State of Mind, chapter 2
Dear family,
You might have found that half of my possessions are gone. I am leaving. I am never going to see you again; I feel no shame in what I am about to do. You were all nothing in my life. I don't know where I'm going and I don't know how, but I do know that I wish you all the best. Good luck and good riddance!
From Isabel
I grabbed my bag and threw some clothes in, well most of the ones that were good enough to wear. I took all of my money that I saved up from working, which roughly was around $3000. I never touched my money, mainly because I didn't want to waste it on little things, I wanted to save up for a car or maybe a house or a Fender, but I just never got round to buying one. I threw all my belongings into one bag. Then I took all of my posters from off the wall and put them into a folder and put then into my bag and put my guitar into its case and hid them in the cupboard.
Seeing it was still daylight, I went for a walk, I thought about where I was going to go and what I was going to do. Id always loved that song by the Ramones, California Sun, so I decided id go to California, id use my money to buy a plane ticket and fly over. I was actually more excited then scared out of my life. I walked around to the valley where the train bridge was, and sat there, just waiting as train by trains went by. Then I decided I'd go to the shops and buy a few essential things that I couldn't live without when I go to California. I walked around to the shops and bought five containers of Vegemite, I loved it to death. Then I bought a sticker of the Australian flag.
I got home from that and went into my room. It was dark and cold. The time was now 7:45 and it was dark outside. I heard footsteps coming towards my room, followed by a knock on my door. The knob turned slightly, and then my dad came through holding a piece of paper in his hands. He had an expression of anger on his face but I just couldn't seem to figure out what happened. He shoved the paper right up into my face and said,
"What's this?" I took the piece of paper out of his hand and read it to discover that my principal had sent a letter home about what I had done. I read on to realize that when I punched Gemma, I had broken her jaw. I felt my insides jump about and do somersaults as I kept my expression on my face dull and embarrassed, it was only a cover up, I was really happy of what I had done, I couldn't care less if I killed the damn bitch, I was just glad to know that I stood up for myself and saw her suffer.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said as he came closer to my face and staggered along the ground. You could obviously tell that he was drunk.
"I work so hard just to keep a roof under your head and pay the bills and feed you, and you go and blow it by breaking someone's jaw and getting expelled!" James said with an angry expression on his face as he came towards me.
"You work so hard to feed us and put a roof over our heads and pay the bills? My ass, you always waste your money on booze and cigarettes." I said proudly hoping this would be the last conversation I would ever have to have with my dad. But as soon as I knew it I felt a blow to my stomach, and I was on the floor grabbing hold of my stomach as I could feel that pain and anger running through my body.
"How dare you say that to me. I don't want to see your face for the rest of tonight, you can find your won food, and don't even think of going outside of your room!" and as soon as he said that he had gone.
After five minutes of lying on the floor, crying my eyes out in pain, I got up and dragged myself onto my bed. I threw the jars of Vegemite into my bags and then placed the sticker of the Australian flag onto my guitar. It looked pretty cool I thought as I looked at the time. It was 2 in the morning.
I decided on calling a cab to pick me up around the block from where I was, just in case my dad or anyone saw me. I placed the letter I wrote previously onto the pillow of my bed. I had a set of last thoughts in my head, I had no idea if running away would come out to be good or just end up with me kicking my ass in and coming strait home. It was either I stayed here with no friends, no family (if what you called mine was), being picked on and no rights. I was leaving, my home, my life and my family, right down here in Australia and I wasn't coming back.
I take one last look around, at my furniture, to my walls, across the floor. Then I looked up at my bedroom window. I unlocked it opening it ever so carefully so nobody could hear me. Then I took hold of my possessions and placed them outside. I climbed out then closed it and walked around the house. I was finding it difficult opening the garage and going out the back of my house as I had two back packs and my guitar to carry. I made it completely out of my property, and onto the street. I looked up at the street light; my eyes cringed at how bright it was. I realized that someone had ripped off our street sign, I walked over to the electricity pole and by its side, and the sign was lying on the ground. I took it, for no specific reason, I thought it just looked really cool, I had always wanted to pull it off. I then walked over to the street where I had told the Taxi driver to pick me up at.
The Taxi came at the exact time. It pulled up to the side of the rode where I was standing. I didn't know whether he was going to come out or wether I was going to go in, so I knocked on the door. He gestured his hand in a way of saying come in.
