Destination Unknown (sequel to Worlds Apart), chapter 2
Luckily, Billie Joe wasn’t late to go on stage, so my amazing afternoon wasn’t tainted by guilt. And as we made our way back from the buses with our arms wrapped around each other it got even more amazing. We met Tim Armstrong coming the other way. Drenched in sweat, fresh off stage from his encore, he and Billie greeted each other with obvious mutual respect. They were talking about their show, and I tried to follow the conversation but my head was spinning with just how amazing this was. What had I done to deserve this? I snapped out of it when I heard my name.
“So you’re Sophie?� Tim asked me.
I opened my mouth to answer him, but nothing came out, so I just nodded.
“Cool…I’ve heard about you�
He’d heard of ME?
“I’ve…heard of you too� I managed to say. I didn’t mean it to be funny, just I was in no position to say anything but the obvious, and he and Billie Joe started laughing.
“But you missed our set though didn’t you?� Tim said, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah….I didn’t mean to…�
“That was my fault.� said Billie, smiling,
“I actually saw you guys last year� I said, “You were really, really…good�
“Thanks� said Tim, “I’ve been talking to Tre. He tells me you’re pretty good too�
“Well…�I said, blushing, “I’m alright I suppose�
He grinned
“Well, I’m gonna go crash out you guys I’m wasted. I’ll see you guys later. Good to meet ya�
He shook my hand and I smiled. When he’d gone, I just stood there, staring dumbstruck at the place where he’d been standing. Billie Joe smiled, and folded his arms over his chest.
“Ok� he said, “How come you weren’t that star struck when you met me?�
“Umm…wasn’t I drunk?…oh my God. Tim Armstrong is like…I mean…Operation Ivy…he was actually IN Operation Ivy and he just shook my hand. Did I look like a complete idiot?�
“No� he smiled, with a laugh, “You were really cute.�
“I wasn’t meant to look cute!� I protested, “It’s Tim Armstrong. I should have looked cool and…like a hardcore punk rocker…type�
“Good luck with that� grinned Billie Joe, pulling me against him and kissing me on the forehead, “Come on, I have to be on stage…do I look ok?�
I turned to face him and looked him up and down. Then I straightened his tie, smudged a smear of eyeliner back into place with my thumb and said,
“You look awesome�
“I do?�
“Yes�
“Cool, lets go�
While Green Day were on stage, I found Ellen and we stood at the side to watch them.
“Ben disappeared with some girl� Ellen told me,
“Really? Ugh� I frowned. “Sorry, I didn’t realise I’d left you by yourself, hon�
“Are you kidding? I’ve been having a great time. I’ve been talking to everyone. That bloke from Less Than Jake even let me play his saxophone. I sounded like shit.�
I laughed.
“That’s cool� I said, “I met Tim Armstrong�
“No way!� she grinned, “I saw him and Lars when they came off stage but I was too scared to go over�
“I would have been too.� I said, “He came over to talk to Billie Joe and I think I might have acted like a total teenie. I can’t remember any of it now, it was so crazy�
“I’m sure you were fine� Ellen said reassuringly, just as the guys started playing Minority. “Wow, the guys are playing so well. They’re going down a storm�
“Yeah� I said, feeling a surge of warm pride as I watched Billie Joe leap about the stage. He was so incredible, I just couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I had done to make him want me. It seemed so completely unbelievable.
When they came off stage Tre came up and gave me a sweaty hug.
“Errr…� I grinned, pulling away from his damp shirt. He laughed.
While the festival crew cleared their equipment from the stage, Ellen and I sat down with the guys and had a few drinks while they recovered. Billie Joe sat next to me, doused in sweat and looking exhausted.
“How was it?� I asked,
“Really good� he said, “The crowd were good. When we’ve played this festival before they’ve been dicks down at the front, treading all over each other, but they were really good today�
“Cool� I said, “I thought you guys were awesome�
“Thanks� he smiled at me, passing me another drink.
