What happens When Your Idol Is Your Dad?, chapter 7
Part I: Jesus Of Suburbia
I'm the son of rage and love
The Jesus of suburbia
From the bible of none of the above
On a steady diet of soda pop and Ritalin
No one ever died for my sins in hell
As far as I can tell
At least the ones I got away with
But there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me
Get my television fix sitting on my crucifix
The living room in my private womb
While the moms and brads are away
To fall in love and fall in debt
To alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane
To keep me insane and doing someone else's cocaine
But there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me
I tried to avoid eye contact with anyone in the room and tried looking ahead but it didn't work, I didn't like playing on my own. I thought I sounded shit but I kept going.
Part II: City of the damned
At the centre of the earth
In the parking lot
Of the 7-11 were I was taught
The motto was just a lie
It says home is were your heart is
But what a shame
Cause everyone's heart
Doesn't beat the same
We're beating out of time
City of the dead
At the end of another lost highway
Signs misleading to nowhere
City of the damned
Lost children with there dirty faces today
No one really seems to care
I read the graffiti
In the bathroom stall
Like the holy scriptures of a shopping mall
And so it seemed to confess
It didn't say much
But it only confirmed that
The centre of the earth
Is the end of the world
And I could really care less
City of the dead
At the end of another lost highway
Signs misleading to nowhere
City of the damned
Lost children with there dirty faces today
No one really seems to care
Part III: I don't care
I looked Billie and 80 in the eye.
I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't care (4x)
Everyone is so full of shit
Born and raised by hypocrites
Hearts recycled but never saved
From the cradle to the grave
We are the kids of war and peace
From Anaheim to the Middle East
We are the stories and disciples
Of the Jesus of suburbia
Land of make believe
And it don't believe in me
Land of make believe
And I don't believe
And I don't care! (5x)
Part IV: Dearly beloved
I thought about my Mom.
Dearly beloved are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying
Are we demented or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between insane and insecure
Oh therapy, can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed
Nobody's perfect and I stand accused
For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse
Part V: Tales of another broken home
To live and not to breathe
Is to die in tragedy
To run, to run away
To find what you believe
And I left behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
I lost my faith to this
This town that don't exist
So I run
I run away
To the light of masochist
And I leave behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
And I walked this line
A million and one fucking times
But not this time
The guitar cut out for this part and I was left with just my voice but it stayed strong as I stared at Billie then 80, Joy and Jake.
I don't feel any shame
I wont apologize
When there ain't nowhere you can go
Running away from pain
When you've been victimized
Tales from another broken home
I strummed the last cords and flopped back down to where I had been sitting.
Everyone sat wide-eyed in awe.
"I'm kind of tired can I go to bed now." I asked before anyone had time to comment on my performance.
"Why are you tired its only 12:30?" Joey asked.
"Well you're not the one that needs to be up in five hours to go back to hospital!" I snapped rubbing my temple.
"Any way since Mom got ill I've become a bit of an insomniac y'know and the school got involved coz I was home on my own and I had to sell the house to pay for the hospital bills and the school got all concerned because I'M JUST A KID, they made me got to the doctors and stuff, he said I was depress, I mean it doesn't take a fucking genius to tell you that! Of course I'm depressed my Mom is dying in front of my eyes" I huffed.
"So what's the point of going to bed if your not going to sleep?" Joey scoffed.
"I'm going to bed to get away from YOU!" I grinned sweetly at him.
I continued to fiddle with my guitar.
"Can you stop that now it's annoying?" Joey spat.
"Quit it Joey she's just playing" Jake stuck his tongue out at his older brother.
"Why are you taking her side, we don't even know her!" Joey sneered.
"She's our sister!" Jake pouted.
"She's our half sister and I wish she wasn't!"
"Trust me the feeling is mutual buddy" I smiled.
"Any way I was here before both of you, so you should respect your elders" I smiled cheekily
"I don't care if you were here first our Dad is ours and he chose to live with us not YOU! Your Mom was probably a fucking groupie that my Dad screw one night and you were the result" Joey shouted.
"Don't you fucking talk about my Mother like that! She's fucking dieing in hospital of cancer! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HER LIFE EXPECTENCE... DO YOU? TWO WEEKS... THAT'S ALL SHE HAS LEFT! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WASTING MY TIME SAT IN SOME POXY HOUSE WITH AN ARROGANT FUCKER LIKE YOU!" I raged.
"Fuck this! I should have never come with you!" I shouted turning to Billie.
