You Got Me On My Knees, chapter 16
"Billie!! Have I left my diaphragm in the bathroom?" I got out of Billie's room with a half-buttoned shirt and messy hair.
"God! Once you enter a place like the kitchen, take a look around before you start talking."
"Hi Tre." I smiled at Tre and gave him a kiss.
"And how is it possible to leave a diaphragm in the bathroom?"
"Well... "
"Did you do it in the bathroom? Because that's really uncomfortable; and take my words for granted I am experienced."
"That I believe."
"There is no place for you to sit, you might fall in the tub and since you and Billie are... "
"I'm going to stop this conversation now because it is too weird." I interrupted just before Billie came in. I smiled at him, he winked at me and then he said hello to Tre.
"So did she leave her diaphragm in the bathroom?"
"Tre stop." I told him
"You asked first my love."
Billie laughed at his best friend and started making coffee. "I want to go shopping today." He announced.
"Tre I know that you wouldn't ever lose an opportunity to act like a baby and ask me to buy you ice cream like I am your fucking mother the whole time we shop so there's no need to ask if you want to come. What about you girl?"
"I can't. I'm going out with Mike. We're leaving for the weekend" I said and grinned like I was going to meet the president. Both Billie and Tre however did not share my joy.
"Nothing's going to happen. We are going to visit my parents and then go see a movie. Besides Estelle will be there too."
I think I was trying to convince myself rather than them. They kept looking at me.
"I'll be careful I promise."
"Bullshit." Said Billie, a little harsher than I was expecting him to.
"Bullshit." Agreed Tre. They know me too well don't you hate it?
Mike looked gorgeous when he came to get me. I smiled and invited him in for a drink but he said that Estelle was waiting in the car so I dropped it.
Alcohol is never good any way.
"Estelle is the prettiest girl in the world." I told him once his daughter had fallen asleep on the back seat.
"I know isn't she? And I can't really believe that she'll be three in two months."
"She will? God it doesn't seem so long."
"Tell me about it." We were both thinking of the same thing then. Us two, lying together in bed singing "Sweet Home Chicago" and arguing about whether we should talk or continue having sex.
And it all seemed like yesterday.
"So what's going on with you and Billie? If you don't mind my question" And that was what made me cry.
Not that he wanted to know if I was dating Billie but the fact that he talked to me like I was a stranger.
"I'm not crying because we can't do it. It's not that. It's just that... I lived with you.
You were my partner just a few weeks ago. And now you're worried I might kill you and you're entitled to worry. Isn't that a terrible thing? Isn't that sad?"
"El come on please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. El?"
"I'm okay. Keep driving."
"El you're free to do whatever you want I don't own you."
"Mike, stop the car." He did without being asked again. And the second his hands left the wheel I grabbed him and kissed him. And I kissed hard and long, to make up for one year.
I only pulled away when I realized that Estelle could wake up.
"I love you." I whispered to him. "Billie is my best friend and he relaxes me but we don't date. We never will. Mike I love you."
He didn't answer, just kept having his eyes closed and his fingers linked with mine.
"El I'm so sorry." He breathed and a tiny tear came down his face.
"I love you too. We should have been given a chance but everything happened so fucking fast and... I lost myself somewhere on the way."
I made him stop by kissing him again. "Let's forget about all this for a weekend. Let's just pretend that everything is ok. I just want to have you. For two days. Please?"
He smiled and stroked my cheek. "Wish it could be longer than two days." He kissed me. "But I'll take whatever."
I haven't said anything about my dad have I? Well here you are: my dad's name is Bob and he is the only sane person of my family and the reason I stayed at my house for sixteen years.
He used to be a musician you see. He is responsible for my musical taste and the fact that I'm attracted to singers or guitar players.
I actually blame him a little for that.
Anyway he liked Mike from the first time they met (when he was dating Holly remember?).
"Come here you long lost daughter of mine!" he yelled and pulled me in hug.
"Hi dad." I said and kissed him. He didn't spend much time with me after that though as Mike and Estelle appeared on the entrance.
