Destination Unknown (sequel to Worlds Apart), chapter 1
Two months had passed since the night of my twenty-first birthday party, aka Best Night of My Life, and they had been agony. As the days went by and my life returned to its usual mundane normality, I often wondered whether the night had actually happened at all or whether it all been some elaborate hallucination. My excitement about going to San Francisco had quickly turned to fear when I realized not only the enormity of what I was doing, but that this whole whatever-you-call-it with Billie Joe was about to be put to the test. I knew how I felt about him. I knew he was the most amazing guy I had ever met. But I was just me. And I was getting more and more worried that once he spent some real time with me he was going to realize that too. Luckily the agony of missing him was about to be temporarily broken, because it was August and I was on my way to Leeds festival with my friends, courtesy of Billie Joe, Mike and Tre.
“Are we nearly there yet?�
“No. I’ll tell you when we’re nearly there, so stop fucking asking. Jesus, I have never met anybody as impatient as you, Sophie�
“Ok, ok� I frowned, putting my feet up on the dashboard. Really. It was hard to be patient when I was stuck in a Fiesta that smelled like a hangover with what seemed like fifty other people, with no air conditioning, knowing that in approximately 24 hours I would be face to face with the man I had been unable to stop thinking about since the last time I saw him six weeks and six days earlier. You’d have thought Rob would be a bit more understanding.
“I can’t believe you and Ellen and your brother have got backstage passes� moaned Steve from the back seat “Have you got any idea how lucky you are?�
“Yeah� I said, “But I haven’t thought about it much. I’m just excited to see the Green Day guys. It’s all I’ve thought about�
“But Rancid are playing Saturday too!� he continued, “You might get to meet Tim Armstrong. He’s like punk royalty. I can’t even…for fuck’s sake.�
I grinned. I knew I was lucky. But I couldn’t really care less. There was only one person I wanted to see that weekend.
“I think I’m going to try and find myself a rock star boyfriend too� said Ellen thoughtfully. “It seems like a good deal. When we get backstage we’ll go hunting, ok Soph?�
“Umm…yeah whatever� I said, “But Billie Joe isn’t my boyfriend. Not really�
“Huh. Yet� she said, rolling her eyes.
“What the hell would you call it then?� Rob asked, smiling,
“I don’t know� I said, “But…we’re just sort of on hold. Until we can actually see each other. We hardly know each other as it is. We just…it’s a mutual attraction…I think�
“You think?� Steve echoed. “You’ve slept with him twice and the second time he wasn’t even drunk. Not to mention that fact you spent your entire birthday party checking each other out and gazing at each other in ways that made everyone want to puke. I think we can safely say its mutual�
“Well, whatever� I smiled, “But just…no comments about him when we get there ok. Tom doesn’t know anything happened with us. And this weekend isn’t the time to break it to him.�
“You mean we can’t talk about it?� Rob asked, “This is the best news ever. I swear if I had had to hear another word about Billie Joe fucking Armstrong and how wonderful he is, I was going to drive into the partition barrier�
“Hah� I said sarcastically. I had a feeling he was just jealous cause I was outdoing him in the rock and roll stakes.
When we arrived we met up with the others and set up camp. Tom had taken a car load too, and they had already arrived, put up their tents and settled on the grass to smoke their way through the biggest spliff I’d ever seen.
“Hi Soph� he smiled, as I sat down on the grass beside him, “How’s it going?�
He passed me the joint. It was so strong it nearly made me choke, but I recovered.
“Good thanks� I smiled, passing it on, “Its awesome to be here again�
“Isn’t it great?� Tom smiled.
Things between us had gotten a lot easier lately. We were even starting to enjoy hanging out as friends. I knew he still wanted us to get back together, and I still missed him like hell, but it got easier every time we saw each other. Still, I knew he couldn’t find out about Billie Joe. Not yet. I didn’t want to think about how he would react to that information. The thought of him sleeping with someone else still made me wince.
