What happens When Your Idol Is Your Dad?, chapter 17
There was a long pause. What the fuck was I meant to say 'thanks very much for telling me I have one or two days left with my Mom!'
"Is there any questions you would like to ask?"
"No" I said rudely.
"Well thank you for your time, and I am deeply sorry for your loss." The women repeated as if it was procedure.
"My Mom isn't dead yet, fuck head!" I spit down the phone and close it shut.
"Fucker" I shout at the phone.
I look for Alexis and I was surprised to see him standing next to me.
"How can she talk about our mother like that! She's not even dead, I haven't lost her yet" I rage
There was a tense silence, as my emotions raged it made me hate my life.
"God must really fucking hate me, what the fuck have I ever done to any one huh? No one has gone through half the shit I have been through! I mean how many people can say that they have been raped by their step dad when they were ten! Huh? Or had the shit kicked out of them because they dress different or have to stand up in court and tell a whole room full of people what my step fucking dad did to them? And then I fucking get bulimia! It's one big fucked up mess my life! And yeah did I mention my Mom is dying of cancer. I mean I thought we had at least another two weeks now its fucking two days! I would rather burn in hell than lose Mom!" I screamed.
Jimmy came over to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. The last thing I want to hear is "It's going to be Ok" and Jimmy knew this.
I saw Billie's face change as I looked over Jimmy's should. It ranged from angry, rage, hurt and then just a stare in my direction, as soon as your eyes meet, I buried my head into Jimmy's shoulder. I should tell Alexis was giving Billie one of his 'don't even go there' stares.
I didn't care about Billie at the moment, all I could think of was Mom. I cried for the first time in ages. I let all my years worth of pain flow out of me, I just felt that I could of just carried on crying and never stop.
Suddenly the gig just popped into my mind.
I pushed Jimmy away and wiped my face with the back of my sleeve.
"Guys you know this means I can't play at Gilman tomorrow." I sulked.
"We understand" Marc placed a hand on my shoulder and gave a little squeeze.
"I'll ring and see if we can get another booking, another time." Tom nodded.
"Thanks for understanding guys I know this meant a lot to you." I whimpered.
"Yeah it did, but you mean alot more to us." Marc added and the five of us had a group hug.
"Back to the hospital?" Jimmy added.
I nodded my head.
"You don't have to come Jimmy, I can go with Alexis"
"No I wanna go." Jimmy said sternly.
"Thanks." I whispered taking hold of his hand.
"We'll stop by in the morning." Marc added.
"Thanks guys that would mean a lot to Mom" I smiled weakly.
"Alexis you O.K?" I asked.
He just nodded his head.
"Its just a shock I guess." He stammered.
I turned my attention to Billie.
"I'm going back to the hospital then." I said pushing my hair out of my eyes.
"I will not be home till... " I trailed off my sentence but they all got the point.
"You want me to drive you three there?" Billie asked.
"If you don't mind that would really help." I smiled weakly.
"Guess we'll make a move too." Marc said running his hand threw his hair.
"You can stay if you want and I can take you to the hospital tomorrow." Billie offered.
"No it's ok, we'll get out of your way." Tom sighed.
I dug out my $50 and slipped it into Marc hand.
"What's that for?"
"Take it, get a cab home or something." I offered.
"I have a people carrier I can take you all back tonight." Billie state.
"Thanks that would be good." Marc thanked Billie.
I suddenly felt someone squeeze my hand. I looked down to see Jake.
"Don't cry!" Jake smiled a sympathetic smile at me, which made me want to cry even more.
"Thanks little brother" I said ruffling his hair.
"I'll see you around soon" I tried to smile wiping away my tearstains.
"O.K" Jake mumbled threw a hug that took me by surprise but I hugged him back all the same.
Billie pulled up outside the hospital. It was passed midnight now.
"Is there any questions you would like to ask?"
"No" I said rudely.
"Well thank you for your time, and I am deeply sorry for your loss." The women repeated as if it was procedure.
"My Mom isn't dead yet, fuck head!" I spit down the phone and close it shut.
"Fucker" I shout at the phone.
I look for Alexis and I was surprised to see him standing next to me.
"How can she talk about our mother like that! She's not even dead, I haven't lost her yet" I rage
There was a tense silence, as my emotions raged it made me hate my life.
"God must really fucking hate me, what the fuck have I ever done to any one huh? No one has gone through half the shit I have been through! I mean how many people can say that they have been raped by their step dad when they were ten! Huh? Or had the shit kicked out of them because they dress different or have to stand up in court and tell a whole room full of people what my step fucking dad did to them? And then I fucking get bulimia! It's one big fucked up mess my life! And yeah did I mention my Mom is dying of cancer. I mean I thought we had at least another two weeks now its fucking two days! I would rather burn in hell than lose Mom!" I screamed.
Jimmy came over to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. The last thing I want to hear is "It's going to be Ok" and Jimmy knew this.
I saw Billie's face change as I looked over Jimmy's should. It ranged from angry, rage, hurt and then just a stare in my direction, as soon as your eyes meet, I buried my head into Jimmy's shoulder. I should tell Alexis was giving Billie one of his 'don't even go there' stares.
I didn't care about Billie at the moment, all I could think of was Mom. I cried for the first time in ages. I let all my years worth of pain flow out of me, I just felt that I could of just carried on crying and never stop.
Suddenly the gig just popped into my mind.
I pushed Jimmy away and wiped my face with the back of my sleeve.
"Guys you know this means I can't play at Gilman tomorrow." I sulked.
"We understand" Marc placed a hand on my shoulder and gave a little squeeze.
"I'll ring and see if we can get another booking, another time." Tom nodded.
"Thanks for understanding guys I know this meant a lot to you." I whimpered.
"Yeah it did, but you mean alot more to us." Marc added and the five of us had a group hug.
"Back to the hospital?" Jimmy added.
I nodded my head.
"You don't have to come Jimmy, I can go with Alexis"
"No I wanna go." Jimmy said sternly.
"Thanks." I whispered taking hold of his hand.
"We'll stop by in the morning." Marc added.
"Thanks guys that would mean a lot to Mom" I smiled weakly.
"Alexis you O.K?" I asked.
He just nodded his head.
"Its just a shock I guess." He stammered.
I turned my attention to Billie.
"I'm going back to the hospital then." I said pushing my hair out of my eyes.
"I will not be home till... " I trailed off my sentence but they all got the point.
"You want me to drive you three there?" Billie asked.
"If you don't mind that would really help." I smiled weakly.
"Guess we'll make a move too." Marc said running his hand threw his hair.
"You can stay if you want and I can take you to the hospital tomorrow." Billie offered.
"No it's ok, we'll get out of your way." Tom sighed.
I dug out my $50 and slipped it into Marc hand.
"What's that for?"
"Take it, get a cab home or something." I offered.
"I have a people carrier I can take you all back tonight." Billie state.
"Thanks that would be good." Marc thanked Billie.
I suddenly felt someone squeeze my hand. I looked down to see Jake.
"Don't cry!" Jake smiled a sympathetic smile at me, which made me want to cry even more.
"Thanks little brother" I said ruffling his hair.
"I'll see you around soon" I tried to smile wiping away my tearstains.
"O.K" Jake mumbled threw a hug that took me by surprise but I hugged him back all the same.
Billie pulled up outside the hospital. It was passed midnight now.