Estelle was hiding behind her father's back, uncomfortable with meeting new people, just like every child.
"And here is our rock star!" dad hugged Mike as well.
"How are you Mr. Stoan?" Mike was being polite as always.
"I'm fine son. Just glad that you're still taking care of my daughter." Mike and I locked eyes for a moment, smiling guilty at each other.
"I do my best. I'd like you to meet Estelle."
The little girl was still hiding so I picked her up and gave her a kiss to make her feel better. "She is the most beautiful girl in the world dad. I mean it I've done my research." I said. However Bob did not seem to believe the same.
He just smiled and nodded and then invited us in. Loraine and mom started screaming once they saw us.
"Mike dear it's so lovely to see you! We missed you! How are you?" you know the usual things a mom and an older sister say when you appear in their house with your best friend who is also the man of your life and married to someone else.
After all the greetings were over I took Estelle to the guest room, told her that she was free to ask anything she wanted and then put her to sleep.
"Ellie?"
"What?"
"I'm scared."
"Of what honey?"
"I had a bad dream. I was being chased by monsters and I shouted for daddy to save me and he never came."
She could have also stuck a knife in my heart.
"Stella your daddy loves you more than anything in the whole world, he would never do that."
"Promise?"
"Yes I promise. Now go to sleep. And once you wake up I'll take you for ice cream."
Finally she smiled and closed her eyes.
Mike was in my room, looking at the posters on the wall. I had redecorated it when we had broken up and I lived there for almost a year. As soon as I closed the door behind me he held me by the waist and kissed me.
I was so ecstatic that I forgot I was supposed to stand up so I almost fell on the floor. Mike caught me on the last minute and once we pulled away we both started laughing.
"You know I'd really missed this place." He said.
"Me too. It's not the same without you though."
"You remember the day when you said you would move in with me?"
"How can I not? It's a miracle I didn't murder my sister that day."
Funny story: I t was my sixteenth birthday so Billie Mike and Tre were going to throw me a surprise party at Billie's house. They had invited some friends, Loraine, not Holly because Mike and she had just broken up with her and all I had to do was pretend that I didn't know anything about it.
I wanted to be beautiful though since sixteen is an important age and all of this was Mike's job.
But guess what! My sister found out that I had skipped school three days before and she told my parents so... yeah they grounded me for a week.
So my friends celebrated my birthday without me. I sneaked out late at night and went to find Mike and he let me scream for about an hour and then cry on his blouse saying that I wanted to leave home.
"Well... I am living alone you know... and the house is pretty big so there's room for two... you could stay here and be my roommate." And when he said that I pictured myself kissing him. I felt so grateful.
But he was twenty and I was sixteen and I knew he wouldn't be interested.
"God I fucking love you." He whispered and placed his warm lips on my neck.
"Right back at you Mr. Dirnt." I grinned and released him from his jacket and tie. (Yes he was wearing a tie. He takes good impression on others seriously.)
He quickly found the zipper of my jeans and brought it down and I did my part by unbuttoning his shirt. (More like ripping it off actually I am ashamed to say.)
"Are people supposed to be so hot at three o'clock in the afternoon?"
I realized I had said that out loud four second after I did.
"El it's me and you." Mike replied to my great pleasure. Yep that was the right answer.
"This is going to be one hell of a weekend!" I told him before he grabbed me, lifted me up and placed me on my bed.
Mike always has a way of... fogging up my whole world; making me forget about everything else around me. There are no problems, no worries, no responsibilities, just Mike.
And I still don't know whether that's good or bad.
"I just figured out what is it that I find so unbelievably attractive about you."
"Is it the fact that I am extremely cute, a musician of a kick ass band or that I am a sex god who does not ever fail to rock your world?"
I giggled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Well obviously that." I said.
"But above all I worship that look you get when you are confused and try to hide it."
"What look?"
"Hey you're doing it again!"
"What look? Seriously."
I kept laughing at him and rolled around to top his body with mine. "I love you."