"Come on Amy I think you need to sleep"
"You don't know what I fucking need," I mumbled under my breath.
"Come on I'll show you the way to your room after which I need to talk with you JOSEPH." Billie got up.
I followed him.
"Night" I mumbled and followed Billie, who guided me to my room.
"I think you're gonna need to draw me a map for this place." I yawned.
Billie turned his head and smiled weakly at me.
"Joey didn't mean what he said, his just having trouble coping with the idea that he has a sister"
"Whatever it's not easy on me either, I guess it is pretty daunting, but Jake seems O.K with the idea" I mumbled.
"Yeah well Jakey is younger... It pains me to say it but you and Joey are too alike for your own good!"
"This is your room" Billie led me in a huge room.
"God this rooms bigger than my house!" I gasped dumping my bags down on the King size bed.
"There an on suite over there, walk-in-wardrobe over there and here's the remote to the TV" Billie handed me the remote as I sat down on the bed and gazed round the room taking in my new surroundings.
"Look I know we didn't get off to a brilliant start but, just give us a chance" Billie sighed sitting on the bed next to me.
I smiled weakly.
"So... you wanna lift to hospital tomorrow?" Billie asked.
"If you don't mind or you can drop me at a bus stop and I can find my own way there."
"Don't be stupid I'll take you."
"Thanks Da-Billie"
Billie nodded.
"Well I'll leave you now" Billie leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the forehead before exiting the room.
"Night Dad" I sighed once I was sure Billie was well out of earshot.
I put on Kerrang on the TV and then notice I didn't pack anything to wear for bed. I groaned and made my way out of the room and strained my ears to hear sound so I could find my way back to where ever I had spent the last hour. I soon heard Tre's laugh boom down the corridor. I found the room and pushed the door open.
"Erm... Billie I kind of forgot to pack night clothes and I'm not fond of sleeping naked so can I borrow something to wear?"
Tre laughed at my statement.
"Yeah sure" Billie got up and headed back over to the door.
"Thanks" I smiled and followed Billie back to wherever my room was but we passed it.
I followed Billie to his and 80's room. I hung back at the door.
"You can come in" Billie chuckled as he opened his wardrobe.
He pulled a plain black shirt out and then made his way over to the chest of draws.
"You mind wearing boxers?"
"As long as there are no white stains, I'm cool" I smiled.
Billie gave a little giggle and pulled a pair of black boxers out for me. He handed me the clothes.
"Thanks" I smiled
"Don't mention it." Billie grinned as he led me back to my room.
"Night" Billie called as he continued on his way down the corridor.
I went into my on suite and changed into Billie's clothes his scent was comforting and familiar as if I knew if from some where before and it had been kept locked in my memory. I jumped back on my bed with my guitar and strummed away an hour to the various videos that came on Kerrang. I decided to try and get some sleep. I place Bullet down at the side of my bed and tried to go to sleep. I turned of the light but kept the glow of the TV on. I had come to hate sleep and it hated me.
I would fall asleep and then my body would wake itself up. This was gonna be one of those nights, after a restless hour of sleep which I had woken up over 10 times I became pissed off and sat up in bed. It was 3:30am I didn't need to be up for another hours and a half. I tried to sleep again and barely got another hour of solid sleep in before I was awoken by the alarm on my phone.
"Fucker" I mumbled under my breath and dragged myself in the direction of the bathroom.
I took a shower and turned it to cold to wake up my body. I then washed my hair. I dried myself off and did all the usual stuff before getting dressed. I pulled on my grey off-the-shoulder Ramones jumper, that had a picture of the band and the band name was in dark purple. I pulled on my black jeans that had various rips in them. I added black cons with purple laces to my outfit.
I then dried my hair and styled it. My hair was thick and black it was straight with big loose curls at the bottom. My Mom always said anyone would die for hair like mine. I neatly swiped my fringe over the right side of my face just covering my green eyes. I added dark purple extensions to my hair, as I hated my hair being one colour and my Mom wouldn't let me dye it. I put a coat of purple eyeliner on and eye shadow of the same colour topped of with mascara. I added black shag bands to my arms and drew a star on my left hand at the base of my thumb. I looked at my reflection.
I never thought I was pretty just normal, whatever that is! I had a pale complexion that was framed by my long black hair that hung over my shoulders, this made my bright green eyes stand out even more. I broke away from my reflection and tried to find my way down stairs, which took me over half hour. I discovered the kitchen 80, Billie, Joey and Jake where already there.