As soon as all their stuff was packed up, they had to get going, because they were travelling to Reading to play the next day. It was really hard to see them go. After missing Billie Joe so much for two months, to only have a few hours with him was like torture. Even if they were very good hours.
He went for a cigarette before getting on the tour bus and I went with him so I could say goodbye.
“Its cool to have my smoking buddy again� he commented, as we leaned back against the side of the bus, “Everyone else around here’s just too healthy�
“I’m quitting soon� I told him, “So don’t get used to it�
“I thought you were quitting at 25?�
“I’m quitting weed at 25� I clarified, “I’m quitting cigarettes…as soon as possible.�
“That cannot be done� he said, “You have to go cold turkey. The weed will make you want to smoke again�
“Well, we’ll see� I said, “But…it seems stupid smoking. I like it but…it’s really bad for you�
His eyes widened, as he exhaled a stream of smoke.
“Holy shit, really?� he said, in mock surprise.
I smiled and elbowed him playfully. He grinned.
“Thanks for stopping by today� he said, after a moment of comfortable silence. “You really…made my day�
I smiled,
“Thanks� I said, “It was fun�
“It was definitely fun� he smiled, “Now all I need to do is find someone to do the same for me when we get to Reading and it’ll have been a pretty good festival weekend�
I smiled, and took a drag on my cigarette. I knew it was silly, but he hit a nerve. We hadn’t really discussed the status of our relationship. I was assuming it was exclusive, but how was I supposed to know. He could get anyone he wanted. I must have looked strange, because he narrowed his eyes at me and said,
“What’s wrong…I was joking, you do know that don’t you?�
I nodded,
“Yeah…of course I know that.� I said, defensively, “I just…�
I sighed. I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to say. I felt his hand slide into mine.
“You still think there’s a trick to this…don’t you?� he said softly.
I looked down at the floor. I threw my cigarette end down and rubbed it into the grass with my shoe.
“I just still find it hard to….oh, I don’t know.� I sighed, “I still find it hard to believe this is real, I guess. You and me. I mean…we said we’d make a go of it when I got to the states. So…what are we doing now….I mean, everyone wants to sleep with you, so…�
“That isn’t true.� He frowned. “Most people who want to sleep with me are about 13 and don’t know how to yet. And anyway…I don’t have groupies and stuff, I told you that. I said we’d wait till we got to California to make a go of it cause till then we can hardly see each other. It doesn’t mean till then I’m going to fuck as many people as will have me. I’m not like that. I haven’t got time in my life for all that shit anymore.�
I bit my lip. I felt bad for doubting him.
“I know� I said, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t accusing you of anything, I just…needed to know where I stood�
“Well…now you know,� he said.
“I’m sorry,� I said again. The last thing I wanted to do was upset him.
“Its ok.� He said, “Just…don’t worry. I really do like you. You have to start believing it.�
“I do� I smiled, “I think I’m just worrying cause…I like you a lot too. And if it all fell apart now…I don’t think I can go through all that again.�
“I, of all people, understand that� he said, softly, “But you have to take that risk sometimes. You never know how relationships are gonna go. You just have to give them a try. I mean, a few years ago I’d have told you I’d be with Adie forever. And you’d have probably said the same about Tom. And all I can say now is that I want to be with you. And I know you aren’t a rock star, and you think you’re nothing special…but that’s just fucking stupid. Everyone’s different. And you have something that I haven’t found anyone else with�
“What’s that?� I asked, gently pulling on his fingers
“I don’t really know yet. Just something.�
“That’s really sweet� I said, feeling warm inside.
He put his arms round my waist and pulled me towards him. I hugged him, wishing I didn’t have to say goodbye. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to get to see him until October when he finished his tour. It seemed like so long. And going to San Francisco by myself suddenly seemed so scary. I wished I could have him and Tre and Mike there or I thought I might die of loneliness. But then he kissed me and said, “Everything’s gonna be alright, Soph. Stop worrying�
He always knew how to make me feel better. And as we walked back to join the others, hand in hand, I knew I had to stop worrying. I was probably the luckiest girl in the world right now. I had to just enjoy it while it lasted.