I told him whispering
"I know El." That wasn't the answer I was looking for though.
"I love you too." Saved. Thank God.
We were like this all throughout the first day. Talked to my parents, put Estelle to sleep, had sex. Woke Estelle up, took her for ice cream, came back for her to see her favorite TV show, had sex. Took Estelle for the grand tour of the town, showed her our old school, came back, had sex.
And then we went to the cinema...
"We're not visiting the queen of England you know."
"If you don't dress up when the guy you love buys a cinema for you when are you going to dress up darling?"
"Oh I get it. It's a tribute to me then."
"What my life? Yes it is."
Mike laughed and kissed me again and tried to unzip the dress I was wearing. The things the walls of my room would reveal if they had the ability to talk!
"We got to go Mikey."
"Right sorry."
We got out and found my entire family being tense. Once we appeared they all stood up, with fake smiles on their faces and get that! My mother addressed me as "Ellie"! "Ellie"!
I consider myself lucky enough if I get a "Layla dear" or "Layla darling" out of her. One time when I was fifteen, she got me smoking from Tre's cigarettes and she called me "Layla Marianna Stoan."
I hadn't the slightest idea that my middle name was Marianna until then.
Back to Mike and me leaving for the cinema, it was like something was up with everybody and I was the only one kept in the dark. Had Mike and I been an actual couple I would start to suspect that he was going to propose to me but considering the circumstances it was obvious that that wasn't it.
"Thanks so much for agreeing to keep Estelle for as long as we're gone." Said Mike and I just smiled, to show that I agreed.
"Oh it's our pleasure dear." My mom replied. "You two take as long as you want we really don't mind at all." Something was really going on... Mike turned at his daughter and once again the 'you be a good girl when I'm gone' speech was up.
Estelle quickly nodded her head and went back to watching Peter Pan. I had remembered to bring my favorite Disney movies with me (1. Lion King 2.Peter Pan
3. Toy Story Two 4. Toy Story 5.Hercules) to keep her busy while her father and I were... also getting busy I guess (I sound cruel and bitchy and I hate it but it's true)
The cinema was two minutes away but Mike insisted on driving me there.
"I'm so excited about this!" I cried and clapped my hands.
"Well that's the whole point baby." And we were there. I told you it was close.
It looked so different and yet the same in some way. You know this feeling you get when you return at your house after a long period away?
It is familiar to you but oddly enough it also feels strangely new... that's how it was for me. I felt Mike's hand holding mine as we were approaching the entrance.
"I get the tickets." He said.
"I get the ice cream then." I grinned.
I bought all different kinds of ice cream and asked for two huge spoons and Mike was waiting for me at the door of the viewing room.
"Why are you standing there?" That was it. The point when I learn about all the mystical vibes back at my parents' house.
"I just want to go in with you."
"Hugh... " And we got in and I was speechless.
"It's a late birthday present. I had the idea when I was living with Ray and it was such a good one that I was really annoyed that we weren't together anymore. Maybe that's why I came back. Are you pleased?"
The old rusty cinema next to my house had been changed into an amazing updated place with velvet seats and numbers behind them and a small stage in front of the screen and pictures of famous Hollywood moments (all my favorite ones!) and it seemed twenty times bigger.
"The candles and the flowers are only temporary. For tonight." Mike informed me.
Oh yeah I probably forgot to mention that there were candles and tulips (yes tulip is my favorite flower) all around.
"Such is this." He pushed a button on a remote control and the melody of "Black Velvet" by Joan Jett was heard from everywhere. With me still unable to move, Mike closed the gap between our bodies and always smiling he slowly started dancing with me.
"El you've been though a lot of stuff because of me." He said. Well yeah I had been pretty unhappy but he was also giving me reason to live.
"So I want you to know that I love you ok? You'll always be my best friend and the woman for me." I nodded. He knew it was the same the other way around.
"And I want to be with you for more than just two days."
Okay... remember when I said that if we were a real couple...
"So I'm going to get a divorce." Bang.