"Are ya gonna come in or what?" the man asked me with an inpatient look on his face.
"Sorry" was all I could say. I hopped in and introduced myself.
"Ok, so where do you want to go miss" he said.
"To the Air port please" I answered. I was actually doing this, running away, getting away from it all, for once and all. This must have been the longest car ride I had ever been on, I thought to myself as we pulled up into one of the last roads. I could see the air port in the distance. I was getting pretty excited; I had never been on a plane before. We pulled up into the main entrance and the Taxi driver started talking to me again.
"That'll be, $15" he said. I pulled out my wallet and got out $15.
"There you go" I said unenthusiastically.
"Thank you" he said very pleased with himself. He got out of the car, opened the boot and took out my two bags and my guitar. I decided I should get out as well, so I walked over behind the car where the Taxi driver was.
"Here are your bags, enjoy your trip" he said as unenthusiastically as I had before.
"I will" was all I said. Then he got back into his car and drove into the distance. I turned around and looked up at the entrance of the air port at the QANTAS terminal. I walked in and went to the front desk.
"Hello, May I help you" a lady with a weird looking hair do, and may I say way too much make-up asked.
"Umm, yes, I was wondering when the next place leaving to California would be leaving?" I said unsure what was to come next.
"Well, you're in luck. There is one flight leaving in about 40 minutes, but you have to be over fourteen to board it" she exclaimed.
"Ohh, ok then. Well how much is it?" I asked hoping for the lowest possible price.
"That would be about, $599, including breakfast lunch and dinner" she said.
"Well, um is it too late to buy a ticket now?" I asked
"No, I just need to see your passport" she said. I searched through my pockets, and finally came across a small booklet. I pulled it and gave it to the woman. She took it and then typed some things into her computer, then she handed my passport back and printed up my ticket.
"There you go" the woman said
"All you have to do now is go into that line over there" she gestured
"And put your bags into that conveyer belt and then go to gate 17" she continued
"Thank you" I added.
I went over to some seat and sat down. I opened up my bags and made an overnight bag to take on the plane. I placed things in like my Ramones cassette tapes and my cassette player. Then I went through the line and put my other bag onto it. I eyed it carefully kinda interested to see where the conveyer belt went. Through some flaps then it vanished. I walked down to where the lady who gave me my tickets told me to. Gate 17, was printed across a wide screen. I looked over and decided to ask a person who was sitting quite near it.
"Excuse me sir, but may you tell me if this is Gate 17?" I asked nervously
"Why yes it is" the man said
"Thank you" I answered. I sat quietly for five minutes, just thinking.
I decided to get up and go for a walk. I was feeling hungry; I walked around the terminal while walking past Hungry Jacks. I figured since the burgers are better at Hungry Jacks, ill pop in and buy one. I walked over to the cashier and asked for a Whopper, large fries and a coke. I picked up my tray and walked over to a bench. I sat down and opened my burger. I took a huge bite out of it, savoring the taste in my mouth. Once I had finished my burger I started eating my chips and drinking my Coke. I finished my chips and then grabbed my Coke and left. It was now 3:30 in the morning; I had about 20 minutes until the plane took off. I walked over to the end of the terminal and looked out of the window. I looked over into the scenery, pitch black, I could see the run way and the lights on the ground and the men with orange work shirts on. I stood like that for 10 minutes just thinking about the land and how beautiful it seemed. I then forced myself to turn around and walked back to gate 17. I threw the remains of my Coke in the bin and took a seat.
"Flight 409 to San Francisco, California boarding in Gate 17" a voice projected through a large speaker rang through my ears. I stood up and took hold of my bag and guitar. I walked up to the man and gave him my ticket. 'There is no going back' I thought to myself, 'all you have to do is walk through those doors and you're in'
Step by step I watched as I boarded the plane. I walked down the steps and onto the ground. This was the last time I was to be on Australian land. I bent down and placed the base of my hands to my lips, I kissed them and then I placed them on the round. I looked up and walked on. I took the last step of which I was going to step on Australian land for a long time, and then I walked up the steps and onto the plane. I showed the flight attendant my ticket and she told me where to sit. Surprisingly enough, I got a window seat. I walked over to seat 16 and put my guitar up in the compartment and placed my overnight bag on my lap. Then I looked out onto the runway and sighed. I never thought I would resort to anything like this, I never knew I would ever run away. I was just a little nervous. It's not everyday you leave your home country by yourself and flee to a different one. I looked over to my left to see a woman sitting across from me.
