Understanding, chapter 1
I sat down on the hotel bed, staring at the ceiling. I thought about my life. Two fucked up marriages, two beautiful children, and I'm in a band, but people hardly know I exist.
It all really evens out, but I get sick of being the person behind the spotlight. Billie Joe has the looks and the family, and people can take Mike seriously. I'm just the crazy sex addicted drummer of a famous band. No one can take me seriously, and that gets on my nerves.
I can't seem to keep a girl for more than a couple of weeks. I try and give them what they want, but my schedule is just too demanding for them.
But what hurts the most is my so called friends seem to ignore me. Well, not really ignore me, but leave me out. I know Mike and Billie have been best friends since forever, but couldn't they include me for once. They get to make all the big decisions, for me and themselves.
They leave me out of secrets, too. They leave me in the dark when it comes to important things. I always get told last minute what songs we are going to play, or when important events come up.
They even leave me out of the "friendship" circle. Sometimes they just forget I'm there. Sometimes, they start talking, and I decide to join in, they just look at me weirdly and go back to talking. It hurts, it really does.
When shows go bad, they blame it on me. "Why the fuck didn't you hit the cymbal? What is wrong with you?" is all I hear, and god, does that rip my heart in half. I try to play as best as I can, but yet everything is my fault.
I look at all the pictures of us. I'm in the back, while they're up front. Of course, I'm left behind. In the dark.
They get pissed at me when I want to be alone and not go drinking. They say I don't care about them. But god dammit, you're the ones who don't care about me! I'm like a toy to you!
I wish they would understand. I'm not always crazy. I have a heart, and I have feelings. So start fucking treating me like I'm a human fucking being!
Yet, Billie Joe and Mike are the best friends I could ever have. I hate them so much, but yet I love them. They give me sympathy when I need them the most. Sometimes they don't care, though. That really hurts.
I'm sometimes blamed for every thing gone wrong. Like the time all the beer was gone. I wasn't even there. I was with my ex girlfriend at the movies, but yet I'm the one who drank it all.
If only they understood...
It all really evens out, but I get sick of being the person behind the spotlight. Billie Joe has the looks and the family, and people can take Mike seriously. I'm just the crazy sex addicted drummer of a famous band. No one can take me seriously, and that gets on my nerves.
I can't seem to keep a girl for more than a couple of weeks. I try and give them what they want, but my schedule is just too demanding for them.
But what hurts the most is my so called friends seem to ignore me. Well, not really ignore me, but leave me out. I know Mike and Billie have been best friends since forever, but couldn't they include me for once. They get to make all the big decisions, for me and themselves.
They leave me out of secrets, too. They leave me in the dark when it comes to important things. I always get told last minute what songs we are going to play, or when important events come up.
They even leave me out of the "friendship" circle. Sometimes they just forget I'm there. Sometimes, they start talking, and I decide to join in, they just look at me weirdly and go back to talking. It hurts, it really does.
When shows go bad, they blame it on me. "Why the fuck didn't you hit the cymbal? What is wrong with you?" is all I hear, and god, does that rip my heart in half. I try to play as best as I can, but yet everything is my fault.
I look at all the pictures of us. I'm in the back, while they're up front. Of course, I'm left behind. In the dark.
They get pissed at me when I want to be alone and not go drinking. They say I don't care about them. But god dammit, you're the ones who don't care about me! I'm like a toy to you!
I wish they would understand. I'm not always crazy. I have a heart, and I have feelings. So start fucking treating me like I'm a human fucking being!
Yet, Billie Joe and Mike are the best friends I could ever have. I hate them so much, but yet I love them. They give me sympathy when I need them the most. Sometimes they don't care, though. That really hurts.
I'm sometimes blamed for every thing gone wrong. Like the time all the beer was gone. I wasn't even there. I was with my ex girlfriend at the movies, but yet I'm the one who drank it all.
If only they understood...
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