"And once I do I want you to come and live with me again." Bang. Bang.
"And I want to marry you." Now I'm dead.
"God! Once you enter a place like the kitchen, take a look around before you start talking."
"Hi Tre." I smiled at Tre and gave him a kiss.
"And how is it possible to leave a diaphragm in the bathroom?"
"Well... "
"Did you do it in the bathroom? Because that's really uncomfortable; and take my words for granted I am experienced."
"That I believe."
"There is no place for you to sit, you might fall in the tub and since you and Billie are... "
"I'm going to stop this conversation now because it is too weird." I interrupted just before Billie came in. I smiled at him, he winked at me and then he said hello to Tre.
"So did she leave her diaphragm in the bathroom?"
"Tre stop." I told him
"You asked first my love."
Billie laughed at his best friend and started making coffee. "I want to go shopping today." He announced.
"Tre I know that you wouldn't ever lose an opportunity to act like a baby and ask me to buy you ice cream like I am your fucking mother the whole time we shop so there's no need to ask if you want to come. What about you girl?"
"I can't. I'm going out with Mike. We're leaving for the weekend" I said and grinned like I was going to meet the president. Both Billie and Tre however did not share my joy.
"Nothing's going to happen. We are going to visit my parents and then go see a movie. Besides Estelle will be there too."
I think I was trying to convince myself rather than them. They kept looking at me.
"I'll be careful I promise."
"Bullshit." Said Billie, a little harsher than I was expecting him to.
"Bullshit." Agreed Tre. They know me too well don't you hate it?
Mike looked gorgeous when he came to get me. I smiled and invited him in for a drink but he said that Estelle was waiting in the car so I dropped it.
Alcohol is never good any way.
"Estelle is the prettiest girl in the world." I told him once his daughter had fallen asleep on the back seat.
"I know isn't she? And I can't really believe that she'll be three in two months."
"She will? God it doesn't seem so long."
"Tell me about it." We were both thinking of the same thing then. Us two, lying together in bed singing "Sweet Home Chicago" and arguing about whether we should talk or continue having sex.
And it all seemed like yesterday.
"So what's going on with you and Billie? If you don't mind my question" And that was what made me cry.
Not that he wanted to know if I was dating Billie but the fact that he talked to me like I was a stranger.
"I'm not crying because we can't do it. It's not that. It's just that... I lived with you.
You were my partner just a few weeks ago. And now you're worried I might kill you and you're entitled to worry. Isn't that a terrible thing? Isn't that sad?"
"El come on please don't cry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. El?"
"I'm okay. Keep driving."
"El you're free to do whatever you want I don't own you."
"Mike, stop the car." He did without being asked again. And the second his hands left the wheel I grabbed him and kissed him. And I kissed hard and long, to make up for one year.
I only pulled away when I realized that Estelle could wake up.
"I love you." I whispered to him. "Billie is my best friend and he relaxes me but we don't date. We never will. Mike I love you."
He didn't answer, just kept having his eyes closed and his fingers linked with mine.
"El I'm so sorry." He breathed and a tiny tear came down his face.
"I love you too. We should have been given a chance but everything happened so fucking fast and... I lost myself somewhere on the way."
I made him stop by kissing him again. "Let's forget about all this for a weekend. Let's just pretend that everything is ok. I just want to have you. For two days. Please?"
He smiled and stroked my cheek. "Wish it could be longer than two days." He kissed me. "But I'll take whatever."
I haven't said anything about my dad have I? Well here you are: my dad's name is Bob and he is the only sane person of my family and the reason I stayed at my house for sixteen years.
He used to be a musician you see. He is responsible for my musical taste and the fact that I'm attracted to singers or guitar players.
I actually blame him a little for that.
Anyway he liked Mike from the first time they met (when he was dating Holly remember?).
"Come here you long lost daughter of mine!" he yelled and pulled me in hug.
"Hi dad." I said and kissed him. He didn't spend much time with me after that though as Mike and Estelle appeared on the entrance.
Estelle was hiding behind her father's back, uncomfortable with meeting new people, just like every child.