"Hi, I'm Jen, how ya goin`?" she said with a very Australian accent.
"I'm good, could be better, ohh I'm...." I startled a bit, I wasn't sure to give out my real name so I thought quickly, ah the Ramones, one of my favorite songs, Ramona.
"I'm Ramona, nice to meet you to" I lied. I just didn't want anybody to know I was gone. Well, not until I got there, I don't want to have someone stopping the flight and having to make me get off.
"So.... Where are you going?" Jen asked me. To tell you the truth, I had no clue where about I was going to go. I hadn't thought of that yet. There was this one place, I think its called Berkeley, ill go there.
"Ohh me, I'm going to Berkeley, to visit some relatives" I lied again. I just couldn't really be fucked talking to anyone at the moment. Too many mixed emotions were running through my head. The conversation had ended, finally.
I sat in my seat and got out my cassette player and put on my Ramones tape. The first song that came on was The Blitzkrieg Bop, I absolutely loved that song, it reminded me of many times and happy places, not forgetting the one with Gemma and Jess. I looked around and up the front the flight attendants were going through some emergency procedure, I just continued looking out the window. I heard the engines starting up, so I gathered that we were going to take off soon. The plane took us into the runway then stayed still as the engines revved up a lot. The plane drove faster and faster as we neared the end of the runway, as soon as I new it we had taken off. We were now up in the air and there was no way of going back down. I started cry. Not because I was sad, but because I was relieved. I continued listening to the Ramones. I was awfully tired but I decided not to go to sleep, I wanted to see Australia out. I carefully tried to see where Avondale Heights was situated, but I had no clue. I must say that it looked extremely cool from up here. I had never seen so many small lights in my entire life. Within twenty minutes of our flight I was begging to see less and less lights. I think that we were heading into ocean. And from then on all I could remember was falling asleep to the Ramones.
You might have found that half of my possessions are gone. I am leaving. I am never going to see you again; I feel no shame in what I am about to do. You were all nothing in my life. I don't know where I'm going and I don't know how, but I do know that I wish you all the best. Good luck and good riddance!
From Isabel
I grabbed my bag and threw some clothes in, well most of the ones that were good enough to wear. I took all of my money that I saved up from working, which roughly was around $3000. I never touched my money, mainly because I didn't want to waste it on little things, I wanted to save up for a car or maybe a house or a Fender, but I just never got round to buying one. I threw all my belongings into one bag. Then I took all of my posters from off the wall and put them into a folder and put then into my bag and put my guitar into its case and hid them in the cupboard.
Seeing it was still daylight, I went for a walk, I thought about where I was going to go and what I was going to do. Id always loved that song by the Ramones, California Sun, so I decided id go to California, id use my money to buy a plane ticket and fly over. I was actually more excited then scared out of my life. I walked around to the valley where the train bridge was, and sat there, just waiting as train by trains went by. Then I decided I'd go to the shops and buy a few essential things that I couldn't live without when I go to California. I walked around to the shops and bought five containers of Vegemite, I loved it to death. Then I bought a sticker of the Australian flag.
I got home from that and went into my room. It was dark and cold. The time was now 7:45 and it was dark outside. I heard footsteps coming towards my room, followed by a knock on my door. The knob turned slightly, and then my dad came through holding a piece of paper in his hands. He had an expression of anger on his face but I just couldn't seem to figure out what happened. He shoved the paper right up into my face and said,
"What's this?" I took the piece of paper out of his hand and read it to discover that my principal had sent a letter home about what I had done. I read on to realize that when I punched Gemma, I had broken her jaw. I felt my insides jump about and do somersaults as I kept my expression on my face dull and embarrassed, it was only a cover up, I was really happy of what I had done, I couldn't care less if I killed the damn bitch, I was just glad to know that I stood up for myself and saw her suffer.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said as he came closer to my face and staggered along the ground. You could obviously tell that he was drunk.