“Sophie� came Ellens voice from inside a very worrying-looking tent., “I am not going to do all the work while you sit around getting stoned. Come help me, I can’t find the way out of this stupid thing�
I rolled my eyes and went to help. She really wasn’t an outdoor girl, and I knew I was going to regret sharing a tent with her. By the next morning, I already regretted it.
“I need a shower� she moaned,
“It’s been one night.�
“My hair feels disgusting�
“It ‘s been one night!� I repeated, exasperated, “It looks no different, “
“But it feels different. You don’t have curly hair. You don’t understand the maintenance involved.�
I rolled my eyes and crawled out of the tent, blinking in the sun. Josh and Rob were sitting on the grass, leaning over the camping stove and taking it in turns to poke some very unappealing sausages around the pan with a twig.
“You coming to see Less Than Jake with us?� Josh asked, passing me my first joint of the day,
“Of course� I said, smiling, “I sprained my wrist in the circle pit last time I saw them and I’m hoping this time will be just as good�
Less Than Jake didn’t let us down, they were awesome. I was down in the front with Ellen singing along to 1989 when I got a message from Billie Joe telling me they were backstage. My stomach lurched and I grabbed Ellen’s hand. I was completely torn between the desperation to see him and the fear of what would happen when I did. We waited until the end of Less Than Jake’s set, then met up with Ben and went up to one of the security guys guarding the backstage entrance. He let us through. I was pretty surprised by how many ordinary campers had managed to get passes, it was really busy and I was sure I’d never find them. I couldn’t even see anyone I recognized.
“Hey, there they are� said Ben suddenly.
I looked up and my heart skipped a beat. Billie Joe and Mike were standing by the side of the stage, with a small group of fans, signing stuff for them. The moment I saw Billie Joe I panicked. I had no idea how I was supposed to act around him. I hadn’t done this awkward beginning stage of relationships for so long that I’d forgotten how it was supposed to go. And he really did look as good as I remembered. To make matters worse, I looked like a complete mess because we had just had water thrown over us by Less Than Jake.
“Come on� said Ben, “What are you waiting for?�
“I…don’t know� I said nervously. Ellen squeezed my hand.
“It’ll be fine� she said, “He invited us back here, remember?�
“Yeah,� I said, my eyes not leaving Billie Joe.
Just at that moment, he happened to look up and he saw me. His face broke into a smile and he winked at me. I smiled as all the butterflies in my stomach started up again. Then he nudged Mike and nodded in our direction.
“Come on you stupid girls� said Ben, rolling his eyes. “Let’s go and say hi so we can go and find Rancid�
We walked towards them, my stomach in knots. Billie Joe smiled as I approached him. Unfortunately he was still kind of surrounded by adoring fans and I didn’t have the guts to give them a display of affection .
“Hi Billie� I smiled.
He didn’t say anything, he just grinned, took my hand and gave it a quick squeeze before pulling me into a tight hug. I just wished he didn’t have to let go of me. I had just hugged Mike too when the guys from Less Than Jake walked past, carrying their instruments. I stared at them in awe.
“Hah� said Chris, thumping Billie Joe on the shoulder and grinning, “Follow that, Armstrong�
Billie Joe turned round with a smile,
“Well, I’d love to, but we aren’t even on next. Rancid are. They’re warming up the crowd again with some real punk�
“What, so you guys can come on afterwards and cool them back down?�
“Mwhaha� smiled Mike, sarcastically. “Seriously though, good show guys.�
“Thanks Man� said Roger, shaking his hand,
“Yeah, it was good, considering the material you were made to work with� Billie Joe smiled
“I thought you were awesome� I heard myself saying.
Roger looked at me.
“You were in the crowd?�
“Look at them they’re soaking� Mike smiled,
“Yeah, we got you guys pretty good� Chris smiled, “How’d you get back here?�
“They’re friends of ours� said Billie Joe, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“That’s cool. So you liked the show?�
“It rocked,� said Ellen, “You were really good. Me and Soph nearly got crushed in the circle pit though�
“Yeah, the circle pit was awesome� said Chris, “You punks should try and beat that you know…we’re the circle pit kings. No one can beat us at our circle pits.�
“Um…can you sign my pass?� Ben asked suddenly.