"And here is our rock star!" dad hugged Mike as well.
"How are you Mr. Stoan?" Mike was being polite as always.
"I'm fine son. Just glad that you're still taking care of my daughter." Mike and I locked eyes for a moment, smiling guilty at each other.
"I do my best. I'd like you to meet Estelle."
The little girl was still hiding so I picked her up and gave her a kiss to make her feel better. "She is the most beautiful girl in the world dad. I mean it I've done my research." I said. However Bob did not seem to believe the same.
He just smiled and nodded and then invited us in. Loraine and mom started screaming once they saw us.
"Mike dear it's so lovely to see you! We missed you! How are you?" you know the usual things a mom and an older sister say when you appear in their house with your best friend who is also the man of your life and married to someone else.
After all the greetings were over I took Estelle to the guest room, told her that she was free to ask anything she wanted and then put her to sleep.
"Ellie?"
"What?"
"I'm scared."
"Of what honey?"
"I had a bad dream. I was being chased by monsters and I shouted for daddy to save me and he never came."
She could have also stuck a knife in my heart.
"Stella your daddy loves you more than anything in the whole world, he would never do that."
"Promise?"
"Yes I promise. Now go to sleep. And once you wake up I'll take you for ice cream."
Finally she smiled and closed her eyes.
Mike was in my room, looking at the posters on the wall. I had redecorated it when we had broken up and I lived there for almost a year. As soon as I closed the door behind me he held me by the waist and kissed me.
I was so ecstatic that I forgot I was supposed to stand up so I almost fell on the floor. Mike caught me on the last minute and once we pulled away we both started laughing.
"You know I'd really missed this place." He said.
"Me too. It's not the same without you though."
"You remember the day when you said you would move in with me?"
"How can I not? It's a miracle I didn't murder my sister that day."
Funny story: I t was my sixteenth birthday so Billie Mike and Tre were going to throw me a surprise party at Billie's house. They had invited some friends, Loraine, not Holly because Mike and she had just broken up with her and all I had to do was pretend that I didn't know anything about it.
I wanted to be beautiful though since sixteen is an important age and all of this was Mike's job.
But guess what! My sister found out that I had skipped school three days before and she told my parents so... yeah they grounded me for a week.
So my friends celebrated my birthday without me. I sneaked out late at night and went to find Mike and he let me scream for about an hour and then cry on his blouse saying that I wanted to leave home.
"Well... I am living alone you know... and the house is pretty big so there's room for two... you could stay here and be my roommate." And when he said that I pictured myself kissing him. I felt so grateful.
But he was twenty and I was sixteen and I knew he wouldn't be interested.
"God I fucking love you." He whispered and placed his warm lips on my neck.
"Right back at you Mr. Dirnt." I grinned and released him from his jacket and tie. (Yes he was wearing a tie. He takes good impression on others seriously.)
He quickly found the zipper of my jeans and brought it down and I did my part by unbuttoning his shirt. (More like ripping it off actually I am ashamed to say.)
"Are people supposed to be so hot at three o'clock in the afternoon?"
I realized I had said that out loud four second after I did.
"El it's me and you." Mike replied to my great pleasure. Yep that was the right answer.
"This is going to be one hell of a weekend!" I told him before he grabbed me, lifted me up and placed me on my bed.
Mike always has a way of... fogging up my whole world; making me forget about everything else around me. There are no problems, no worries, no responsibilities, just Mike.
And I still don't know whether that's good or bad.
"I just figured out what is it that I find so unbelievably attractive about you."
"Is it the fact that I am extremely cute, a musician of a kick ass band or that I am a sex god who does not ever fail to rock your world?"
I giggled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Well obviously that." I said.
"But above all I worship that look you get when you are confused and try to hide it."
"What look?"
"Hey you're doing it again!"
"What look? Seriously."
I kept laughing at him and rolled around to top his body with mine. "I love you."
I told him whispering
"I know El." That wasn't the answer I was looking for though.
"I love you too." Saved. Thank God.