I'm the son of rage and love
The Jesus of suburbia
From the bible of none of the above
On a steady diet of soda pop and Ritalin
No one ever died for my sins in hell
As far as I can tell
At least the ones I got away with
But there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me
Get my television fix sitting on my crucifix
The living room in my private womb
While the moms and brads are away
To fall in love and fall in debt
To alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane
To keep me insane and doing someone else's cocaine
But there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me
I tried to avoid eye contact with anyone in the room and tried looking ahead but it didn't work, I didn't like playing on my own. I thought I sounded shit but I kept going.
Part II: City of the damned
At the centre of the earth
In the parking lot
Of the 7-11 were I was taught
The motto was just a lie
It says home is were your heart is
But what a shame
Cause everyone's heart
Doesn't beat the same
We're beating out of time
City of the dead
At the end of another lost highway
Signs misleading to nowhere
City of the damned
Lost children with there dirty faces today
No one really seems to care
I read the graffiti
In the bathroom stall
Like the holy scriptures of a shopping mall
And so it seemed to confess
It didn't say much
But it only confirmed that
The centre of the earth
Is the end of the world
And I could really care less
City of the dead
At the end of another lost highway
Signs misleading to nowhere
City of the damned
Lost children with there dirty faces today
No one really seems to care
Part III: I don't care
I looked Billie and 80 in the eye.
I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't care (4x)
Everyone is so full of shit
Born and raised by hypocrites
Hearts recycled but never saved
From the cradle to the grave
We are the kids of war and peace
From Anaheim to the Middle East
We are the stories and disciples
Of the Jesus of suburbia
Land of make believe
And it don't believe in me
Land of make believe
And I don't believe
And I don't care! (5x)
Part IV: Dearly beloved
I thought about my Mom.
Dearly beloved are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying
Are we demented or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between insane and insecure
Oh therapy, can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed
Nobody's perfect and I stand accused
For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse
Part V: Tales of another broken home
To live and not to breathe
Is to die in tragedy
To run, to run away
To find what you believe
And I left behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
I lost my faith to this
This town that don't exist
So I run
I run away
To the light of masochist
And I leave behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
And I walked this line
A million and one fucking times
But not this time
The guitar cut out for this part and I was left with just my voice but it stayed strong as I stared at Billie then 80, Joy and Jake.
I don't feel any shame
I wont apologize
When there ain't nowhere you can go
Running away from pain
When you've been victimized
Tales from another broken home
I strummed the last cords and flopped back down to where I had been sitting.
Everyone sat wide-eyed in awe.
"I'm kind of tired can I go to bed now." I asked before anyone had time to comment on my performance.
"Why are you tired its only 12:30?" Joey asked.
"Well you're not the one that needs to be up in five hours to go back to hospital!" I snapped rubbing my temple.
"Any way since Mom got ill I've become a bit of an insomniac y'know and the school got involved coz I was home on my own and I had to sell the house to pay for the hospital bills and the school got all concerned because I'M JUST A KID, they made me got to the doctors and stuff, he said I was depress, I mean it doesn't take a fucking genius to tell you that! Of course I'm depressed my Mom is dying in front of my eyes" I huffed.
"So what's the point of going to bed if your not going to sleep?" Joey scoffed.
"I'm going to bed to get away from YOU!" I grinned sweetly at him.
I continued to fiddle with my guitar.
"Can you stop that now it's annoying?" Joey spat.
"Quit it Joey she's just playing" Jake stuck his tongue out at his older brother.
"Why are you taking her side, we don't even know her!" Joey sneered.
"She's our sister!" Jake pouted.
"She's our half sister and I wish she wasn't!"
"Trust me the feeling is mutual buddy" I smiled.
"Any way I was here before both of you, so you should respect your elders" I smiled cheekily
"I don't care if you were here first our Dad is ours and he chose to live with us not YOU! Your Mom was probably a fucking groupie that my Dad screw one night and you were the result" Joey shouted.
"Don't you fucking talk about my Mother like that! She's fucking dieing in hospital of cancer! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HER LIFE EXPECTENCE... DO YOU? TWO WEEKS... THAT'S ALL SHE HAS LEFT! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WASTING MY TIME SAT IN SOME POXY HOUSE WITH AN ARROGANT FUCKER LIKE YOU!" I raged.
"Fuck this! I should have never come with you!" I shouted turning to Billie.