“So you’re Sophie?� Tim asked me.
I opened my mouth to answer him, but nothing came out, so I just nodded.
“Cool…I’ve heard about you�
He’d heard of ME?
“I’ve…heard of you too� I managed to say. I didn’t mean it to be funny, just I was in no position to say anything but the obvious, and he and Billie Joe started laughing.
“But you missed our set though didn’t you?� Tim said, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah….I didn’t mean to…�
“That was my fault.� said Billie, smiling,
“I actually saw you guys last year� I said, “You were really, really…good�
“Thanks� said Tim, “I’ve been talking to Tre. He tells me you’re pretty good too�
“Well…�I said, blushing, “I’m alright I suppose�
He grinned
“Well, I’m gonna go crash out you guys I’m wasted. I’ll see you guys later. Good to meet ya�
He shook my hand and I smiled. When he’d gone, I just stood there, staring dumbstruck at the place where he’d been standing. Billie Joe smiled, and folded his arms over his chest.
“Ok� he said, “How come you weren’t that star struck when you met me?�
“Umm…wasn’t I drunk?…oh my God. Tim Armstrong is like…I mean…Operation Ivy…he was actually IN Operation Ivy and he just shook my hand. Did I look like a complete idiot?�
“No� he smiled, with a laugh, “You were really cute.�
“I wasn’t meant to look cute!� I protested, “It’s Tim Armstrong. I should have looked cool and…like a hardcore punk rocker…type�
“Good luck with that� grinned Billie Joe, pulling me against him and kissing me on the forehead, “Come on, I have to be on stage…do I look ok?�
I turned to face him and looked him up and down. Then I straightened his tie, smudged a smear of eyeliner back into place with my thumb and said,
“You look awesome�
“I do?�
“Yes�
“Cool, lets go�
While Green Day were on stage, I found Ellen and we stood at the side to watch them.
“Ben disappeared with some girl� Ellen told me,
“Really? Ugh� I frowned. “Sorry, I didn’t realise I’d left you by yourself, hon�
“Are you kidding? I’ve been having a great time. I’ve been talking to everyone. That bloke from Less Than Jake even let me play his saxophone. I sounded like shit.�
I laughed.
“That’s cool� I said, “I met Tim Armstrong�
“No way!� she grinned, “I saw him and Lars when they came off stage but I was too scared to go over�
“I would have been too.� I said, “He came over to talk to Billie Joe and I think I might have acted like a total teenie. I can’t remember any of it now, it was so crazy�
“I’m sure you were fine� Ellen said reassuringly, just as the guys started playing Minority. “Wow, the guys are playing so well. They’re going down a storm�
“Yeah� I said, feeling a surge of warm pride as I watched Billie Joe leap about the stage. He was so incredible, I just couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I had done to make him want me. It seemed so completely unbelievable.
When they came off stage Tre came up and gave me a sweaty hug.
“Errr…� I grinned, pulling away from his damp shirt. He laughed.
While the festival crew cleared their equipment from the stage, Ellen and I sat down with the guys and had a few drinks while they recovered. Billie Joe sat next to me, doused in sweat and looking exhausted.
“How was it?� I asked,
“Really good� he said, “The crowd were good. When we’ve played this festival before they’ve been dicks down at the front, treading all over each other, but they were really good today�
“Cool� I said, “I thought you guys were awesome�
“Thanks� he smiled at me, passing me another drink.
As soon as all their stuff was packed up, they had to get going, because they were travelling to Reading to play the next day. It was really hard to see them go. After missing Billie Joe so much for two months, to only have a few hours with him was like torture. Even if they were very good hours.