“Sure� Roger smiled, “Got a pen?�
Billie Joe passed him his, and we all got our passes signed. When I looked round, Billie Joe was talking to some of the roadies. I had a feeling he was going to be busy today. We eventually got a chance to talk with them when they sat down to sign a bunch of merchandise they were going to throw into the crowd. It meant I got to see Tre too, who engaged me in a conversation about nothing in particular for about half an hour, meaning he fell completely behind on his signing and I still hadn’t spoken to Billie Joe. I started to panic I wasn’t going to get to spend any time with him at all. He had already gone to get changed for going on stage and Mike started getting at Tre for being behind. I realized I’d totally lost Ben and Ellen so went to look for them so I didn’t distract Tre any more.
I walked round the other side of the stage and found myself amongst all the tour buses. I doubted they’d be in any of them, unless Ellen had really managed to pull herself a rock star, so I was just starting back between the buses, thinking about Billie Joe and wondering if he was avoiding me when I crashed straight into the man himself as he stepped off one of the buses.
“Woah� he said, putting his hands on my shoulders to steady both of us, “Soph…what are you doing back here?�
“I was looking for….�
I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. He looked amazing. He was wearing his usual stage uniform, all black with his red tie, but it was slightly loosened around his neck and the top few buttons of his shirt were undone. His hair was spiked up and his green eyes were edged with a smudge of black eyeliner. I couldn’t do anything but just stare at him. He stared back at me for a moment, before I felt his warm, rough hand close around mine, intertwining our fingers.
“Are you ok?� he asked, quietly,
“…yeah� I managed to get out
“Do you want to see our tour bus?�
I nodded, still holding onto his hand as he lead me into the bus he had just come out of. When the door closed behind us he turned to face me.
“Sorry I haven’t had a chance to talk� he said quietly, “Its always pretty rushed at these things�
“That’s ok� I said shakily, trying to compose myself, “I understand�
He nodded and bit on his lip as he took both my hands in his, and the next thing I knew we were lost in a slow kiss that felt a hundred times better than I remembered, even though I would never have thought that could be possible. I put my arms round his neck as our kisses became deeper and more urgent. It felt amazing. He slid his hands under my t-shirt and they rested at the curve of my waist.
“I really missed you� he murmured between kisses. It was exactly what I wanted to hear. He hadn’t been avoiding me after all.
“I missed you too� I whispered back as I kissed him again. I could feel myself losing control as our pace quickened. I knew he had to be on stage soon. Someone was bound to come here looking for him. And even though all I wanted was to have him all to myself all afternoon, I knew I didn’t want to be the person who kept 30,000 Green Day fans from seeing their idol. It wasn’t too long ago I was just one amongst the those thousands. It took every bit of my resolve to pull away from his kiss.
“Billie Joe� I said, breathlessly, “We can’t do this right now�
He didn’t answer me, he just captured my mouth in another kiss. I groaned as I put my hands on his chest and gently pushed him backwards.
“Noooo� he murmured, “Don’t do this to me�
“You have to be on stage soon…�
“Rancid have only just gone on…. everyone’s running late…we have ages�
He started to kiss my neck. He knew he was irresistible. He isn’t as modest as he makes out.
“You can’t get me this excited then make me stop� he whispered.
“I don’t want you to stop� I sighed, feeling myself giving in.
“So don’t,� he said, kissing me on the lips again as I gave in completely.
He backed me up against the wall as he continued his assault on my lips. I pulled his shirt out from his studded belt and was unbuttoning it as the door of the bus opened and closed again with a bang. I jumped as the noise brought me back down to earth and we both looked over to see Tre standing in the doorway.
“Wooah� he said, with a smile, “Sorry…I just came to get my cell…I’ll be really quick…just…shit, don’t mind me�
He dramatically put his hands over his face to blinker his vision as he quickly went passed us down the aisle in between the bunks before half-disappearing into one. I looked at Billie Joe, feeling embarrassed. His face was all flushed but he didn’t look embarrassed at all.