"Come on Amy I think you need to sleep"
"You don't know what I fucking need," I mumbled under my breath.
"Come on I'll show you the way to your room after which I need to talk with you JOSEPH." Billie got up.
I followed him.
"Night" I mumbled and followed Billie, who guided me to my room.
"I think you're gonna need to draw me a map for this place." I yawned.
Billie turned his head and smiled weakly at me.
"Joey didn't mean what he said, his just having trouble coping with the idea that he has a sister"
"Whatever it's not easy on me either, I guess it is pretty daunting, but Jake seems O.K with the idea" I mumbled.
"Yeah well Jakey is younger... It pains me to say it but you and Joey are too alike for your own good!"
"This is your room" Billie led me in a huge room.
"God this rooms bigger than my house!" I gasped dumping my bags down on the King size bed.
"There an on suite over there, walk-in-wardrobe over there and here's the remote to the TV" Billie handed me the remote as I sat down on the bed and gazed round the room taking in my new surroundings.
"Look I know we didn't get off to a brilliant start but, just give us a chance" Billie sighed sitting on the bed next to me.
I smiled weakly.
"So... you wanna lift to hospital tomorrow?" Billie asked.
"If you don't mind or you can drop me at a bus stop and I can find my own way there."
"Don't be stupid I'll take you."
"Thanks Da-Billie"
Billie nodded.
"Well I'll leave you now" Billie leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the forehead before exiting the room.
"Night Dad" I sighed once I was sure Billie was well out of earshot.
I put on Kerrang on the TV and then notice I didn't pack anything to wear for bed. I groaned and made my way out of the room and strained my ears to hear sound so I could find my way back to where ever I had spent the last hour. I soon heard Tre's laugh boom down the corridor. I found the room and pushed the door open.
"Erm... Billie I kind of forgot to pack night clothes and I'm not fond of sleeping naked so can I borrow something to wear?"
Tre laughed at my statement.
"Yeah sure" Billie got up and headed back over to the door.
"Thanks" I smiled and followed Billie back to wherever my room was but we passed it.
I followed Billie to his and 80's room. I hung back at the door.
"You can come in" Billie chuckled as he opened his wardrobe.
He pulled a plain black shirt out and then made his way over to the chest of draws.
"You mind wearing boxers?"
"As long as there are no white stains, I'm cool" I smiled.
Billie gave a little giggle and pulled a pair of black boxers out for me. He handed me the clothes.
"Thanks" I smiled
"Don't mention it." Billie grinned as he led me back to my room.
"Night" Billie called as he continued on his way down the corridor.
I went into my on suite and changed into Billie's clothes his scent was comforting and familiar as if I knew if from some where before and it had been kept locked in my memory. I jumped back on my bed with my guitar and strummed away an hour to the various videos that came on Kerrang. I decided to try and get some sleep. I place Bullet down at the side of my bed and tried to go to sleep. I turned of the light but kept the glow of the TV on. I had come to hate sleep and it hated me.
I would fall asleep and then my body would wake itself up. This was gonna be one of those nights, after a restless hour of sleep which I had woken up over 10 times I became pissed off and sat up in bed. It was 3:30am I didn't need to be up for another hours and a half. I tried to sleep again and barely got another hour of solid sleep in before I was awoken by the alarm on my phone.
"Fucker" I mumbled under my breath and dragged myself in the direction of the bathroom.
I took a shower and turned it to cold to wake up my body. I then washed my hair. I dried myself off and did all the usual stuff before getting dressed. I pulled on my grey off-the-shoulder Ramones jumper, that had a picture of the band and the band name was in dark purple. I pulled on my black jeans that had various rips in them. I added black cons with purple laces to my outfit.
I then dried my hair and styled it. My hair was thick and black it was straight with big loose curls at the bottom. My Mom always said anyone would die for hair like mine. I neatly swiped my fringe over the right side of my face just covering my green eyes. I added dark purple extensions to my hair, as I hated my hair being one colour and my Mom wouldn't let me dye it. I put a coat of purple eyeliner on and eye shadow of the same colour topped of with mascara. I added black shag bands to my arms and drew a star on my left hand at the base of my thumb. I looked at my reflection.
I never thought I was pretty just normal, whatever that is! I had a pale complexion that was framed by my long black hair that hung over my shoulders, this made my bright green eyes stand out even more. I broke away from my reflection and tried to find my way down stairs, which took me over half hour. I discovered the kitchen 80, Billie, Joey and Jake where already there.