"I work so hard just to keep a roof under your head and pay the bills and feed you, and you go and blow it by breaking someone's jaw and getting expelled!" James said with an angry expression on his face as he came towards me.
"You work so hard to feed us and put a roof over our heads and pay the bills? My ass, you always waste your money on booze and cigarettes." I said proudly hoping this would be the last conversation I would ever have to have with my dad. But as soon as I knew it I felt a blow to my stomach, and I was on the floor grabbing hold of my stomach as I could feel that pain and anger running through my body.
"How dare you say that to me. I don't want to see your face for the rest of tonight, you can find your won food, and don't even think of going outside of your room!" and as soon as he said that he had gone.
After five minutes of lying on the floor, crying my eyes out in pain, I got up and dragged myself onto my bed. I threw the jars of Vegemite into my bags and then placed the sticker of the Australian flag onto my guitar. It looked pretty cool I thought as I looked at the time. It was 2 in the morning.
I decided on calling a cab to pick me up around the block from where I was, just in case my dad or anyone saw me. I placed the letter I wrote previously onto the pillow of my bed. I had a set of last thoughts in my head, I had no idea if running away would come out to be good or just end up with me kicking my ass in and coming strait home. It was either I stayed here with no friends, no family (if what you called mine was), being picked on and no rights. I was leaving, my home, my life and my family, right down here in Australia and I wasn't coming back.
I take one last look around, at my furniture, to my walls, across the floor. Then I looked up at my bedroom window. I unlocked it opening it ever so carefully so nobody could hear me. Then I took hold of my possessions and placed them outside. I climbed out then closed it and walked around the house. I was finding it difficult opening the garage and going out the back of my house as I had two back packs and my guitar to carry. I made it completely out of my property, and onto the street. I looked up at the street light; my eyes cringed at how bright it was. I realized that someone had ripped off our street sign, I walked over to the electricity pole and by its side, and the sign was lying on the ground. I took it, for no specific reason, I thought it just looked really cool, I had always wanted to pull it off. I then walked over to the street where I had told the Taxi driver to pick me up at.
The Taxi came at the exact time. It pulled up to the side of the rode where I was standing. I didn't know whether he was going to come out or wether I was going to go in, so I knocked on the door. He gestured his hand in a way of saying come in.
"Are ya gonna come in or what?" the man asked me with an inpatient look on his face.
"Sorry" was all I could say. I hopped in and introduced myself.
"Ok, so where do you want to go miss" he said.
"To the Air port please" I answered. I was actually doing this, running away, getting away from it all, for once and all. This must have been the longest car ride I had ever been on, I thought to myself as we pulled up into one of the last roads. I could see the air port in the distance. I was getting pretty excited; I had never been on a plane before. We pulled up into the main entrance and the Taxi driver started talking to me again.
"That'll be, $15" he said. I pulled out my wallet and got out $15.
"There you go" I said unenthusiastically.
"Thank you" he said very pleased with himself. He got out of the car, opened the boot and took out my two bags and my guitar. I decided I should get out as well, so I walked over behind the car where the Taxi driver was.
"Here are your bags, enjoy your trip" he said as unenthusiastically as I had before.
"I will" was all I said. Then he got back into his car and drove into the distance. I turned around and looked up at the entrance of the air port at the QANTAS terminal. I walked in and went to the front desk.
"Hello, May I help you" a lady with a weird looking hair do, and may I say way too much make-up asked.
"Umm, yes, I was wondering when the next place leaving to California would be leaving?" I said unsure what was to come next.
"Well, you're in luck. There is one flight leaving in about 40 minutes, but you have to be over fourteen to board it" she exclaimed.
"Ohh, ok then. Well how much is it?" I asked hoping for the lowest possible price.
"That would be about, $599, including breakfast lunch and dinner" she said.
"Well, um is it too late to buy a ticket now?" I asked
"No, I just need to see your passport" she said. I searched through my pockets, and finally came across a small booklet. I pulled it and gave it to the woman. She took it and then typed some things into her computer, then she handed my passport back and printed up my ticket.
"There you go" the woman said
"All you have to do now is go into that line over there" she gestured
"And put your bags into that conveyer belt and then go to gate 17" she continued
"Thank you" I added.