“Sorry about him� he whispered, “Don’t worry, I’ve walked in on him doing so much worse�
“I don’t wanna know� I smiled, as he kissed me again.
“Jesus fucking Christ you two� said Tre, appearing again, “Can’t you get a room? Or at least lock the door?�
“No problem Tre� smiled Billie, kissing me once more before grabbing my hands and pulling me into his bunk.
“Are we nearly there yet?�
“No. I’ll tell you when we’re nearly there, so stop fucking asking. Jesus, I have never met anybody as impatient as you, Sophie�
“Ok, ok� I frowned, putting my feet up on the dashboard. Really. It was hard to be patient when I was stuck in a Fiesta that smelled like a hangover with what seemed like fifty other people, with no air conditioning, knowing that in approximately 24 hours I would be face to face with the man I had been unable to stop thinking about since the last time I saw him six weeks and six days earlier. You’d have thought Rob would be a bit more understanding.
“I can’t believe you and Ellen and your brother have got backstage passes� moaned Steve from the back seat “Have you got any idea how lucky you are?�
“Yeah� I said, “But I haven’t thought about it much. I’m just excited to see the Green Day guys. It’s all I’ve thought about�
“But Rancid are playing Saturday too!� he continued, “You might get to meet Tim Armstrong. He’s like punk royalty. I can’t even…for fuck’s sake.�
I grinned. I knew I was lucky. But I couldn’t really care less. There was only one person I wanted to see that weekend.
“I think I’m going to try and find myself a rock star boyfriend too� said Ellen thoughtfully. “It seems like a good deal. When we get backstage we’ll go hunting, ok Soph?�
“Umm…yeah whatever� I said, “But Billie Joe isn’t my boyfriend. Not really�
“Huh. Yet� she said, rolling her eyes.
“What the hell would you call it then?� Rob asked, smiling,
“I don’t know� I said, “But…we’re just sort of on hold. Until we can actually see each other. We hardly know each other as it is. We just…it’s a mutual attraction…I think�
“You think?� Steve echoed. “You’ve slept with him twice and the second time he wasn’t even drunk. Not to mention that fact you spent your entire birthday party checking each other out and gazing at each other in ways that made everyone want to puke. I think we can safely say its mutual�
“Well, whatever� I smiled, “But just…no comments about him when we get there ok. Tom doesn’t know anything happened with us. And this weekend isn’t the time to break it to him.�
“You mean we can’t talk about it?� Rob asked, “This is the best news ever. I swear if I had had to hear another word about Billie Joe fucking Armstrong and how wonderful he is, I was going to drive into the partition barrier�
“Hah� I said sarcastically. I had a feeling he was just jealous cause I was outdoing him in the rock and roll stakes.
When we arrived we met up with the others and set up camp. Tom had taken a car load too, and they had already arrived, put up their tents and settled on the grass to smoke their way through the biggest spliff I’d ever seen.
“Hi Soph� he smiled, as I sat down on the grass beside him, “How’s it going?�
He passed me the joint. It was so strong it nearly made me choke, but I recovered.
“Good thanks� I smiled, passing it on, “Its awesome to be here again�
“Isn’t it great?� Tom smiled.
Things between us had gotten a lot easier lately. We were even starting to enjoy hanging out as friends. I knew he still wanted us to get back together, and I still missed him like hell, but it got easier every time we saw each other. Still, I knew he couldn’t find out about Billie Joe. Not yet. I didn’t want to think about how he would react to that information. The thought of him sleeping with someone else still made me wince.
“Sophie� came Ellens voice from inside a very worrying-looking tent., “I am not going to do all the work while you sit around getting stoned. Come help me, I can’t find the way out of this stupid thing�
I rolled my eyes and went to help. She really wasn’t an outdoor girl, and I knew I was going to regret sharing a tent with her. By the next morning, I already regretted it.