We were like this all throughout the first day. Talked to my parents, put Estelle to sleep, had sex. Woke Estelle up, took her for ice cream, came back for her to see her favorite TV show, had sex. Took Estelle for the grand tour of the town, showed her our old school, came back, had sex.
And then we went to the cinema...
"We're not visiting the queen of England you know."
"If you don't dress up when the guy you love buys a cinema for you when are you going to dress up darling?"
"Oh I get it. It's a tribute to me then."
"What my life? Yes it is."
Mike laughed and kissed me again and tried to unzip the dress I was wearing. The things the walls of my room would reveal if they had the ability to talk!
"We got to go Mikey."
"Right sorry."
We got out and found my entire family being tense. Once we appeared they all stood up, with fake smiles on their faces and get that! My mother addressed me as "Ellie"! "Ellie"!
I consider myself lucky enough if I get a "Layla dear" or "Layla darling" out of her. One time when I was fifteen, she got me smoking from Tre's cigarettes and she called me "Layla Marianna Stoan."
I hadn't the slightest idea that my middle name was Marianna until then.
Back to Mike and me leaving for the cinema, it was like something was up with everybody and I was the only one kept in the dark. Had Mike and I been an actual couple I would start to suspect that he was going to propose to me but considering the circumstances it was obvious that that wasn't it.
"Thanks so much for agreeing to keep Estelle for as long as we're gone." Said Mike and I just smiled, to show that I agreed.
"Oh it's our pleasure dear." My mom replied. "You two take as long as you want we really don't mind at all." Something was really going on... Mike turned at his daughter and once again the 'you be a good girl when I'm gone' speech was up.
Estelle quickly nodded her head and went back to watching Peter Pan. I had remembered to bring my favorite Disney movies with me (1. Lion King 2.Peter Pan
3. Toy Story Two 4. Toy Story 5.Hercules) to keep her busy while her father and I were... also getting busy I guess (I sound cruel and bitchy and I hate it but it's true)
The cinema was two minutes away but Mike insisted on driving me there.
"I'm so excited about this!" I cried and clapped my hands.
"Well that's the whole point baby." And we were there. I told you it was close.
It looked so different and yet the same in some way. You know this feeling you get when you return at your house after a long period away?
It is familiar to you but oddly enough it also feels strangely new... that's how it was for me. I felt Mike's hand holding mine as we were approaching the entrance.
"I get the tickets." He said.
"I get the ice cream then." I grinned.
I bought all different kinds of ice cream and asked for two huge spoons and Mike was waiting for me at the door of the viewing room.
"Why are you standing there?" That was it. The point when I learn about all the mystical vibes back at my parents' house.
"I just want to go in with you."
"Hugh... " And we got in and I was speechless.
"It's a late birthday present. I had the idea when I was living with Ray and it was such a good one that I was really annoyed that we weren't together anymore. Maybe that's why I came back. Are you pleased?"
The old rusty cinema next to my house had been changed into an amazing updated place with velvet seats and numbers behind them and a small stage in front of the screen and pictures of famous Hollywood moments (all my favorite ones!) and it seemed twenty times bigger.
"The candles and the flowers are only temporary. For tonight." Mike informed me.
Oh yeah I probably forgot to mention that there were candles and tulips (yes tulip is my favorite flower) all around.
"Such is this." He pushed a button on a remote control and the melody of "Black Velvet" by Joan Jett was heard from everywhere. With me still unable to move, Mike closed the gap between our bodies and always smiling he slowly started dancing with me.
"El you've been though a lot of stuff because of me." He said. Well yeah I had been pretty unhappy but he was also giving me reason to live.
"So I want you to know that I love you ok? You'll always be my best friend and the woman for me." I nodded. He knew it was the same the other way around.
"And I want to be with you for more than just two days."
Okay... remember when I said that if we were a real couple...
"So I'm going to get a divorce." Bang.
"And once I do I want you to come and live with me again." Bang. Bang.
"And I want to marry you." Now I'm dead.