I went over to some seat and sat down. I opened up my bags and made an overnight bag to take on the plane. I placed things in like my Ramones cassette tapes and my cassette player. Then I went through the line and put my other bag onto it. I eyed it carefully kinda interested to see where the conveyer belt went. Through some flaps then it vanished. I walked down to where the lady who gave me my tickets told me to. Gate 17, was printed across a wide screen. I looked over and decided to ask a person who was sitting quite near it.
"Excuse me sir, but may you tell me if this is Gate 17?" I asked nervously
"Why yes it is" the man said
"Thank you" I answered. I sat quietly for five minutes, just thinking.
I decided to get up and go for a walk. I was feeling hungry; I walked around the terminal while walking past Hungry Jacks. I figured since the burgers are better at Hungry Jacks, ill pop in and buy one. I walked over to the cashier and asked for a Whopper, large fries and a coke. I picked up my tray and walked over to a bench. I sat down and opened my burger. I took a huge bite out of it, savoring the taste in my mouth. Once I had finished my burger I started eating my chips and drinking my Coke. I finished my chips and then grabbed my Coke and left. It was now 3:30 in the morning; I had about 20 minutes until the plane took off. I walked over to the end of the terminal and looked out of the window. I looked over into the scenery, pitch black, I could see the run way and the lights on the ground and the men with orange work shirts on. I stood like that for 10 minutes just thinking about the land and how beautiful it seemed. I then forced myself to turn around and walked back to gate 17. I threw the remains of my Coke in the bin and took a seat.
"Flight 409 to San Francisco, California boarding in Gate 17" a voice projected through a large speaker rang through my ears. I stood up and took hold of my bag and guitar. I walked up to the man and gave him my ticket. 'There is no going back' I thought to myself, 'all you have to do is walk through those doors and you're in'
Step by step I watched as I boarded the plane. I walked down the steps and onto the ground. This was the last time I was to be on Australian land. I bent down and placed the base of my hands to my lips, I kissed them and then I placed them on the round. I looked up and walked on. I took the last step of which I was going to step on Australian land for a long time, and then I walked up the steps and onto the plane. I showed the flight attendant my ticket and she told me where to sit. Surprisingly enough, I got a window seat. I walked over to seat 16 and put my guitar up in the compartment and placed my overnight bag on my lap. Then I looked out onto the runway and sighed. I never thought I would resort to anything like this, I never knew I would ever run away. I was just a little nervous. It's not everyday you leave your home country by yourself and flee to a different one. I looked over to my left to see a woman sitting across from me.
"Hi, I'm Jen, how ya goin`?" she said with a very Australian accent.
"I'm good, could be better, ohh I'm...." I startled a bit, I wasn't sure to give out my real name so I thought quickly, ah the Ramones, one of my favorite songs, Ramona.
"I'm Ramona, nice to meet you to" I lied. I just didn't want anybody to know I was gone. Well, not until I got there, I don't want to have someone stopping the flight and having to make me get off.
"So.... Where are you going?" Jen asked me. To tell you the truth, I had no clue where about I was going to go. I hadn't thought of that yet. There was this one place, I think its called Berkeley, ill go there.
"Ohh me, I'm going to Berkeley, to visit some relatives" I lied again. I just couldn't really be fucked talking to anyone at the moment. Too many mixed emotions were running through my head. The conversation had ended, finally.
I sat in my seat and got out my cassette player and put on my Ramones tape. The first song that came on was The Blitzkrieg Bop, I absolutely loved that song, it reminded me of many times and happy places, not forgetting the one with Gemma and Jess. I looked around and up the front the flight attendants were going through some emergency procedure, I just continued looking out the window. I heard the engines starting up, so I gathered that we were going to take off soon. The plane took us into the runway then stayed still as the engines revved up a lot. The plane drove faster and faster as we neared the end of the runway, as soon as I new it we had taken off. We were now up in the air and there was no way of going back down. I started cry. Not because I was sad, but because I was relieved. I continued listening to the Ramones. I was awfully tired but I decided not to go to sleep, I wanted to see Australia out. I carefully tried to see where Avondale Heights was situated, but I had no clue. I must say that it looked extremely cool from up here. I had never seen so many small lights in my entire life. Within twenty minutes of our flight I was begging to see less and less lights. I think that we were heading into ocean. And from then on all I could remember was falling asleep to the Ramones.