“I need a shower� she moaned,
“It’s been one night.�
“My hair feels disgusting�
“It ‘s been one night!� I repeated, exasperated, “It looks no different, “
“But it feels different. You don’t have curly hair. You don’t understand the maintenance involved.�
I rolled my eyes and crawled out of the tent, blinking in the sun. Josh and Rob were sitting on the grass, leaning over the camping stove and taking it in turns to poke some very unappealing sausages around the pan with a twig.
“You coming to see Less Than Jake with us?� Josh asked, passing me my first joint of the day,
“Of course� I said, smiling, “I sprained my wrist in the circle pit last time I saw them and I’m hoping this time will be just as good�
Less Than Jake didn’t let us down, they were awesome. I was down in the front with Ellen singing along to 1989 when I got a message from Billie Joe telling me they were backstage. My stomach lurched and I grabbed Ellen’s hand. I was completely torn between the desperation to see him and the fear of what would happen when I did. We waited until the end of Less Than Jake’s set, then met up with Ben and went up to one of the security guys guarding the backstage entrance. He let us through. I was pretty surprised by how many ordinary campers had managed to get passes, it was really busy and I was sure I’d never find them. I couldn’t even see anyone I recognized.
“Hey, there they are� said Ben suddenly.
I looked up and my heart skipped a beat. Billie Joe and Mike were standing by the side of the stage, with a small group of fans, signing stuff for them. The moment I saw Billie Joe I panicked. I had no idea how I was supposed to act around him. I hadn’t done this awkward beginning stage of relationships for so long that I’d forgotten how it was supposed to go. And he really did look as good as I remembered. To make matters worse, I looked like a complete mess because we had just had water thrown over us by Less Than Jake.
“Come on� said Ben, “What are you waiting for?�
“I…don’t know� I said nervously. Ellen squeezed my hand.
“It’ll be fine� she said, “He invited us back here, remember?�
“Yeah,� I said, my eyes not leaving Billie Joe.
Just at that moment, he happened to look up and he saw me. His face broke into a smile and he winked at me. I smiled as all the butterflies in my stomach started up again. Then he nudged Mike and nodded in our direction.
“Come on you stupid girls� said Ben, rolling his eyes. “Let’s go and say hi so we can go and find Rancid�
We walked towards them, my stomach in knots. Billie Joe smiled as I approached him. Unfortunately he was still kind of surrounded by adoring fans and I didn’t have the guts to give them a display of affection .
“Hi Billie� I smiled.
He didn’t say anything, he just grinned, took my hand and gave it a quick squeeze before pulling me into a tight hug. I just wished he didn’t have to let go of me. I had just hugged Mike too when the guys from Less Than Jake walked past, carrying their instruments. I stared at them in awe.
“Hah� said Chris, thumping Billie Joe on the shoulder and grinning, “Follow that, Armstrong�
Billie Joe turned round with a smile,
“Well, I’d love to, but we aren’t even on next. Rancid are. They’re warming up the crowd again with some real punk�
“What, so you guys can come on afterwards and cool them back down?�
“Mwhaha� smiled Mike, sarcastically. “Seriously though, good show guys.�
“Thanks Man� said Roger, shaking his hand,
“Yeah, it was good, considering the material you were made to work with� Billie Joe smiled
“I thought you were awesome� I heard myself saying.
Roger looked at me.
“You were in the crowd?�
“Look at them they’re soaking� Mike smiled,
“Yeah, we got you guys pretty good� Chris smiled, “How’d you get back here?�
“They’re friends of ours� said Billie Joe, putting his arm around my shoulders.
“That’s cool. So you liked the show?�
“It rocked,� said Ellen, “You were really good. Me and Soph nearly got crushed in the circle pit though�
“Yeah, the circle pit was awesome� said Chris, “You punks should try and beat that you know…we’re the circle pit kings. No one can beat us at our circle pits.�
“Um…can you sign my pass?� Ben asked suddenly.
