommy," he said.
"Hey, what about me?" I said jokingly.
He giggled again. "You, too, Kaley."

We walked down the hall to Joey's room. We didn't talk, just, walked into his room. His guitar sat in the corner by his barely-ever used bookshelf. Adi flipped on the lights. Papers cluttered the floor. I picked one up and read it. It was a song. Not lyrics, just music.

He was still awake. He looked at us blankley. "Something's wrong," he said, noticing our bloodshot eyes.
"Yeah, honey," Adrienne said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He sat up. She looked up at me.
"Do you want to tell him?" she asked.
"No," I said looking down,"You can. I... I don't want to. I can't."

Joey looked as worried as ever. "What is it?" he said.
"Baby," Adrienne began, looking back at him, "Someone's died."
"Who?!" he said, "It's not Dad, is it?!" He began crying.
"No! No honey, "she said, "It's not you father. It's... Jimmy."
He sat there quietly. "Jimmy's dead?" he asked quakily.
"Yeah, sweetie," she continued, running her hand through his hair, "He's killed himself." I broke down. I couldn't stand those words! I started bawling again. Adi hugged me. Joey got out of bed and joined. He began crying into my arm.

Jimmy was like a second father to him. Well, acctually like a forth. You know, Tre and Mike.

Joey finally let go. "Did you tell Jakob yet?" he asked, wiping his eyes.
"No," Adi said to him, still holding me, "I couldn't tell him. You knew how much he loved Jimmy."
"Don't say that!" Joey yelled.
"Say what, honey?" she asked.
"That. In the past tense. 'Knew' and 'loved.' Jakob still thinks he's alive. I, I just want to pretend he is, too," he said, looking at his feet.

It touched me. I finally felt like I should talk to him. "Joey," I said, finally letting Adi go, "It's alright. You don't have to."
"But I do!" he said, sobbing, "I have to for my little brother. I need to be brave for him." I stood back. He really thought he needed to. I could tell it was a little uncomfortable for him.
"I'll tell you what," I said, "I'll tell Jakob tomorrow, and then, you don't have to be anything. Just plain old Joey." He nodded as I hugged him. I felt sorry for the little guy. Having to feel like you need to be brave for your little brother.

"Alright," Adi said, "It's time to get back in bed. You have school tomorrow."
"Do I really have to go?" he said. She thought a minute.
"No," she said, "I really don't think you should. But, you still need to get back in bed. It's already 12:00." He didn't argue. He crawled back into bed. I tucked him in. We walked out of his room and I flipped the lights off.

You know, after all of this with Jakob and Joey, I think I just might reconsider about having a kid. Then it dawned on me. I would never even have the chance to have one. I couldn't adopt one, either. Not without Jimmy. I started crying again. Shit! I get so sick of crying!