He went for a cigarette before getting on the tour bus and I went with him so I could say goodbye.
“Its cool to have my smoking buddy again� he commented, as we leaned back against the side of the bus, “Everyone else around here’s just too healthy�
“I’m quitting soon� I told him, “So don’t get used to it�
“I thought you were quitting at 25?�
“I’m quitting weed at 25� I clarified, “I’m quitting cigarettes…as soon as possible.�
“That cannot be done� he said, “You have to go cold turkey. The weed will make you want to smoke again�
“Well, we’ll see� I said, “But…it seems stupid smoking. I like it but…it’s really bad for you�
His eyes widened, as he exhaled a stream of smoke.
“Holy shit, really?� he said, in mock surprise.
I smiled and elbowed him playfully. He grinned.
“Thanks for stopping by today� he said, after a moment of comfortable silence. “You really…made my day�
I smiled,
“Thanks� I said, “It was fun�
“It was definitely fun� he smiled, “Now all I need to do is find someone to do the same for me when we get to Reading and it’ll have been a pretty good festival weekend�
I smiled, and took a drag on my cigarette. I knew it was silly, but he hit a nerve. We hadn’t really discussed the status of our relationship. I was assuming it was exclusive, but how was I supposed to know. He could get anyone he wanted. I must have looked strange, because he narrowed his eyes at me and said,
“What’s wrong…I was joking, you do know that don’t you?�
I nodded,
“Yeah…of course I know that.� I said, defensively, “I just…�
I sighed. I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to say. I felt his hand slide into mine.
“You still think there’s a trick to this…don’t you?� he said softly.
I looked down at the floor. I threw my cigarette end down and rubbed it into the grass with my shoe.
“I just still find it hard to….oh, I don’t know.� I sighed, “I still find it hard to believe this is real, I guess. You and me. I mean…we said we’d make a go of it when I got to the states. So…what are we doing now….I mean, everyone wants to sleep with you, so…�
“That isn’t true.� He frowned. “Most people who want to sleep with me are about 13 and don’t know how to yet. And anyway…I don’t have groupies and stuff, I told you that. I said we’d wait till we got to California to make a go of it cause till then we can hardly see each other. It doesn’t mean till then I’m going to fuck as many people as will have me. I’m not like that. I haven’t got time in my life for all that shit anymore.�
I bit my lip. I felt bad for doubting him.
“I know� I said, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t accusing you of anything, I just…needed to know where I stood�
“Well…now you know,� he said.
“I’m sorry,� I said again. The last thing I wanted to do was upset him.
“Its ok.� He said, “Just…don’t worry. I really do like you. You have to start believing it.�
“I do� I smiled, “I think I’m just worrying cause…I like you a lot too. And if it all fell apart now…I don’t think I can go through all that again.�
“I, of all people, understand that� he said, softly, “But you have to take that risk sometimes. You never know how relationships are gonna go. You just have to give them a try. I mean, a few years ago I’d have told you I’d be with Adie forever. And you’d have probably said the same about Tom. And all I can say now is that I want to be with you. And I know you aren’t a rock star, and you think you’re nothing special…but that’s just fucking stupid. Everyone’s different. And you have something that I haven’t found anyone else with�
“What’s that?� I asked, gently pulling on his fingers
“I don’t really know yet. Just something.�
“That’s really sweet� I said, feeling warm inside.
He put his arms round my waist and pulled me towards him. I hugged him, wishing I didn’t have to say goodbye. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to get to see him until October when he finished his tour. It seemed like so long. And going to San Francisco by myself suddenly seemed so scary. I wished I could have him and Tre and Mike there or I thought I might die of loneliness. But then he kissed me and said, “Everything’s gonna be alright, Soph. Stop worrying�
He always knew how to make me feel better. And as we walked back to join the others, hand in hand, I knew I had to stop worrying. I was probably the luckiest girl in the world right now. I had to just enjoy it while it lasted.