“Sure� Roger smiled, “Got a pen?�
Billie Joe passed him his, and we all got our passes signed. When I looked round, Billie Joe was talking to some of the roadies. I had a feeling he was going to be busy today. We eventually got a chance to talk with them when they sat down to sign a bunch of merchandise they were going to throw into the crowd. It meant I got to see Tre too, who engaged me in a conversation about nothing in particular for about half an hour, meaning he fell completely behind on his signing and I still hadn’t spoken to Billie Joe. I started to panic I wasn’t going to get to spend any time with him at all. He had already gone to get changed for going on stage and Mike started getting at Tre for being behind. I realized I’d totally lost Ben and Ellen so went to look for them so I didn’t distract Tre any more.
I walked round the other side of the stage and found myself amongst all the tour buses. I doubted they’d be in any of them, unless Ellen had really managed to pull herself a rock star, so I was just starting back between the buses, thinking about Billie Joe and wondering if he was avoiding me when I crashed straight into the man himself as he stepped off one of the buses.
“Woah� he said, putting his hands on my shoulders to steady both of us, “Soph…what are you doing back here?�
“I was looking for….�
I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. He looked amazing. He was wearing his usual stage uniform, all black with his red tie, but it was slightly loosened around his neck and the top few buttons of his shirt were undone. His hair was spiked up and his green eyes were edged with a smudge of black eyeliner. I couldn’t do anything but just stare at him. He stared back at me for a moment, before I felt his warm, rough hand close around mine, intertwining our fingers.
“Are you ok?� he asked, quietly,
“…yeah� I managed to get out
“Do you want to see our tour bus?�
I nodded, still holding onto his hand as he lead me into the bus he had just come out of. When the door closed behind us he turned to face me.
“Sorry I haven’t had a chance to talk� he said quietly, “Its always pretty rushed at these things�
“That’s ok� I said shakily, trying to compose myself, “I understand�
He nodded and bit on his lip as he took both my hands in his, and the next thing I knew we were lost in a slow kiss that felt a hundred times better than I remembered, even though I would never have thought that could be possible. I put my arms round his neck as our kisses became deeper and more urgent. It felt amazing. He slid his hands under my t-shirt and they rested at the curve of my waist.
“I really missed you� he murmured between kisses. It was exactly what I wanted to hear. He hadn’t been avoiding me after all.
“I missed you too� I whispered back as I kissed him again. I could feel myself losing control as our pace quickened. I knew he had to be on stage soon. Someone was bound to come here looking for him. And even though all I wanted was to have him all to myself all afternoon, I knew I didn’t want to be the person who kept 30,000 Green Day fans from seeing their idol. It wasn’t too long ago I was just one amongst the those thousands. It took every bit of my resolve to pull away from his kiss.
“Billie Joe� I said, breathlessly, “We can’t do this right now�
He didn’t answer me, he just captured my mouth in another kiss. I groaned as I put my hands on his chest and gently pushed him backwards.
“Noooo� he murmured, “Don’t do this to me�
“You have to be on stage soon…�
“Rancid have only just gone on…. everyone’s running late…we have ages�
He started to kiss my neck. He knew he was irresistible. He isn’t as modest as he makes out.
“You can’t get me this excited then make me stop� he whispered.
“I don’t want you to stop� I sighed, feeling myself giving in.
“So don’t,� he said, kissing me on the lips again as I gave in completely.
He backed me up against the wall as he continued his assault on my lips. I pulled his shirt out from his studded belt and was unbuttoning it as the door of the bus opened and closed again with a bang. I jumped as the noise brought me back down to earth and we both looked over to see Tre standing in the doorway.
“Wooah� he said, with a smile, “Sorry…I just came to get my cell…I’ll be really quick…just…shit, don’t mind me�
He dramatically put his hands over his face to blinker his vision as he quickly went passed us down the aisle in between the bunks before half-disappearing into one. I looked at Billie Joe, feeling embarrassed. His face was all flushed but he didn’t look embarrassed at all.
“Sorry about him� he whispered, “Don’t worry, I’ve walked in on him doing so much worse�
“I don’t wanna know� I smiled, as he kissed me again.
“Jesus fucking Christ you two� said Tre, appearing again, “Can’t you get a room? Or at least lock the door?�
“No problem Tre� smiled Billie, kissing me once more before grabbing my hands and pulling me into his bunk.
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